"Tommy," Andy called over his shoulder, never moving an inch. I looked to see Tommy's head appear over the cliff, where his eyes met mine. He didn't say anything, but the look of determination on his face reassured me. "We're gonna' need that rope," Andy continued- motioning over his shoulder.
Tommy disappeared, and was replaced by Charlie, who- much to my relief- was holding a rope. "Oh thank you," I breathed, letting my head fall against the cliff. A sense of relief crept through me, followed by one of security. I felt safe with these boys, even though I was still hanging over the edge of cliff.
"Now Peyton Maye," Andy called down to me. I looked up into his eyes, blinking against the pounding rain. Lightening cracked in the distance and it appeared to split the dark sky for a moment, a wicked scene. "Peyton Maye!" Andy demanded again, intent on having my full attention. "Now, ya' gotta' understand that you're a good ten, maybe twelve feet down.'N th'rope we had was'a 'bout seven feet long." Oh no, I thought- my sense of relief fading away.
"I don't know if I can reach it!" I called back; all three boys could hear the fear in my voice.
"She's right," Charlie mumbled softly. Andy shot him a dark look.
"Just try first, and if that don't work, then we'll figure somethin' else out," Andy replied to all of us. I nodded, trying to seem confident in Andy's plan. Charlie extended an end of the rope towards me, trying to lower it as much as possible. He had to have a firm grip on the end of it in order to pull me back up, which shortened the rope about half a foot. However, Charlie had a long arm and, if I stretched my arm up as far as possible, my finger tips could graze the frayed end of it. It still wasn't long enough. With a sigh, Charlie hoisted the rope back up.
"Andy, it's not working!" I complained, suddenly frantic. "Get me out of here!" I screamed as I looked around me. In this torrential downpour, the muddy clay cliff had started to soften. The root I clung to was unlodging itself, and soon, it would fall- which meant that I, too, would go tumbling down.
"We're tryin'!" Charlie shouted. I looked up to see that only he was visible now. Tommy and Andy had vanished from the cliff edge. Charlie noticed their absence as well and looked back over his shoulder. "Hey!" He called to them. I had no idea what was going on, but from the nervous look that settled over Charlie's features, I didn't like it. Andy appeared back over the cliff edge and took a deep breath.
"Is it tight?" Andy asked, and I squinted to see what he was motioning towards.
"Tight as can be," I heard Tommy reply.
"Here we go," Andy sighed and looked down at me, squatting down.
"Andy, what are you doing?" I asked. He looked down into my eyes with a firm resilience. It was then I saw the rope tied around his middle. "No!" I gasped. Andy was going to climb down to where I was, with only a flimsy rope tied around him.
"Hold on, baby- I'm comin'," he said and rolled over onto his belly. From there, he shimmied back until he gently tumbled off the edge. For a moment, he dangled, suspended, in mid-air. I could see the fear coursing through his body as he gripped the rope tightly. "Lemme' down boys!" He yelled back to Charlie and Tommy. On his command, Andy slid down another foot. "Gimme' some more!" Andy shouted again and he dropped two more feet.
I watched, speechless, until I was eye-level with his boot. "Peyton Maye," Andy whispered. "Look at me, baby." I was suddenly aware that I was clinging as hard as possible to the root. My whole body was wrapped around it. I peeled my face away from the rough bark to meet Andy's eyes. He held the rope tightly in his right hand and leaned over to the left, extending his left hand towards me. "C'mon baby, take my hand."
"I can't, Andy," I whimpered. "I'll fall."
"No ya' won't; I got ya'," Andy reassured me. But I shook my head, keeping myself glue to the root. "Peyton Maye," he repeated. "Damnit! Stop bein' silly now. This isn't th'Peyton Maye I know. Be brave for me, baby. Be brave."
Don't be a coward, I whispered to myself. With a firm nod, I met Andy's eyes again and, ever so slowly, gripped his extended hand with my right one. He gave me a tug and I let go entirely of the root. Still gripping his hand, I used my other free hand to scramble up his body. He wrapped his arm around me and we dangled together against the cliff, finally safe. I breathed a sigh of relief in his ear, and whispered, "Thank you."
He kissed my forehead and hugged me tight. "Pull us up boys!" He commanded. "Get us outta' here." With that, both Andy and I were hoisted back up until we clawed our way up and over the cliff edge. I scrambled five feet away from the edge and then collapsed, crying tears of joy, to be on horizontal ground. I couldn't control myself. My nerves were literally fried, so much so, that I began to laugh. I laughed uncontrollably, still sobbing simultaneously.
I continued to laugh as Andy, Tommy and Charlie fell next to me. "What is she'a laughin' at?" Tommy whispered, but Andy shushed him.
At the sound of Andy's voice, I shot up. "Andy!" I cried, so euphoric that I couldn't contain myself. I tackled him to the ground, clinging so tightly to him that we could've still been hanging over the edge. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" I repeated it over and over, in between frantic kisses. I kissed him on his cheek, his forehead, his nose, his eyes- everywhere except his lips.
"Hey now..." Tommy chided, faking a wounded tone. "I helped, too."
I laughed and rolled off of Andy to throw my arms around both Charlie and Tommy. "You did! Thank you both, so much."
"It ain't nothin' ya' got t'go gettin' excited 'bout," Charlie replied, blushing. "All I know is that you're safe- I need t'ride back 'n tell th'girls. Can ya'll get 'er home safely?" Tommy and Andy both nodded. Charlie pulled me away from him, and set me off at arm's length. Then, with a gentle touch, he brushed a piece of sopping hair out of my face. "I'm so glad that you're okay," he mumbled.
I watched him ride off and then turned back to the two remaining boys. We sat there, completely silent, in the middle of a thunderstorm. Every piece of clothing I wore was soaked through- as were Tommy and Andy's clothes. The silence continued, as each of us stared out over the landscape. In that instant, I could feel Life's elasticity. I could feel how it flexed in my body and flowed through my veins. I'd never appreciated the air I inhaled more than in that moment. Every breath that pulsated through my body seemed precious. Just moments ago, I'd been on Death's doorstep and now, here I was- safe. I was safe. I wanted to scream, I was so happy. My life would not end today; I was alive. A smile spread across my face and I exhaled the breath I'd been holding.
Andy looked over, meeting my gaze. He saw the relief in my features and nodded, "I'm glad you're safe."
"Me too," Tommy added, and moved to stand. Andy followed suit. When I went to get up, I found that I couldn't. It was like my legs and arms suddenly turned to lead, but I couldn't move. Black spots spread across my vision and I suddenly felt very dizzy. I swayed, suddenly, to the left and my breath left me in a giant whoosh. "What's wrong?" Tommy asked, squatting over me. He sounded so far away though, and I struggled to keep my eyes open. "Andy!" Tommy yelled, and Andy appeared, as well, above me.
He grabbed my face in his hands as my eyelids drooped. "She's fainting," he said and I knew he was right. I could feel my mind receding back into a cove where it could recover. I'd been so stressed out lately, and with this near death experience, my mind was on edge. It needed to recuperate, as did my weary limbs. Andy lifted me up off the ground and I sank down into his arms. With one last smile, I tumbled backwards into the blackness.
The next thing I recall was the smell of lilacs, which were my favorite flowers. They seemed to be everywhere around me, almost like I was in a field full of them. The delicate, purple flowers floated around me- though I could see nothing. Their light, airy aroma filled my nostrils and I attempted to smile. However, I was still paralyzed. The only thing I could feel or see was darkness, and it weighed heavy on my limbs. I'd been here once before, I remembered- to an abyss similar to this. It was right after I'd met Naomi, when I'd fainted then. I'd stirred to find myself in the middle of night, though that darkness had terrified me.
This black was calming, and I forced myself to relax. I knew that I would come too soon, and I strained my ears to hear voices. But I heard nothing but silence. Literally, the only thing I could separate from the darkness was that smell of lilacs. Then, ever so gently, reality swept over me like a wave and took with it, the calm midnight. I opened my eyes and looked around my room at Grandmama's. There, on the night stand next to me, was a vase of lilacs. I smiled as I touched on of the tiny, lavender petals. There was no card, but I guessed that Grandmama had left them there.
I had no recollection of how I'd ended up in this room, or how long it'd been since that awful moment on the cliff. The memory flashed before my eyes like a bolt of lightning and I cringed, feeling my biceps ache unconsciously. The ache echoed through my whole body and I flexed different muscles, feeling how sore they were. It was relaxing to stretch and, without thought, I extended my limbs away from my body. Peering to my right, I couldn't tell what time of day it was because the curtains were drawn shut. With careful movements, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and rose. Since I had no idea how long I'd been horizontal, I didn't want all the blood to rush from my head, for fear that I would faint again.
I pushed back the edge of a curtain to see nothing but black. The sky outside was moonless, and clouds covered the stars. Turning round, I noticed the time- 3:29 AM. No wonder there was no one here; I doubted that even Grandmama would be awake as I shrugged on a sweatshirt and slipped into a pair of house shoes. Carefully, I peeled my door open and padded out into the hall. I flinched when the steps squeaked under my step but continued my descent when there was noise from Grandmama's room. The kitchen light was on and it cast an eerie pool of light into the living room. There was figure on the couch and I squinted to see who it was, my muscles coiling automatically in fear.
Stepping closer, I could tell that it was the shape of a boy by the bulky shape and then finally, sighed, when I saw that it was Andy. My smile softened to see that he looked so angelic now, his face so peaceful. He'd fallen asleep sitting upright, and his head hung back onto the top of the couch. I wondered if his neck was stiff. When his mouth lulled open, I couldn't help but let out a gentle peal of laughter. Instantly, I regretted it when Andy stirred and twisted up straighter to blink sleepily. "What time is it?" He asked, stretching his arms high above his head.
I crept over to join him on the couch and fell back with a sigh. "Some time near four," I replied, letting my eyes slide closed.
"My god," he sighed. "Ya' couldn't wait two more hours before ya' had t'wake up?" Andy's tone was teasing and he lightly punched me in the arm. "You've always been so stubborn."
"Sorry," I laughed. "How long have I been out for anyway?"
Andy thought for a moment, counting the hours silently. "I'd say 'bout two days. By the time I'd carried ya' back, they'd already packed th'truck 'n we was'a back here by th'night time. Then all day the next day 'n int' th'night. So yeah, somewhere 'round there."
"My god," I mimicked Andy. And then something he said clicked in my mind. "Wait... you carried me back?"
"Well yeah," Andy replied. "Ridin' a horse woulda' woken ya' up, 'n I didn't wanna' do that."
"The trail though was..." I tried to think of how many miles we must've covered that day. And we'd been on horseback, running, for a good 30 minutes.
"Awh," Andy laughed. "It was'a only 'bout 8 miles. Tommy said we must've taken a loop twice somewhere in there." Eight miles? Andy had walked eight miles carrying me... just so I wouldn't be woken up? I closed my eyes again, and shook my head. He was too perfect- so perfect that it was hard for me to handle.
Andy noticed. "What ya' thinkin' 'bout?" I was about to answer, but my mind was going a mile a minute. It was impossible to narrow it down to just one thing. I was replaying the whole event over and over in my mind: seeing the fawn, looking up to see the cloudy sky, letting myself scream at the cliff's edge, that awful fall, watching Andy's worried face through the rain, and finally... hearing the words, "I love you" pour out of my mouth.
"So many things," I said finally, which, I knew, was not a satisfactory answer. "But Andy... why are you still here? You should've gone home; you have to be as exhausted as I am."
"I was," he answered. "That's why I was'a sleepin', 'fore ya' came 'n waked me up 'course." We laughed together softly.
"Why not in your own bed?" I pressed.
"I wanted t'see ya' wake up, just t'make sure ya' was'a okay. But sleepin' on a stool was way too uncomfortable, 'n your Grandmama said I could just stay down here. But I was so far away from ya' that I didn't know if I could hear ya' if ya' woke up in th'night. That's why I was'a sittin' up, 'cause I was tryna' stay awake."
"Oh Andy," I whispered, wondering how I'd gotten so lucky to know someone like him- to love someone like him. There were not many Andy Cuttsinger's left in this cold, hard world. There was no one I knew that had such a golden, warm heart as Andy... not a soul. We sat together for a few moments, just gazing out into the dark living room. I couldn't think of anything to say, and didn't really see the need to. Just being close to Andy made my whole experience not seem so bad.
"Your grandmama called everyone she could think of," Andy commented randomly, breaking the silence.
"Even my mom?" I asked.
"What do ya' think?" Andy mused, smiling over at me. I sighed. Great, just one more thing to stress my mom out. I knew that I'd hear from her in the morning and I'd have to waste thirty minutes explaining that I was okay. "Peyton Maye," he continued after another long minute had passed.
"Yeah?"
"I just wanna' say that I'm so sorry fer' thinkin' that goin' up t'that cliff was'a good idea. I'm so, so sorry 'bout that." His voice broke, and I could've sworn that he was choking up.
"No, Andy..." I whispered, twisting to face him. I put a reassuring hand on his arm, one that he squeezed. "You do not need to apologize to me. You saved me. Without you, I would be nothing right now." That was so true in so many different ways. Andy had not only saved me from falling to my doom, but also from falling apart after Brandon had left my life a mess. Andy had saved my heart, my soul and my physical self. I was indebted to him for the rest of my life, and I would've been perfectly happy to spend my whole life making it up to him.
"Yeah... but I was'a th'whole reason that ya' was'a in th'situation in th'first place." He continued to sound miserable, and I could see how tormented his gaze was. This must've been something that he was really beating himself up over.
"It was just a weird, twisted coincidence. You had nothing to do with me falling," I spoke in low tones, but my words were fierce. I could've been with anyone, been anywhere. It was not Andy's fault.
"I just... as I was'a racin' back t'get th'boys- all I could think 'bout was'a ya' fallin'. I think," Andy had to stop because he was too choked up to speak. My own eyes welled with tears watching him like this. "I think that if ya'd have... fallen," he stumbled over the word. "I think I woulda' jumped afta' ya'. I don't think I coulda' lived with myself."
"No!" I shook my head, and the tears came rolling down my cheeks. "No, Andrew Cuttsinger, you are not to say that. You cannot say that, do you hear me?" Andy turned his face away from me, and I could see a tear on his cheek. "Andy, look at me," I commanded. His face moved back a fraction of an inch. "You are too good to do something crazy like that. You have to keep yourself safe and... and alive because the world needs you, Andy. This place is dark and... seriously messed up. But then there's people like you- people with such kind hearts and pure souls... And these people, these people give the rest of us here reason to live. People like you are the reason that people like me continue to exist."
"Peyton Maye..." Andy sighed. "That ain't true."
"It is, though," I argued. "I would've let go if you hadn't come back. I was so close, Andy-" he shook his head, unable to hear me speak of my death. "But then I saw you, and I heard you tell me to trust you... and Andy, that saved my life. You saved me." I met Andy's eyes and we were locked in a gaze, so powerful, that my head spun. "You saved me," I repeated, even more quiet. "You saved me."
Andy pulled me into a hug and we rocked back and forth, both crying. We clung to each other for dear life, saying nothing. When I moved to pull away, Andy only pulled me back. "No... I'm not ready t'let ya' go just yet. I need t'know that you're okay." Suddenly, I was aware that Andy was not speaking of the cliff incident anymore. He was talking about my heart. He knew that I loved him. He knew that I needed him now, to love me. And he knew that he couldn't. He was in love with Naomi, but he needed me to be okay with that. He needed me to be okay by myself, so that he could love her like she deserved. It was all so clear.
A tear rolled down my cheek, and I mustered up the courage to nod. "Yeah, Andy... I'll be fine." One day, I vowed. But, in the back of my mind, I didn't know when, or if,that one day would come.