So the deep thoughtful talk is coming, it may get a bit dark and twisty in places, but it's not going to be forever, possibly just a couple of chapters. Stay with me here. I know some of you struggle with this stuff, I do too, but however close to home it hits. You can get through it. Things will work out. In the end.

Arizona's POV

I am stirred from my peaceful slumber, the rare Seattle sun streaming through my window. The blind open. The warmth of the sun hitting my face. Drawing me around. Thinking about my beautiful girlfriend, and last night's "making up", a smile creeps across my face. Turning over in my bed, I find the space where Eliza should still be sleeping, empty. Both of us where pretty exhausted by the end of the strenuous activities last night. Frowning, I wonder where she has disappeared to. Easing myself towards the edge of the bed, I pick up my prosthetic and fasten it. Standing, my body aches. All over. Grabbing my silk robe from the back of my bedroom door, I wrap it around my body and head downstairs in search of Eliza. Hoping to god she hasn't left, again.

I round the corner of the living room, the smell of coffee assaulting my nostrils. A smile forming on my lips again. As I reach the kitchen, I notice my back door is a jar. Stopping, briefly, to pour myself a cup of steaming hot coffee, I then head outside, finding Eliza sat on my back steps. Deep in thought. Approaching her silently, I sit myself down next to her. Wrapping an arm around her. My body melting into hers. I'm just glad she's still here.

"You ok?" I ask, cautiously. Aware we need to talk about yesterday. Unsure of how to get this conversation started.

"Yeah, just, couldn't sleep. A lot on my mind." Eliza states. A sad and confused tone within her voice.

"Talk to me?" I say, asking. Almost pleading. I need to know what's going on in my girlfriends head. Something is clearly bothering her but she's really shut down, when it comes to talking about what is going on in her head anyway.

"I just, I don't get it, Why was Dr. Murphy here?" Eliza asks the question I know is playing on her mind. I don't have an answer for her. Not a definite, makes sense kind of answer at least. I don't even know the answer to that question myself.

"Honestly, Eliza, I don't know why she was here. I don't even know how she knows where I live, or how she got in." I state, watching my girlfriends reactions to what I am telling her. But she's giving me nothing. She isn't looking at me, she's staring off ahead, so I cant even read her eyes.

"Oh." That's it? That's all I'm getting? Not really the grand talk I was hoping for. Clearly my girlfriend is shut down even more than I thought she was. I was kind of hoping that last night would, somehow, let her know I'm here, that I want her, no one but her, but here we are.

"Eliza, please? You have to believe me. You mean, everything, to me." I say, removing my arm from around her back, taking her hand in mine. Giving it a gently squeeze.

"I know, I do believe you. Of course I do. I'm just, confused." I release a breath I didn't know I was holding. At least she believes me. Cheating on Callie, it was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. I feel more for Eliza than I ever did for her, I sure as hell, would not repeat that mistake. Not with Eliza. And I don't want her thinking I would either. Sitting in silence for a few minutes, I let my mind wander to the earlier events of last night. The fear I felt, waking up to someone strange in my room. The distress when I didn't know where Eliza was, the worry when she left. The happiness when she came back, even though I knew we weren't in a good place. I find myself thinking about her need to run. I find myself needing to know the reason why. Wanting to help subside that need.

"Why did you leave?" I ask. I mean, if she had hung around, she would have seen with her eyes exactly what was happening. I'm not angry with her, I probably would have left the situation if I had found myself in the same position. I'm just confused. And I need to understand.

"It's just what I do Arizona." That doesn't exactly help my confusion.

"What do you mean?" I push a little harder. I don't want her to cut me off, but I need to know.

"I mean, before, when I was married, with Teresa, I would run, hide, its just, Arizona, I can't" Cutting herself off, Eliza stands next to me, heading inside the house. Leaving me sat on my back steps, alone. I want to follow her but honestly, I think I'm making things worse for her right now. Clearly her past relationship has done a number on her. But I need her to see, I am not her ex.

I stay sat on the back steps, drinking my coffee. Thinking, taking in the sun. Going over and over what Eliza said. I can't believe that someone who chased me so relentlessly would be hurting as much as she is. Someone who seemed so confident, would run and hide? I can't wrap my head around it. I mean I get it to a point, I've seen her naked, I've seen the scars. That I can only assume are from her marriage. Internally kicking myself, I realise that her past, is completely not something she wants to discuss. Would I, if it was me? No. Of course I wouldn't.

I continue thinking the same things for half an hour. I need to apologies for pushing too hard. I should have known Eliza wasn't ready to talk about it. Pulling myself up from the steps, I head inside, in search of my girlfriend, once again. I find her, just inside the kitchen. A double measure of Whiskey in a glass in front of her. Her body braced against the work top. It's 9 o'clock in the morning. A wave of guilt washing over me. I caused this. I pushed too hard to get her to open up. And now she's feeling so bad that she's thinking about drinking at this time of day?

"It's a little early Eliza." I suggest. Probably not the best choice of words right now, but honestly, I don't know how to approach this. Saying nothing, she picks the glass up and downs the spirit in one. I'm sure my face is a picture right now. I don't know whether to be surprised, impressed or angry. I've never seen Eliza drink like that. Lifting the bottle, Eliza pours the same amount of liquid into the glass that is now empty.

"Babe, please don't?" I ask her, plead with her even. Still I'm getting nothing from her. I'm at a loss of what to do. I don't know how to comfort her. The pain evident in her body language now. I move behind Eliza, wrapping my arms around her body. She flinches, that's the moment I realise. I realise, her ex-wife really messed her up. Really screwed with her head. I hold her tight. Placing a soft kiss on the side of her neck. I just need her to see, I'm not Teresa. I am Arizona, and she is safe with me. She doesn't need to run.

"S-sorry" Eliza stutters. She doesn't need to apologies, I should be though.

"It's me that should be apologising Eliza, I pushed too hard, I'm sorry." I say, feeling deflated. I just want to make things better for her. But I somehow, make her feel worse.

"No, you're right. I run, It used to be the only way I could protect myself." Eliza's words coming a little easier. "Sometimes, when Teresa was, on one, I could tell early enough to just, grab my keys and leave. Drive, give everyone time to calm down. It didn't always work, but more often than not, it did. But I always went back. I should have left, but I loved her, you know?" Tears starting to fall down my girlfriends face. Turning her in my arms so she is facing me, I wipe them away with my thumb. "I want to talk to you Arizona, I just, I'm not ready to talk about that yet."

"I get that, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you went through that and I'm sorry I pushed you to talk to me. I love you Eliza, I just want you to be happy. I promise." Hoping that something I have said sinks in, I place a kiss on her forehead, pulling her into my body and holding her tightly. Pulling back, Eliza speaks.

"Give me a minute, I need to get something from my car. I'll be back." She says, easing herself from my embrace. I'm scared she's going to leave, but I have to give her the benefit of the doubt. Moving around the kitchen, I dispose of the poured glass of Whiskey, and put the bottle away. Just as I'm putting it in the cupboard, Eliza walks back in. A file in her hands. It's a very thick, hospital file. Medical records at a guess.

"I'm not ready to talk about it, but Arizona, I love you, and even though I can't tell you. I can show you, why I have an intense need to run when things get tough. This is my medical records. It wont be easy to read, but it's the only way I can let you know right now. I'm sorry." Eliza says, handing me the file before turning around and going to sit on the sofa. I'm stunned, I don't even think I've seen a file this big before. I don't know if I really want to know. But Eliza trusts me enough to let me see them, I have to do this for her. I have to try and understand what it is she has been going through. Has been through. I have to do that for us.

Please hit review, I'm not sure about this chapter, but I felt like some things needed to be resolved and I'm hoping that will begin to happen now. Much love x