Testing The Waters

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Chapter 25

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"You're leaving?"

"Yeah."

"..."

She was already shrugging her sweater back on, doubling over to tie her shoelaces tightly.

"So soon?"

She smiled teasingly, "Did you enjoy me crying in your chest or something?"

"That's not it!" He snapped. He couldn't keep up with her sudden mood swings. When he felt like he had gotten somewhere, she would suddenly redirect him elsewhere. It was frustrating, and quite frankly he didn't have the patience to figure her out. He let out a reluctant sigh, feeling as if the concern was only one-sided. She seemed unstable, and despite crying in his chest for about 20 minutes—she had bounced back, as if remembering something. As if remembering that as friends they aren't really close. It was infuriating. She was infuriating, the way she contradicts herself in one way or another. Surely he had seen a side of her that she wouldn't—under normal circumstances—dare to show so blatantly. He didn't feel right leaving her alone after her little episode. She had been acting strange ever since she had gotten here. A small voice at the back of his head told him not to leave her alone—because leaving her alone at this stage would develop into something unpleasant. His thought process was cut off when he realized that she was turning the knob of his door.

"Oi." She paused, glancing back at him. Why was he trying to prolong the conversation? Maybe he was just overreacting? Besides, even if he had asked her to stay, girls were not allowed in the male dorms without permission. Nitori would come soon as well, and how was he to explain this situation, or how she had gotten here? Frankly, he didn't have the right to ask her to stay—especially since they weren't close—and that pissed him off more. Realizing that she was still waiting patiently, he looked away."It's not going to be awkward, is it?"

"What is?" She blinked.

"Us." He strained. "It's.. not going to be weird, right?" That had been another thought that had been nagging at him. They had had sex. Normal friends do not have sex. He wasn't looking for a relationship, and even if he were, Mamoru would not be his first choice. He just didn't want her to start treating him differently—or worse, develop romantic feelings for him from this outcome. She was still a girl, and girls were pretty damn emotional about these things—

"It'll only be weird if you make it." She sent him a small smile, completely disconnected. "—Let's forget this ever happened, alright?"

She was already out the room before he could blink.

I felt funny. I couldn't describe the feeling, all I knew was that I felt it. Was it indifference? Why am I indifferent? It wasn't that numb feeling I had endured earlier—no. It felt like I didn't care about anything. It was different from before—completely, utterly different from before. It wasn't the icky sadness that engulfed me or the terrifying deaden feeling of numbness—no, I didn't care. It wasn't liberating, or freeing—It felt like I had given up. The ultimate feeling of defeat. The type of 'what is there to loose' feeling after you hit rock bottom. And now that I didn't care—I could do anything I wanted.

When I arrived back home, Makoto and Haru were there—unsurprisingly at that. That funny feeling started to rear it's head, dimming my will to greet them, and instead I brushed passed both at the doorway.

"M-Mamoru!" My cousin sounded hesitant. "You're back." He said with a smile. "I'm glad—" He froze upon seeing the mark on my face. He was at my side in an instant, Haru following. "W-what happened!" His eyes were widen, taking in the ugly bruise that had been pulsating since I had gotten back to Iwatobi.

"Nothing." I stated in a flat voice.

His eyebrows furrowed. "Nothing?" He repeated. It dawned on him, and his eyebrows flew up in surprise. "He hit you?" He breathed. "Oh my God, Mamoru! Are you alright—"

"Will you leave me alone?!" I snapped.

Makoto had froze, and Haru—who had been intensely quiet—eyebrows flew up in shock.

Urged on by the tense silence, I scoffed. "Just leave me alone." I muttered, brushing passed my cousin and continuing my way to my room—where I planned to lock myself in for the majority of the day. A hand to my wrist caught me mid-step. I glanced over my shoulder with omission. As I had assumed, it was Haru staring me down with a steady, hard look on his impassive face. I stared at him in disinterest, although did not say anything. The tension was rising, suffocatingly thick. His eyes were questioning, filled with concern and irritation. Why are you acting like this—they said.

That moment felt as if I was watching from afar, that this wasn't me, but I couldn't find the will to care, because I liked this unsympathetic Mamoru. Nothing hurts. Nothing matters. Bitter amusement shone in my eyes. What do you care—they screamed.

"H-Haru.." Makoto placed a hand unto said boy's shoulder. "It's fine." The grip on my wrist tightened, the look intensified and I stared at him with half-lidded eyes. "Haru.." Makoto tried. Upon hearing his name for the second time, reluctant fingers uncurled around my wrist and I snatched it back. Without a second glance, I walked away.

In my room was where I was met with the impeccable, deafening sound of quiet. It bothered me, so instead I searched for my headphones and when I found them they fit snugly into my ears—the music blasting and vibrating my eardrums, drowning any unwanted feelings of guilt.

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School seemed more tedious than usual. I hadn't really wanted to participate in gardening club either, choosing to avoid Atsuko if anything else. Somehow, something had changed in me, and instead of thinking of how things would turn out better if I wait it out —I was thinking when would be the perfect day to escape. I mean, it was obvious wasn't it? I wasn't wanted here, or with my father, and I had blatantly used Rin as a source of relief. I completely disregard everyone else's feelings, focusing solely on myself. I didn't deserve these people. I was even the cause of my parents divorce. My Uncle had said it himself—they had been together since high school, yet with my birth I had completely destroyed any healthy relationship they had. I was a trigger to my father's other personality. No matter how I looked at it, one way or another I was a bad person—therefore, I will take up the role. I won't cling to anyone anymore. I won't try to act innocent anymore. If I was going to Hell, I might as well enjoy the ride.

"Tachibana-senpai!" Atsuko's high pitched voice squawked upon seeing my familiar silhouette. I hadn't paused, my hands shoved deep into my blazer pockets. "Tachibana-senpai!" She called again. This time she was at my side, peering at my face, panting lightly to catch up with my strides. "Hey, where were you these past couple days? I asked your classmate Ryugazaki-san if you were in class, and he said no—why'd you skip for 4 days?! You missed a lot of work!"

I hadn't answered right away, causing her mood to dim from enthusiastically scolding, to unadulterated confusion as she slowed to a stop. "Tachibana-senpai..?"

"Leave me alone, will ya? It's my business what I do, and mine alone." I finally said, picking up my pace and leaving her to stare at me with bewilderment.

"Tachibana-senpai.."

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"Mamo-chan! Ne, Mamo-chan! Where are you going?" Nagisa bantered, latching onto my arm. I blinked, having finally noticed him.

"Huh?" I couldn't help but blurt out.

"Where are you going?!" The blonde tried again with a pout. "I've been calling your name like a hundred times already!"

"Oh.." I said awkwardly. "I was going outside." Or somewhere.

"You're not coming to the roof?" He furrowed his eyebrows. He gasped. "Are you meeting up with other people?!"

I stared at him blankly. "No. And no."

He blinked a few times, then a dramatic "Why not?!"

"Because I don't want to." I wiggled my arm out of his clutch. He snatched my arm once again. I sighed through my nose, my jaw clenching. "Let go of me."

Now he looked confused, sensing that this wasn't our usual back and forth bicker. "...Mamo-chan?" Why did everyone say my name in a questioning manner every time they're confused? I freed my hand easily with a huff, then wordlessly walked away. I assumed that he did not follow me, continuing on my way.

"Mamo-chan's acting weird."

The statement caused Makoto and Rei to look up at the blonde. "What do you mean?" Gou spoke up curiously.

"I don't know." Nagisa frowned. "She seems.. strange. Maybe it's her time of the month?" The redhead smacked him upside the head.

"Or maybe she's just having a bad day?!" Gou snapped.

"That could be it." Rei intervened. "—In class she seemed less talkative as well. Do you think something happened?"

Makoto and Haruka glanced at each other knowingly."She's been acting strange since she's came back. My Dad said that she went to the store, but hadn't came back until hours later." Makoto frowned in thought. Beside him, Haru had narrowed his eyes. Obviously something was troubling the younger Tachibana, and it was affecting her attitude as well. Something wasn't right—that much he could sense. When Makoto had told him that she had left without so much as a word, something pinched at his insides.

While he could relate to her not telling anyone anything particularly personal—something as much as saying where you were was a completely different ordeal. He had no idea where she was. Makoto had no idea where she was. It was worrying, and he wanted to be assured that his childhood friend was alright. That she was safe. Makoto cared about her, Ren and Ran cared about her, Nagisa, Gou, Rei, and maybe even Rin cared about her—he cared about her. More than he was willing to admit, and dearly at that. He felt oddly possessive of her, and to have one of his precious people disappear without so much as a warning had struck him. It had even affected his swimming. If it weren't for the fact that he didn't know where she was, and that she hadn't answered his text, he would've dragged her back himself. But Makoto had said that she would return in a few days, and he was prepared to confront her then, but the turn of events caused him to set aside the scenario for later.

The way she would clamp up and shut everyone out put him on edge. What was she thinking? If she wouldn't tell him, then why not Makoto? She had always been rather fond of Makoto—but she brushed him off. Him as well. Why? He didn't know—and that was the problem. No one knew but herself, and he felt as if he was watching her own self destruction from afar, not being able to do anything but watch because she wouldn't tell him anything. She wouldn't tell anyone anything.

Yes—she was acting weird. And he didn't like it.

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It was later on that he had realized how dire the situation had gotten.

The day had progressed as usual, and before he knew it—the day was ending, and he was back home, taking a long and soothing bath. He had marinated in lukewarm water for about 3 hours, and when he had hefted himself out, his fingertips and toes were shriveled and wrinkly. It was when he heard familiar mewling outside that he had stepped out, greeting the neighbor cats that had snuck into his small backyard. He petted them, and they purred with contentment, a small look of fondness had reflected in his eyes as he played with the cats.

"—Ow, ow! Shit." There, he had heard it.

He would've usually passed off the sound, if it weren't for the fact that this was a quiet neighborhood, and he knew that voice particularly well.

Wordlessly, he ventured to look over the fence of his backyard, and non-surprisingly crouched the owner of the unmistakable voice. She was wearing a dark hoodie, beige khakis, and a suspiciously packed bag hung off of her shoulders—the focus of her attention the small cut at her thigh. A piece of her pants had caught onto some of the garbage, taring a small patch and jabbing into her skin, resulting in a cut that started to seep a tiny amount of blood. He used her moment of distraction to his advantage, unhinging the hook to his fence door and slipping out. Noticing that she still hadn't taken note of his appearance yet, he frowned. Why did she wear a bag at this time of night? Where was she going? Was she leaving again?

Was she.. running away?

"..Mamoru?"

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