Chapter 25

Waking Nightmare

Three weeks later Hermione found herself standing in the door of their home.
Yet she only felt empty.
The same empty sad feeling she just could not shake.
Draco had his arm around her comfortingly, and led her inside.
Hermione was very glad to have him, he was her rock.
Yet she felt like she had failed him somehow.
She felt ashamed... Dirty...
Walking inside she glanced at the familiar furnishings, the paintings of Malfoy's past, and the vases with the roses that came from their gardens.
In the foyer stood their five elves, all in their little children like clothing, all of them smiling widely, beaming up at her.
Everyone seemed so glad to have her back.
So why did she feel so unworthy of their happiness?
"Linky says she is happy that her mistress is back! Linky says she missed her mistress!" Hermione saw how Linky spoke heartfelt, her eyes sparkling with tears.
So she dropped to her knees in front of her elf and hugged her.
"Thank you Linky. Thank you for getting us out." The elf immediately started sobbing into Hermione's shoulder.
Her slight frame convulsing with her sobs.
Hermione just continued to hold her, this elf would forever be welcomed here.
"Linky will you please allow me to present you with your own clothes now? To show my gratitude?" Hermione looked into the elf's eyes, hoping that this time the elf would agree.
But she looked even more offended and terrified than normal when asked to give her clothes.
"No mistress! Linky would never take such clothes! Linky will never leave her mistress! Linky is a happy elf!" Hermione smiled vaguely, she will never win with these elves.
"Calm down Linky, it is fine, I will not give you clothes then." After making sure that Linky was calm again she stood up.
She felt tired again. She kept sleeping.
Looking at Draco she just communicated with her eyes that she needed to rest.
She still only spoke when really needed.
"Come on heart, let me help you to our rooms." And so saying his familiar arm circled her waist again and he guided her upstairs to their rooms.
Hermione smiled slightly when she saw their room. It was their place.
A vase of pink roses was on her bedside table, she saw the card beneath it.
Walking over she picked up the gilded card and read it.

My Heart,

Just a reminder that you are on my mind.

You are always on my mind.

Love,
DM

Hermione felt a faint smile on her lips, the first involuntary smile in months.
She remembered that pink roses were only given on special occasions.
Draco stood silently in the middle of the room, uncertainly watching her.
Hermione knew he was handling everything hard, she knew she wasn't really speaking to him, or anyone for that matter.
She knew it was wrong, yet she could not will herself to do anything about it.
Later, she thought, she'll try harder later.
Giving him the same smile, she just whispered a "thank you" and then fully clothed, dropped onto the bed.
Draco walked over to his wife and tucked off her kid boots, then he covered her with the foot blanket.
Dropping a soft kiss on her head with a whispered "I love you heart" he silently padded from the room.

Hermione woke up and realized it was dusk, she had slept the whole day.
She should get up and go look for Draco she thought. And find her children, she needed to spend time with them.
And yet, Hermione felt she just didn't want to get up. So she stayed where she was.
She stared at the ceiling, zoning out into her own head.
Images from her months in capture swirling around and around.
She didn't cry, she didn't even get angry.
It was as if watching it all happening to someone else.
She felt disassociated.
Hermione did not realise that darkness had started to crawl over the room.
The door opened and footsteps neared her, she did not move her eyes from the ceiling.
Not even when a large pale hand felt her forehead, as if checking her temperature.
"Heart, you need to eat some dinner... And the kids really want to see you..." His voice trailed off uncertainly at her continued blank expression, still just starting up straight.
But she did answer him somewhat.
"I am not hungry... I will spend some time with them tomorrow..." Draco sighed, how was he supposed to handle this?
If only she'd cry or scream, he knew how to handle that Hermione.
But this Hermione, this withdrawn ghostlike Hermione, he did not know how to handle her.
He sighed and then just stroked her cheek.
"I'll bring some food up for you. Please try to eat some of it heart?"
With that he left the room again.
Hermione still only starring at the ceiling, listened to him leaving the room.

Somewhere during the night she woke up again, taking her wand on the bedside table she muttered a 'lumos'.
The wand tip light caused dark shadows over the room. Glancing next to her she saw Draco sleeping soundly. He was laying on his stomach, only in boxers. The sheet had ridden down to over his hips.
Leaving his upper body bare. His one arm dangling off the side of the bed and his other laying up to his face.
His face was turned to her, he looked so peaceful in his sleep she thought.
But there was a worry frown between his brows, she knew she had put that worry frown there.
Feeling that same feeling of shame she quickly glanced away. She then noticed the plate of various snacks on the bedside table.
Some cold meats and crackers and cheeses arranged on the plate.
Next to it were a glass of water and a glass of pumpkin juice.
She was aware that she was hungry, so she took a few pieces of cheese and meats, swallowing them down with the pumpkin juice.
Then she looked at the alarm clock and saw it was midnight.
Her eyes were already drooping again, feeling like dirt under her eyelids.
So laying back she turned on her side and watched his face. Her wand between them casting the dim light still.
She loved him.
She knew that. Just like she loved her children.
It was without a doubt and as natural as breathing.
She held no fear of Draco, nor his physical touches.
She would startle when it happened unexpected, but relax when she felt it was him.
Her body recognised and welcomed him.
No, that was not the problem.
She was the problem.
Hermione stood up with her wand and moved to their bathroom. She saw she was in a silk nightdress.
He must have dressed her for bed at some point she realized.
In the bathroom she muttered the lumos maxima to light the entire bathroom.
Her breathing was becoming heavier, her chest constricting.
Standing at the sink she splashed water on her face and then stood glaring at her image in the mirror.
Her hands gripping the edges of the sink till her knuckles turned white.
Her face was wide eyed, her lips parted with her rapid breathing.
She was dirty... Unworthy.
Her vision blurred as a memory started rolling in her mind.

"Come here little filth... Andrea must clean you again. You stink just like the filth you are!"
Dolohov's maniacal laughter rolled out above her.
She was cowering in the corner, trying her hardest to cover her naked body. He stopped in front of her, looking down at her with that familiar gleam in his eyes.
Lust.
A whimper escaped her lips before she could stop it. Tonight it wouldn't just be some curses, no tonight he will satisfy his lust again.
Trying to press herself back even more into the wall she knew it was a useless feat.
Growling down at her he grabbed a fistful of her hair and dragged her to the table in the center of the room.
The table was the only furniture, she never even had a bed to lay on. Just a blanket.
She struggled feebly to get out of his grip, but he just grabbed her shoulders painfully and lifted her onto the table, harshly pushing her so that she fell back.
Then ropes bound her wrist above her head to the corners of the table, the same happened to her ankles, they were dangling of the table and was roped to the table legs.
The position was uncomfortable, she was tied spread eagled.
Dolohov laughed, he had a gleaming knife in his hands.
"Let's see little mudblood... I think you need some decorating... You know, make you look on the outside as you do inside... Dirty and scarred." He then placed the tip of the knife between her breast.
She struggled futile against her bonds as she felt the sharp pain of the knife deeply piercing her skin.
A scream erupted from her as the knife dragged down, cutting her open to beneath her breast. Then he proceeded to cut her horizontally from one nipple to the other, creating a cross.
Her scream had died... She lay there whimpering as the blood flowed freely down over her ribs and stomach. The burning pain overriding everything else.
She became aware of him dropping his pants, but just shut her eyes while trying to hold back her sobs.
Then she felt him kneeling over her on the table, straddling her.
Suddenly his rotten breath was next to her ear. She shivered and whimpered in pain, fear and revulsion.
"When I'm finished with you... Your darling husband will never want to look or touch you again..." Then she felt him licking some of the blood from her breast. Followed by his fingers smearing the pooled blood on her stomach down to her mons.
She felt him shoving harshly into her.
His laughter drowning out her scream.

Hermione screamed and fell down on the floor.