Crave

That night, after the incident with Trey, Ryan took clothes with him and stayed at Summer's. She had digressed from being able to walk around without him, not needing him to sleep, and not crying constantly, to well, the opposite.

Ryan could see her father and step mom were shocked when he brought her home. Without words, Neil accepted that Ryan would be staying the night.

Summer woke up several times despite Ryan being there, drenched in sweat and screaming.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to him, the third time they were awoken by one of her nightmares. "I guess getting out my old wardrobe was a bad idea.."

Ryan sighed, and gently moved the hair stuck to her face, tucking it behind her ear, "can I be honest with you? I don't think it was anything to do with what you were wearing, what happened to you... you were just in the wrong place..." his heart lurched at the thought that he could have realised his feelings for her sooner, maybe they would have done something together that night instead...

She sighed, "I know... but feeling eyes on my legs and chest made me feel uneasy... it's triggered these nightmares... not just of what happened that night, but other situations, other men... the ones that checked me out today."

"Is that what happened with Trey? He checked you out?" Ryan asked cautiously, she still hadn't really explained to him what had been said between her and his brother.

"Yes..." she shifted awkwardly, embarrassed.

"Summer, this is no surprise to you - you're gorgeous. I know you've been feeling self-conscious in these clothes you were wearing, but what you don't realise, is when you were wearing jeans, hoodies and other clothes that covered you up these past few weeks, guys were still checking you out. You could wear a bin bag and a traffic cone on your head and they'd still check you out," he gave her a small smile.

Summer giggled at the mental image.

A thought suddenly occurred to Ryan and he looked to her, horrified, "you didn't dream that Trey -"

She instantly shook her head, "no. They're all faceless blurs... I'm sorry, I over reacted with Trey... but he sneaked a look down my top and then he called me sweetheart -" she swallowed and looked disgusted at even saying the word, "I guess I just panicked and wanted to cover up -" she suddenly gasped, "oh no, what must Anna have thought -"

"Don't worry, you've met Seth right? He'll have thought of something."

Summer moved a little away from him, a frown on her face and they both fell back into a troubled sleep.

Ryan stayed the next few nights with Summer, he could tell her father didn't like it. But Summer was in no place to sleep without him, the nightmares seemed to get worse instead of better and by the third day, she had to stay off school for looking so tried.

Ryan wasn't far off looking like a zombie himself and left early taking the time to head home to the Cohen's to get a few hours sleep in his own bed before returning to Summer.

Marissa was cottoning on the fact something was wrong, Summer tried to pass it off as still not being one hundred per cent since the "bug" that had kept her off sick a few weeks back. Marissa wasn't buying it, but had her own problems to deal with. She became more reliant on alcohol and that was putting a strain on her relationship with Alex.

Marissa's drinking was also affecting Summer, she didn't know if she would had confided in her best friend by now - but seeing that Marissa was dealing with her own demons made Summer keep quiet. They still managed to have their girlie time together and Marissa never questioned Summer's odd behaviour if she displayed any, and Summer never mentioned the smell of alcohol on Marissa's breath.

Ryan didn't turn up at Summer's after school, however Marissa did. Flask in hand she settled on Summer's bed beside her best friend whilst Summer was chatting away about the programme The Valley that was on.

A little tipsy, Marissa turned to her friend with a smirk, "so, I know someone that likes you."

Summer's eye brows shot up, "you do?"

Marissa nodded smugly, "Ryan."

Summer did her best to scoff at the mention of Ryan and hide her surprise and shock at Marissa's perceptiveness.

"I know he's been helping you out with some stuff - you've been having issues with your dad being away a lot again, right?" Marissa lost her train of thought, "I could always come stay here when he goes away, better than being with my mom -"

"Coop, Ryan said he liked me?"

Marissa just nodded.

"How do you feel about that?" Summer asked cautiously.

"Meh, he's my ex - he's your ex's brother. It's probably not worth the drama from Seth, and to be honest, I kinda like Trey..." Summer nearly choked on thin air. Marissa sighed, "our exes and their brothers huh?"

"What about Alex?" Summer had to ask.

Marissa took a swig from her flask and offered some to Summer, "she's leaving. She wants to go back home and finish high school," Marissa made a face, "I'm going to try and see if Trey can have her apartment when she goes - is that weird?" She didn't wait for a reply, "so - Ryan likes you. If you like him too, you need to work the being left home alone angle - Ryan loves a damsel in distress." Marissa grinned, "So, do you like him?"

Summer frowned, "no. I don't."

Ryan woke up in the pool house with a jerk, he sat up and realised that someone had entered and slammed the door behind them, causing him to wake.

He blinked a few times, bringing the room - and the person into focus.

Summer stood at the end of his bed, looking angry, arms folded in front of her she glared at him.

Ryan swallowed, he had promised to go over after school, without having chance to look at the clock on his nightstand he had a feeling he had slept later than that, he assumed this was the cause of Summer's rage.

"It's not healthy is it Ryan?" She suddenly spat.

Ryan frowned, pulling himself out of the bed he made to approach her, but she backed away, "what are you talking about?"

She was shaking her head, breathing heavily, "how much I depend on you… that I don't feel safe if you're not there," she continued like he hadn't spoken. "It's not the greatest circumstances to start a relationship under."

Ryan eyed her with sudden surprise, "what are you saying."

Summer swallowed, tears already beginning to fall, "that we should take a break."

His eyes narrowed, and he tried to move closer to her again " - has someone said something to you?" It could only have been her dad, the others that knew about her attack; Seth, Sandy, Kirsten, would have wanted Summer to take any steps she needed into feeling safe again, there was no way one of them would have suggested them not being together right now.

She shrugged, "does it matter –"

"-yes, it matters," he said inching closer to her still, "Summer, I don't care what anyone else thinks. And neither should you. I don't care that you depend on me –"

"Well I do!" She backed away from him, "its not healthy Ryan! I mean what if we ever broke up – how would I ever come back from that? Or worse – you didn't want to be with me anymore but wouldn't ever break off with me - you'd be miserable… I don't want to be with you if you're not happy being with me…"

Ryan threw his arms in the air, "you're being ridiculous," he half shouted, then he put his hand over his heart and caught her eye, he lowered his tone, speaking softly, "I am happy being with you."

"Yeah, right now," Summer did nothing to alter the harsh tone of her own voice. "Marissa talked to me today - about you liking me - you shouldn't like me right now, no one should like me - I'm a complete mess."

"I don't care -"

"You're not listening to me!" She yelled, "I care! I may be a mess, but I am Summer Roberts and I do not need a white knight," she swallowed, "you just like rescuing people don't you Ryan -"

"I admit I get pulled into some situations that I can't walk away from - but we started this thing before any of that shit happened to you!" Ryan breathed in, trying to calm down, "let's just take a minute and -"

"No. I don't need rescuing. I don't need you. This is over," somehow she managed to say it with confidence, even though her heart was aching.

"Are you really breaking up with me?" Ryan felt the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

"No… we were never really together, were we Ryan? It was always about sex," she gestured wildly to his bed, tears falling but she managed to ignore them and kept talking, "until it couldn't be, and then it was about me and my problems. It needs to be about us…" she let out a sound a sound that sounded like a strangled laugh, "let me ask you this, why did you fall for me?"

Ryan didn't hesitate, he kept his gaze level with her own, "because you're funny, you're passionate, you stand up for what you believe in, right or wrong; I love the way your eyes light up when you've concocted a plan, the way you go to a freakin' club in the middle of the night to just dance... and the way you just know what to say to cheer me up when I'm down." Ryan tried to move towards her again, but she kept on backing up, "you make me a better man, Summer."

Suddenly he became angry, how was this happening - why was she doing this, "and you're wrong! Even from the beginning it was never just sex with us, it took us a horrifying situation to realise it –"

Summer didn't want to hear anymore, "Ryan, that girl you described? I am not that girl right now. I have to slow things right down, take time to get back to being myself," she clutched at her chest, "to being that girl, so when I am back on form – when I'm me again, I can be with you. Then I'll be yours totally; funny and passionate Summer… do you get it?" She then moved toward him, for the first time since she entered, whispering she looked to him sadly, "do you get why I have to do this?"

Ryan was too upset and hurt, he moved back away from her, "and don't you get it!?" He said angrily, "yes I love funny and passionate Summer, but I love you just as much when you're sobbing in my arms. I love you - not you're fucking different mood swings!"

She looked to him with sad eyes, "then let me do this for myself."

By the time Ryan had digested her words and was ready with a reply, Summer was already walking out the door.

I didn't really want this to happen, but Summer is all over the place and I don't think she is the type to want to depend on someone. Yes she has depended on Ryan up until now, and even after digressing with the whole clothing thing, I think she needed to realise she needs time for rebuilding herself.

I have to say, I love Ryan in the last part; all he wants to do is love her *heartmelts*

Please please review.

What would you like to see happen next? I have a few plans but I love the feedback and I hope everyone following is still enjoying it.