Sesshomaru made himself more comfortable on Dr. Jaken's couch.

"Not that I have a problem with it but why do you feel you still need to visit with me, Mr. Sesshomaru?" the doctor asked, glasses perched on the end of his beak.

The inuyoukai looked down at his hands, fingers laced together tightly as a way of distracting him from his flitting thoughts. He actually didn't know why he was still here. Well, at least he couldn't put his finger on it exactly.

It'd been a month since he came back home & to be honest everything was perfect: Inuyasha was always supportive & was always there when he needed him, no matter what he needed, he was thoughtful enough to bring home Sesshomaru's favorite ice cream on several occasions & he suggested they go out on dates several times but...something just didn't feel...normal. It was nothing Inuyasha was or wasn't doing, Sesshomaru just didn't feel...like he was home. It felt like something was missing & sometimes it even felt like he didn't belong but how could he explain all of that to his therapist when he didn't even know the word he wanted to use?

"Tell me what's going through your mind" Dr. Jaken said quietly, readying his pen.

"I...I'm lost. I have no control over anything & I...I am...I am..."

"You are afraid"

Sesshomaru's stomach plummeted & his heart ached so painfully he couldn't breath for a few seconds. His eyes grew hot. He was afraid. For the first time in his life he was actually afraid & he had absolutely no strategy for finding a way out of his mess he was in emotionally.

Dr. Jaken shifted in his chair. "So what are you afraid of?"

The inuyoukai fought hard against the urge to cry. He wanted to stick his middle finger in Dr. Jaken's face & storm out but he was a little more mature than that. He couldn't take out his inability to communicate on someone who was just trying to help [especially when that help was not cheap]. What was he afraid of? What wasn't he afraid of at this point? It was everything & nothing at the same time.

"Don't force yourself to feel normal again. If you don't want to make coffee in the morning like you used to, don't make it. If you don't feel like putting your salad fork on the left side of the plate like you used to, don't do it. Take your time. Start with things you used to have a passion for & go from there"

"I had no passions..." Sesshomaru mumbled.

"Find new ones. Dabble in something you've always wanted to try & see how you like it"

The silver haired beauty let out a heavy sigh & frustratedly wiped his bangs out of his eyes. It was not that simple. There are just too many things out there he'd like to try so this little piece of advice was doing the absolute opposite of calming him down [when did he ever get so impatient so quickly?].

"My point is, Mr. Sesshomaru, to stop forcing yourself to do things that you used to all because you want to feel normal again. Or maybe it's not you. Maybe it's Inuyasha. Maybe it's his friends & how they treat you. Yes, they're kind but they exaggerate their kindness like they never have before. Inuyasha is a great husband-"

Sesshomaru smirked.

"But when he does all these things for you when he didn't do it before, it's like he's trying to force you to be happy. That's not the path we need to take"

"So you want Inuyasha to stop being so supportive & generous"

"I want Inuyasha to treat you the same way he has been treating you while keeping in mind that he can't pretend you did not have a nervous breakdown. Pretending you never went to rehab definitely will not help anyone either"

The demon looked down at his hands which were still laced in his lap but now they were still & not clutching to each other. He felt a little bit better now. He could feel his airway opening up more & his heart wasn't hammering like it was since he got here. Now he had a strategy. Now he wasn't afraid.

...

Sesshomaru let out a relieved sigh when he stepped into the house & the cool air hit him in the face. He hadn't even realized how hot he was until just now. He set his keys in the key holder & stepped out of his shoes, breathing in another cool inhale of air. "Yasha?"

"In here, babe"

Sesshomaru walked towards the kitchen & was pleasantly surprised to see a layout of fried cod, tater tots, a salad with feta cheese, pecans & grapes & macaroni. Sure, it didn't really go together...& it wasn't exactly healthy but it didn't matter.

Inuyasha beamed at him. "Hey, sweetheart. How...how are you?"

The inuyoukai leaned towards the kiss placed on his lips & he quickly inhaled Inuyasha's musk before responding. "I'm good"

"Well good. I made breakfast! Well...brunch. I, uh...I know sometimes they served brunch at the...at the place & I didn't know if you were hungry so I..."

"It looks delicious" the demon commented, grabbing a plate. How was he supposed to tell Inuyasha to stop pretending he hadn't gone to rehab? I mean, yeah, he could just come out & say it but it could be taken the wrong way & Yasha wasn't harming anyone.

"Hey I wanted to ask you to make sure it was ok if Koga, Miroku & his girls come over today. I know you probably don't want company but..."

"But...?"

The hanyou gave a sheepish smile & scratched the top of his head. "Well, I kinda miss the guys & all..."

"They just came over three days ago"

Inuyasha's face fell just a little but he quickly covered it up. "Ok. Yeah, you're right. Maybe next time'

But Sesshomaru knew that tone of voice. He was upset & was probably going to be resentful even though Inuyasha continued chatting as if he was ok with it all. I mean, sure he was willing to make sacrifices to keep his mate happy but that didn't mean he had to. Still, Sesshomaru wasn't really in the mood for entertaining guests.

"Why don't you just go over there?"

The half breed glanced up from his place at the dining room table, dark brows furrowed. "What?"

"Go over there. Spend time with your friends"

Inuyasha hesitated. "But..."

"I'm sure you didn't spend much time with them while I was in rehab-"

The inuhanyou visibly cringed.

"So go spend time with them"

"Are you absolutely sure?"

Sesshomaru nodded once. "Of course"

Just as the inuyoukai was about to sit down with his plate Inuyasha stood & came over to envelop him a hug. He rubbed his nose against the skin of his mate's neck. "Thank you, baby"

When Sesshomaru quickly kissed him on his cheek, he looked him in the eye, his own eyes going straight to those lips that he'd almost forgotten how soft they were.

Sesshomaru felt panic slowly rise in his chest like millions of tiny hands climbing up from his stomach when he noticed that lustful look Inuyasha had on his face. When the hanyou kissed him deeply & his hand started to wander below his waist he quickly skittered back, panting but not because he was aroused.

The half breed looked very confused. "What's wrong?"

"I'm...I'm not ready" the silver haired beauty whispered.

"You make it seem like you we-..." an expression so livid it scared Sesshomaru crossed his mate's face, "Did someone fucking touch you at that place?! Did you tell the employees?! They better hope they killed the fucker cause if I find out-"

"No, no. No, Yasha, I didn't get raped"

Inuyasha slowly calmed down then exhaled deeply. "Was it something I did then?"

Sesshomaru felt his eyes growing hot again. He was starting to feel cornered, trapped with no plans of escaping. "No...no...I just...don't want to yet"

He honestly didn't think his mate would go for that. When Inuyasha wanted sex he would only cross the line at rape to get it. But this time Inuyasha nodded slowly & brought his love close to him for another hug & he kissed his forehead. "Alright. We'll wait"

The inuyoukai breathed a sigh of relief, relief so powerful he wanted to collapse to the floor & cry but instead he settled for a half-smile, another kiss on the forehead & a soft caress on his cheek before he took his dinner to the table.

...

He wasn't sure exactly when he was aware that he was awake. One moment it was dark & he was trying to get comfortable & the next it was bright in the room, the birds were tweeting & he was worrying about last night.

The rest of the day had gone smoothly though Inuyasha was mostly quiet & when he did speak it was a low murmur. A few times he might smile though it never reached his eyes or he'd let out a fake little laugh at something they were watching on television but somehow the atmosphere wasn't tense at all. A little sad, maybe resentful but Sesshomaru felt comfortable enough to lean against his mate's chest. Was he being selfish & oblivious? Probably. He honestly didn't care as long as he got a break from the turmoil inside his head.

Sesshomaru opened his eyes to find Inuyasha staring at the ceiling. His thick, dark eyebrows furrowed in the center & his mouth was set in a grim line. Besides that his body language read relaxed, comfortable. It stirred up something in the inuyoukai that made him feel guilty so he did what his counselors told him at the rehab center: he sang.

The song was a French lullabye his counselor taught him to ease his nerves. Now, if his nerves were especially frazzled the song didn't help much but at times like these when he was confused & guilty & sad all in one singing helped. He had no idea what the lullabye was about: he only recognized the phrase let the good times roll & a few words that didn't really sound like it would make sense in a sentence.

Halfway through the song he noticed Inuyasha face had smoothed out though his eyes were narrowed, the look of someone who was listening carefully. His ears were arched forward & would swivel a fraction this way & that every few moments. When Sesshomaru was done Inuyasha exhaled deeply though inaudibly & he blinked slowly. His entire body was relaxed, even his face.

"I didn't know you could sing" he murmured after about ten minutes.

"I didn't either until my counselor told me about music therapy"

Inuyasha's eyebrow twitched at the mention of counselor & Sesshomaru took a deep breath.

"You can't keep shying around the topic of me being in rehab for six months, Yasha"

"I'm not shying around it, I just don't wanna remember that time so I'd rather not talk about it. Brings up bad memories"

"It was a bad memory for me too but suppressing the memory isn't going to help either of us"

"Oh is that what your counselor told you?"

"Yes, actually"

The hanyou let out a half laugh, half bark. "That is rich"

"Yasha..."

"Look I ain't saying I won't be here for you if you wanna talk but if you wanna talk about that place, I ain't tryna hear it, Sessh. I went through a lot'a shit while you were...there"

"So you feel like you were the only one who went through something while I was away? I was hurting too! I needed you to be there for me long before I even considering rehab!"

Inuyasha frowned at him. I was there for you!"

"You were here as in you were present but your mind was elsewhere! You never tried to just sit & listen to me!"

"Cause I was busy calling 911 to come stitch your fucking wrists up!"

Sesshomaru was taken aback by that statement. "The point is...you did not support me...when I need..."

Damn it, his eyes were watering again. It'd been a very long time since he felt so many different emotions all at one time; he didn't know how to handle all of it

"You don't understand how stressful it is trying to take care of someone who is going through depression! Sessh, I have a job, ok? I work somewhere around fourteen or fifteen hours a day, five sometimes six days a week! When I get off, all I want is a cold beer & a bacon cheeseburger but instead I pray I don't come home & find you hanging from the damn ceiling! I slowly peek into the room because I'm afraid I'll find your blood all over the walls & your mangled body on the bed! I have to make sure all the knives are with me cause I know if I leave them you might get tempted! I am so...fucking...tired, Sessh. Most of the time while you were sleep I stayed awake in case you tried to sneak off to cut yourself. My problems do not out-weigh yours but mine are still significant"

"Do not make this about you" Sesshomaru growled.

"It ain't just about you, Sessh!" Inuyasha roared, sitting up & glaring down at his mate, "You ain't the only one who went through shit & I'm real tired of you acting like you're the only one hurting. You think I wanted to fucking put you in rehab? No, I really didn't, damn it, cause that meant time away from you but I knew it would help & I couldn't just watch you all the damn time like they could"

"I don't need a baby sitter!"

"Yes the fuck you did cause you sure as fuck never considered how your actions affected other people!"

A hot, boiling rage rose from Sesshomaru's throat...but he only laid there as fat tears rolled onto his pillow & the emotions he was feeling burned in his chest like cigarette buts.

Inuyasha sighed. "Baby...baby, don't cry. C'mon, stop it"

The inuyoukai cries morphed into sobs as his mate wrapped his arms around him & rocked him gently.

"Shhh...it's ok, baby, I'm here. Calm down"

Sesshomaru gulped down air as he tried to calm himself down. He had no idea where this cry was coming from so it was hard to find a solution for the water works to stop. But it sure felt good to be held again...

Before he knew it he had stopped & was in a state somewhere between asleep & awake, his face still sticky with half dried tears. Inuyasha still rocked him gently & would occasionally run his hand over his mate's hair. The inuyoukai was ok with that. It was extremely comforting & calming.

"You hadn't cried since the...since t-the miscarriage..." Inuyasha said in a low voice, "Maybe that's what you've been needing"

The demon did not answer. Maybe he was right. Who cared at the moment; he was relishing in not feeling burdened down by his mental battles.

Inuyasha leaned back & looked into Sesshomaru's face intently, his forehead crinkled above the bridge of his nose. "I love you. So, so much. I love you more than I love myself & I will do everything in my power to protect you, even if that means giving up my own life. I want to see you happy again. Tell me what I can do to make you happy again"

The answer came tumbling out. "You can't pretend I never went to rehab. I understand it was a difficult time for both of us & you'd rather not speak about it but if it happens to come up don't cringe at it. Speak on it then move on. Besides you, rehab was one of the best things I never knew I needed after...the miscarriage. Yasha, we lost a baby...& I had a...I'm not sure what it was, a mental breakdown, depression, anxiety attack or maybe all of the above. & that's ok; we were grieving & there's never a wrong way to grieve-"

Sesshomaru was shocked into silence when Inuyasha's eyes filled with tears but the hanyou's face remained neutral.

"I love you too, Inuyasha. & I understand it's important to speak on my feelings. I will try. I just need you to work with me"

The half breed nodded, beside himself with joy. He had his Sessh back. Not all 100%, half asshole, half sweetheart of him but they could work towards that eventually.

"& tell Miroku, Koga, & Shippo to come over. It will be nice to see them again" the inuyoukai said, smirking.

Inuyasha jumped out of bed, beaming like a child on Christmas morning. "I'll go call them right now!"

"Uh...I meant later on in the day..."

The half breed deflated just a little before he smiled. So they would still need to take baby steps for now. That was fine by him as long as his baby was happy