Chapter 25: Engagement Party

BPOV

I had become quite good at keeping up appearances in the past week. The whole time I had been pretending this was the happiest time of my life, when in fact my heart was torn to shreds. My smile was permanently plastered on my face, just to prevent me from bursting into tears. I felt like such a fake, lying to my family like that, but it was my choice and the sooner I would come to terms with it, the sooner I would feel better. Or so I hoped. Still, every time one of them looked at me, I was certain they were going to see it in my eyes and expose me for the fraud I really am.

It wasn't all bad of course. Every time I saw the look on Edward's face a little weight was lifted from my heart. He seemed genuinely happy, happier than I had ever seen him and I was reminded again of why I was doing this.

I would never forget the hurt Edward was in when I found him in his room, in exactly the same position as where I left him, on one knee, proposing to me. I had come back from the cabin to tell him I needed more space, but when I saw him, I simply couldn't. He had looked up to me and the hurt in his eyes was so overpowering, I could feel nothing else but the need to comfort him. And the wall I had built, shielding my emotions from him, crumpled under his gaze, until I was left naked in the dark. Every emotion that I had felt these past few weeks came crashing into me, the love I felt for Edward, the anger at him for leaving, the betrayal I felt when he said he wouldn't turn me and worst of all, the guilt…

I had sunk to my knees and buried my head in my hands, tears that I swore would never fall again dripping through my fingers.

I don't know how long I had sat there, crying in my hands. After what seemed like an eternity, two strong arms had picked me up and carried me to the bed. Edward tucked me in and laid down next to me on his side, supporting his head with his hand. My sobs had subsided and I was thinking through the situation while looking at Edward's face. The hurt in his eyes was replaced with an expression of love and concern and that made my guilt spike. I had betrayed this wonderful man before me, a man that has never done anything to deserve that. And I would spend the rest of my life making it up to him. Funny how I had used exactly the same sentence he had when leaving me behind, the sentence I had refused to hear from him.

It was in that moment that I decided to accept his proposal. I would marry him and try to make him happy.

And I did make him happy, happier than I had ever seen him. He had even told me he would think about turning me, but only if I went to college with him to which I had agreed. Carlisle and Esme were over the moon and I even got a nod from Rosalie. Who would have thought that could ever happen? I wish I could say the bear hug from Emmett made the picture complete. It wasn't complete.

But thinking about that always brought me on the verge of breaking down, so I pushed every thought of Alice and Jasper to the back of my head.

I glanced at my reflection in the mirror one last time, before descending the stairs and showing up at my own engagement party. Why in hell had I ever agreed with Esme that she could throw me one? We should have just eloped and got the whole fuss behind us. But sadly, we didn't, so time to face the music… and definitely not dance.

Edward waited for me at the bottom of the stairs, looking stunning, dressed in a black suit, black shirt and white tie loosely tied around his collar, top buttons of his shirt undone. Luckily Esme had taken me out shopping so I looked equally stunning in a black strapless cocktail dress and heels that were way too high for me.

"You look amazing, love," Edward whispered in my ear as he offered his arm to me.

"So do you," I choked out and I wondered where my sudden shyness was coming from. Nerves were creeping up on me and I wished Jasper was there to calm me.

No I didn't. The last thing I wanted was to rub my engagement in his face only a week after he had declared his love for me. Oh crap, I needed to stop thinking about him, or I was going to be sick.

Edward had noticed my unease and again whispered in my ear how much he loved me and how wonderful I was. Needless to say, I wasn't really comforted. I sucked in a last breath of air and stepped into the crowded living room. Everyone's attention immediately turned to us, and I regretted the theatrical entrance we were making as a small applause erupted from the crowd. I blushed and ducked away a little behind Edward's shoulder as he said some words about how wonderful it was to have them all here on this happy occasion and more of that.

While Edward was giving his little speech, I let my eyes wander over the assembled guests. I saw a lot of people from school, almost the entire senior year was here, half of them green with jealousy because I had stolen Edward from them. I could only barely hold back a snicker. The other guests were obviously colleagues of Carlisle and then there was the entire Forks Police Department, consisting of my dad and his three deputies. Charlie was beaming with pride and he gave me a very unsubtle thumbs up. I never guessed he would be so excited with the prospect of his only daughter marrying, but he told me he had seen it coming for a long time. And then there were the Cullens, Emmett seemed as proud as Charlie was and Rosalie even smiled a little. Carlisle and Esme were standing to the side, both giving me encouraging nods as if they truly were Edward's parents.

And then my eyes locked with his. I had never expected to see those beautiful golden eyes here tonight. The anguish in Jess's eyes was mirroring the turmoil I felt inside and it made my breath catch.

"Is everything alright, love?" Edward asked and I pretended to choke a little on the glass of champagne a waiter had shoved into my hands.

I took some deep breaths and tried to reign in my emotions. I couldn't have Jasper feeling my true emotions, love and happiness it would be for tonight. As long as I could avoid him or his eyes, I would be just fine, I told myself. I mustered the widest smile I could find and looked up at Edward. He smiled back at me, took my hand and we started our tour around the room, chatting to our guests. This isn't what I wanted from an engagement party, but it meant a lot to Edward and Esme and it really wasn't all that bad.

After a while, Edward sensed I was getting tired of talking to all these people and sent me off to talk to my dad. I had a fun time joking around with Charlie and his men, sipping from my champagne. I hadn't realized I was drinking too much, until it was too late and I felt myself sway a little on my feet.

I excused myself from the party and went to the upstairs bathroom to freshen myself up. Not without difficulties I managed to get up the stairs, cursing my heels every step I took. I splashed some water in my face and adjusted my make-up. I had probably taken longer than I thought in the bathroom, because when I walked out Esme was waiting for me outside the door.

"Are you alright, dear? You seem a bit tipsy to me," she winked at me.

I smiled a genuine smile at her. She could always make me feel right at ease, like she really was my mother.

"The champagne did catch me a little off guard, Esme," I chuckled. "But I'm fine, or at least I will be in a couple of hours."

Esme chuckled right along with me and the sound of her laughter made me forget my worries for a moment. She grabbed my arm and guided me down the stairs. Suddenly she jerked to a stop at the bottom of the stairs which caused me to bump into her rigid body.

I looked up and froze as well. Jasper was standing in front of us and he was talking to Esme too low and fast for me to hear. I had always found that annoying, but now I knew they were talking about me where I stood and I was getting irritated. Esme squeezed my hand and with an apologetic smile she left me alone with Jasper.

Now this was really beyond awkward. We stood three feet apart, me on the second to last step, so our eyes were on the same height, both utterly silent. At least I was trying to be silent, but my heart was pounding in my ears and my breath was hitching. My eyes were drawn to his and the way he looked back at me told me more than I wanted to know. I had hurt him just as much as I had hurt Edward. And now my façade of happiness and love was failing under his gaze and I wanted to escape before he knew.

I tried to surprise him and run past him, but he simply stepped to the side blocking my exit.

"Why?" he spoke so softly I wasn't sure he had spoken at all.

"Because I love him."

"You love me as well."

He knew, but I didn't think he knew how much. I needed to get out of there, before he could realize how much of my heart was his. In that moment I was thankful I had spent so much time with him, that I could manipulate my emotions so that he only caught a glimpse of what was hidden under the surface.

"Did you…" he started, but his voice cracked with emotion. "Did you sleep with him again?"

"Yes," I choked out and my thoughts brought me back to that night. Edward seemed so depressed and I wanted to comfort him more than anything. So I did the one thing that came to mind that would prove I still loved him. I only had to think about kissing Jasper and I was instantly aroused. It shouldn't have been like that and I knew it. And I felt dirty and cheap afterwards. But it meant so much to Edward. He never once doubted my love after that.

"I don't believe you. You love me." It sounded like an accusation and a plea at the same time and it made me feel like I was a monster.

"Please, Jess, don't do this to me," I pleaded, hoping that the use of his nickname would soften his heart a little. I didn't expect it to have the opposite effect.

"Don't you dare use that name anymore," he hissed, and his eyes were rapidly darkening in anger. "From now on we're back to Bella and Jasper. Jess and Ellie are dead."

He turned his back on me and then he was gone. And he had taken my heart with him.

It was as he said, Ellie is truly dead.

AN: I know you've all been mad at Bella, but don't be too hard on her. Hearts are bound to be broken no matter what she decides...

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