Chapter 26
"Al," her voice quavered. So much for the resolution not to cry in front of him. She'd repeated it to herself with every step as they led her through the stark maze of corridors. It was that last step, the one that took her through the doorway and brought him into view, that did her in. This thin, almost frail young man had to be Alphonse. But she never dreamed of seeing such an expression on his face. His pain radiated from clear across the room, from the heat in his enormous eyes to the stiffness in his trembling chin. Even when his mother died, the quality of that devastation looked nothing like this.
He lunged up unsteadily to close the distance between them. She'd frozen just past the threshold, staring, and he felt a deep ache rivaling his joy. The proof of his ineptitude was spilling down her precious cheeks. She shouldn't have to cry, and never for him. He floundered in her presence instantly, anxious to quell her tears and unable to think of the first thing to do about it. He only knew that above all, he had to touch her to be absolutely certain that she was real.
Well warned by the Sergeant on the trip here, and peppered with worrisome cautions by the doctor that met their motorcade, her breath caught when he came at her so quickly without a smile or indication that he was happy to see her.
Havoc was right there, getting a hand on Al to steady him and prevent any inappropriate behavior.
"Win…Winry."
"You're alive," she whispered, and despite the warnings and the briefings and the advice to the contrary, she held out her arms. There was no other choice once she actually saw him in the flesh - the urge to comfort him was overpowering. At first glance the wretched soul bore only a passing resemblance to the energetic, earnest and healthy little boy she had once known. But one look in his eyes cemented her conviction that this truly was Al.
He fell into her embrace, bending over slightly to compensate for his greater height.
"Even more, now that you're here." The warmth and softness of her grasp was dizzying. He was glad that no one could see his face as he forced himself to be equally gentle; resisting the mad impulse to hold her so tightly that she could never get away. Several expressions warred across his features, and the tears burning for release overwhelmed his self-control.
"I'm so glad. I can't believe it. It's so good to hear your voice, Al. I didn't think that I would ever hear it again," she said.
His grip grew much tighter.
She groped for her next words, searching for something light, something upbeat. "But Al, you've gotten so tall!"
She tried pulling away gently, because it sounded like he was struggling for air. He held on and the awkward movements alerted Havoc.
"Hey, Al, loosen up buddy. She's not going anywhere." Havoc stepped forward and Winry shifted protectively to prevent him from interfering.
"It's okay. I was just trying to see if he was all right. I don't mind. Al?"
In an act of tremendous will, he forced his arms to come apart and set her free. It felt like the flesh was ripping from his bones, and it was even harder to find air in the tiny room. The smile he tried for didn't last more than a moment.
"Ohmygosh!" Winry grabbed him when she saw his face. He looked close to passing out.
Al shook his head to clear it; and his weight shifted precariously until Havoc's strong arms took over.
"Let's sit you two down over here."
Al blushed at the location - Havoc had them both sitting on the edge of the bed. There wasn't much choice, given that the Doctor and Havoc had picked his room as their meeting place. He guessed that it was purposeful, to make it easier to deal with him if he lost control. He clasped his hands together to make sure they behaved.
"Al, I'm sorry it took me so long to come and see you. I didn't know or I would have been here right away." Winry rubbed his back gently in support, surreptitiously feeling the angles and ridges of the bones. It was a habit that she had, back before he lost his body, to punch one of his sturdy shoulder blades with all her might when she needed to take out some frustration. Usually, it was because of something annoying that Ed said or did. She was secure that the tough little body wouldn't be any the worse for wear. He would always smile and laugh, but kindly, as if he understood, never laughing at her. He always seemed happy to be the one to help her work out her problems.
This bodyscape felt so foreign, so fragile - she wouldn't dare lay a hand on him with any force. Al had gone from robust boy to nearly impervious steel knight - and then to end up as vulnerable as this, after all he and Ed had been through. Even though there had been plenty of time to contemplate it on the way here, it was devastating to see in person. Al was amazing to have held up so well, but it looked like the Master Sergeant was right when he said that he was still facing a long recovery.
"You didn't know?" Al asked. "They didn't even tell you?"
"It's not like that. They tried to tell me. I didn't get the messages and mostly that was my fault - but that's not important now."
"So you're here to see Ed?" he asked, searching her face for her reaction. He always suspected that she liked Ed - a lot, and probably in a boy-girl kind of way - even though she would never admit it. When they fought for the right to call her their girlfriend, he sensed that she kept the preference for Brother to herself. But it didn't mean that he'd given up hope that things might change in time, after all the three of them still had so much growing up to do.
Old memories and feelings tripped and tangled in the thicket of new issues; it made for powerful reactions that begged for expression. Knowing that he might feel differently when the heat of the moment was spent didn't help. The rush of possessiveness was unexpected and grew more powerful every minute. He felt jealous that she might have been here to see Ed and was just passing time with him until she could. And he felt envious that she could just show up and be allowed to see Ed when he'd been waiting and getting jerked around for so long without getting the same privilege.
And that was so evil and wrong, when he should just be grateful that his friend was here to lend support. He suppressed those unpleasant emotions as best he could.
Her gaze dropped to the floor to avoid the strange look he was wearing. "That's right."
"They won't let…they can't let me see him yet."
"I heard. I'm sorry. I can imagine how hard that must be for you."
"Then I guess you'll be going to take care of him right away," his said in a darkening tone
"Not yet, Al. They want me to wait until Dr. Gansworth can be there. I guess Ed's still pretty…unpredictable."
"Oh. Well, sorry you have to wait."
She lifted her gaze and felt confused when he looked so grim and guilty. The atmosphere was cooling, growing strained. Her instincts normally directed her to react with disarming sarcasm and arm-punching when Al was troubled, to cheer him up. But now they warned her to be more sensitive to his emotional tone.
"Al, why should you apologize? It's totally not your fault. And it's okay, I think it's best that I see you first anyway. We're going to be spending a lot of time together if you can put up with me. I'm going to be here for a while."
"I didn't mean to whine. I don't make sense to myself sometimes."
"Geeze, Al give yourself a break. I can't believe how well you're doing. I mean, I admit they had me a little worried about how it would go today. But it feels so good to see you! I just hope it goes as well with Ed this time."
"No way did he know who you were when he tried to hurt you," Al blurted. "Winry. Brother could never hurt you on purpose!"
He could tell by her look that she hadn't expected him to know about the incident.
"Oh, Al…of course. I realize that. I don't hold it against him. At all."
"They told me a lot about his condition. I just can't see him yet because he gets too upset. He doesn't believe that it's me. He tried to hurt me, too. But I don't think he meant to. He thought it was a trick. That's probably what he thought when he saw you, too."
"Well…I don't think that was the problem. He couldn't reason at all back then, Al. That's why it's so amazing to think that he's already well enough to be living here on the base like you are."
Al looked to Havoc. He guessed that Winry's take on the situation was essentially true.
Havoc nodded. "He's got his own room here. He's been staying there for quite a while. For a time he even did some odd jobs at the library and such. But he's in a tougher stage of his recovery right now. We kind of have to keep someone with him all the time. Everything considered, he does pretty well. Maybe your help with the automail will do more than just make it easier for him to get around. When he's hurting, he has a harder time dealing with things around him and he's more likely to get withdrawn. "
"So he's been in a lot of pain? Is it from the arm or the leg?"
"Both. To me, the arm is the worst because it always hurts him; seems like the severity varies but it's always significant and he's never completely free of it. The leg doesn't bother him 100 percent of the time. We've been making an effort to get him back on track with his workouts, the Major gets him moving any time he's able. Ed tries as best he can. But it seems like he's just gotten too weak and the pain is too great. He needs less of a load to start out with, that's where you come in. Maybe he can switch back to the heavier pieces once he's built his body back up. That was what the doc was hoping for, anyways."
Winry nodded, smiling sadly at Al who had grown quiet in his attentiveness, possessive of any news about Edward.
"I was hoping that Brother would be getting some of his strength back by now."
She squeezed Al to her side in agreement. His eyes looked a little brighter when he gave her a sheepish blush and put an arm back around her as well.
"Doesn't matter. We'll just have to figure this out so that he can get back to being his old obnoxious self," she said with a firm nod.
Al chuckled, more a release of pressure from hearing her sound so normal and confident than amusement at her bold remark.
She smiled back in relief. Al's laugh was just the same! It was the very same little sound that gave him away when he thought he'd found the perfect spot for hide-n-go-seek. He never did figure out where her 'sixth sense' came from that made it so easy to find him every time. His hint of a smile made her want to squeeze him until he laughed outright, but she held back, just letting her expression show how good it was to be with him again.
"Oh my gosh," Al breathed.
"What is it?"
"Your smile." His arms wrapped her up in a careful, warm bear hug. He was so cautious, there wasn't anything he wanted more than to make her understand that she was safe with him, that if she was at all hesitant, he would back off immediately. She hugged back, steady and so warm. He could melt into her and stay there forever. He closed his eyes and carefully committed her smile to his permanent memory bank.
"I'd almost forgotten it," he said, muffled against her shoulder. "I've missed that smile."
A sigh trembled in her throat as she hugged a little tighter in return, patting his back.
"Dummy," she said, feeling the slight shake as he took her insult gladly.
Havoc was surprised at how smoothly things were going; after the initial shock the pair seemed to be able to connect with one another remarkably well. The majority of the tension dissipated quickly as soon as they sat down together this time. The atmosphere was already warm and familiar. He felt like he was invading their privacy a little, but he had a job to do. Al was doing quite well, but the kid was still unpredictable.
Planting his chair in the doorway, he watched the hall and the reunited friends for any sign of trouble. Time meandered by without any remarkable incidents. An hour passed, and Havoc marveled at the calm and relatively quiet visit.
The light tap of oncoming boots, right on schedule, heralded the appearance of Lieutenant Hawkeye. She smiled when Havoc nodded, eyebrows lofted to indicate things were going well.
Al and Winry were focused on the doorway by the time she stepped into view.
"Lieutenant!" Winry said, interrupted in the midst of bringing Al up to speed on the success story of the crops growing on the Elric property. "Hello! I was hoping I'd see you."
"Hi, how are you? Enjoying your visit?"
"Very much." She took Al's hand for a moment and squeezed it.
"They left your baggage by my desk. Let's get them and I'll escort you to your quarters now, if you don't mind. We'll get you situated and…Al, she can come right back. I just don't want anything to happen to her things. And it was a bit of a trip to get here. She might like to freshen up."
Al was visibly shaken to hear that she was leaving, but didn't object.
"Yeah. Al. I'll come back right away. Okay? She's right, I want to make sure that nothing happens to the equipment. But, are you sure, Lieutenant Hawkeye? I was planning to get a room already, there's an inn not too far from here. We stayed there before - you remember that one, huh, Al?"
Hawkeye kept smiling, but her voice sharpened. "I actually must insist. For everyone's peace of mind. I hope you understand."
Winry's polite smile turned a little sideways. If she was correct in reading between the lines of the Lieutenant's message, they should put any further discussion on hold until they got out of Al's room.
"I see. If it's what you think is best, then, okay. Let's go so we can get back. All right, Al? I'll make it quick."
Al shivered involuntarily as he nodded, head ducking down. Havoc was already next to him, a seamless change of position to get him in easy reach in case of trouble.
"You all right, Al?" Havoc asked as Winry rose uncertainly.
"Sure. Whatever." Al's voice had lost its warmth. He was looking straight down. The interruption in their visit was a physical jolt.
The barest glimmer of optimism had been budding in his chest from Winry's words. They inspired him with her resourcefulness, reminding him that the pursuit of scientific remedy to their self-inflicted catastrophe was only supposed to be a task, not a lifetime career. Normal things like building and growing and creating were options that were still open, even to a nearly-damned soul like himself.
Cut off from her words, the idea that he could follow her example seemed hollow and false. She could do things because she was special, because the talents were a part of her. It didn't mean that there was a way for him to simply step out of the dark spiraling path he and Ed were hopelessly committed to and follow her lead.
Havoc motioned to the door with a nod of his head, and the two women started for the hallway. Winry opened her mouth and both soldiers shook their heads emphatically. Al knew she was going, and she was returning right away. There was no benefit to drawing out her departure or calling more attention to it.
xxxxx
"I guess there's more you want to tell me?" Winry asked, a little uncertain since the Lieutenant remained silent well past the range where Al could overhear them.
"Here." The Lieutenant turned the key with a snap and held the door open. "Not exactly a guest room. But we thought that the workbench and tools might be valuable for your work. "
"Oh." It took a moment to locate the bed tucked in the corner of the austere, gray-walled workroom. It was a cot, really, with fresh government issue bedding. "Look, I can work in here, but I really don't have to stay to sleep at night. As I said…"
"Please. Miss Rockbell, I…"
"And why don't you call me Winry anymore?"
"Ah, it's been a while. Sorry." Hawkeye took a measured breath and started again. "Winry. I have to be direct with you. We don't want to have to go looking for you if there's an emergency after hours. And moreover, it's a security issue. Several, in fact. You don't have proper credentials for passing in and out of the compound, so there are a number of problems with that. And there's the matter of your physical safety. I don't want to alarm you unduly, but you do realize that we never caught the people who assaulted Edward."
"Mm." Winry acknowledged, sobered by the mention of Ed's ordeal. "So that's it. I understand. All right then."
"I'm sorry. I know this is a lot to take in all at once. We're very glad that you've come to help."
"So…was there something that you wanted to tell me that you couldn't in the other room?"
"Part of it is what I just told you. We try not to discuss security issues in front of the boys. Believe me, it would only upset them. Al is vaguely aware but it tends not to be his issue unless there's an actual incident. Ed is understandably hyper-sensitive about this subject and we avoid it at all costs. We just reassure him that he's safe."
Winry nodded.
"And the other thing is…I'm guessing that you noticed Al's behavior is a little off."
"Yes, a little. It's not too bad, though. It's better than I expected after all of those warnings the Sergeant gave me."
"He does seem to be doing well right now, but please be careful. His mood can turn on a dime. He has quite a temper now, sometimes to the point of losing control. We just want you to be aware and be sure that Lt. Havoc or one of the guards is there with you at all times. I know that the two of you are close, and if he tells you something, you'll want to believe him. But he's not always seeing things as they are."
"I'm not sure that I know what you mean, but all right. I'll be careful."
"I hope that I haven't worried you too much. You'll be safe here, we'll see to it. Please don't feel like you have to leave right after the automail work is done. We've set things up so that you can stay here indefinitely."
Winry frowned. "I'm not worried. And I'm not going to run off." The steely-eyed soldier wasn't very subtle in suggesting that she was a flight risk.
The Lieutenant's concerned look was irritating. She hadn't turned tail and simply abandoned Ed in personal fear from the threats; her worries had been about his well-being, not her own . It wasn't that she had decided to stay away forever. In fact, when she first stormed off, she naively believed that she would be coming right back to take Ed away from their miserable institution for good. But in the hard planning stage, the reality of Ed's behavioral and physical demands posed problems that had no easy answers. It was only after many months of frustration that she finally faced the facts: someone so severely deranged could not be maintained in her home, ongoing issues with his massive physical injuries aside.
A suitable civilian care facility didn't exist. None of the ones she inspected were any less of a horror show than the place he was already in. At least the military kept things spotlessly clean. The sickly unique rest home odor permeated every private establishment, no matter how attractively furnished, from the first step into the foyer. Several were positively disgusting in their inability to keep up with the sanitary needs of the adult patients who were incapable of self-care.
None of them had security capabilities equal by half to the challenge of a rampaging alchemist anyway.
Granny Pinako reacted by putting a size 4 foot firmly down when she shared her desperate design ideas for converting a room upstairs into a lock-up for his care. Granny cared for Ed, too, but expressed it in her own way by refusing to allow any such doomed effort. It was reality check time.
It took a long time to accept the hard facts, but her mind never stopped turning over the problem, albeit less and less often as the days went by. It was in his best interest for her to stay away until they dropped the obsession with removing the biological implants for his automail . It wasn't like he was going to miss her, so the ache was hers alone to bear.
The people here probably believed that she took off to get on with her life and forget about him. If anyone said that to her face, they'd better be ready to duck.
But she had to play nice now, more than ever. Because Al and Ed were both here, alive and struggling, and the situation had improved far beyond her hopes. The clear possibility of success cemented her determination to spend whatever time and effort it took to help them both come home and leave this breeding ground of nightmares behind.
"You haven't really said much about Ed."
"Once Dr. Gansworth has a better idea about his schedule he'll let us know when you can do your initial examination. Before you see Edward I'm certain that he'll want you to be well informed."
"That's not what I meant. I mean - how is he?"
"Oh. Ed's…he's made a lot of progress. A lot. He just has a long way to go, still."
The Lieutenant's answers were unsatisfying. She'd hoped for details, little somethings about his behavior that might indicate that he was getting back to his old self. Some reassurance that he was really doing as well as everyone said.
"Thanks. I just thought I should ask while we're here. I mean, in case you had any details that might be upsetting to Al."
"That s good thinking. Edward is a hot-button topic for him, of course. You're okay? Would you like to have a little time to yourself? It's all right if you want to get situated first."
"I do need to take care of this."
Winry shoved her toolbox against the heavy metal workbench and used the attached cable lock to secure it, along with the large aluminum case, to one of the legs. The toolbox and the case were already padlocked shut. There wasn't much she could do about securing the double-wrapped and bagged automail leg.
Hawkeye watched with folded arms.
"You can have this key. The room is secure. I maintain the only other key."
"That's good to know. Automail is a hot item on the black market these days. And some of my tools are irreplaceable." She explained away her distrust with a disarming smile and the wave of a hand. "So I always take extra precautions. There, that's good. That's all I wanted to do. I'd like to go right back now, actually. Al didn't seem very happy that I left."
Hawkeye nodded approvingly. "Good enough. Let's go."
Xxxxxxxx
"How long do you think they'll be?" Al asked, sitting back down after checking the hall for the umpteenth time.
"I really can't be sure. But she is coming back, try to be patient. And I'm sure she'll be spending a lot of time here. That is, just so long as you stay in control. So just chill out, I think you're doing fine so far."
"Man." Al rubbed his upper arms and shivered. "If she doesn't come back soon, I'm going to start thinking this was all a dream."
"How do you think you're holding up?"
"Okay, I guess. I dunno. Does it look like I am? To her, I mean?"
"Yeah, I'm impressed. I don't think I've seen you maintain such an even keel since you've been here." Actually, the most remarkable thing Havoc noticed was the sudden expansion of the warmth and vulnerability in the boy's personality. He knew that the Alphonse in the metal suit seemed like a pussycat compared to the hot and cold, sometimes hard-ass attitude of this flesh-and-blood version. When the chip came off his shoulder today, he was like a different kid altogether.
"Good. I don't want to give her any more reason to worry."
"Seems like you two are still pretty close. That's nice."
Al nodded, frowning. "Yeah. Man, it's so cold in here now."
"Well…it's not, really. Must be the meds."
"It's really gonna be hard to stay here when she leaves," Al blurted.
"You mean…"
"Leaves! To go home. I have to be here, because I have to be there for Ed. No way is he getting out any time soon. But she can't stay here forever."
"You're getting way ahead of yourself. She just got here. Why don't we cross that bridge when we come to it?" Havoc settled cautiously next to Al, putting a hand on his back.
"You're right." Al shook his head. "I don't know what to do. I'm going to mess this up if I can't get things straight in my own mind."
"I haven't seen you mess up. Maybe you're just over-thinking things again, huh? Doc says that's a big part of your problem."
"No. This is…something he doesn't really know. Nobody does. I want to tell Winry, I mean I don't really want to, but it wants to come jumping out of my mouth, and I'm afraid that I'll slip."
"Let what slip?"
Al sagged as he exhaled, resigning himself. "I think I have to tell someone. It's the right thing to do. But not Winry. It wouldn't be fair. And not that damned doctor. I mean, I tried to tell him before - I did! But he just doesn't get it. I guess it sounds crazy and he just writes it off as more crazy talk. But I have to tell someone who'll take it seriously. Someone has to know."
"So…then you can tell me, because you know I'm gonna listen and try to understand. Right?" Havoc gave his charge a pat on the back. "We said we were kind of like family now, huh? And you know I'm tough. Whatever it is, I can take it."
"Ah…" Al hesitated.
Havoc went with his instinct, the strong one that told him that whatever was eating Al, it needed to be revealed before it came out in some form of unpleasant behavior.
"Al, come on, you should tell me. In my family, a big brother is someone you can count on to really listen when you have a problem. It's the least I can do for you."
The corner of Al's mouth tweaked up in spite of the serious nature of the conversation. "When you put it that way, I guess I can tell you. It'll be just between you and me. Unless I get out of control or something."
Havoc waited, fixing patience on his face while worrying now that Winry might show up at any minute and interrupt.
Al found that it didn't come easily. As many times as he'd turned it over in his head, it was still hard to know where to start, or how to explain it at all.
"It has to do with when I went to the Gate. I met up with my body, and it wasn't just lying there, you know? It wasn't asleep or unconscious. It was looking right at me. Even though I wasn't in it. Now I am, I am in it, but I don't have the memory of how that worked. I don't know what was in here, and where did it go when I came back? What was looking at me when I was still bonded to the armor?"
"Whoa. I can see why that would bother you. You're thinking that something else lived in your body while you were gone? Like the way you were living in the armor?"
"It's not just that."
Havoc saw fear glinting in Al's wide, liquid eyes.
"What is it? You can tell me. Let me help. I don't know if I can, but I'll sure try." Havoc cursed inwardly at the distant shuffle in the hall. If they were interrupted now, who knew when or if Al would decide to share this again.
The boy hadn't noticed the approaching sound. He was gripping his elbows, wincing in preparation for Havoc's reaction, ready in case the man was duty-bound to take him into restraints and full restrictive custody.
He had to tell him. Winry wasn't safe with Havoc in the dark about this. Whatever came of this confession, he'd just have to deal with it.
"I think my body had another soul in it. Maybe even an evil soul."
Havoc was thinking fast. He knew from experience that the sound of the footsteps had reached the point where the people would be visible at the far end of the hall. "One second. One second Al. Let me check something. Don't lose that thought." He darted up and just out the door, spotting the source of the noise well down the corridor as expected. He held up a hand to Hawkeye, silently motioning to them while positioned just out of Al's sight, nodding in relieved confirmation when she pointed in the direction of the Colonel's office and whisked Winry away without a word.
"What?" Al asked, starting to rise. "Are they back?
"It's nothing, nothing," Havoc insisted, waving his hands dismissively to emphasize that Al should stay where he was. "Just checking the hall, it's all right. Gotta do that every so often, I just wanted to get it out of the way so we can talk. Go on, Al. Your body had another soul in it? How do you know?"
Al nodded grimly as the Lieutenant sat down and put an arm around him again.
"I don't have any proof. I just feel it. When I saw it at the Gate, my body was moving around, it looked at me, and it didn't look right. And now, now that I'm back in here, sometimes when I look in the mirror that face doesn't look right. The stuff I do doesn't feel right. I get so angry that I wonder if I'm being possessed. I wasn't trying to keep it a complete secret, but I didn't want to tell anybody else but the doctor, because I'm worried that if the Colonel hears about it he might keep me from seeing Ed."
"I'm glad you told me, Al. I know that you have some problems staying in control, but from what I've seen I don't think you're possessed. Does it really feel like there's someone else inside you?"
"Well…I don't know. I mean, I don't hear someone else's thoughts or voice or anything like that. But everything gets so out of control. You have to watch me, you have to make sure I don't do anything bad to Winry. And, I mean, isn't that wrong? Doesn't that prove something? That's not me. I shouldn't even be thinking the I would ever do anything like that. That's just not me at all."
"Hey. Al. Look at me." Havoc put a hand on Al's shoulder, catching the boy's uncertain, flickering eyes, meeting him with a calm and open gaze. "I know you're not used to losing control. And I know that you're a good kid. So good that you're willing to risk your freedom to make sure that your friend is safe. I haven't seen anything evil in you yet, and I think that I would have by now, don't you?"
"I know it sounds crazy. But I'm serious. I'm…I'm…"
"Scared. I can tell. Right?"
Al nodded.
"See? I'm paying attention. I see more than you think I do. And you've told me bits and pieces of this before, so I've kind of had an idea, just not in this kind of detail. I'm already on it, Al. I've had your back for a while now."
"Yeah, I guess. It's just that, it doesn't change the way it feels. Except now you think I'm more screwed up in the head." Al's shoulder's drooped. He expected to feel different after finally getting this confession out, some release from the pressure of keeping the secret. Maybe it was because Havoc didn't seem to share his fear. He didn't appear to be alarmed at all.
"I'll make an extra effort to watch you for any changes. I promise. Anything in particular I should be looking for?"
Al shrugged and eased a little as Havoc's powerful hand began squeezing and rubbing the rigid band of muscle at the base of his neck. "Just look out when I get mad. Watch for what I might do. That's all I can think of."
"Okay, then. You try and relax a little. I'm not going to let you do anything bad. You can trust me."
"I know I can. That's why I decided to tell you."
"You're getting better at controlling yourself. Concentrate on that. I mean, if your anger all comes from some creep at the gate, how does that explain the way you were when we dug you up? That was the worst episode you've had, and not only was it before the trip to gate, it was without your body."
Al's eyes clouded as his thoughts turned back again, searching that space in time for answers.
"Yeah. Yeah, you're right, I didn't think of that. And I've been having another thought that I can't shake. I keep thinking it's something that happened with Brother at the gate that's interfering with my alchemy."
"And you still haven't been able to transmute anything? Nothing at all?"
"I don't know. I tried to fix Brother's automail that time and nothing happened. When I tried to bring the arrays up in my mind, the ones that use my body as a circle, I couldn't think of them. I can't think of them now. I thought that the problem might be something about the difference between being in the armor and this. But now I'm not so sure."
"Can you do it the regular way? You, know, like the Colonel and Major Armstrong?"
Al shrugged. "It's been forbidden, remember? So I haven't tried it. It's not like I have time alone to experiment when no one is looking. Not that I'm complaining!" he added hastily.
"Got it. Geeze, and you've been keeping all that bottled up on top of everything else. At least you've got it off of your chest and we can deal with it." He kept moving his hands, working the hard muscles without making significant headway in loosening them. He would have stopped, except that it seemed to soften the worried look on Al's face.
"I don't know if anybody can deal with an evil soul."
"Even if that's what it is, there's got to be something we can do about it. Just don't keep the details to yourself. We can figure it out together. Trust me, okay?"
"Thanks, Lieutenant."
"Jean," Havoc corrected with a friendly poke in the ribs.
"Jean. Where are they?"
Havoc sighed, glad that their conversation was back on more solid ground. He glanced at his watch. It was close to ten minutes ago that he held up two open hands with fingers splayed to Riza indicating they needed as many more minutes. Knowing her, they would be back momentarily.
"As a matter of fact, I think I hear them now."
"Go look!"
"Don't boss me around, punk." The taller blond reached up to muss Al's hair, missing when he dodged.
"Hey, don't mess up my hair!"
"The ladies like it messy, don't you know that?" Havoc teased as strolled to the doorway, letting it appear that he was startled when Al followed silently and gave his head a decisive scruffle in revenge. "Hey!"
"Just helping you with the Lieutenant."
"Thanks a lot. She has zero interest in this boy. Messy hair isn't gonna do it."
"She's pretty, though, huh? Maybe you should try…"
Havoc held up his hands, signaling for silence with a touch of urgency. The women were almost to the doorway.
"Geeze, don't say anything about that! You'll get me shot!" Havoc whispered wide-eyed.
Al couldn't help smiling, a sight that fostered happy, slightly surprised expressions on the two ladies as they entered.
"Al! I'm back!" Winry rushed in to join him, relieved.
Hawkeye kept smiling but never missed a beat as she muttered to her colleague under her breath.
"You two are up to something."
Havoc blinked at her in innocent denial, casually arranging his hair back into place with his fingers.
xxxxxxxx
"You never get used to this smell. But this seems worse somehow. Hand me the mentholated mask, will you?" Gansworth grimaced; his own odor-masking cream wasn't making a dent against the stench, and he'd slathered it below his nose three times over already.
"I told ya it was extra nasty. This is the last one. Sure wish we had a deep freeze here. It would help some."
"I don't know what the Colonel expects. Miracles, perhaps? What is there to glean from these shreds? I'm guessing that we'll find that they were in close range of some sort of powerful fragmentation device. Were any of them I.D.'d?"
"No, sir. There were several intact bodies with I.D.'s, according to the locals, but the whole bunch disappeared in the night just before we got there, along with the men that were guarding them. The only one left with all of its body parts is on the gurney, but it's civilian apparently, a woman that probably died of disease. That's why she's been double-bagged and red-tagged separately. Hardly any visible fresh wounds, although she has tons of scars that are real doozies. Looked more like she'd been ill."
"Really? No fresh wounds?"
"Nothing life-threatening. She'd been in some kind of serious accident or attack at some point in the past, it looks like. But no apparent traumatic cause of death."
"Useless. I have to talk to Mustang." He approached the first body prepped on the table. "Let's get this over with. I have the living to attend to."
xxxxxxxxxx
"Let's not rush it, lad. You'll be up to it soon."
"Major," Ed muttered, leaning against the hulking officer. "You say it's true. You say it's true. I shouldn't make him wait anymore."
"I know." Armstrong's brow furrowed. Ed was starting to ask more questions, exploring the idea that Al might be alive, and it was causing him a lot of anxiety. He couldn't sit still for a moment all morning. He choked down part of his breakfast because he had to "get stronger to find out the truth about Al." And he kept making aborted attempts to leave the room, getting as far as the doorway before his fear forced him back.
All in all, not a very good start for the day.
Now they were facing a greatly delayed trip down to the lavatory, and while Ed really needed to go soon, he got confused and upset each time they stepped into the hall and dodged back into the room instead, resisting the Major's guidance.
Tucked firmly under Armstrong's solid arm and with the infusion bag on a sling across his neck, Ed was as prepared as he was going to get. The Major had his change of clothes rolled up and in hand; he'd determined that it was time to take control and follow through so they could get this over with, whether he had full cooperation or not.
"Let just concentrate on the matter at hand, Edward. This is just your morning trip to the facility. Time to get cleaned up and ready for the day."
"Okay." As with the last few tries, he agreed, starting out with good intentions and chastising himself for being such a baby. When he balked a few steps into the trip, the Major paused but didn't let him retreat this time. The burly alchemist took command and after a moment moved them onward, even though Ed's planted feet were sliding at first.
Armstrong was doing most of the work, moving them both down the hall, until the door to their destination came in sight. Ed straightened suddenly and pushed away, getting steady walking on his own.
His anxiety at being out in the open had finally eased up by this stage of the trip. It allowed the other thing chewing at his mind to take the upper hand.
"Easy, lad."
"Don't hold onto me like that." He scanned the hall, berating himself. He should turn this place upside down if Al was here somewhere. What the hell was wrong with him? He couldn't walk from point 'A' to point 'B' on his own anymore? After all the incredible shit that nearly did them both in, the thing that was insurmountable now was his fear of moving from room to room in a secure military installation? His anger turned inward, and an anomaly of stubborn strength and courage bubbled up, driving him to act.
"All right, Edward, I won't. Let's keep moving ahead, though." He was ready to intervene if Ed tried to return to his room. They'd come this far, he was reasonably certain that he could retake control and get things taken care of if Ed got balky. He was setting himself up for another bladder infection if he kept refusing to relieve himself.
Ed's answer was to stumble forward, watchful that the Major kept his hands away.
The Major's relief was short-lived when they went past the door marked "Men" and the pace picked up.
"Edward! Hold on. Where are you going? Let's stop in here first. If you want to see the Colonel, we can do that afterward."
Ed kept going, making better speed than Armstrong would have thought him capable of, batting off the large hands when they came close. He stopped only for a moment before taking the intersecting corridor to the left.
"Gonna…I'm gonna see him."
It was not the right direction to see the Colonel. It hit him from the tone in Ed's voice - he was still thinking of looking for someone else.
Armstrong followed closely, poised to act but hoping to convince him to stop with words. A little walking wouldn't hurt if only he'd waited until after they'd taken care of business. Ed wasn't good for a long stretch out of his room, and it was always hard to get him to clean up properly before the urge to get back to his secure spot got overwhelming. He didn't want to let him roam now, and end up paying for it with a missed shower later.
"He's not even in this direction, lad. Come on back here, let's talk about this after you're changed. You can take your walk then."
The muffled clank-duff echoes of the boy's odd gait started up again and didn't falter. He just shook his head and reached out for the wall at the next corner, taking a deep breath and fighting to stay brave enough to decide which way to turn and keep going.
Armstrong's comfort level was dropping fast. They were nearing the greater common areas, frequented by many soldiers. If they went much further this way, the offices up on the next corridor would have lots of people in them, and Ed wouldn't be familiar with most of them.
"Edward. You need to listen to me and stop. Don't go any further. You're going the wrong way."
You big chicken-shit, Ed snarled at himself. Wimp! Loser! Keep going! You have to check every room in this building before you know for sure! He slowed despite his own urging. He did hear sounds, a general level of noise associated with people doing everyday things. It loomed just around the next corner.
He stopped just shy, fighting but unable to take the next step. People were there, without a doubt. If he took that step, he might see them. Worse, they might see him.
"That's it, Edward, thank you for stopping," the Major sighed. "Let's go back now."
Ed swallowed hard. Armstrong was still giving him space, giving him a chance to come back on his own.
The commotion of approaching feet sent him stiffly upright, near to panic. It was nothing in comparison to the shock of the voices that echoed around the corner.
"Hey, Alphonse, slow down!" Havoc's disembodied voice rang out, far too close.
The Major was there with him in an instant, gripping Ed by the elbow to prevent him from pursuing that sound, but there was no need. The slight figure had frozen, staring into the soon to be disturbed empty space ahead.
The surroundings blurred away as the owner of the noisy footfalls came into view. The familiar features of the boy seemed to have an inner light of their own, an unearthly apparition on a blank background, burning into his soul.
The hair color. The eyes.
He reeled with the force of the image, blasting past his retinas straight through his brain to slam into his heart with near-physical impact. His mind grappled for control, overwhelmed in the attempting to reconcile the barrage of emotional reactions with the gut-wrenching shock of standing in the same physical space and time with his brother's restored human body. The stress reached critical mass in mere seconds, exploding his consciousness, leaving nothing functional except for a shred of standby that kept his body from collapsing to the floor.
Al gasped when he cleared the corner and glanced to his right. His eyes went wide and he stumbled, nearly falling.
Ed was standing in the hallway looking straight back at him.
"Brother!" Startled, the word burst from his lips before he could think better of it. He clamped his hands over his mouth, struggling for the balance to stop and stay upright, riveted on the sight of the fragile figure staring back in what appeared to be stark terror. He lost all sense of what to do next. He stood mute as apologies and curses boiled in his head, agonized to see the amber eyes rapidly icing over and growing distant.
Havoc pulled a startled Winry back behind him, hiding her from view in case Ed was coming around the corner. He hustled to catch up to Al.. That funny itch in his sixth sense had started up just seconds before this happened, making him nervous that Al was getting too far ahead of them in his excitement at being allowed to show Winry the way to the recreation room. His itch had been spot on, albeit too late to do any good.
"Shit," he muttered, losing decorum in front of the young lady.
"Oh no," Winry whispered, just a split-second behind the Second Lieutenant in figuring out the situation. She complied with Havoc's motion directing her to stay behind him.
Havoc stopped just before the corner to keep them out of view. He could only see Al, now motionless, mouth open.
"It's all right, lad," Armstrong's voice rumbled.
Havoc swallowed and called out, "Right here, Major."
Now both officers had a picture of the situation, although the Major couldn't know why he was unable to come forward yet. He thought fast and steered Winry back to the last doorway they'd passed. It was recessed, and he stationed the girl into the spot where she'd be hidden from someone looking from the corner.
"I gotta go help. You stay right here. Don't move."
She nodded, biting her lip to keep her composure. There hadn't been any sound. She had no idea what was happening.
Havoc came up behind Al's shaking form.
Ed was staring, eyes now cold and blank, at the point in space where Al had appeared in his vision. His body was stiff; an area of darkness, still blossoming at his crotch, trailed down the leg of the light gray pajama pants, culminating in a puddle growing on the scuffed flooring .
As Al's shock wore off, outrage was replacing it. Havoc had been saying that Ed was doing much better. This didn't look better and it didn't look like they were taking proper care of him at all. He moved, but his brother's eyes didn't follow. They were sightless.
Havoc grimaced. "Major, you need a hand?"
Armstrong was rubbing Ed's back, patting his face. He couldn't get a reaction.
The longer they seemed to ignore the spreading puddle of urine, the angrier Al became.
"For crying out loud!" Al blurted. "Help him! Don't just leave him like that."
"Settle down. Let the Major…"
"He's right. I'm going to take him and get him cleaned up. I have his things to change him into already."
Al clenched his fists. "I'd help, but I guess I can't."
"Yeah, buddy, hold on right there. I know this is hard. Major?"
"I'd be grateful if you'd contact janitorial for clean up and put a marker by that so that no one slips. And then get a message to Lieutenant Hawkeye. I don't think the good doctor is available right now, but he needs to be advised as soon as possible." Armstrong arranged Ed's automail arm across his chest before picking him up in a cradling hold.
"Right away. Al, grab me a warning cone off the…"
"You're kidding! Look at him! Is this business as usual? Is this how it is?" Al was turning red and getting louder. "He can't even hear us?"
"You have this, Lieutenant?" Armstrong asked with a serious expression.
"Yeah, it's okay. Just take care of Ed. That should make everyone feel better."
Havoc took Al's arm firmly and walked him down to take the orange cone from its holder on the wall. When the Major had carried Ed out of sight, he called for Winry to joined them again. She rushed up, breathless and worried.
"What happened?"
Al turned on Havoc with a voice so loud and angry that Winry was shocked.
"You liar! He's better? He's good? What the hell? And what's wrong with you people? If he needs to wear some…some kind of…something, you should do it! How is that right? How can you just walk him around letting him piss all over himself?"
Havoc let him vent. As frightening as it was for the girl to see Al getting a little worked up, she needed to understand that he wasn't always the tame little kitten he'd become in the presence of her comforting influence. Otherwise, she might make a mistake in judgment and help Al do things that really weren't in his best interest.
He was barely a half-inch away, nose to nose, and getting himself into a pretty good state. His fist would rise and then lower, shaking. It was pointless to respond to his complaints until he quieted down. If he didn't quiet down soon, Havoc would have to make it happen.
It got to be too much for Winry. Afraid that he was on the verge of violence, she stepped in.
"Al, please, please. Stop yelling. Just calm down."
"You didn't see, did you?" he spun to her, and Havoc stayed close. She took a step back, then another, moving well out of his reach. If Al showed any sign of moving towards her, the tall lieutenant was ready to take him down.
"No, I was trying to make sure he didn't see me."
"Oh, is it my fault now? Because I let him see me? It didn't mean to…no, don't turn this on me!"
"That's not what I meant! Al, no!"
"Listen, they just let him walk around in his pajamas when he's still got tubes and shit strapped around his neck and he can't even control his bodily functions. He didn't have anything protective on and he peed all over himself! Does that sound okay to you? That's not my fault!"
"Al, Al, I didn't say it was."
"It's not like he just doesn't know me, he doesn't know where the hell he is or what's going on. And that's better? That's about as bad as the last time I saw him. Maybe worse!"
"All right, that's enough!" Havoc took Al's collar and pulled with serious force. "You need to be quiet and save it for later. I mean business. I need to take care of things here for the Major. He's probably going to need a hand with Ed and he won't get one if no one knows that he needs it. Move it, now. We have two stops to make."
Al swiped back at him and twisted out of his grip to stand back, glaring belligerently. He hadn't refused to go anywhere, but he did refuse to be forced.
Winry clasped her hands at the escalating tension, but she couldn't stand idly by and let just anything happen. Al was so scary this way, so out of character.
"No, Al, please, do what he says! Ed needs help. We have to do what we can! We'll get to the bottom of this later, we will, together! They'll have to give me access to his charts to do the automail work. I'll be able to tell you everything about how he's doing! And believe me, if they're doing anything wrong, I'll make them change their ways!"
"I'm on her side," Havoc said. He could see that Al was in better control now because he was actually listening to her words. The risk of a physical confrontation was over, just that quickly. "Let's go, Al. Right now."
"This isn't settled! I'm not gonna let you lie to me and just get away with it!" Al shook a finger at Havoc, but the man was already moving on. Al followed grudgingly, with Winry trailing after, trying to absorb it all.
"Fine," Havoc replied. "Just make sure that you stay with me. Both of you."
He led them through the double doors into the Building Maintenance office, hoping Al wouldn't go off again when he described the type of mess they were reporting. From the corner of his eye, he caught the subtle move as Winry's shaking hand met Al's and held tight.
Havoc sighed in relief. It was painful for all of them, having to deal with finding Ed in such a state. Now it looked like Al and Winry would be able to comfort one another when the going was rough.
The girl was tough, all right, and that was exactly what he'd been hoping for. Chalk another one up to the Colonel; sending for her had been an excellent tactical decision.
tbc