A/N: I dedicate this chapter to Sarahloulabellx who helped me write the email.

Ben placed his notes in order and reread them. Nothing that the young boy had said showed any indications that his father had been abusive or neglectful yet it was clear his father was far from perfect.

Despite this John was in a considerate amount of turmoil over his father, he was angry, he was upset and most of all confused.

He could understand where John was coming from, when he spoke about his frustrations with his father.

Ben had encounter Jeff Collier before, it had been almost four years ago when his partner had ran over a young girl on the Farmead estate. He had been so wrapped up in getting himself and Dixie back to work, he had failed to see how traumatised she was.

She was going through emotional turmoil and he was referring to it as an R.T.C like it was just a normal shift for them.

If Ben was to pinpoint the problem that would be it, he was too blind to see the bigger picture.

But there was hope yet, Jeff had eventually seen it for what it was and had proved himself to be a strong source of support for her.

Although Ben did have to wonder whether or not, that this could be rectified .He had sat and listened to the young boy and by the sounds of it, they had got the simplest of things wrong.

From what he had established, John hadn't trusted his parent's word and as a result the simple childhood pleasures that every kid should experience had been tainted.

Yes as a child he always had always been suspicious about what his parents had told him.

These suspicions dated back to when he was six years old, he had lost one of his front teeth and Lucy and Jeff had filled him in on the legend of the tooth fairy. He had been amazed that one fairy would be as nice as to hand over money for something as mundane as a tooth ,so that night he had gone to bed with high hopes about this mystical fairy that would swap his tooth for money.

He had been inconsolable that night when he awoke to find Jeff's hand under his pillow making the swap.

The story of how Jeff was filling in for the tooth fairy because she had had her wings pulled off by a naughty child had only made the situation worse. However much John wanted to believe that Jeff had treated the tooth fairy whilst at work that day, it kind of contradicted the story they had told him earlier about how the tooth fairy could only be seen by children.

Another thing he was suspicious of would have to be Santa Claus.

One Christmas Eve when John was eight he had laid out a plate of Mince pies and a glass of milk however Jeff had walked in and told him that Santa would much rather a pasty and a can of beer. John had found that odd considering that out of all the Christmas films and stories he'd seen, that had never been mentioned. In fact the only person he knew whose favourite food was that had been his dad.

The Easter bunny was also a sensitive subject. Some might have told him he was over analysing things however he couldn't help but feel doubtful when the Easter egg he had found in the boot of his mother's car turned up in his room with a label signed by the Easter bunny.

It also seemed pretty odd that the Easter bunny had the same handwriting as his mother.

Ben finished reading his notes and he was far from satisfied.

"Listen John, however much I'd like to blame all your problems on the Easter bunny then palm you off to the nearest rehabilitation centre, I know there is so much more that you haven't told me."

John merely shrugged wiping away the sweat off his brow.

Ben crossed his arms in impatience.

"Oh I'm sorry am I interrupting your high? Do you want me to wait whilst you shoot up again?"

"I don't know what more you want, you asked me to talk about how crap my old man was and I told ya."

He raised his eye brow, it had only been a few hours since his last session and already he looked desperate for more.

"I just don't buy it, for starters you've not even mentioned your parent's divorce. You said earlier he was a cheat?"

"Yeah, once he solved a Rubik cube by peeling off all the stickers and placing them back on so they were in the right order."

"How about we leave the sarcasm at the door and focus on the real problem here?"

He looked doubtful.

"Maybe it's not that simple."

Ben sighed, giving him a small nod of understanding.

"John, it's just you and I in here and what you tell me won't go any further than these four walls."

John had never considered himself to be an open person, he was never one to share his feelings and he had never had anyone he felt comfortable talking to. Rachel had tried to get him to open up but he had always been unwilling.

"Sophia always used to talk to me you know, she would tell me everything."

Ben brought his eyes down and flicked through his notes.

"Your sister?"

He slowly nodded. Ben couldn't be sure, although it would've seemed that a brief smile had graced his lips.

"Does she know that you're here?"

"No, it's better that way."

"For who?"

John paused for a moment, considering the question.

"Well for..."

"For you?"

John leaned back in his seat, he had never thought to deeply about how his decision had hurt his sister, he had always figured she would eventually be better off for it.

"No, I would give anything to see her."

"Lets be honest John, she will always come second whilst you're filling your body with that stuff."

"Don't you pretend to know me, you just presume that I willingly cut her out of my life."

His response was short and to the point, some would go as far as to call it plain bluntness however it was undeniably the wholehearted truth.

"You did."

John's silence further proved his point.

"Go then deny it."

"I can't."

Ben sighed, picking up the box of tissues that sat on his desk and passed them over.

"What am I meant to do with them?"

"You're crying."

He brought his hand up and placed it on his cheek before accepting the tissue.

"Maybe you're right, how can you ever understand how your sister feels when you're too drugged up to notice your own emotions?"

John wiped furiously at his eyes, desperately trying to suppress the emotion that was bubbling over.

"I thought because my dad had broken away and made a new life for himself, I could as well."

"John, your dad does love her like he says he did in that email."

A fresh set of tears streamed from his eyes, this time they for his dad.

"I almost wish he didn't, he loves her so much and she doesn't feel it back. How cruel is that?"

"That email has meant as much to you as she does to him."

"It gave me the motivation to leave home that day and it helped me get through the bad times that came with being so dependant on, well you know."

"Maybe its time to let go?"

"Can I read it one last time?"

Ben nodded as he picked up the tattered piece of paper and passed it over.

John,

I am proud of you, you have turned into such a mature young man. My track history doesn't leave me smelling of roses, but I swear to you this time things are different, so different.

I loved your mother, but we were just husband and wife things changed, people change. Dixie and I we know all the good and the bad things about one another and for all our flaws we accept each other for who we are.

We have already been through so much and came out so much stronger. She isn't just my fiancé she's my best friend, my partner and my flat mate.

We are around each other almost every minute of every day and I never get bored, she makes me laugh, makes me cry and even makes me act like a gentleman (don't you dare laugh at that Mr, I use a coaster now and everything).

You know people always say to me, how do you do it? You work long shifts with her, and then you live with her, how after spending that amount of time together do you still have things to talk about?

Well son, I always answer honestly and that would be that I don't have a clue. I guess it's because we are so comfortable in each other company that no conversation topic is off limits, whether it be a worry one of us has or just general crap, we will voice it to the other.

We're not perfect, who is? We don't bottle up our problems nor do we pretend they're not there. If we have a problem we will argue it out in the most undignified and juvenile of ways until we reach a solution.

It sounds petty and immature I know, but hey maybe we are. Who cares? I love her.

Marriage doesn't have to be hard work, it doesn't have to be about backing down and it certainly doesn't mean sleeping around.

I aint much of a romantic and to be honest it's hard to explain. I reckon this bloke Robert Fulghum had the right idea, his theory on it is.

"We're all a little weird. And life is weird. And when we find someone
whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into
mutuallyweirdness and call it love .true love."

I don't know about you but I reckon he has summed it up way better than Shakespeare ever could.

I thought when I married your mother she was love of my life but it looks as though I was wrong.

People always told me I would know when I found the one. I aint the sharpest tool in the box and it looks like I may have misjudged first time around, but it looks like I've finally found the right one.

I was making Dixie a coffee the other day and the thought suddenly occurred to me that I didn't even bother to remember how your mother took hers.

There are so many small things I know about Dixie like;

Her favourite colour.

Her favourite flower.

Her favourite film.

What brand of hair dye she uses.

Her first concert.

I even know what her mother's maiden name was.

I hate to admit it son but I never took the time to get to know your mother and I wish I had because maybe then for your sake we could have made things work.

I promise not to break any of my vows, no matter how tempted I am or how tough things get, I will never betray Dixie like I did your mother.

I'm a better man now and my new life will be so different. As of next week we'll be Mr and Mrs Collier and I for one couldn't be happier.

Hope to see you soon.

Dad.

Ps. you have got to see this you tube video its of a monkey playing trivial pursuit and it is hilarious!

John finished reading and scrunched it up into a ball.

"Time to let go."

He got up out of his seat and with that he threw it into the waste paper bin on his way out.

He paused at the door.

"That is why it happened, he had created a life with her that I desperately wanted with my own family."

"And what is that?"

"No arguing, no cheating, he loves her and he took the time to be with her."

"But she married him because her dad was dieing it's not as if it was even real."

"That's what makes it worse, she's a lesbian and she's the most important person in his life."

"And now drugs are the most important thing in yours."

Ignoring his statement he pressed his hand down on the handle and stepped out.

He looked up and down the corridor, his dad was sat on a plastic chair clutching a cold cup of coffee and Rachel was stood up and pacing the floor.

Upon noticing him come out she ran up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Are you ready?"

He merely nodded taking hold of her hand.

Jeff stood up out of his chair and came over to where they were stood.

"C'mon son don't leave like this, I can get you help."

"I'm sorry." He replied his voice barely above a whisper.

"John, listen I know I aint been the best father but I'm here now."

He tightened his grip on Rachel's hand and took his first step toward the exit, he had found the strength to walk away from his family before and it was time to do it again.

A female voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

"It's been a year, you've proved your point now come home."

He quickly spun around and caught sight of his mother. Her voice had sounded firm but her face told a different story.

Her eyes were filled with tears and worry was etched all over her face. She had looked him up and down, just taking a few seconds to take in his appearance.

"Dixie phoned me." She said, this time her voice was choked as she swallowed back the tears.

She wanted to run over and take him in her arms, hold him tightly and tell him she loved him, except she wasn't sure how to.

Should she run over to him? Or should she wait for him to come to her?

She was still in shock, if she was to be honest with herself it didn't seem real when her ex husband's wife had phoned her, telling her the news she had been praying for over the past year.

Jeff walked over to Lucy and hesitantly placed his hand on her shoulder in attempts to comfort her.

"C'mon John, speak to her."

He brought his eyes down, his mother looked a mixture of heartbroken and shocked. He couldn't bear to look at the pain he had caused her.

"I'm sorry mum."

Once more he went to turn however the other door opened and that's when he crumbled.

His sister came in, he hadn't seen her in over a year and she had changed so much, she was nothing like the mental picture he had etched on his mind.

"John?"

He tried to look away, he mentally willed himself to keep walking but he couldn't.

In the end she took the decision away from him and ran up to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. She clung to him tightly as if her life depended on it, her fingers firmly gripping the fabric of his T-shirt.

Suddenly he let go of Rachel's hand. He felt his knees weaken as he sunk to the floor yet still Sophia kept hold of him.

"Please don't leave me again John." She pleaded crying into his chest.

He let the tears fall as he ran his fingers through her hair, inhaling her scent.

"He won't." Rachel spoke up before heading out the door.

"No Rach please."

She paused at the door and looked at his family, she wasn't going to take away his chance of recovery.

"You'll be fine."

She opened the door and hurried off down the corridor, she didn't allow herself to look back.

He unsteadily got to his feet in attempts to go after her however he felt the pull of his father's arms wrenching him backwards.

"What kind of father would I be if I let you go?"

"Not a very good one, but why change the habit of a lifetime?"

Lucy reached out wrapped her arms around him as did Sophia, they were his family and they weren't going to let him go again.