AN: Thank you so much for your appreciation of and investment in this story. I take all of your words to heart… also the words expressed in foreign languages where I'm turning to Google as my translator. You are all so very amazing.

Arizona's POV

"Okay, you need to breathe through your anxiety. You need to breathe through it and then tell me what's going on. Can you do that, Arizona? Can you tell me what happened?"

"No!" Arizona croaks out as her sobs continues. "That's w-why why I'm here."

"You're crying, Arizona."

"I know that!" Arizona snaps, looking at the younger man before her. "I came h-h-here 'cause I started cry-crying and I can't s-s-s-seem to, to stop."

All Arizona's insides are hurting. Every organ, every vein, even every thought is hurting her like never before. Her lungs seem to have lost their function; all they do is drag in air and Arizona can't make said air leave her body. It's like she's being blown up from the inside with pain and she'll soon explode. It's aching in every bone, every fibre. It's pricking her skin like needles. And she can't get away. She can't get away from it. Arizona can't get away from the aching and breaking. And the tears running from her eyes like snow cascading down a mountain sure isn't helping the matters. She can't stop crying, either, so it seems. She's been crying nonstop ever since she had lunch with April. Ever since it hit her like a smack in the face. Ever since it came rolling right back into her life. And all that led her here... it led her to Dr. Toddler. And that without being told to. She made the choice all by herself because... frankly, she couldn't think of anybody else who would be able to calm her in a situation like this. Of course, Arizona's got her wife and she's usually the one she turns to but not this time. Arizona can't talk to Eliza. Eliza definitely wouldn't be the one to talk to. Absolutely not. And April did the 911 call to Dr. Toddler's office and got her this immediate appointment. Which leaves her here... in the room with her shorts wearing shrink and his non-spectacles wearing animated-blue eyes. It maddens Arizona beyond belief but she needs his guidance. She needs his hocus pocus or whatever it is he's doing. Because she needs this pain to stop. Just stop.

The young man gauges Arizona, squinting his eyes in his analysis of her state of mind. "Make fists with your toes."

"What?!"

"Fists. Toes. Do it!"

"You've g-got to be kidding..." Arizona snorts as the pain takes another go-round throughout her entire system.

"You wanna breathe, Arizona?" he arches his eyebrow, his voice impeccably calm and secure. Arizona nods a little hesitantly in reply. "Good. Then do as I say and then you'll be able to tell me what happened. Okay?"

Arizona does what she's being told, although being rather sceptical about it. But she did seek him out to help her, therefor she can't question his methods. Not now anyway. Curling her toes in her boots, Arizona focuses on the feeling in her toes and not the pounding pain in all the other parts of her body. And surprisingly enough it lessens the pain in her chest… in her lungs. Her heart is still aching profusely but her lungs slowly starts cooperating. Curling her toes harder, Arizona feels her breathing get back to normal. Slowly inhaling through her nose, she lets the air settle in her lungs only to let it out through her mouth in shaky breaths. It isn't perfect but it sure is better. It feels better. Being able to breathe again feels… absolutely amazing considering the current situation.

It continues to frustrate Arizona how annoyingly good this man is at whatever it is he is doing. Arching her brows, Arizona shakes her head. "H-how did you do that?"

"I didn't do anything, Arizona. You did!" he responds with a small smile. "Now tell me… what happened, Arizona? Why are you here? You weren't scheduled until Friday next week."

"I, I can't do it," Arizona admits, her lower lip trembling.

"What is it you feel like you can't do?"

"I just… I can't d-do it."

"Let me ask you a different question then. Why are you crying?"

"Because I c-can't do it," Arizona sighs, the tears still streaming down her cheeks. She fidgets with her fingers in her lap, once and again pulling at her wedding band. Spinning it around her finger, Arizona takes in sharp breaths. This is just too much. This is horrible. She could fail. She could fail terribly and then she'll break. Then she'll end up alone. Then Eliza would leave her, for sure. If Arizona didn't go through with this… if she shattered their dream, Eliza would definitely not stick around anymore. Arizona wouldn't hold it against her, though. And that's it… Arizona could never blame Eliza for wanting to leave if this failed. If this didn't go the way they planned it to. Arizona would never accuse her wife of abandoning if Eliza chose to leave her should she fail at this. Never. Eliza has gotten through so much. She has stayed when Arizona pushed her away. She has continued to love her even when Arizona didn't want it or knew it. This might be the last thing that could break Eliza, though. And Arizona will never ever blame Eliza should she choose to leave. She will be heartbroken, she will be devastated and she will not want to live should Eliza choose to leave her, but she will understand. Arizona will understand and she will never stop loving her wife… not even if they were to get divorced. Arizona will never be able to fall out of love with Eliza. It really isn't possible. Even in her coma, even in her amnesia state of mind… she was still able to feel connected to Eliza. She was still able to love her instinctively. And that's exactly why Arizona will always love Eliza, even if Eliza choses to leave her when she fails. If she fails. "I'm scared…"

"What are you afraid of, Arizona?"

"Eliza will leave me."

"What makes you think that?"

"She will… if I fail."

"Arizona," Dr. Toddler sighs contently. "She loves you. Very much, in fact. I think we can both agree on that, don't you?"

"She does, I know," Arizona agrees, pulling at her ring. "Now…"

"Now? Do you care to elaborate, please?"

"She loves me now. She's loved me for seven years. She, she has loved me through good times and…" Arizona sighs, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand. Her heart pounds uncontrollably which makes her shiver in pain. "…through b-bad times. When I lost my memory of her, of us… she loved me still. She helped me, her love helped me through… but now… with this…" Arizona drops her gaze, her eyes fixed on her fingers in her lap and her still flat stomach.

"Your pregnancy?" the man quizzes in a calm voice.

"I'm not, I mean… not yet, anyway. Thursday…"

"What happens on Thursday?"

"I'm… we're… I'm ready, or… my body is ready to…" Arizona can't say it. If she says it out loud then it's real. Then it's really going to happen. She can't think of anything she wants more than to carry their baby. Not one thing. She can't come up with a million reasons why she shouldn't do it. She can only come up with one. And that single reason is enough. It's enough to completely destroy her and all the happiness she's been blessed with. That reason is the reason why she's here. And that terrifies Arizona more than she ever thought she could be. She thought the mere thought of losing her wife, of Eliza dying and anything remotely like that would be the highest of dreadful fear she could imagine ever feeling. But this… this might be the highest of highest. Arizona holds Eliza's heart and dreams in her hands alone. She has the power to completely shatter the brunette while she also has the power to fully make those dreams come true. It's a power Arizona didn't think existed. It's a power she hasn't been prepared to take on and use. She doesn't know how to do it. She has never done it before. She can't be the reason Eliza's heart breaks… not again, not ever. She can't take that chance. It's too big of a risk. Eliza's heart can't break anymore. It's finally healed. They've healed, lastly. They've found their special love and they continue to develop it with every day passing by. Arizona can't be the one who puts them in a position like this… where their love could be threatened, again. She's been the course of that history before. And she won't do it again. She just won't.

Inhaling, Arizona closes her eyes only to let go of her breath with a deep sigh. Opening her eyes, Arizona fixes her eyes on the man opposite her. "Thursday is the d-day where… where I'm being in-inseminated," Arizona reveals, her voice all of a sudden thick with tears. They explode from out her tear ducts like sprinklers being turned on. The sobs ravage through Arizona's body like a thunder storm which causes the man to rush to her side and kneel in front of her. Placing a hand on Arizona's knee, the younger man silently pleads for Arizona to look at him as he hands her the box of tissues. "T-thanks," Arizona sobs, pulling a tissue from out the box and blowing her nose.

"Tell me something, Arizona," Dr. Toddler suggests as Arizona watches his naked knee. "You want a baby?"

Arizona's eyes shoot up, locking with the man's piercing blue ones. "Yes!" she states shocked. "I do."

"Then why are you crying, Arizona? Why are you in here crying while telling me about your impending pregnancy?" he gives Arizona a kind look as he stands and gets back into his chair. "What is it that made you come here today? What are you afraid of, Arizona?"

"I'm afraid of Eliza leaving me…"

"Other than that. There's something more to it and if you think about it, Arizona, you know so, too. Try thinking harder. Try closing your eyes and tell me what you see. What scares you more than losing your wife?"

Again, Arizona follows the man's orders because she came here to get a clearer view at her pain. She needed someone to tell her what she needs to do other than her best friend. She came her to get guidance and if closing her eyes is what that contains, then she'll do it. She'll do everything to get the pain and heartache to disappear. Arizona will do everything to get over her insecurity regarding this pregnancy.

Holding her breath, Arizona grinds her teeth. She feels how her entire blood system is being flooded with Eliza, with their present and possible outcome of the insemination Thursday. She feels how her entire body is experiencing love. How it's able to thrive alone on that said love… but! She also feels how the love is most likely to be taken away from her. Again. It's dark. It's cold. And it runs down her spine like a shiver of pain and fear. It circles her organs. It tugs at her heartstrings. The possibility of losing love because she isn't able to give Eliza what she wants and what she desperately needs. What she wants and needs herself as well. That is what's clouding Arizona's happiness. The happiness of carrying a love child… a love child she could fail in carrying. A love child who could've been developing organs and limbs, needs and desires… and Arizona could fail in giving birth because her body could reject it. Her body could be a poisoned environment. Her body could not be suitable for housing a love child because of her history with brain injury and bad calls in stormy weathers. And Eliza would leave her. Eliza would pack her bags and leave her high and dry because Arizona wouldn't be able to give her what she wanted. Eliza would break and be so disappointed in her because she couldn't do that right, either.

It's just too much to feel. Arizona won't do it. She can't do it. But she wants Eliza and she wants her happiness, their happiness. They've talked about having a baby for months now. And they have already placed the rocking chair in the guest room. Arizona truly wants the expanding of their family. She craves it, actually. She's just so afraid Eliza will hate her if she doesn't succeed in carrying their child. Their love child. A love child Arizona could also end up carrying to term, give birth to and then someday forget all about. What if her amnesia returns? What if her brain falls out again? What if she'll someday go to pick up their child from pre-school and she won't be able to remember who to pick up? Or how to be a mother? What if she wakes up one day having forgotten all about Eliza and their child? What if her memory function is only for rent? What if someday someone up there wants it back? What if Arizona will never ever live pampered in love and joy again? What if, what if-

"Arizona?" Dr. Toddler's calm voice breaks Arizona's internal break down, her eyes shooting open instantly. "Tell me what went through your mind…"

Figuring it's now or never, she might as well come clean instead of burying herself in piles of internal pain, Arizona grinds her palms up and down her thighs. "I'm so unbelievably frightened of Eliza leaving me if I'm not able to carry our child. And I'm so horrendously afraid of forgetting everything, if I'm lucky enough to give birth to our child. I, I want a baby. More than anything, I want a baby. With my wife. I want it. I want it so incredibly much I'm afraid it's ruining me inside because I'm so scared of failing. Like I've done before. Like I've failed-" Arizona cuts off her own sentence, biting her lip as she furiously tries blinking the tears out of her eyes. "Like I've failed her before…"

"Arizona, how have you ever failed your wife?"

"I," she sighs, shaking her head in short jerks. "I dis-disappeared… from, from her life. I… vanished."

"That's hardly your fault, Arizona. You've told me yourself, it was an accident. They happen. And no one was to blame where your accident is concerned. You got back. You're here. You're still living. You have not disappeared. You have not vanished. You are right here… and you are loving Eliza so much you want to start a family with her."

"But… I'm terrified."

"It's normal to be terrified when starting a family, Arizona. Everyone gets like that at some point in their life. It's not because of your brain injury and it's not because you're not ready to become a mother. Actually, I think it makes you rather qualified to become a mother," Dr. Toddler smiles, nodding. His icy-blue eyes smile as well, something Arizona hasn't noticed before. Something that also bugs her.

"And how would you know what makes a person qualified to become a parent?"

"It's you we're talking about, not me, Arizona," he shrugs. "But let's just say that I've been where you are now."

"Which is where exactly?" Arizona groans in frustration which completely rolls off of her shrink. He doesn't seem to take her outbursts or childish noise to heart. Thankfully he's professional, that's always something.

"You're excited. You're afraid. You're impatient. You're worrisome. You're picking out onesies at the store. You've been drinking a lot of wine due to the lack you'll experience the next year. You're amped up. You're silent. You're thoughtful. You're overthinking. You're emotional. You're panicky. You're… experiencing everything tenfold. Am I right?" the younger man raises his eyebrow, a slight smirk on his face. "I'm right!"

"I… I, I don't, I'm…"

"I'm right."

"You're annoying is what you are."

"Maybe, but I'm still right," he shrugs. "So to sum up, Arizona. Why are you here?"

"I am here… because Eliza and I have an appointment at a private clinic on Thursday which we made just before New Year's. I've been… I've been doing all the right things you would expect from a soon-to-be pregnant woman. I've been eating well and sleeping more hours, I've stuffed myself with vitamins and chamomile tea. Herbs, too. I've been… well, yeah. I am here because I got so unbelievably petrified during lunch with my best friend… because we were informed that one of the young girls in our group had dropped out due to her miscarriage," Arizona informs her shrink, slowly reliving the scenario inside her mind again. The news had hit her like a lightning bolt. It had ripped her entire world apart… she had never thought of the possibility of losing the foetus, the child. Never. Because it's just not an option. This love child they're having planted in her stomach Thursday is going to be born solely because they want it and need it. But then it had hit her. Then the horror had hit Arizona. The horror being fate. The horror being the uncontrollable thing called life. Then it had all attacked her, leaving a mental breakdown to happen deep within her. And then all the thoughts and bad scenarios had made her lose her mind. "And that's why… I'm here."

"You're here because you got scared of losing a child you're not carrying yet?"

"When you put it like that it sounds insane," Arizona screws up her face.

"It's not insane, Arizona. That's to be expected. With your history and your work. But can I tell you something?"

"That's why I'm here, isn't it?"

"You should talk to your wife about this."

"That's not gonna happen, nope. She'll think I've lost it. I can't tell her. She'll leave me for sure," Arizona snorts. "Okay, no, she won't. She won't exactly leave me, I know that, but she'll think I'm crazy."

"But you'll be able to have her point of views on your fears. She might even be able to calm them. And maybe, you know…" the man shoots Arizona a crooked smile along with a slight nodding. "… she's got a couple of fears running through her head, as well. It's possible you're not alone in feeling like this, Arizona. Have you thought about that?"

"No… I haven't, I really haven't," Arizona sighs as the wheels in her head are churning. She's never thought of Eliza experiencing fear like this. Not because she isn't the one to carry their child, but because Eliza is the strongest person she's ever known. Eliza is her rock, her constant… but they can crumble, too. Of course. Arizona just never thought about it. And if they're capable of overcoming the accident and then love each other tremendously so, they can do this too. They can be scared together as well. Arizona just needs to open up for this particular type of conversation with her wife. Question is, how does one do that?

Saying her goodbye to her shrink, she thanks him for his immediate assistance and ways of guidance. As much as Arizona hates to admit it, he is actually doing a very spectacular job. Stepping out of the room where all her thoughts have been flying around, she closes the door behind her and heads for the elevator. Stepping onto the carriage, Arizona sticks her hands in the pockets of her winter's coat, preparing herself for the cold weather outside. Next week it's exactly a year since she climbed the hugging oak and slipped on the roof of their garage. One year ago she lost everything. And now she's going to start another chapter of her life… with Eliza. Now they're hopefully going to become parents… if everything goes the way they need it to. But first, she's got to let Eliza in on her fears. Dr. Toddler might be an annoying, young man with a surprisingly amount of knowledge on women's feelings regarding pregnancy, but he isn't dumb. He's actually rather wise. Infuriatingly wise. But she'll take it. He can be as wise and annoying as he is as long as it helps her in the end. She can handle it.

The ding of the elevator signals the carriage's arrival to the ground floor. Arizona steps out and turns the corner in the direction of the exist. A hand to her wrist makes her stop, though. Turning her face a little, Arizona's eyes immediately battle whether to shine or flood with tears. She didn't expect this, that's for sure.

"What are you doing here?" Arizona asks surprised, her heart beating harder with every second passing.

"That's my question, Arizona. What are you doing here? And why did April tell me?"

"Come with me…" Arizona lets a deep sigh leave her throat, a sad smile on her face.

AN2: I know, this chapter's completely Arizona centric but I felt like I had to address it this way. So, please… tell me what's on your mind. Thank you for reading!