Chapter 26 – Diagnosis
David ordered a cab as the hospital was a good walk away. At check in, David asked for Reid's office and gave his name and the nurse smiled at him sympathetically and led the way to Reid's door. She even knocked and introduced their entrance. David led Kurt carefully into the office. Reid waved for David to push the door closed behind him. David, with Kurt still holding onto his arm, pushed the door closed and it clicked as it locked into place.
It felt like a long time since he'd last been around Reid, and maybe it was. The voice was familiar and that familiarity was a comfort. Kurt was still nervous, but excited as well. This could very well be the first step towards regaining his sight, and that was something he dared not even hope for, but somewhere in the crevices of his soul Kurt found himself hoping. He wanted to see again so much and for so many reasons. For now, however, he forced down all that excitement and tried to focus on the moment at hand.
Reid was out of his chair instantaneously and crossing over to where they stood. "Kurt," he said, adding a small nod in David's direction. "It's good to see you again." Though his tone was clinical and his words short and succinct, Kurt could tell Reid was glad to see him. He could tell because Reid took Kurt's outstretched hand and squeezed it between the both of his, running the pad of his thumb over the top of Kurt's hand. It was a gesture meant to say 'we'll fix this' and it was the most emotion anyone could professionally expect from Dr. Reid Oliver. He was good. The best in his field but that required a certain sort of emotional detachment. Reid couldn't allow his emotions to cloud his judgment when he was cutting into someone. He had to be detached. He had to be for his own sanity and the good of his patients.
He smiled at the sound of Reid's voice. He was soothed by that one point of familiar contact that Reid allowed himself. "It's good to be seen," Kurt chuckled, maybe a little of his nerves betrayed themselves. He tried, of course, to deflect. It was good to 'see' Reid again - oh those damned words. "How have you been, Reid?" Kurt inquired, trying to make small talk and delay the more nerve wracking portion of this just a little bit longer. "And, how is Luke?" he asked, not wanting to forget his good friend. He was closer to Luke than he was to Reid, but you really couldn't know Luke without meeting Reid eventually. It would be good to touch base just for a moment before getting down to business.
"Luke's good," Reid said. "He can't wait to see you. On pins and needles he is to have you see him as well. I'm under strict instructions to fix his cash cow," Reid teased.
"I'm glad." Kurt said with a genuine smile. He liked Luke a great deal, after all. "I'm sure he is. I never did get to see him in that jacket he had me design for him, not beyond the final fitting," Kurt mused.
"Of course," Reid chuckled. "I should have known it was a Kurt Hummel original. I have trouble getting him out of that," Reid said and there was slight innuendo in his words. Hey, he was only human, after all. To deflect the slip up, Reid said quickly, "I have to tell you, you have a very persistent friend, Kurt." He dropped Kurt's hand to offer a hand to David who gave it a firm handshake.
"It would seem that most of my friends are quite persistent," Kurt chuckled. It had been proven true. After all, look at how many of his friends had forgiven him already for being a complete ass after his accident.
"Are you ready for this, Kurt?" Reid inquired.
"As ready as I will ever be," Kurt affirmed.
David helped Kurt into a chair and Reid explained the process to Kurt step by step. He was going to have an ophthalmologist verify the responsiveness of Kurt's pupils after he took an MRI of Kurt's brain. The scan would allow him to see inside Kurt's brain while the exam would verify that Kurt's eyes recognized stimuli the way they should. Reid would then take some time to analyze the results and he should be able to tell Kurt at least something in just a few short hours. Kurt listened, his hands folded neatly in his lap. The more Reid explained, the more nervous Kurt became. He hid it fairly well. At least he thought he was hiding it fairly well. He couldn't deny how he felt, however. It was going to be a long drawn out process, but Kurt was ready.
When Kurt acknowledged that he understood what he was being told, Reid helped Kurt find the line on the consent form and Kurt signed it as David witnessed. He then recorded a verbal consent from Kurt. After the formalities were satisfied, it was time to begin. The MRI scan was not pleasant. Though Kurt couldn't see, being told to lie as still as he could inside this machine was proving to be more difficult then Kurt had anticipated. He had never been claustrophobic before. Maybe it was because he couldn't see, maybe it was because he felt so isolated, or any number of other things, but he certainly was feeling a little claustrophobic.
His hands were clenched at his sides, had been since this thing started, and he could feel his short nails biting into his palms. He tried to focus on that sensation. He tried to focus on anything but where he was and what he could sense but not see. His nervousness only exacerbated the problem. Reid must have realized that he was having difficulties because he soon heard Reid's voice say that he only had to lie still a minute longer.
When he was finally pulled from the MRI machine, he was trembling faintly. If he'd had to stay in there much longer, he probably would have started having a panic attack. He hated feeling that way but the not knowing what was going on around him was even harder inside that little machine. He could sense the proximity of the walls around him and it just…It wasn't pleasant. He must have been white as a sheet because he soon heard David's voice.
"You okay?" David inquired putting his arms around a trembling Kurt.
"Just, felt a little claustrophobic at the end there," Kurt admitted.
"You should have told me you were claustrophobic, Kurt," Reid chided. "I told you to push the button I gave you and just talk. The microphone is there for a reason," Reid reminded him gently.
"That was the first time I've ever felt that way before, Reid. I didn't know I would," Kurt explained.
"What do you think caused it?" Reid inquired.
"I could kind of sense how close the walls were around me. I guess not being able to see them just made it that much worse. I'm okay now though," Kurt assured his friends.
"If we have to do another MRI in the future, I'll schedule the open MRI," Reid noted. David squeezed Kurt's shoulders in comfort.
"I think I'd appreciate that, thank you," Kurt said as he finally began to calm down.
Reid and David were patient waiting for Kurt to calm down before Reid had David escort Kurt to the ophthalmologist while he checked on his other patients. The ophthalmologist was friendly and patient. He put small pads on Kurt's temples and shined lights of varying intensity into Kurt's eyes measuring Kurt's brain waves in the process. He watched Kurt's pupils respond to the light even though they couldn't see it, narrowing to account for varying brightness. Kurt tried to refrain from fidgeting while in the chair at the ophthalmologist but he was getting more anxious, not the bad kind this time. He just wanted to know what was going on. Was his condition permanent? If it was, how would he deal with that? He wouldn't really have a choice then and there would be so many decisions to make. He tried to not let his mind get away from him. However, aside from the odd random question the eye doctor might need answered, he had nothing else to do but stay in that chair and think.
"That's excellent, Kurt," Dr. Henson announced finally satisfied with Kurt's answers and the conclusions he'd drawn. "I need to have Dr. Oliver verify my findings, but I think I can say with a reasonable degree of certainty that the ball is now in his court. In other words, your eyes are responsive to a stimulus which indicates that you're not permanently blind. Your condition, at least from an ocular standpoint, is reversible."
Kurt tried to contain his excitement. After all, just because his blindness wasn't ocular in nature didn't mean it was reversible. It did give him hope however. "Thank you, Dr. Henson," Kurt said and the excitement slipped out just a little despite his best attempts to contain it and maintain neutrality. Now, he just had to wait and see what Reid had to say.
Reid sent David and Kurt to go get some lunch from the cafeteria. Despite what they heard about hospital food it wasn't that bad. Once he'd consulted and analyzed the results carefully, he was able to deliver the news to Kurt, and he kept it as simple as possible. "Your condition is completely reversible, Kurt," Dr. Oliver announced when they were all sitting in his office after lunch. David took Kurt's hand, laced his fingers with Kurt's and squeezed in comfort. "The surgery is not without risks, but just by having me perform it, you minimize those risks drastically," Reid said confidently unable to completely hide his God complex. The cockiness was annoying most of the time in the real world and alienated Reid from a lot of people, but in the operating room it was necessary and actually quite desired.
"It's reversible?" Kurt gasped in shock. "It's completely reversible?" he repeated, bouncing in his seat. This was surely too good to be true. He had David's hand in a death grip now, trying to contain some of his excitement. He didn't have to be blind for the rest of his life. He would be able to see again, and he would be able to design things for Niff's wedding. He could be the man that Sebastian deserved. He was getting ahead of himself. He knew he was getting ahead of himself, but he couldn't seem to help it. It was just that he'd feared that the results would be a lie, that, despite Dr. Henson's findings, Reid would find something on the MRI that would negate all that. Finally, Kurt tuned back into the conversation. Oh right…risks.
"Okay, tell me what the risks are, Reid. I need all the information if I'm going to even be able to consider doing this," Kurt said as calmly as he could manage.
"Kurt," Reid said trying hard to keep the emotion from his voice, but in that one word he failed miserably. "Brace yourself," Reid said and David's grip on Kurt's hand tightened. "By all accounts your eyesight should have returned on its own, but the way you hit your head during the collision caused a blood clot in your brain. The clot is small, but it's located in a difficult spot to reach. If even one mistake is made, it could leave you a vegetable or cause your brain to swell against your skull and kill you. Such a slip up is irreversible and could happen at any moment. Even if everything goes seemingly okay, the brain is still a very mysterious organ. No one can fully predict its mystery. Only 15 of these surgeries have been performed successfully to date thanks to robotic systems like the Da Vinci. 7 of those surgeries have been performed by me. I'm the best, Kurt," Reid said confidently there isn't a trace of fear in his voice, "but even with the best I can only guarantee the surgery will be a complete success by 50%."
Kurt then asked the question that Reid feared most. "How many of such surgeries have been attempted?" Kurt inquired his voice tight.
"32 such surgeries since the invention of new technology," Reid admitted. He wasn't going to mention the failed attempts before the new technology. Even with tools they now had at hand, doctors had only been able to save 50% of their patients. "Before you ask," Reid said, "I've performed 16 such surgeries in total. 5 of the patients slipped into a coma and never woke up. This is what I mean when I say the surgery is risky because of the placement of the clot. Do you understand everything I've told you so far, Kurt?" Reid asked a bit worried because Kurt was suddenly looking very pale.
The information was all too much. All this hope and now it felt like it was slipping through his fingers like so much sand. Reid could remove the clot, but one wrong move and he could either be brain dead, in a coma or really dead. God, those options all sucked. He hated to hear it. He hated to face the facts and reality, but he had meant what he'd said - if he was going to even think about doing this, he needed to know. "I'm going to need to think about this, Reid." Kurt said in a strained tone. He swallowed thickly. "I understand all too well everything you've told me so far. While my condition is curable, curing it could very well kill me. I need some air, some air and some time to think about this and then I'll get back to you. Is there a time limit on this, Reid? Is there a closing window of opportunity I need to be aware of?" Kurt inquired. He was even paler now and he really needed to get out of the office, but just because he felt like he might be sick didn't mean he was going to do a half-ass job of finding out the information he needed to know.
"The longer you wait, Kurt, the more likely it is that the clot could move or even burst. No one can really say how much time you have to think about this, but at the same time, you need to think about this and not rush into it. It could be the last decision you ever make in your life, and you want to make sure you make it without any regrets," Reid said honestly, "because regrets are the seeds of failure in this, Kurt, and we can't afford to fail. You're too important to too many people," at Reid's words David couldn't wait anymore he stood from his seat and walked around Kurt's chair to wrap his arms around the smaller man holding on tight. "Choose wisely," Reid counseled.
Kurt froze at those words, going stock still in his seat and turning whiter than a ghost. "So... I basically have a ticking time bomb in my head?" he asked, nearly choking on the words. God, this was getting worse. He felt faint. He forced himself to pay attention to the rest of what Reid was saying just in case there was anything good in those words that might take away some of this overwhelming feeling. When David hugged him, Kurt clung to him, the tears finally falling. He really needed to talk to his dad, but he couldn't do so around Reid or David and he didn't really want to have that conversation over the phone. At least he could give Burt a head's up. If nothing else, hearing his dad's voice would help him feel better.
"I'll think about this and I'll make sure that I'm certain. I'll try to do it in a timely fashion, but I have to talk to my father and I won't do that to him over the phone. I'm here for the rest of the week and then I'm going back to Lima. After I've spoken to dad, I'll let you know what I decide." Kurt managed to choke out in a strained, but calmer tone once he composed himself once again.
"Kurt, I can do this," Reid said confidently. "I won't fail. I won't allow myself to fail. I need you to know that. I also need you to know that you're loved and protected and you aren't alone in this," at Reid's words David squeezed his shoulders tighter letting Kurt cling to him. "I...can...do...this," Reid punctuated every word wanting Kurt to understand.