*A little abuse in this chapter, just warning you. If you don't like it, I'll put a little asterisk in where you can skip over*
Ch 26 The Loss May
I blinked into consciousness. The common room slowly focused into sight. I was sitting on the floor, Sirius holding me tightly, squeezing my hand. One look at the crumpled piece of paper next to me brought everything back in a flash. Suddenly tears blurred my vision.
"Oh Merlin." My voice cracked as I tried to contain a sob.
"Shhh, Goldy. I'm here. Don't cry. I've got you." Sirius soothed pulling, me closer. I buried my face in his shoulder and curled up in his protective grasp, shaking uncontrollably.
"M-mum's d-dead!" My tormented wail was muffled slightly by his shoulder. I gripped him tightly, unaware of anything but the fact that my chest was aching like it would split at the seams and how nauseas I felt. I cried and cried. Mum was gone. She was gone. I tried to remember the last time she told me she loved me... but drew a blank. I tried to remember the last time I told her I loved her... another blank. This made me cry harder. What if she didn't know? What if she didn't know how much I had loved her? How much I missed her when I went away. How much it hurt when she erased me from her life. Did she know? Did she? Well... now she never would.
And Emily. What was going to happen now? I moaned with despair as I thought of my little sister. My scared little sister. All alone with Dad in that big, big house.
"S-Sirius, I c-can't b-breathe!" I gasped for air, shivering hard.
I expected him to leave. To say he was tired or not even bother with an excuse. I knew how much he hated teary girls. I expected him to flee the emotional wreck before him as soon as the opportunity presented itself. What I didn't expect was for him to gently lift me onto the couch, wrap his arms around me and let me cry into his chest until my eyes were all dried out, rubbing my back gently.
"I'm so sorry." He whispered softly, tilting my head so that I was looking directly into his eyes. He held my face and wiped away a tear with his thumb. I hugged him around the neck and hid my face in his chest again, wanting the pain to disappear. Wanting to disappear myself.
"Sirius... I never told her I loved her." I breathed so quietly I could barely hear myself.
He held me around the waist and kissed my forehead. "She knew, Jace."
"I- I have to go home!" I bolted off the couch, immediately missing what little comfort his arms had given me.
"Goldy, you can't go now!" He jumped up too and tried to grab my hand.
"NO! I have to! Emily's all alone. Dad... Dad'll be..." I breathed faster, imagining terrible things. "I have to go NOW!"
I stumbled up the girls' staircase leaving Sirius standing desperately below. I crashed through the door and pulled my suitcase from under my bed. Alice murmured in her sleep as I fossicked around, throwing clothes and books into the bag.
"J-Jaycee?" Lily groggily said, sitting up.
"I have to go! I'm going home. I have to go now!" I said, frantically dragging my bag to the door.
"Whah? We have class in like... four hours." She rubbed her eyes, checking the alarm clock.
"I'm going! I- I have to!" I was mumbling like a crazy person, wild eyed. "Dumbledore... Must speak... Dumbledore."
Sirius was still down in the common room, slumped against the wall by the stairs, waiting for me. When he saw me tumble down, completely oblivious to anything but the path to Dumbledore's office, he leapt up and chased after me.
"Where're you going? Jaycee, listen to me! You can't do anything now. You have to wait until morning!"
I rushed down the corridors and main stairs, forgetting the missing step in my haste and tripped. I got up, not caring that I was bleeding and probably had a twisted ankle. The only thought running through my mind was Emily.
"Going to Dumbledore." I muttered as I limped. Sirius grabbed my suitcase.
"At least let me help you!" He said, frustrated, and put his arm around my shoulder to support me. I leaned against him in relief. Walking was becoming far too painful.
When we arrived at Dumbledore's office I barged straight in, ignoring Sirius' instructions to knock first.
"PROFESSOR! PROFESSOR!" I whipped my head around, desperately searching. He wasn't there.
Sirius noticed the door before me. He raced over to it and banged on it loudly. I was currently in a ball in the middle of the room. My ankle hurt so much. But not as much as my chest. My heart felt like had been stabbed over and over again. I tried to think of the last time she hugged me, without me having to instigate it first. That would have been two years ago. My mother hadn't hugged me in two years. I let out a sob.
"What if she never loved me, Sirius?" I whimpered.
He continued rapping on the door as he spoke quietly. "You're being ridiculous, Goldy... Of course she loved you."
Dumbledore finally opened the door. He was in a blue nightie with yellow stars and moons on it and a matching nightcap. Any other time I would have burst out laughing... but right now I didn't care if he was wearing a leotard and tutu.
"Jaycee, what happened?" He rushed over to me, still on the floor. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
"Sir," Sirius approached us, "Her mother died. And her sister needs her at home." He squeezed my shoulder as he spoke.
Dumbledore looked aggrieved. "Oh Jaycee. I am so sorry for you loss. Of course you must go home. Immediately. Will your father be home?"
"Unfortunately," I said in an undertone, and then nodded.
He walked over to the fire place and grabbed a little sack of greenish sand.
"Have you floo-ed before?" He asked, throwing some of the sand onto the fire. With a whoosh it grew to twice its size and turned emerald green. I stepped back quickly, shocked, and shook my head. "It's quite simple. Step into the fire and state exactly where you want to go. But make sure you speak clearly and loudly, or you may end up in the wrong grate."
I gulped.
"Wait just a moment." Dumbledore tapped the fireplace with his wand, which he had pulled out of his nightcap, and muttered something under his breath. "I've added your house's grate to the floo network. Usually it is illegal to do so for muggle houses, but I'm sure an exception can be made." He patted my shoulder and smiled gently. "Go on now. I will owl you in a week or so to see how you're doing."
I gave him a watery smile. What would the students of this school do without Dumbledore?
Sirius hugged me, whispering in my ear that it would be ok. I rested my head on his shoulder and shut my eyes, trying not to cry again.
"Will you tell the others I'm gone? I'll be back soon, I promise." I let go and stepped cautiously into the fire. Instead of being hot, as I expected, it was more of a cool, tickling sensation.
Sirius and Dumbledore waved. Sirius' eyes and nose had gone a little pink, but he was refusing to cry.
"Bye." I whispered. "45 the Bishop's Avenue." Suddenly I began spinning, very very fast. I tucked my elbows in so they wouldn't scrape against the grates.
Finally, after what seemed an age, I fell out onto the lounge carpet, covered in soot. When I stood up, I noticed I had left a black mark on our very white carpet. Dad was going to kill me. But where was he? It was only 11pm. He wouldn't have gone to bed yet. I searched through the whole house. He was nowhere. In the end, I decided he must have gone out and raced to Emily's room, hoping she, at least, was home.
I burst through her door, sweaty, dirty, and tear stained. She was curled up under the covers, so small in her large bed, shaking a little in her sleep. I sat next to her head, stroking her hair. I had missed her so much. I noticed her face, bruised, blood nose, black eye and felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to throw up.
"Jaycee?" She pushed herself into a sitting position. "JAYCEE!"
I grabbed her around the waist, gently, so not to hurt her anymore and hugged her, never wanting to let go. "Oh, Em, I missed you so much."
"I missed you too." She sniffed.
"God... what's he done to you?" Her arms were covered with black and yellowing bruises. I covered my mouth with my hand, noticing a long cut from the back of her neck running down, under her pyjama top.
"Don't worry. I'm fine." She bit the side of her lip then looked at me. "Jaycee... Mum"
I pulled her into another hug, tears now pouring down my cheeks. "I know. I know. Are you ok?"
"Y-yes." She sobbed. I took that to mean 'No.' I urgently spun around to face her properly.
"Let me fix you," I breathed. Gold light sprung to my fingers. I was already exhausted, but needed to do this now. I brushed my fingers down her arms, letting the bruises heal completely and around her face, the bloody nose disappearing in an instant.
"Can you fix the-the one on my back?" She asked shakily, turning around. It was long and deep. And old, scabbing over already.
"I can try, Ems. But it's been there for a while, hasn't it. And it's really big. I don't know how well this is going to work." I gently traced the cut with my finger, the light streaming over it. I knew before I had begun that it was far too old and far too deep, but hoped desperately all the same. The scab faded away and turned to a white scar.
"I'm sorry, Emily. That's the best I can do." I muttered, feeling like I had failed her.
"That's ok. Thank you so much, Jaycee. I love you." She hugged me again, resting her head against my side.
"I love you too..." I whispered. We sat like that for a while. Both silently grieving.
"Dad's at the pub." Emily finally said, as if reading my mind. "H-he left hours ago." She sniffed loudly.
"Oh God. He's going to be a nightmare when he gets back." I spoke fearfully and pulled her protectively closer, not quite grasping the fact that the threat I was shielding her from was yet to return home.
"Please don't leave me again, Jaycee." She breathed, shifting in my arms so I was looking directly into her big, brown eyes. Eyes laced with fear and pain.
I didn't know what to say. Fresh tears skewed my vision. I knew what the right, brave, noble thing to do was. I felt, as the one who'd practically raised her, it was my responsibility to protect her. But... how could I give up Hogwarts. It was more my home than anywhere else had ever been. The friends I had made there were my family. I stilled loved Emily more than anyone else in the world though. How could I not immediately choose her over Hogwarts? I hated myself for thinking like this. I was being so selfish. Looking after my own interests. Leaving Emily to the mercy of our father. Just like a Slytherin. I didn't deserve to be in Gryffindor. God... I was despicable.
"Em...I- I wantto stay with you. I really-" I sniffed and bit my lip, not knowing how to continue. She was crying again too.
"Gosh, Jace. I'm so sorry. I-I'm being selfish. No. You need to go back." She spoke shakily, detracting from her efforts of trying to be strong for me. I felt a surge of self-hatred hearing her pitiful voice. And that an eight year old felt like she needed to be strong for me.
"Emily, I-"
BANG. The door slammed, shaking the walls. My grip immediately tightened around my little sister. I held her head close to my chest. Tendrils of the scent of alcohol were wafting under the door. I heard footsteps. Growing louder and louder and louder until Emily's door was wrenched open, carelessly. And there he stood. Towering over us, bloodshot eyes, leer stretched across his face.
Asterisk
"What are you doing here?" He slurred, looking at me with disdain. "Get out. We don't want you here."
He made a move back out the door. And then paused. Suddenly, without warning, he whipped around again, stumbling slightly and yanked me off the bed by my arm. Emily was knocked off my lap and onto the floor, begging him to please calm down.
"This is ALL YOUR FAULT!" He shook me angrily. I felt my insides turn to jelly and my head wobble around dangerously.
"DAD STOP! LEAVE HER ALONE!" Emily sobbed, unable to get up or put pressure on her left ankle.
"KEEP OUT OF THIS!" He aimed to kick her, but being completely wasted missed and hit the dresser, crying out in pain and lessening his grip on me. I struggled violently, trying to get free. I almost did before he tightened his grip, digging his nails into my arm.
"You. Killed. Her." He hissed into my ear. I was trying with everything I had not to cry. I couldn't give him that satisfaction. He sneered and flung me to the floor. My head cracked against the bed, making me see stars for a moment. I couldn't breathe with pain.
"What does it feel like?" He paused to smirk at me, curled in a ball by his feet, "to kill you own mother?"
With that he staggered out of the room laughing uncontrollably.
Whyhellothere!Longtimenosee!I'vemissedfanfictionsososososomuch!:DThreeweeksawayisreallytoomuchtotakeIhopedyoulikedthischappie.Sorryifit'salittleangsty.Thingsdotendtogetworsebeforetheycangetbetter.It'llbebacktotwoorthreedaysbetweenupdatesnow.I'mreallyreallyreallyjetlagged,soIapologizeinadvancefordelays.Remember,reviewsmaketheworldgo 'round:DActually...justmyworld,really.
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