– – –
Author's Note:
Invader Zim is -c- Jhonen Vasquez! Only the events of this story, characters specific to the story, and character tweaking (heh) are mine. :3
Oh gosh I feel like I haven't logged in here in forever, ack! ^^ Hope you all had a good couple of weeks~! This chapter is something of an interlude, between the first and second halves of Part 3...
I'm happy to finally bring in another Bonus Histories scene, one I've been wanting to post for a whiiiiiiiiile~ We heard some of Membrane's past… here's a little more, in his own words. I like the way this kind of mirrors the most recent chapters, so with this background in mind, the chapters to come will flow a little more easily…
Last time we saw Miyuki and Charles get together... now it's coming apart.
This bonus chapter is set in 1995, when Gaz was three and Dib was four…
~Jizena~
– – –
Charles' Records
There is hardly a sadder feeling in the world than being able to count down the days to the very moment you lose everything you have ever been.
I had created quite a life for myself. Not a glorious one, but it was comfortable, and I was able to work in my own field, along with my darling Miyuki, a scientist leaps and bounds ahead of anyone else I had ever known. Her origins did not dissuade me from marrying her; her warnings of an ancient Prophecy were ignorable when our children arrived. For several years, we were happy. We had been happy. The Organization, though still young, was spreading; God bless Victor Haynsworth for giving it life in the UK as well.
My Oxford net had been cast well—Victor, along with Ira Murasaki, Miyuki, and myself, were perfectly matched, even if Ira still laughed at many of our paranormal efforts. He laughed right up until the day he disappeared.
By that time, my professional, and now legal, name had been spread out across the North American continent and abroad, and offers were already coming in, asking and in some cases demanding that I sell my ideas to any number of corporations. No, I constantly argued, I was hoping to build a corporation myself; one with much higher morals than any others that came to me pleading. Miyuki was proud of me for holding back.
But sometimes, Miyuki was all that kept me sane.
And then, in a flash, she was gone as well.
One moment, Ira's poor fiancée, Lisa, had been calling us in a panic, wondering where on Earth Ira could be (though little could any of us but Miyuki know that he was certainly not on Earth at all), and the next, I was calling Victor overseas, my hands trembling so awfully from the shock of losing my wife that I had to conduct the call on speakerphone.
And then—oh! then—to make things ever more worse, the corporations began to hound me again. I could not call Victor for support very often, as he was settling through his own legal divorce, and found myself stammering in gibberish when trying to come up with something plausible to tell my kids. They wondered daily where their mother had gone.
I had absolutely no answer.
The net had broken apart, and we were scattered. I had the Organization, but I felt so detached from it without my few close friends. Without her.
She had left without a word. Without a note.
When I had proposed to her, the very same night she had told me of her Irken past, she had tried to run, flustered, embarrassed. I'd been able to chase after her, then, and she vowed to never run again. She had promised. So how had I come to be alone, with no answers for our children, with no certainty of my own future? With hardly a single reminder that she had ever even been there?
On came the media. The reporters, the corporate executive officers, the labs, the universities… crowding outside my house with contracts and offers, each one topping the next for benefits and salary. I couldn't listen, I couldn't bear it. One afternoon, I found myself shooing away uncountable masses, while Dib and Gaz hid inside the house, away from the windows, afraid of the awful din outside.
"I am not going to sell!" I shouted out onto the lawn. "Leave my property now!"
Miyuki would have been able to talk them away. I couldn't even think straight anymore.
I retracted into the house, slamming the door as hard as I could to prove my point. No sooner had I locked the door and punched the wall control that shrouded and latched all the windows than I heard the telephone ring. Outraged, I stormed over to the phone plugged into the wall in the living room, picked up the reciever, and demanded, "What do you want?"
"Professor Membrane!" It was a woman's voice. A false one, a business voice, a voice that did not care, a voice as a product... a product of everything I'd hated in the past. "We've caught you at home. Now, if you wouldn't mind just—"
"Of course I mind!" I hollered. "I'm a human being, you know! Get that through your head and never call me again!"
As soon as I'd hung up, the phone rang again. My head spun with the noise; I felt like I was going mad. "Leave me alone!" I demanded when I picked up this time.
"Sir, just consider—" A man's voice this time, though just as fake as the woman before him. Soulless reporters, no better than vampires.
"Consider this, asshole," I snapped back at him before he could finish. "My wife just left me, I have two children to take care of, and my inventions are not for your shameless promotion! Do you hear me?"
There was silence for a moment, and then the man tried, "But consider, sir, how, if you sold, you would be able to provide for your children. Assuming—"
"Don't you dare bring my kids into this, you bastard!" I warned. "To you, they're no better than my fucking inventions, are they? You don't care, your kind never has!"
"But think of the respect that comes with—"
"Respect?" I practically screamed. "RESPECT? You dare talk to me about respect? Respect my privacy, you dumb shit! That goes for all of you!"
"But isn't it everyone's dream to be known? Think of it: the whole world would know your face."
"Shut up!" I shouted. "Shut up and leave me alone!"
The last straw drawn, I hung up and ripped the phone away from the wall, causing the cord to snap with the force I'd exerted. Still at wits' end, I threw the phone across the room, and it smashed against the far wall. Involuntarily, I sank to my knees, punching the wall with my right hand just as hard as I could. Then, I rested my head against the wall and looked down blankly at my left hand, and the golden wedding ring that remained in Miyuki's absence. Her name was engraved in that ring, and that was all I had left of her.
Collapsing under the weight of pain and pressure, I just sat bent over my knees for a while, meditating on what possibly could have happened over the past several months. Ira was gone, taken by the Irkens undoubtedly, and most likely being tortured... or already dead. I had no way of knowing. Nor did I know if Miyuki had followed him, whether she had found or even rescued him, or if she even had that on her mind. All she had told me was that she needed to leave, but she had not told me how long she was going to be gone, or if she'd ever return at all. She'd just left me with a ring, our children, and a million questions I was afraid would never be answered. "You didn't even say goodbye..." I muttered, bringing my hands up to my face to stop any tears or anything that may come.
I then bit down on one hand when that last phrase spoken to me came back into my mind: "The world would know your face." That, and chorus upon chorus of reporters who did not know me constantly repeating my title, over and over and over, day in and day out to no end. "Professor Membrane..."
"I have a name!" I shouted, bringing my hands up now to grab at my hair. "My name is Charles, I—"
And then, Miyuki's voice through the din in my head, saying my name...
Only to be drowned out again by the masses.
They wanted to take her away from me. They wanted to separate me from her for good. They wanted my every last memory gone, my will sucked dry, my mind, my inventions, turned over to them. They wanted me to be done with who I was and become what they wanted me to be, and lately, I was becoming weak enough to almost want to entertain them.
For a second, I wished that I had all the answers. Isn't that what a father is supposed to have, anyway? I didn't even know how to explain all these situations to my children, let alone figure them out for myself. With my only friend living an ocean away, I had no one close to turn to. I wished for a second that I could simply call my own father and ask for advice, but I couldn't. Actually, even if I wanted to, I couldn't call anyone at the moment, as I'd destroyed the phone line.
I was still spiraling downward when I felt a tugging on my right sleeve. Sitting back, setting my hands down in front of me again, I saw that Gaz was standing there, her small fist still clutching my sleeve in a sort of plea, Ira's last ribbon held tightly in her other hand. Dib stood not far behind her, nervously rolling a sheet of paper around in his hands, wringing it like a towel.
"Dad, are you okay?" Gaz asked me.
When I tried to smile, it almost felt like I had failed. "I wish I could say 'yes,' honey, I really do," I answered, rubbing her back a little in case she was scared.
"This came under the door for you," said Dib, handing me the sheet of paper.
I unrolled it to find that it was a note attached to a contract, which I immediately frowned upon and ripped into quarters, tossing it aside. I didn't know how long I could cope, though; how long I could just ignore all the offers and demands that came at me. Realizing this, I bent and hugged both of my children.
"What's wrong?" Dib wondered.
"Listen..." I began slowly, forming my thoughts into words Dib and Gaz could understand, "there are a lot of bad people in the world... people who don't understand the good things that people like me and Lex's dad do. But sometimes they're much stronger than people like us, and can make us do bad things, too. I just want you kids to know that no matter what, even if those people make me do things for them, I'm still your father. And I love you two, and I always will. Always try to remember that, okay?"
"Does Mom love us, too?" asked Gaz... and I could hear her crying.
"Of course she does. And..." I almost pained myself saying things I did not know to be true or not, "she'll come back someday and tell you that herself."
"Dr. Murasaki, too?"
"Y-yeah," I answered, then drew back and forced out a smile. "But who needs those two today, right? Let's have fun, just the three of us. What do you say?"
Dib nodded vigorously, and Gaz wiped away her tears, then held the ribbon up to me. Smiling in hopes that she would as well, I gently took the ribbon and tied up her hair.
Little did I know that I was performing that action for the last time in my daughter's childhood.
We stayed in that day, and I put on an old record of mine to drown out any noise that could come from outside the house, not knowing as well that music would not be heard coming from my house again for another several years. At some points during the day, my mind drifted back to the days when I had the luxury of playing my guitar day in and day out. I hadn't touched it since the night Ira disappeared.
Keeping in light spirits, I entertained my children to the best of my ability, trying as hard as I could to put everything else out of my mind, trying to make that one day last as long as I possibly could, knowing subconsciously that I would soon have to give in and sell, if I wanted my children to have a comfortable life. We made lunch together, and amused ourselves with a boardgame for a while, then lazily wound our way through the day until dinner, during which we watched an old movie of Gaz's choosing.
Though the day lasted a good, long time, Dib and Gaz eventually got tired, as children do, and so I helped them both get ready for bed. Gaz insisted again that night on sleeping in her brother's room, and he didn't object. Once they'd both settled in, I read my children to sleep for the last time, then gave them each a kiss on the forehead, hoping to chase any nightmares away. I left the door to Dib's room open, then went back downstairs, turning off lights as I went.
As I was taking out Gaz's tape from the VCR and putting it away, I found, in among the few other movies we owned, videos that had been taken back in the '80s, before any of the awful confusion began. I pulled one out, labeled 'Spring 1988.' I stared blankly at it for a moment, then sighed and took it out of its sleeve and put it in the VCR. Putting the TV on a low setting, I stepped back toward the sofa and bent over my knees, watching my old life play before me.
It was the video we'd taken while spending time with Victor in Kensington Gardens just before Lex was born. Amelia—Victor's now-ex wife—had been with her parents, and the four of us were having one last day together before Victor stepped into his role as a father. Even Amelia, with whom Miyuki, Ira and I rarely associated, was gone now.
The video was almost too hard to watch. There was Ira, smiling as always, not knowing what was going to become of him a few years down the road. And Victor, looking nervous, though I knew now he was going to be a much better father than I could continue to be. And there I was, younger, more lively, and with Miyuki right there by my side. We'd all taken turns with the camera, and then at one point it was passed to me.
The angle turned to Miyuki, and I said:
"Say you love me."
"Turn that thing off, and I'll say it a thousand times!"
"A thousand and one. Come on."
Miyuki laced her hands behind her back and smiled at the camera. "I love you, Charles."
After that, the short video ended, and the television screen went to snow. I sighed and slumped back into the sofa, turning off the TV, then lay down on my back completely, one leg bent, the other extended. I removed my glasses, setting them down on the coffee table, and lay alone in the dark. The corners of my mouth twitched a little on their own, but I refused to let the tears come. Our world was broken. My time was over. I had to do what was best for my children now.
– – –
"I'm going to sell."
I had repaired the phone for one reason only. That confession was it.
"What? Charles, think about what you are saying! Just give the Organization some time; you'll have the money eventually."
"No," I said harshly. "This is what needs to be done."
Victor was silent for a minute, then sighed. "You've gone mad, Charles, I swear it," he said disdainfully, and I heard him hit his hand against either a table or a wall. "Ever since April, you've been on and off. You aren't yourself. You need help before you do anything; I'm worried about you. Why give up on the Organization?"
"Because if I do, I can keep my kids safe," I replied, though inside I was praying that I was doing the right thing. Having doubts now would do me no good though. "It's best for them never to get involved. I've lost a friend and my wife to the Irkens, Victor, I'm not going to lose my children, too!"
"Charles, if I were you, I wouldn't worry about the Irkens but about yourself!" Victor returned, almost shouting. "From what I hear of the companies that want you to sell, you'd be doing yourself and your children a disservice by leaving!"
"I've made up my mind, Victor, the Organization belongs to you and Richard! I might keep in touch, but I'm not losing my kids to those studies!" I curled my free hand into a fist and pounded it against the kitchen counter. "Look at where our own studies have brought us!" I continued, more angry at myself than anything. "Our wives have left, our children are confused; Victor, the best thing I can do is just forget!"
"No!" he growled firmly. "You're running from what you believe in, and I won't allow it. What you believe is your lifestyle, and it always has been. You can't deny who you really are."
"Who I really am is confused!" I shouted. "I'm confused, and this is the only way! I'll send you some papers with more details once Charlotte works some things out. I'm selling and that's final. I know you're still raising Lex to your ways, but Dib and Gaz, I swear it, will never find out about what they are! They'll have a normal, healthy life, and I'll have a normal, everyday job. And if Miyuki didn't want it that way then she can come back and tell me herself, but this is what I've chosen to do for now."
Victor was again silent. "Are you quite finished?" he wondered, and I heard his voice waver a little. He didn't believe me, or at least, he didn't want to. Who could blame him? I was pushing myself away from my last true friend.
"Yes," I replied. After a pause, I added, "And I'm sorry."
"If you're sorry, then—"
"I have to go, Victor. Thank you for listening."
"Charles Membrane, if you hang up that telephone, I swear to God—"
I not only hung up, but disconnected the line again.
The Irkens had taken Ira, I was sure of it. They had taken him as a warning to Miyuki, for having stepped out of bounds of the Empire, while still in posession of that Mirror she so rarely let me see. As a result, she had caved to the very threat they had issued, and had left like snow after winter. Just as gracefully as she had come. If that Zim person she'd gone on about was behind any of it, I didn't know, but I'd keep my ears open for mention of him.
But my children could not be told any of that. Nothing about Irkens, nothing about aliens at all. Curiosity might take them from me. I couldn't have that. Not now. Not that the last strand of my sanity was in jeaopardy with Miyuki gone.
From there, I walked briskly up the stairs and down the hall to my son's room, where both my children lay sleeping still. They hadn't heard my argument, they hadn't heard my conviction. While they were still young enough not to know of any other life, I was going to make sure their futures were as free from trouble as possible. I couldn't lose them. Even if I had to give up some of my own free will, and possibly some of my own sanity, in the process, no one was ever, ever going to take my children away from me.
"I'm doing this for you," I said, speaking my resolution once again so I knew I'd stay committed. "I'm doing this so at least the two of you can have the lives you deserve. You'll have a normal, healthy future, I promise."
Taking a couple steps further into the room, I went on speaking. "I won't let them find you," I vowed, my fingers slowly curling in on their own as I stood there, motionless. "I swear to God, I'll never let them find you."
I was trembling at that point. My decision scared me, but my will didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered but what would come to pass for Dib and Gaz. Once again taking a seat at the bedside, I watched my children sleep for a moment, as Miyuki used to do, and then I lost it. Holding my head in my hands, I let the tears come. Victor was right and I knew it, but I was so confused, now, I had to go through with what I'd earlier said. I didn't want to, but I was going to, because so much depended on just one sacrifice, and that sacrifice had to be mine.
"They're not going to take you," I repeated, my voice now an unplanned whisper. I choked grudgingly on my tears. Grown men shouldn't cry. "No one's going to take you away from me. I'm going to protect you with everything I have left, no matter how hard it'll get. I can't lose you two."
I had painfully disturbing dreams last night. One was an alternate past, during which I had never met Miyuki. Her name even left my mind, and my entire existence was unaware. That one didn't last long; I woke up before it could. I wouldn't let it keep going. Many other dreams filtered in as I lay in that empty bed, berating me for my decision, constantly taunting me for selling out and giving up.
At the end came the worst dream of all. In the dream, I awoke without knowing what day it was, consciously a slave to routine. The dream carried on as though it were the immediate next day, however. The only difference was, when the me I had dreamed up walked down the hall to my children's rooms, they were empty, and then I was suddenly aware that they'd not been taken as Ira had, they'd simply grown up and moved on, and I hadn't even noticed them leave.
When I woke from that awful vision it was still dark outside, and I ended up lying awake until the sun rose, praying every second that my conviction would never lead to that ever happening.
– – –
As soon as the day had reached a reasonable hour of morning (roughly seven a.m.), I showered and began to dress, wondering what I could possibly wear. Well, Charles? What is the most appropriate choice of clothing to wear on the day one turns over his very soul? I certainly wasn't going to be myself around those bastards, that was for sure. Sorting through my closet, which I knew would never be as neatly organized as Miyuki had always arranged it again, I just pulled out a collared white shirt and wore my least casual black pants with it. I'd never felt comfortable dressing up for anything, which was one reason why I very rarely accompanied Miyuki on her trips to the theatre. Ira was more suited for those things.
Thinking about the two of them, my heart sank again. They were gone; gone from my life for a time I couldn't think to estimate. The darker side of my consciousness suggested that perhaps the two had planned to leave... after all, Ira had felt something for Miyuki long ago. I shook the thought away. That was stupid and impossible. Ira was so in love with Lisa it must have been killing him to be away from her. The two could barely be parted even when he went to work. He'd been away from his job and the woman who would now be his wife (had things gone differently) for months now. He wasn't coming back, not any time soon. And neither was Miyuki. My Miyuki. The woman I'd given half my life to; the woman to whom I had convinced the existence of the human soul. She had left me... left me to make the worst decision of my life.
I walked down the hall to check in on my children, who were still asleep at that hour, then sighed and walked downstairs, to plug in the phone in the interest of calling the only person I knew for sure would be awake and working at seven-thirty: Charlotte Baudelaire. She and Richard Dyer (my old chemistry teacher and now colleague, whom Dib at age two had nicknamed 'Darkbootie,' which had stuck like glue) were doing more for the Organization now than I could bring myself to, and I felt terrible wanting to ask her for a favor on the day I was to announce my resignation as leader of the Organization I had dreamed for years to create. That Organization was my pride, so it was more than fitting that I was casting it off in order to sell out and do what was right for my children.
Of course, Charlotte couldn't be relied on to watch after the kids anymore, since she'd fill their heads with ideas from the SEO, and I couldn't have that. Just for today, though, she was the only one I could think of to call, though I swore that I wouldn't inform her of my final decision until she returned that evening. I asked, of course, when I called, that she come to the house, and when I let her in, she had to push through a crowd.
"Charles, what the hell is going on out there?" she asked me.
"Nothing," I muttered. "Reporters hungry for more stories. Don't tell them a thing you know about Miyuki, you understand?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
"Good. The Organization is underground, and it needs to stay that way." My voice sounded so cold that day. I already didn't recognize myself. "I need to ask you to watch the kids today, Charlotte," I requested, trying to soften my tone, leading her upstairs. "I've got some work I need to do alone, and I don't want those assholes in the yard scaring these two."
Charlotte sighed. She was always very good at going along with everything, and being one of the more understanding members of the Organization. "I hope you're thinking about moving, and maybe changing your name back to Mansfield, or maybe to something else," she said, more quietly now that she knew Dib and Gaz were still asleep.
"No amount of name changing will stop anyone from hounding me," I replied in a slight whisper.
"Charles..." She was getting wary. "You're not going to do anything stupid today, are you?"
I shrugged a little as a reply, then walked into Dib's room, feeling, all of a sudden, more like an outsider in my children's lives than their father. When I drew back the curtains, my son was the first to stir as the sunlight hit the bed.
"Good morning," I managed to say, setting a hand on his arm.
"Dad?" he said sleepily, rubbing his eyes with one fist to wake himself up. "Are we going somewhere?"
"Sort of," I replied, gently stroking Gaz's back to wake her up as well. "You and your sister get to spend the day with Charlotte. You like it when she babysits, don't you?"
"Where're we going?" Dib wanted to know, yawning. "How come you can't come?"
"I have some work to do today, son, I'm sorry," I told him. That was the first instance that I can recall... the first time I just couldn't bring myself to say my son's name. Miyuki had chosen that name, and I'd loved it, it was perfect for him. He was his mother's child, with all his curiosity, but so many of his traits were from me. He needed to have a better shot at life than I had. He needed a secure future, and a normal childhood that he could carve out himself. He didn't need me missing his mother every time I said his name. "Charlotte will bring you back for dinner."
"But I'm tired!" he protested, pulling up his bedsheets as Gaz clung to her brother's mattress. She was still sleeping; I could tell from the pattern of her breath. "Charlotte can babysit us here."
"Not today, son; you've got to get up for me, all right?"
"No..." he groaned, pressing his face into his pillow.
I smiled sadly. Miyuki always knew what to do in order to wake those two up, either with words or an old Finnish song, or the mention of breakfast. I gave up and let the two sleep a little longer while I packed clothing for the two of them for the day into a small bag, which I gave to Charlotte, who didn't look entirely pleased with me, but still agreed to watch the kids once I'd finally managed to shake them slightly awake.
Since the two were still quite tired (and wearing their nightclothes), Charlotte and I had to carry the two outside, by way of the garage. I refused to go outside, for good reason, which she understood, so she offered to bring the kids one by one to her car. While I was still holding Gaz, Charlotte let me say a little goodbye to my son, to whom I repeated a whispered apology before she brought him outside. When she returned for Gaz, I almost didn't let go. Gaz, whom I had named, had everything in her like her mother, aside from her eyes. It was like parting with Miyuki all over again.
Gaz stirred in my arms, then buried her face in my shoulder and held onto my shirt tightly when she saw that she was about to leave for the day. "Gaz, you've got to go with Charlotte and your brother today, okay?" I said to her as kindly as I could.
"No!" she protested. "I wanna play with you, Dad! Dib, too! We wanna stay home and play with you again!"
"You'll be home for dinner, honey; I promise, I'll play with you then."
"No you won't! You're making us go away like Mom and Dr. Murasaki went away!"
"No, honey, no I'm not," I assured her. She wasn't the one leaving. I was. "I love you, Gaz, you and your brother, and you know that. I just need to do some things today, so you can play with Charlotte."
"I want Dr. Murasaki!" Gaz insisted.
My heart sank even further. "I know. Go back to sleep, sweetheart, it's early yet," I told her, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you tonight, okay?"
"I love you, Dad."
Those words completely broke my heart. "I love you, too, Gaz," I told her. Giving her to Charlotte, I wiped away some of my daughter's tears, then apologized again. That was the last time I could remember seeing my daughter cry. After that, she hardened. Charlotte glanced back at me disdainfully, then left with Gaz, not saying another word.
Alone now, I sighed, then retreated back into the house. I checked the answering machine, which I'd set to only accept messages from Victor, Lisa, or the Organization, and there were three messages from Victor, from different intervals of the night, pleading me to reconsider and weigh my options. For some reason, that just made me angrier, and made my decision clearer. That was probably around the time that I realized without Miyuki, I was absolutely hopeless. She'd told me about her friend, Zim, who had been more or less driven to insanity because of something to do with her, and I wasn't far behind him. She had that effect, I supposed.
I bypassed making my morning coffee and trudged upstairs, walking right into the bathroom. My hair, the way I'd decided to style it, was bothering me now that it was longer, but that seemed fine. Dib wore his hair similarly now, so that, if nothing else, made me keep from hacking my hair to a shorter length that morning. I had to do something about my appearance, though. For a few minutes, I just glared at my reflection, then sighed and shaved, coming up with nothing. I didn't have any contacts, so I couldn't go without my glasses, nor did I have a different pair I could hide behind.
Washing my face and putting my glasses back on, it hit me. I stared at my own reflection a while longer, and then the words from the previous evening came back to me: "The world would know your face."
Leaning in, I pounded one fist against the mirror, above my head, then narrowed my eyes and said in reply, "No, it won't."
Name change notwithstanding, I was still, to Miyuki, to Victor, to everyone, even my children who had never known my mother, Charles Trystan Mansfield. I always would be, and nothing could change that. The public didn't deserve to know him. Anita could forget, Rico could forget, Charlotte, Richard, Brakem, and everyone at the Organization could eventually erase my true persona from memory. The public wanted Professor Membrane, not Charles Mansfield. His face, therefore, I decided, could not possibly be mine.
Glancing at myself one last time, I pushed away from the mirror and rushed downstairs to the basement, taking off my collared shirt and tossing it aside, instead going to my laboratory closet and retrieving my long white lab coat, which I pulled on over my undershirt and pants. Reaching into the closet again, I pulled out the invention that had gotten me into MIT: the boots I'd made that Miyuki had marveled over the night I saved her from an awful spill on the ice. The night we'd met. To everyone else, they just looked normal, and so, to keep her near me, I wore those, stuffing my pant legs in, glad that my shoe size hadn't changed even after tacking a couple more inches onto my height after I was seventeen.
My glasses were the last things to go. I tucked them into the breast pocket of my lab coat after seeking out the invention that had somehow led to Ira's naming my Organization. The goggles had just been repaired, too, which was useful for me. Those things could alter my vision to see through anything, now. Even lies, perhaps, now that I was living one.
I fixed the goggles into place, clipping the toggle switch to the sleeve of my lab coat, pushing the setting to my usual corrective lenses' capabilities. The only difference with the goggles was that nobody could see my eyes. No one could see the hurt, the worry, the pain, the anger, the regret that would be transfixed in my eyes forever. Even knowing of my stupidity, I clenched my hands into fists and began walking away, ready to leave Charles Mansfield locked in a place and time I could hopefully revisit someday. One last thing had to be done, though, I realized after glancing down at my hands.
I just couldn't take that wedding ring off. I couldn't. So, thinking quickly, I obscured it by the black, electrically charged gloves I'd created after Miyuki had explained her Irken powers to me. Thinking about that made my resolution seem, for a moment, more logical. I wouldn't lose my kids to an Empire like that. I was doing this for them. They were mine, not theirs, no matter that they had Miyuki's genes. Dib and Gaz were mine, they were human, and they always would be. I'd work to make sure of that.
The gloves in place, I walked slowly up the stairs, fastening my lab coat. For the first time, I was relieved that it had such a high neck; it covered everything, my neck, my chin, my nose and mouth. I disappeared behind that facade that day, and, as much as I knew it would help my children in the long run, I did fear that there was no going back.
I opened the door to an enormous crowd, and nobody commented on my changed appearance, showing that they truly did not care. They just wanted my inventions, and, unfortunately, I needed their money. I answered their questions, saying things I knew they would want me to say, and I signed a few contracts, my signature changed to just read the name that would eventually become a media icon.
But my heart wasn't in it. It never would be. My heart was where I'd left it in late July, on the day Miyuki had walked out of my life. The real me would remain there, waiting, for years upon years, wondering when the icon I had become would return and cast everything aside. I had become everything I'd never wanted to be... and, despite my attempts to bring about a normal life for my children, that hope was never fulfilled. I became less of a father and less of a guardian than I had ever inteded to. Work pulled me away from the only thing that really mattered in my life anymore, and I was pulled to and fro like driftwood in a tide. I was nobody that I knew. Charles Mansfield was gone, just like Ira, just like Miyuki. My wife, my beautiful, amazing Miyuki, had driven me to insanity in her absence after all.
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Author's Notes:
Woooo… nice cheerful way to segway into Part 3B, huh? ^^; I've been doing some thinking the past couple weeks, and was almost tempted to continue Part 3 in a separate file, but since in the end it'll all fit best together under the title of Memories, I've decided that the best thing to do is to call everything before this Part 3A, and everything after, Part 3B. I wrote this 'birth of Membrane' sequence some time ago and have just been itching to post it, haha... he's such an interesting guy to write.
Due to the way I want the updates to flow after this, this is the only chapter I can post this week… (sorry! ^^; Work being super super busy contributed to that, too, aagaugh…) But next week we'll be checking back in pretty much where we left off. Gonna be getting really heavy on Zim's past, soon, not to mention a great deal more family things relating to the Membrane clan…
Great to be back~! Woo! Thank you guys so much for your comments from last time, sorry I didn't get around to answering yet, but I shall soon~! :3 Hopefully now that the two shows are done, even though I'm starting up another, I'll have much more time to be able to post more chapters!
I don't know if I'll be able to get anything posted for this (maybe at least a sketch, haha), but this coming Wednesday, February 29th, is Ira Murasaki's birthday~ XD He's only had two official ones since I started writing this (2004 and 2008, and I only really celebrated the second time since I don't think I came up with his birthday until 2005, haha), so I'll be getting out the lilly-jasmine tea for sure. (I totally do that, I celebrate character birthdays…) Too bad the situation in IZMS 'real time' isn't really the best for him right now, though… ^^;
Again, thank you all so, so much for reading! I'm very excited to get to this next segment of Part 3, some preeeeetty interesting things coming up~ See you all again next Saturday, March 3rd!
Much love,
~Jizena :3
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