It was interesting to hear them, the Princes, attend to business. I tried to picture Kurda up there a few times – and succeeded – which only made me a bit more nervous to sit so close to him. Paris reminded me faintly of the typical grandfather type. Mika looked a bit unnerving – he reminded me of a raven – and I shifted in my seat whenever I felt, or thought I felt, his gaze flicker over me. Arrow, whose story was whispered to me by Crepsley, looked fierce and…honestly, I felt sympathy. I couldn't blame him for his hatred of the vampaneze. To lose someone you love to them…I looked at my feet.

When I whispered to Crepsley that I wanted to meet them, he gave me a curious but subtle look. "I was planning to introduce you even if you had not asked." He admitted.

Towards the end, I leaned over to Kurda, and flinched when my shoulder brushed against his – my heart also sped up annoyingly. "Is that your chair up there?" I barely exhaled the words partly because of everyone's sensitive hearing and the fact that my lips were close to his ear. Damn it all, my mind flashed to the image of something not innocent. Fuck.

Kurda shook his head. "No, it is for the fourth Prince. Mine will be presented during the Ceremony. It is custom to have at least one Prince away from the Mountain at all times – just in case something should happen."

I wondered who the fourth Prince was.

When it ended, the crowd dispersed. I was both relieved and disappointed to have to move away from Kurda. As we walked, Crepsley mused, "I see the Princes have been swamped by others already. No matter, we will meet up with them later then."

"I can always introduce you, if you'd like, Samantha." Kurda offered.

Before I could respond, my mentor glared over my head at the blond. "We have seen what happens when you are left as tour guide." I could practically see the ice off his words. "I will take my assistant," there was a particularly subtle emphasis on the last two words, "to meet the Princes another time."

I opened my mouth to comment – didn't either care to know when I wanted to meet the touring three figures? – when Gavner stole away Crepsley's attention. I sighed in relief. Well, at least that was one issue diverted.

I looked at Kurda and gestured to the door. I added, "I'm thirsty for some wine. Care to join?" As we started to walk through the crowd together, I pointed out, "I see Mr. Crepsley dislikes your guts a bit more than normal." Increasingly so, I thought, from their first talk to now. I recalled Kurda's comment before I went up to fight Arra, about how Larten would never forgive him for bringing me on a stretcher. He had caught me when I passed out too, I remembered. "So how big was the stretcher after all?" That would make sense, the stretcher, for why Crepsley disliked Kurda further over the past few days.

Kurda caught on quick and wore a humorous grin. "Ah, it didn't exist actually. Actually, if you notice he hasn't challenged me to anything yet. He's tolerating me a lot better than I thought he might otherwise, given the state I returned you in."

"Hm, I suppose you're right. Still, his temper with you has soured since. I keep expecting him to make a comment about how the Arra fight is your fault somehow, Mr. Tour Guide." I teased lightly. Then what he said sunk in. "Wait, if you didn't carry me back on a stretcher, how did you return me to him, other than bruised and busted up?"

"Well," Kurda's smile turned from mischievous to charming, warm even, "I carried you in my arms."

My eyes widened as I stared up at him, my walk slowing ever so slightly. Ah. So that explained Crepsley's renewed dislike for the General. And that also explained why Crepsley had been so insistent on helping me look presentable. Wait, so then…Crepsley was being…possessive? Jealous? Was he trying to make up for the close contact that Kurda and I had, even when I was unconscious? How…why…

My brain hurt.

I immediately stopped thinking about it and caught up to Kurda's pace. Clearing my throat, I said, "You know, I actually never got to thank you for your help. So, er, thanks. Even though I ignored all your advice." I laughed softly.

"Of course…though I think, over all, I'm glad you ignored my warnings. Gaining a friendship with Arra Sails is rare." We reached the dining Hall. I smelt the blood and wine, as well as the bat broth. When we found a table, knowing the others would join soon enough, we sat next to each other. He tilted his head to look at me. "Was it Larten's idea to keep the bruise?"

I blinked, trying to remember what he was talking about. "Oh! My face…no, it was mine." I gave a weak chuckle. I wanted to sit on his other side so he wouldn't see the mark. Why though? I had been proud to show it thus far, but with him… "Surely you've sported some proof of battle yourself?" Come to think of it, I hadn't seen him be physical with anyone, friend or otherwise so far.

"During my training days as a General, as well as my Trials, oh yes."

"Trials?"

Before he could explain, a hand smacked my back. I didn't hear the call of the person who greeted me because I yelped at the pain. Spinning around, I spotted Gavner who paused. "Oh, that's right, I bet you're sore from your…"

"GAVNER!" I shouted and punched his side, my own pain be damned. He grunted and protected his side, grimacing.

A bit breathless, Gavner teased as he sat beside me, "If you think I was bad, wait until you shower!"

I glared at him. He enjoyed provoking a reaction out of me far too much, I thought. Him sitting next to me promised bouts of agony for the both of us in the near future.

Shortly afterwards came Seba, Harkat, and Crepsley. They took a seat, Crepsley across from me. I told the tale of my fight with Arra – it was the only battle I had beside the bear coming up here – and they all seemed impressed. When Kurda pardoned himself, I watched him leave.

Crepsley must have noticed for he put down the barrel he was drinking from with a bit more force than needed. I glanced over at him and felt my racing heart calm a bit. "You don't like Kurda." I spoke since Gavner and Seba were in a discussion. Harkat just listened with interest.

Crepsley stared at me for a moment before speaking with a dismissive tone, "We have had this discussion."

I refused to let it go though. "Even more so since that discussion. In fact, more so since my battle on the bars."

As I had predicted, he stiffened. I had ruffled his feathers. "Yes, I think he failed at his duty to keep you…" He trailed off.

"Keep me what?" I raised a brow.

Crepsley gritted his teeth but forced the words out anyway. "Preferably conscious."

Part of me wanted to ask if he was upset about the fact that I was unconscious when he saw me or that I was unconscious in Kurda's arms when he saw me. Now wasn't the place to do so, my gut told me. And, truly, I wasn't sure how I might react if it were the latter. "Funny, I thought that was my responsibility." I said cheekily as I reached for a barrel of something or another.

Before I could touch it, however, his hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. I startled, looking up with wide eyes. Neither of us said anything at first. We simply…stared. He looked like he knew what to say, but he was debating whether or not to say it. I wanted to know what those thoughts were.

"Mister…Crepsley?"

He blinked and just like that, the debate in his head was decided. He released my wrist and sat up straight. He closed his eyes briefly as he turned his head towards Gavner. Just like that, the conversation was done, but with more questions than answers.

The next day, I was introduced to the Princes in person with Seba and Crepsley at my side. Paris greeted me warmly and joked about my mentor. Mika nodded and seemed cool otherwise, distant. Arrow was no better. I wasn't sure how to take their reactions, but Seba assured me that it went well.

My worries were quickly tossed aside when I ran into Arra. Knowing that an 'easy spar' wasn't in her vocabulary, I instead suggested that we roam and talk. She agreed, adding that only if we drank afterwards, but towards in the evening. She wanted to fight a few others first. I agreed – how could I not since I was still in no proper shape to fight?

I spent my day trying to familiarize myself with the Halls. By the evening, I found Arra leaving the bars without many marks on her. Waving, she found me and we walked. "So," I asked the question that had been on my mind all day, "what's the protocol for dating with vampires? The fun before mating?" Despite my best attempt, I was blushing. I tried not to acknowledge it, instead staring straight ahead.

Arra, however, would have none of it. She smirked and inquired, "Who are you thinking of when you ask that?"

"No one!" I nearly yelled, my face darkening. "You're as bad as Gavner!"

This only amused her further. "Why haven't you asked your master?"

I snorted and I glanced at her. "Are you joking? Ask Mr. Crepsley? I don't think either of us could handle the conversation." It'd take four times as long to talk about it with how we'd both stumble. Actually, I wasn't sure if I would even learn anything from it.

She smirked. Arra looked me over once and I wondered what she thought. Really, I felt like I were something of a younger sister asking for dating advice – and instantly regretted the thought. My heart ached at the thought of a sibling. How was my own little sister doing right now? Mrs. Whatever Her Rich Husband's Last Name Was?

Thankfully Arra brought me back to the present. "There's no set 'rules'. It works the same way it does with the humans in terms of courtship." I stared blankly. She was showing her age. "It depends on the persons involved. As for the mating commitment, you don't sign anything if that's what you're thinking. It's a simple verbal agreement on the number of years you want to live as mates." As we walked, she raised a brow. "So who are you thinking of mating with?"

I tried to combat the feeling of wanting to hide under a rock. "No one! I told you already! Why are you so instant on that?!"

"Your reaction." Arra didn't skip a beat to answer. "Not to mention, you aren't like the other vampires, woman or not." She was grinning now. "I bet this is your first time surrounded by male vampires. You wouldn't ask without a reason…and person in mind."

I stared at her, wondering if she had the ability to read minds somehow. Was that a vampire power? Nah, impossible. But then again…um. "Perhaps I do." I admitted reluctantly.

"Does Larten know?"

"I don't think so, he suspects that…" I paused. "Wait, 'Larten'? So you know him?"

We turned into another hall. "He hasn't mentioned me?" She raised an eyebrow. I shook my head. Come to think of it, he hasn't mentioned a lot of anything about anyone. "I met him when I was a servant of Evanna." Pause. I had no idea who that was either but no matter. "We were mates for a time."

I stopped walking and stared. Arra and…Mr. Crepsley had…been mates? How long? When?! Why had he never mentioned it?! He never spoke of any past loves, but even when the topic of Arra and mating came up, he stayed silent! How could he not tell me?!

"Are you really that shocked?" Arra sounded surprised at my surprise. It was then I realized my mouth had been hanging open.

"N-no. Okay, yes. How? I mean, no, not how! I mean, when? How long? Did it end badly?" Maybe that was why he had never brought it up. Ooh, maybe she broke his heart.

Arra rest a hand on her waist, shifting her stance as she too stood with me. "Hm. Several decades ago, for about ten years." She offered a small smile. "We simply agreed it was best not to renew the commitment."

Several decades ago? I was floored. This had caught me off guard. In vampire years, this was still fairly recent. But they had…they were…I felt my heart sink a bit. I tried to ignore it, but it was too great to. "Oh." I muttered. Why hadn't Crepsley told me?

More importantly…Arra. Was this the type of woman that Crepsley wanted? She wasn't sure how to ask him that, she wasn't even sure if she would. But…I became sharply aware of the differences between this woman and myself. Not only in looks – total opposite – but behavior and age. I…was nothing like her.

Did I want to be? Why? And why hadn't Crepsley told me?

That orange vampire was just so…reserved all the time. It didn't hit me just how reserved and distant until now. My shoulders slouched a bit. Before Arra could inquire what was with me, an aged hand rested on my shoulder lightly. I jumped, not from any pain of my bruised flesh – it was more of a feather-like touch – but from the surprise of it. How deep in thought had I been?

When I looked up, I felt mixed about seeing Seba Nile. "Good evening, Arra, Sam." He greeted cheerfully. "Arra, would you mind if I stole away your companion for a while? I am in need of someone her size."

Arra smirked. "If you must, Quartermaster. We'll have to drink together another time, Sam." She nodded to me and slipped away into the hall.

My first irrational thought was 'Crepsley's also in that hall'. My second was 'Arra's inside the hall with Crepsley'. Luckily Seba cut me off before my brain could produce a third one. "Sam, would you mind accompanying me to the supply room?"

"Hm? Oh, sure." I walked with him in silence. My attention was shot, my mind elsewhere.

Seba waited until we were in the storage room before speaking, "You did not know that Larten and Arra were once mates."

I started. "N-no, evidently I'm the only one who didn't." I looked up at him as he shut the door. "I…guess you overheard?"

"I did," he said with a bit of apology in his tone, "and I admit, I did not approach you immediately afterwards because I was curious as to what went through your mind." He offered a soft smile. "I don't think I've seen such surprise since Larten drank the vinegar-wine vat he stole from me."

I tried to smile but couldn't. This only furthered my original question. "He…he's never told me much." I said as I went to sit on a barrel. "Mr. Crepsley. He's really reserved. I never realized how much until…"

Like Crepsley, Seba looked like he had something to say but was unsure whether or not to say it. Luckily for me, he did. "I will not tell you how Larten came to be in my care – that is his story to tell – but I will say that we have similar blood." When I raised a brow, he explained, "You are aware that a vampire can taste evil in someone's blood, yes?" I thought back to Steve and nodded solemnly. "Evil will taste sweet, overly so depending on the level. When I first tested Larten, I could taste just a hint of sweetness. It was there, subtle but noticeable. I suggested that it meant that he was strong-willed, easily enraged, and more prone to violence than most. Does this sound like the Mr. Crepsley you know?"

I thought. "Strong-willed, sure, but not the other two. Far from, actually." I made a face, glad of it. Well, even at the beginning when we met…his temper was rare.

Seba nodded. "It is because he heeded my advice, although it took many decades. I told him that he would have to tread cautiously and guard his emotions carefully if he wished to master them. I believe that is part of the reason why he is so reserved. It is not easy for him to be so open after so long of practicing."

"And the other part of the reason?" I asked quietly.

"We all through pain and suffering at one point or another. Some instances stick more with you than others."

"I see." I thought for a long moment. That might explain his behavior. Still, my heart was still gloomy. "Thank you for that, Seba."

"Of course, Sam. Now, if you will, we need to take these two boxes to the kitchen before joining the others in the dining hall."

"Does it matter that I'm injured?" He gave me a look and I laughed as I hopped off the barrel. "Were you so harsh on Mr. Crepsley?"

At this, it was Seba's turn to laugh. "Far worse, Sam, far worse."

As we walked through the halls – he walked freely as I carried two boxes – he explained a bit further. He told me about how he had Crepsley, his human assistant at the time, hunt for him in the wild. They slept outside, rarely built fires no matter how cold it got, and ate raw meat. I shuddered. He spoke of how Crepsley had served him and guarded him during the day. Seba's expectations for his assistant were quite high and Crepsley strived to meet them all. On the off time Crespsley messed up – whether by asking too many questions or otherwise – he would get a cuff around the ears.

I was floored for a second time that evening. I had never had to be so fierce as Crepsley's assistant. Sure I hunted, but I was a half-vampire. To think Crepsley did all that while a human was insane! Not only that, but since we lived mostly at the Cirque, I didn't have to guard Crepsley often during the day or serve him excessively. All in all, it…we were talking about two different worlds, I thought. Above all, I couldn't recall a time when Crepsley struck me. Sure, he had grabbed me and shook me a few times but nothing past that.

Seba was a tough master and Crepsley excelled. Crepsley as a master, however, treated me…differently. Gentler. Was it because he thought I couldn't meet his standards? I had been blooded because I wanted to escape my situation and forced Crepsley's hand. I didn't prove myself as a human as he had done to Seba, just…held him over a barrel, so to speak. Since then, we hadn't been in many situations where I had to prove my worth either. Unless sparring counted, but I doubted it.

When we, I, dropped off the boxes at the kitchen, we went back to the dining hall. Seba was telling me another tale but I was only half-listening. When we got in and sat at the table with Crepsley, Gavner, Harkat, and a few other vampires I hadn't met yet, I nibbled on some bread. Whatever they were saying, I didn't pay attention at all. I wasn't even aware of Crepsley's gaze lingering on me several times throughout the night.

My thoughts consisted of my doubts. Why hadn't Crepsley tested me like that? Did he think less of me? Did he think I couldn't possibly reach his expectations? I was nothing like him when he was younger and certainly not like Arra. I wasn't strong like they were. I hadn't earned anything, just stomped and threw a tantrum for my way. Did he tolerate me because he had to or did he like me? Was he proud? Did he find me embarrassing?

I knew vampires weren't especially emotional and I also knew I had broken down into tears…many times with this man. Was I weak for that? Was I physically weak for not having hunted like he did as a human? For not fighting with the others more often, to make a name for myself? Was I shaming him somehow? Did he treat me gently because I was a girl, a woman first and not seen as a vampire first, as Arra was?

I knew he was reserved and Seba's explanation made sense…but after all we had gone through, surely he should have felt comfortable enough to disclose something, right? Or did he feel not sort of trust and comfort to me, since I had never proven myself worthy?

All of these thoughts swam in my mind in no particular order. I thought about drinking it all away, but I knew I'd regret it in more ways than one. Still, they repeated without mercy as the night went on.

Should I even be a vampire?

That thought made me stop cold. I had just been toying with a barrel, not drinking from it, when I thought of it. I let my hand fall onto the table.

I didn't feel…like I belonged here. It felt like I had taken someone's place. No idea who, but still. I'm not sure why or how, but the feeling hit me like…well, like Arra's staff to my temple. I shouldn't be here, I thought with a flurry of panic traveling through my limbs. I didn't belong here. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be a vampire, half or otherwise. I wasn't meant to be this way. I wasn't supposed to be…

"Sam?" Crepsley's voice cut through the thickening fog of my panic. "Are you alright? You are suddenly quite pale."

He had spoken soft enough but since he was across the table from me, his concern caught the attention of our table mates. I could feel the cold sensation leave my face only to be replaced with an embarrassing warmth. "I…" my voice caught.

I didn't want them to look at me, Seba and Gavner and Harket. I didn't want to be stared at by anyone, not anyone here. I wasn't up to vampire standards. I didn't have the cool exterior they could muster, not with this sharp wave of emotions that hit. I couldn't be seen to break down like this, in a cold sweat, in a panic, in a mess. Not in front of these vampires. Not for my sake and Crepsley's.

"Please excuse me." I managed to choke out as I got up from my seat. I darted through the crowd, glad it swallowed me up and kept their gazes from my trembling form.

With each step, the thoughts worsened, growing louder and quicker in repeating themselves. Not strong enough, not worthy. Don't belong. Not meant to be. Wrong place. Wrong existence. Weak. Lost.

Just as I turned the third hall, close to my room, I ran into a body. I jumped and made to apologize when they beat me to it. "Sorry about that, Samantha, I didn't see you. I thought you were in the…are you alright?" The sheepish tone turned into concern quickly. I looked up and saw Kurda – if I wasn't pale before, I was now.

No, not Kurda. I couldn't face him right now. Not now!

"S-sorry. Yes. Please, just…" I darted around him and ran. Fuck it. Fuck trying to be casual and hide. I ran and I didn't stop until I got to my room, barricading myself in for privacy. In there, I let myself break down and didn't hold back.