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Chapter 26: Dying Inside

" For a few moments you actually made me feel like I meant something to someone."-Anonymous.

Backstage was buzzing with excited chatter, ninety-nine percent of it about Michael and his debut. Nobody has ever seen or heard anything like him. I murmur thanks and shake a million hands as I am stopped on my way to the dressing room.

" Brooke," someone murmurs my name and I turn to find Janet standing off to the side to avoid the throngs of people who are walking by.

" Janet?" I say staring at her in wonder. In the last five months she's grown. Gotten taller and started blossoming into womanhood. I wordlessly walk to her throwing my arms around her in a tight embrace, "How are you?"

" I'm good. I've missed you," Janet says pulling away to look at me, " I only have a minute before Mom and Joseph come looking for me. I just wanted to tell you, your song was beautiful."

" Thanks," I murmur looking down in an attempt to hide the blush the creeps into my face.

" Well I better go," she says hugging me one last time, " You should know, Michael hasn't been the same since you've been gone." I smile slightly and shrug my shoulders as she walks away. I roll Janet's words around in my head, wondering what she meant by that. He seemed the same, at least he did for those few moments when he was holding me. The same heart beat in his chest, the same light shining in his eyes. The same Michael. I walk slowly into my dressing room jumping slightly when Margot and Caleb start cheering madly, a banner hanging behind them reading ' You Didn't Faint!' I laugh loudly as Margot hugs me.

" Oh you guys," I say my voice hitching slightly when Caleb hands me a large bouquet of baby pink roses burying my face into the petals drawing in the sweet scent, " How long were you guys planning this?"

" Since we found out that you were performing," Margot says handing me a glass of sparkling liquid causing me to raise a brow at her, " It's just sparkling apple cider." I nod turning when Caleb clears his throat.

" I propose a toast," Caleb says lifting his class, " To my big sister, who wowed the crowd and managed to not pass out." I chuckle clanking glasses with both him and Margot and drink deeply.

" We should get going, clear out, and hit the after party," Margot says gathering bags in her hand.

" You know, you two go ahead, I'm going to stick around for a while, change, gather my thoughts, I'll meet you guys there okay?" I say hugging them both one final time before nonchalantly shooing them from the room. I turn back taking a deep breath only to feel a hand warm on my elbow turning me around. The slow smile dies before fully blooming on my face when I see that its just Caleb, a knowing glimmer shining in his eyes.

" Are you okay?" he asks and I nod my head mustering up a smile.

" Yes Caleb, I'm fine. Just need a little time alone. Now go. Flirt shamelessly with women, have fun, I'll see you soon," I say hugging him close before brushing a kiss to his cheek and shoving him from the room. I shut the door slowly my heart racing as I check the clock. Any second now, and Michael should be here.

I wake slowly my eyes blurry and swollen, and groan as I turn over running my hands over my face. My stomach is in knots as I sit up and look around, realizing with a quick glance at the clock that its almost seven thirty in the morning. My breath hitches in my chest as reality sets in on me and I lower my face into my hands as the first of what I'm sure will be many hot tears start to flow. I shouldn't have been so naïve. To believe that just because of those few moments in Michael's arms that everything would go back to the way that it used to be. I was too late. My stubbornness and pride stood in the way and ruined the one chance I had at happiness with someone. A soft knock on the door has my heart leaping in my chest as I try fervently to wipe the tears from my face.

" Come in," I faintly call out and my smile falters slightly when I see Caleb step into the room, his brown hair disheveled and his tie hanging loosely around his neck.

" I thought I would find you here," Caleb says his voice going from light to serious when his eyes scan my face and he realizes that not all is right with me, " Brooke, what's the matter?" I shake my head, shrugging my shoulders slightly as my throat constricts over my tears.

" He never came," I choke out my shoulders shaking the flood gates steadily break open releasing a torrent of tears.

" Who?" he asks taking two easy steps across the room kneeling in front of me, his wide palmed hands resting on my shoulders, " Michael?" I nod my head wiping my fingers under my eyes catching a few tears on the tips of my fingers.

" He was supposed to find me, after the show, but he never came Caleb," I murmur gratefully taking the tissue he offers me.

" You were here all night?" he asks his voice accusatory, slightly angry.

" Yeah," I say wincing when he shoves to his feet to pace furiously around the room.

" Let me get this straight. Michael was supposed to find you after the show, so you waited here all night for him," he says and I just continue to nod my head as I realize how stupid this must make me look. Perhaps Caleb was onto something when he said I was the "dumbest smart girl" he's ever met. " What were you thinking? Do you know how stupid that was? You could have been attacked, or the building could have caught on fire, or there could have been an earthquake that sent the building to rubble and nobody would have known because no one knew where you were! Margot thought you just went on home, so she didn't bother trying to call you, nobody would have known. Damn it Brooke."

" I understand that Caleb. And might I just say, you have a wild imagination there. Besides who are you to say anything? By the looks of things you didn't make it home yourself," I argue my voice raising as I push off the couch to start gathering my things, my gown whispering against the tile floor.

" That's besides the point Brooke, besides I'm a guy, its totally different," he says sending anger boiling through my blood as I clench my teeth.

" You did not just say that," I hiss turning quickly to look at him, " I would have thought being raised by a single mother that you of all people would be the last to make a chauvinist remark," I fire back balling my hands into tight fists to fight the urge to throw the nearest thing laying to me at his big, sexist, fat head.

" I'm simply stating fact. Women are a million times more likely to be attacked then a man is," he says and the slightly superior tone in his voice sends me over the edge. I grab the plastic tissue box holder and thrust it with all my might across the room connecting with my intended target, his head.

" Ouch, son of a bitch!" he trails off dropping his head to his hands a few droplets of blood smearing against his fingers.

" Oh damn," I murmur rushing forward to check the damage.

" You made me bleed," he says his voice slightly awed as he stares at me.

" Yeah well, you pissed me off," I murmur guiding his to the couch so that I can doctor the wound.

" I must have forgotten that my sister is a scrapper," he says wincing slightly when I press a tissue to the cut on the corner of his temple.

" Ha, ha," I say smirking slightly, " Doesn't look too bad, don't think you'll need stitches or anything, how many fingers do you see?" I tease slightly wiggling four fingers in front of his face.

" Seventeen," he jokes back and I playfully smack his shoulder, when someone clears their throat behind us. I turn quickly only to find Michael, clad in a red button up shirt and black dress pants staring at Caleb and me.

" Michael," I whisper dropping my hands to my side as if I was caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

" Nice to see you two love birds so early in the morning," Michael says his voice holding a hint of chilliness. I blink at him owlishly trying to process his words as he steps into the room, running his finger across his chin, " And to think, I stood up for you last night to that tabloid sleaze. Apparently she was right, remind me to send flowers to her for my deplorable attitude."

" What are you talking about? Caleb and I aren't," I stammer snapping my mouth shut when Michael flashes angry and hurt eyes to me, causing my words to slide sourly down my throat.

" You aren't what? Dating? Sleeping together?" He demands, "Please Brooke, I'm a lot of things, but stupid is not one of them. I'm ninety-nine percent certain that if I hadn't walked by when I did he would have had you out of that dress in two seconds." My eyes widen as I look at him, shock washing over me. I feel the tremble inside of me. The sickening tremble of betrayal and hurt. I open my mouth and shut it trying to take a deep breath, trying to steady my shaking heart and nerves.

" That's sick Michael. You know me. You know everything about my past, so for you to say something like that is not only out of line but disgusting, especially since incest is illegal in all fifty states, at least it was the last time I checked," I hiss out the pulse hammering in my throat as my hands grow clammy and the room begins to revolve around me as pure rage and adrenaline take over.

" Incest?" he murmurs looking at me and Caleb who stands next to me his hand tight on my shoulder, his jaw set in a hard line as he stares at Michael.

" Let me tell you something, Michael Jackson. You have a lot of nerve to come in here and assume that things are going on. Especially after standing me up last night. What happened to 'I'll come find you after the show?' You know what makes me even more upset about this entire thing?," I demand my voice raising as emotions take over coating every word that I say with ice, " That I actually waited for you! I waited all night, I slept in this freezing cold dressing room, on that cramped couch, waiting for you, and you never came. Doesn't really come as a surprise to me though seeing as how you and Tatiana seem to be doing so well," I scream my body vibrating as the words tumble from my lips, " I have done nothing but think about you for months. There were so many times that I wanted to pick up the phone and call you. So many times that I needed you. Like when I found out I had a half-brother, or when our father attacked us, but my pride stood in the way. Just this morning I sat on that stupid couch and cried, cried because of you, cried because of me, because I knew that it was my pride that got in the way, and I was cursing myself for it. But now, now I'm grateful it did. You haven't changed Michael. Sure, when I saw you last night you looked like the same Michael I fell in love with, you held me for those few moments the same way you held me the one and only night we spent together, and I actually believed that everything would be okay. I can see now how so very wrong I was. You will never change. You will still believe that you can be with Tatiana and me. Reality check Michael it isn't going to happen. Not now, not ever!"

" Brooke, Tatiana and I are just friends, how many different ways do I have to say it, to prove it to you?" he presses and I roll my eyes as I pick up my bags.

" I don't know Michael," I say clutching my things to my chest one hand on the door handle as I look over my shoulder, determined that my eyes are dry as I stare at him, " Why don't you try kissing her again, maybe it will work better the second time around."

Michael's POV

I sit heavily on the couch dropping my head into my hands. It's a right fool I am.

" Wow, some temper on that one," Caleb says light humor in his voice as he leans against the table, his hand shoved deep in his pockets.

" Cant blame her," I say scrubbing my hands over my face.

" Mmm, neither can I. What were you thinking Mike. You know me, more importantly you know her, so how could you make accusations like that?" he asks coming to sit next to me on the couch his elbows braced on his knee's as he looks over at me.

" I don't know. I just. I saw you and her, and that stupid tabloid reporter got to me last night, planting the seed that you guys were, well you know," I trail off rolling my eyes at my own words, " I screwed everything up again, didn't I? God, how could I have been so stupid? Especially since I know what happened to her when she was younger." I push off the couch to pace the room.

" What do you mean? What happened to her when she was younger?" he asks and I wince as I stop pacing my heart plummeting to my stomach. So, Brooke and Caleb are close siblings, but obviously not that close. Who am I kidding, they just found out they were siblings, of course she wouldn't tell him yet. Wow, I must be getting stupider by the second. That happens when I'm around Brooke though. My brain goes to mush and all I can think about is how beautiful she is, how much I want to just snatch her up and run away with her.

" That's not something I can tell you. That's Brooke's story to tell," I answer growing fiercely protective over Brooke's secret.

" I can respect that," he says laying back against the couch his eyes turned to the ceiling, " So how do you plan on winning my sister back over?"

" I don't. I pushed her too far this time Caleb, I can sense it, besides do you really think she's going to let me within a hundred feet of her to try and talk to her?" I ask rubbing my hand over the back of my neck.

" She's going to have to," he says his head coming up so that he can smile at me, " Or did you forget? Rehearsals for your joint tour start Monday." I blink slowly at him before a small smile spreads over my face. Maybe it isn't too late, at least not yet.

Brooke's POV

Two hours and a shower later, all I can do is fume as I pace the apartment.

" Who does he think he is? Firing accusations at me? I waited for him for God's sake! While he was doing foul things with Tatiana no less," I mutter to myself my hands tightening on my arms.

" Haven't you heard that talking to yourself is the first sign of mental instability?" Caleb asks as he lazily leans against the door freshly showered and changed, his long sleeved gray shirt pushed up past his elbows.

" Shut up," I growl turning away from him, " Its all your fault you know! If you hadn't pissed me off and forced me to throw something at you Michael wouldn't have even known I was there!"

" Oh sure blame it on the innocent bystander. Besides, even if I hadn't pissed you off, you would be standing in the same spot fuming, why? Because he didn't show up," he says, and I cant even find a smart ass remark to fire back at him. Why? Because he's right. Lose, lose situation for me, yippee. " If it makes you feel any better, he feels really bad about everything. You should have seen him beat himself up after you left. Talking about how could he have been so stupid, especially since he knows what happened to you." I turn slowly to look at him my eyes fiery with anger as I speak in low tones.

" What did he say? What did he tell you?" I ask through clenched teeth.

" Nothing," he says throwing his hands up in defense, " He didn't tell me anything. He said that its your story to tell."

" That's something at least," I mutter the hot fist of anger loosening from around my heart.

" Yeah," he murmurs back as he makes his way into the room plopping down on the couch, " So are you going to tell me what exactly did happen to you?"

" No," I murmur shaking my head as I walk to sit at the piano. I press the keys, soft music filling the room, chasing away to the silence as reality of everything that happened today sets in on me.

" Damn it Brooke, when are you going to let me in?" he demands his voice filled with a curious mixture of anger and pain.

" What are you talking about? We spend twenty four hours a day together, hell you live with me, how is that not letting you in?" I ask refusing to meet his eyes.

" Because there is something you haven't told me Brooke. Something big enough to have Michael defending the secret like it was his own life. You have to learn to let people in," he says bracing his hands on the piano and I take a deep breath even as my eyes fill.

" The last person I let in screwed me emotionally Caleb, so I would rather save myself the pain," I whisper pushing away from the piano to walk away. Caleb grabs my hand turning me to look at him.

" I'm not Michael Brooke," he pleads his eyes shining with emotion. I stare at him my heart and mind warring with each other, " I'm your brother, your blood. I wont hurt you."

" That's what they all say Caleb, I'm sorry," I say pulling my arm from his hands, fleeing to my room. I shut the door turning to slide down against it, pulling my knee's to my chest, my arms wrapped tightly around myself, and I can feel it begin. I'm dying inside.