Chapter XXVI
Gretchen Janeway could count on one hand, the times in her life when she had been rendered speechless.
The night Edward proposed to her on bended knee.
The sight of her newborn daughters when they were placed in her arms for the first time.
The day they told her that they had made contact with Voyager.
None compared to the vision before her now; her little Katie standing facing her, in her wedding gown, the most beautiful, contented look on her face.
The dress was clearly a work of art, framing Kathryn's lean body like a glove; a strapless diamond embroidered garment which trailed slightly behind her and appeared to sparkle in the light with her every movement.
A lone tear slid down her cheek. "Oh Katie…"
"Mom, I swear…" Kathryn blinked back her own tears. "…if you make me cry again…"
"Oh no you don't…" Phoebe entered Kathryn's childhood bedroom behind their mother. "…no crying before the big event, that's an order."
Gretchen moved closer to her elder daughter, grasping her bare shoulders briefly before pulling her into a tight hug. "I wish your father were here. He would be so proud."
"I wish he were here too, mom." Kathryn whispered back.
A small whimper caught their attention. Both older women looked across at Phoebe who was desperately fighting tears.
"Look what you did." She accused. "Now I'm going to get all weepy."
Gretchen and Kathryn pulled the youngest Janeway into their group hug, and the three held on for a few precious moments before they unanimously separated.
"I hope I'm not interrupting." Owen Paris was standing at the threshold of the room, mindful that he had just witnessed a special moment. "I'd like a minute with the bride, if I may."
"Of course…" Kathryn waved him over, not missing the concerned look on his face. "…please, come in."
"I should go and check on the early arrivals." Gretchen dabbed at her moist eyes, noting the older man's official tone. "You have just under an hour to go, Katie."
"Thanks mom."
"I'll come with you." Phoebe followed her mother out, giving Kathryn a reassuring wink before she shut the door behind her.
"You look beautiful, Katie." Owen took her hand, kissing it solemnly before letting it fall to her side. "Marshall is a lucky man."
"Thank you." Kathryn smiled at his gesture. "But I think I'm the lucky one."
"Any word from him?"
Kathryn tilted her chin toward the light as she faced the full length mirror, checking for smudged make-up. "Not since he left the rehearsal dinner last night." She turned to face her former mentor. "Have you found out anything?"
He frowned, and Kathryn realized that he knew more than he was telling her. "Maybe you should sit down."
She didn't budge; and the knot that appeared in her gut the minute Marshall was called away tightened. "Maybe you should just tell me what you know."
Admiral Paris exhaled. "It's the Borg, Kathryn. They're back."
"You're late." B'Elanna glared at her oldest friend as he waited expectantly on her doorstep.
"And you look stunning." Chakotay admired her as she stood before him in her shimmering formal gown.
She rolled her eyes at his noble attempt to appease her. Stepping aside, she punched him playfully as he moved past her into the house. "I thought you had an early departure?"
"We've been unexpectedly delayed." Chakotay explained as he looked around the room, noting how quiet the house seemed. "Where's Miral?"
"You just missed her." She gestured for him to follow her upstairs. "Tom's mother decided at the last minute to take her to the wedding. She wants to show her off to her friends."
"Chakotay…" Tom looked up briefly as they entered the couple's large dressing room. He was hunched over on a nearby sofa, shining his shoes. "…so, you're going to make the wedding after all?"
"Not likely…" Chakotay ignored B'Elanna's glare as she made her way over to the dresser to finish her make-up. "…I only came to see Miral before I left."
"Well, it doesn't look like you're going anywhere in a hurry." He informed him. "All Federation vessels have been 'grounded' as it were. Nothing is going anywhere for the next twenty four hours."
"Where did you hear that?" B'Elanna turned to face him.
Tom stood up to admire his work. "The news broke moments ago." He gestured toward the muted viewscreen in the corner of the room, where news headlines were still streaming across the screen. "Looks like something's up."
"Probably an ion storm." B'Elanna concluded. "If it were something more, we would have been called in by now."
"So I guess you could make it to the wedding after all, old man." Tom tapped Chakotay's shoulder as he passed him.
"That doesn't change anything." Chakotay remained resolute. "I'm not going."
"Why not?" Tom pressed. "You did get an invitation, and she wants you there. Care to explain what's keeping you away?"
When he didn't answer, B'Elanna chimed in.
Something happened on Proxima, didn't it?" She challenged.
He flinched, clearly caught off guard. "It's not what you think, B'Elanna…" He wasn't about to discuss Proxima. Not now, and certainly not with her. "…look, maybe its best if I go. I'm sorry I missed Miral. Be sure to give the Admiral my regards."
Tom stopped him in his tracks before he reached the door. "Chakotay, you are a sad excuse for a man."
"Excuse me?" He turned around to face him.
"Tom…" B'Elanna cautioned, but he waved her off.
"Wasn't it enough that we had to watch you two circle each other for the better part of seven years?" He inched forward slowly, not taking his eyes off Chakotay. "Granted, the Kathryn Janeway I know would never put anything above ship and crew. But it was no secret that she loved you and you loved her. Would it have killed you to wait until we got back? Or didn't you think she could actually pull it off?"
"That's enough, Tom." Chakotay warned. But the determined look in the younger man's eyes told him that this was a long time coming.
"Did I hit a nerve?" Tom remarked sarcastically. "Are you admitting that you didn't drink the Janeway kool-aid like the rest of us, and believed that she would get us home like she said she would?"
Chakotay's anger was rising, and it was becoming clear that Tom had hit a nerve. "You're out of line, Commander."
"Then you can demote me when I'm done. But I'm damn well going to finish what I have to say." Tom snapped. "Every time she had to watch you move on to the next alien in line because you couldn't get your head out your ass, it took a little more from the woman and replaced it with the Starfleet officer."
"We were friends, Tom. We had no agreement." He admitted hastily, without thinking, and instantly regretted revealing anything to the younger man.
Tom was staring at him. "You really are an idiot, aren't you? She couldn't ask, she was your commanding officer. And even if she could, she wouldn't have made that request of you. She wanted you to be happy, whether it was with her or not. You're not the best at hiding your feelings, remember? She saw how hard it was for you. So she sacrificed her happiness for yours."
Now it was Chakotay's turn to stare.
"All you had to do, was wait." Tom continued. "And just when we had home handed to us on a silver platter courtesy the future Admiral Janeway, you had to run off and find the next available blonde. Of all the women in the universe, did it have to be Seven? The one person Janeway had allowed herself to get close to, other than you? You think that the future Admiral came back for all of us. But think again; she only came back for you. She gave you a second chance. You are a piece of work Chakotay. No, correction; you're an ass. And I would punch you right now if it wasn't for your damned boxing skills and the fact that you can throw me in the brig. I hope you're happy now, because you blew it big time. And in about an hour, she's getting married to someone else. I hope you're happy now."
He turned to move away, but abruptly changed his mind. "You know what? DON'T come to the wedding. You don't deserve to see her happy. Because she sure as hell is happier than I've EVER seen her. How does it feel, big guy? Knowing you're not the one marrying her today…knowing that it could have been you, waiting on the other end of the aisle, instead of Marshall Stark."
He stepped back and grabbed his jacket in one fluid motion, before he stormed out of the room.
There was a stunned silence for a few seconds. Then Chakotay slumped into a nearby chair. B'Elanna studied her former commanding officer a few moments longer.
"He's right, you know." She said finally.
"I know. He should have punched me though. It would have hurt less."
B'Elanna sighed. "So what now?"
"I don't know." He combed his hand through his hair before meeting her steady gaze as she sat down across from him. "Any advice for the old man."
B'Elanna studied this man, her friend, who was fiercely private and extremely proud. The man who – in a rare fit of frustration – had poured out his heart to her in confidence, the very same night he had returned from a planet he'd called New Earth. She had never seen him that way before, and thought she never would again.
Until now.
"Unrequited love…" She began quietly. "…is the perfect romantic construct. It allows two cowardly people to act out a fantasy of love, without having to face any real consequences. Are you the coward Tom just accused you of being? Or are you the angry warrior you professed to be, on a distant planet many years ago?"
Chakotay gave her a small smile, revealing a hint of his trademark dimples, as the memories of a distant uninhabited planet surfaced. "When did you become so wise?"
B'Elanna shrugged. "I heard it on one of Tom's old movies." She leaned forward, taking his hands in both of hers. "I've had the honor of serving with the best commanding officers the universe had to offer. Both of whom, as stubborn and infuriating and self-sacrificing as they are, deserve each other, despite what Tom says."
Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "Thanks…I think."
"Can I ask you a question?"
He nodded.
"Do you love her?"
"With all my heart."
"Good." She smirked. "Now, go get your girl, Captain."
Admiral Marshall Stark glanced at the chronometer for the hundredth time from his position at the large conference table. He was supposed to be getting married in less than an hour, but here he was, at the presidential palace in Paris, amidst a flurry of activity, as the quadrant's top officials tried to make sense of what was happening.
"You picked a hell of a day to get married." Taela Shanthi, Starfleet's Commander in chief, broke his reverie. He looked up to see her towering over him, her visage all business, in contradiction to the hint of a smile gracing her features.
"I'm sure Kathryn will be pleased to hear that the Borg are about to crash our wedding." He retorted lightly before falling serious. "Has Owen…?"
"He is informing her as we speak." Shanthi informed him. "We are going to have to ask her to…"
"Admiral…" Shanthi's aide interrupted them. "…you should see this."
He switched on the viewscreen, drawing the attention of those in the room. "The top three media houses are already asking for Starfleet's official response." He informed them as a reporter described what they were currently watching.
"…those of you just joining us, this is a live feed from a civilian cargo vessel, located just a few parsecs shy of deep space nine. As you can see, it is a single Borg sphere, and it appears to be stationary for the moment. Reports are coming in that communications beyond the sphere's location is impossible, and the cargo vessel reports that it is unable to hail deep space nine due to some sort of interference from the …"
"Admiral…" The aide interrupted again. "…we have an incoming long range transmission. It has a Borg signature."
Shanthi made eye contact with the aide. "From the sphere?"
He shook his head. "No Sir. The signal seems to be originating from approximately two light years away from the location of the sphere. We are being hailed, Sir."
Shanthi and Stark both glanced at each other before turning toward the communications display in unison as the head of Starfleet gave the order.
"Onscreen."
"Admirals…" Seven of Nine's image filled the screen, her expression one of urgency. "…it is imperative that I speak with Admiral Janeway."
The large Victorian style house stood proudly on the vast property that for over three hundred years was handed down from generation to generation amongst the Janeway clan. Today, the sprawling Indiana estate would be host to one of the biggest events in its remarkable history.
Chakotay walked contemplatively up the pathway leading to the back entrance of the house, his steps measured and precise. His thoughts though were another matter, and only his face reflected his inner turmoil.
To one side of the three storey building, he could see that a portion of the property had been cordoned off; and within its limits guests entered and mingled amongst a beautifully decorated reception area. Adjacent to that, a few guests – some of whom he recognized as Voyager's former crew – began seating themselves in the area prepared for the ceremony itself. There were fresh flowers everywhere; most of the bouquets situated at the specially constructed altar where Kathryn and Marshall would exchange vows in a traditional ceremony.
For now, that area was deserted, save a typically stoic Tuvok, who was sitting at the front row, no doubt preparing for his role as marriage officiant.
The scene before him gave him pause. Now that he was here, he was not really sure what the outcome of this encounter with Kathryn would be; he hadn't really thought this far ahead when he left B'Elanna's house. All he knew was that he wanted…no needed to see Kathryn one last time before she…
"You've got some nerve."
Phoebe Janeway.
Chakotay turned around to face her. "Phoebe, I…"
"Tom mentioned that you would try to show your face…" She was shaking her head. "…but I didn't believe him; thought you were too much of a coward. What are you doing here, Chakotay?"
"I came to talk to Kathryn." He stated simply.
"The hell you are." She growled between clenched teeth, the famous Janeway death glare on full display. "Leave. Now."
"Phoebe."
The name cracked like a bolt of lightning, and Chakotay would recognize Kathryn's husky command voice anywhere. But he didn't turn around. Instead, he watched as Phoebe turned her steely gaze toward her elder sister.
He figured that whatever look was deflected back toward her was significant enough to make her back down.
"Fine!" Phoebe shrugged in a show of indifference before leaving them alone.
Chakotay turned around then, and the sight of her made his breath catch in his throat.
It was exactly how he had always imagined her on her wedding day. She was glowing, and the dress she wore added to her aura of happiness. His heart twisted in his chest and he found himself at a loss for words.
"Let's take this into the study, shall we."
He followed her silently while she led him into a nearby office, admiring the way she moved gracefully, despite the cumbersome length of the dress.
With the heavy wooden doors securely shut behind them. She let out a sigh. "It's already been a long day, Chakotay. And I'm due to walk down the aisle in less than…" She glanced at the chronometer. "…thirty minutes. So if we're going to do this, we need to be quick."
She waited for some sort of response from him, but none was forthcoming. But the look he was giving her made her spine go rigid.
The first time he looked at her like that, it was from across a table on a distant planet in the Delta Quadrant…the second time was when he slowly worshipped her body for the first time in a hotel room on Proxima. Either way, this was dangerous territory.
But what he said next came totally unexpected.
"I want you to be happy, Kathryn."
She exhaled a breath she didn't know she was holding, and visibly relaxed. For one fleeting moment, she had imagined that The Doctor had disclosed to him what he had already told her the night before. Another thought was that he had come to stop her from marrying Marshall.
So he was here to give her his blessing after all.
"Which is why I have to tell you that I love you."
She gave him a startled look.
"I love you Kathryn Janeway." Chakotay pressed on. "I've loved you for a long time and I should have said something sooner but…"
Kathryn was shaking her head as he spoke. "Don't…please. You have to stop, you can't do this; you can't look at me that way. Stop looking at me!" She babbled on, in a last ditch attempt to stave off anything else he might want to say. "I love Marshall and he loves me and we're getting married! You can't do this! Not when I'm finally happy…you have to stop, Chakotay. Go back to Seven if you like, or find someone else, but leave me alo…"
In a swift move that caught her by surprise, Chakotay grabbed her shoulders and crushed his lips against hers to silence her.
It was a bruising kiss, but no less passionate than those he'd shared with her as they lay tangled together in post coital bliss over a month ago. At first, she was stiff with shock, but eventually her traitorous body responded and molded to his as he deepened the kiss.
"You think I don't want to stop loving you?" He breathed against her mouth when they parted for air. "I don't want to hurt Marshall. And Seven doesn't drive me to insanity when I see her, she doesn't have that quirky little smile when I say something funny, and spirits know how I love that smile."
He pulled her lips to his again briefly, before punctuating kisses along her jaw, until he reached that sensitive spot behind her ear. "Seven doesn't look into the depths of my eyes and know exactly what I'm thinking…" He whispered into her ear. "…what I'm feeling. I would settle for anything, but please Kathryn, please don't omit me from your life again. I know what I said about Proxima, but I can't leave this at only one night. Spirits…I'd settle for just watching you from across a crowded room, because I've tried, Kathryn, I've tried to stop loving you. But I can't…I can't."
He released her then with a slight shove as he turned away from her to compose himself.
Silence reigned, and it was at least a minute before either of them spoke again.
"So what does this mean?" Kathryn spoke quietly from behind him. Her hands were trembling and she was fighting to remain in control of her emotions.
Here she was, minutes away from marrying Marshall, but kissing Chakotay like her life depended on it.
He turned to meet her gaze once again, his face composed, but his eyes were still ablaze with passion.
A soft knock on the door interrupted them.
"Katie…" Gretchen Janeway pushed her way inside, not surprised at the other occupant in the room. Nodding toward him briefly, she redirected her attention toward her daughter. "Marshall is on the COMM from Federation Headquarters. He says it's urgent. I'll send it down here."
Gretchen glanced between Kathryn and Chakotay, who hadn't taken their eyes off each other since she entered.
"Thanks mom." Kathryn kept her eyes on Chakotay as her mother exited.
Seconds later, the COMM terminal chirped and Kathryn jumped slightly. As she turned to answer the call, Chakotay grabbed her upper arm to stop her, pulling her against his chest.
"You have a choice to make, Kathryn. Just one step…one single step. Walk down that aisle and there's no turning back. You will become Mrs. Marshall Stark and you will have the time of your life. I know you will, because he loves you and he will do that for you. Or you could take one single step into my arms and I can't promise the glamour a life with Stark can give you, but I can promise that I will love you for the rest of my life. Just one step, Kathryn, will dictate the rest of your life."
While he spoke, his arm had snaked around her waist securing her to him. He raised his hand to her hair to tuck away a stray strand behind her left ear.
"I don't want to rush you, but you're due to walk down the aisle soon. I'm going to leave you now, but know this. I love you. I'm in love with you. And I will not stop. Spirits know I've tried. So make your choice."
He released her then, and without hesitation, made his way out of the room.
Kathryn stared at the door long after he had gone, the chirp from the COMM terminal reminding her that Marshall was waiting.
"Marshall…" She breathed when his face appeared on the screen. He looked tired, and…concerned.
"Has Owen spoken with you?"
"Yes, but…"
"Turn on the newsvids."
Kathryn did as she was told, and turned on the viewscreen in the corner of the study. She gasped as the image of a large Borg sphere appeared. "Owen didn't mention…"
"This is a recent development." He paused as someone off screen handed him a PADD. "Listen…Kate…about the wedding…"
Outside the study, Gretchen and Phoebe waited for Kathryn to come out. They had borne witness to Chakotay's abrupt departure moments ago, and were debating Kathryn's current state of mind, as well as what transpired between her and Chakotay.
The doors suddenly swung open, and Kathryn stepped out, her Admiral's mask firmly in place.
She gazed at her closest family for a moment, as they stood watching her expectantly, considering the easiest way so say what she had to say next.
"Mom, Phoebe…" She began calmly. "…I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to say it. There's not going to be a wedding today."