-1Can't Be Tamed
Chapter 26:
Heartbreak Warfare
Thank you John Mayer for an amazing song that inspired this chapter and gave it a title (Even though the quote isn't a John Mayer lyric.). : ) ILY. Oh, and "Breakeven" will be the next chapter's quote too, because it fits again.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing.
Just pray to a God that I don't believe in.
'Cause I've got time while she's got freedom.
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even.
- The Script
"What is going on here?"
Logan stood there in shock. Kendall must have called his mom. That was just great. They were all in deep trouble now.
Before he could fathom and answer, Jo burst out of the back room.
"What the hell is your problem?" she yelled loudly, "You sit there and cheat on her then think you can push and shove her? You're an ass, Logan!"
"She said she didn't need me!" Logan yelled back.
"HEY!" Mrs. Knight screamed, "If I don't get an answer soon, there's going to be some serious consequences. What is going on?"
"Do you want the long version or the short version?" Kendall asked.
"Short, because obviously there's things I need to tend to." She replied.
"We went to see the tigers. Logan stayed behind. Mercedes obviously took attention to this and walked in and tried to seduce Logan. Piper walked in on them and then left. She went out and, and, now she's drunk and Logan's mad. They broke up from what I know. Carlos and Jo are taking care of Piper, and I'm trying to help Logan. James is held up in his room because he's got some major hate for Logan now. This bus is in chaos and that's why I called." he said quickly.
"Oh my word!" Mrs. Knight said, "First off, where's Piper?"
"In the back room." Kendall said.
"Alright" she said, before grabbing a water bottle and heading back to the back room.
Logan got up and walked outside, needing some air. He walked quickly, hoping Kendall wouldn't follow. He loved Kendall like a brother, but he didn't want to be talked to right now. He climbed up the ladder on the side of the bus until he reached the top. He sat down on the roof of the bus, where the top was actually designed to sit on.
He put his head in his hands and finally let the tears come on. He hated himself right there. He should have just tried to talk to her, even after she punched him. Then, he went and pushed her to the ground. Piper would never love him again and he had to live with that, even though he loved that girl more than life itself.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket, having picked it up from earlier, and looked through the pictures. There were numerous ones of him and Piper. One from opening night the night before. One from at the Palm Woods pool. Another of them kissing that Piper took herself, and then set as his wallpaper. Logan couldn't help but laugh at the memory. The next picture that came up was his favorite. He took it while she was straddling his waist in her room sometime last week. He loved the way she was smiling at him, and the way her hair fell towards her face.
Too bad he'd never get that smile again. He'll be lucky if she even speaks to him again. He put his phone up and put his head back in his hands. He was usually the brains of the group, but today definitely proved different.
Meanwhile, back inside the bus, Kendall's prediction was coming true. In the midst of crying and telling Jo and Carlos that she wanted Logan back, all the alcohol came back to Piper all of a sudden. She fled to the bathroom quickly, hitting her knees, emptying her stomach into the toilet.
"I can't go in there." Jo said, "I'll get sick too."
"I got this." Carlos said, following behind her, shutting the door.
"Hey, it's me." He said as he came in, "You okay?"
"Do I look okay?" she cried, before turning back to the toilet.
Carlos made a face of disgust before taking her long brown hair into his hands. Logan should be in here taking care of his girlfriend, but he was too busy being an idiot. He stood there in a daze, trying to ignore his phone vibrating in his pocket, until a knock on the door caught his attention. When he was sure she was done for the moment, he turned and opened the door to see James standing there.
"I can take it from here if you want to go text the girl from the bar." he said.
"Thanks, man." Carlos said, stepping out of the way.
"Hey, you okay?" James asked, kneeling down beside her.
"Great, the other douche is going to come butt in. That's all I need. Fabulous." she thought.
"Getting a little dizzy," she said, putting her hand to her forehead, "but I think it's going to be okay."
"That's good." he began to rub her back gently, "Do you need anything?"
"Nah, I don't want anything." she said.
"I'm so sorry Logan hurt you, Piper. You deserve so much better." he said.
"Thanks" she said.
She sat there for a second before turning around quickly, bending over the toilet.
"Oh God, I've got you. Hold on." He took her hair in one of his hands and rubbed her back with the other, "It's okay. It's okay."
She sat up and flushed the toilet before falling back against James without even thinking about it, exhausted. James gasped, slightly shocked by her actions. He put both arms around her, holding her tight.
"James," she said, "it's too soon. I don't want this now. Logan hurt me so bad. It's going to take a lot for me to trust someone new now."
"Look, all I'm going to say is that I will never hurt you like that, and that I'm not really someone new. You know me, and I know you deserve better, okay?" he said.
"Alright" she replied, standing up. She walked over to the sink and washed her mouth out before brushing her teeth.
When she was done, James held his hand out for her.
"I'm not trying anything, I swear." he said, "I'm just trying to make sure you get back to your room okay."
"That's fine." she replied.
She took James' hand as he walked her into the room her and Jo shared.
"Jo's sleeping in the floor in Kendall and Logan's room tonight. She didn't want to bother you." James said as Piper pulled the covers back and crawled into the bed.
She held her pillow tight as tears began to slowly fall, "I don't want to be alone."
"I'll stay." he sat down on the foot of her bed, "I'll always be here for you."
"Thanks" she replied with a sniff.
"Do you need anything?" he asked, breaking the awkward silence that followed.
"No, I'm good, James." she sighed.
"Okay, just tell me if you do." he stood up and sat down in the floor beside the bed. They both sat in silence until sleep took them over. Piper finally fell asleep after crying for sometime, hoping the door would swing open at any moment and Logan would come in and tell her he was sorry and that he still loved her. James fell asleep sitting straight up, his head against Piper's bed, wishing that she could see just how different it would be with him rather than Logan.
The next morning, Piper woke up with a splitting headache. As soon as her eyes opened, she shut them quickly with a groan. She put her hands over her face and rolled over, trying to fall asleep again, but then gave up. She looked down at the end of the bed to see James passed out against the foot of the bed.
She tried to remember what happened as she sat up, putting her head in her hands. Her head was still throbbing, hurting like hell. All she could remember was Logan screwing with Mercedes and then their fight. The flashback of Logan pushing her to the ground almost drove her to tears yet again.
"Piper?"
She looked up to see that James had woken up, looking over at her.
"Hey" she said hoarsely.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Shitty" she replied.
"Well, that's expected." he said, "You need anything? You probably have a really bad headache." he said.
She nodded slowly, rubbing her temples. She didn't know if she'd drank more than usual, or if it was partially because of Logan, but this hangover seemed worse than all those other times before.
"I'll go get it. Sit tight." he said before walking out the door, shutting it behind him as quietly as possible.
As James walked out the door Kendall was coming out of the room him and Logan shared.
"Why were you in there?" he asked.
"I stayed with her." he said, "She didn't want to be alone and I wasn't going to let her."
"Be careful, man. She still loves Logan, and Logan still loves her. If she changes her feelings, be careful what you do." Kendall said.
"I'm not going to push her. If it happens, it happens, and I'm the luckiest guy in the world. If it doesn't, oh well." James said, filling up a glass of water before grabbing two pain relievers out of the cabinet.
He took them back in the room to find Piper just as he left her. He sat down next to her and handed her the stuff. She took the medicine and put the glass on the table beside the bed.
"I can't go on stage tonight." She began to cry again, "I can't go up there and act like nothing happened with Logan. I can't go up there and pretend nothing's wrong when everything that could ever be wrong is!"
"You'll get up there and hear those fans and it won't matter anymore." James put his arm around her, pulling her into him, "You'll be fine."
"I don't know. Logan won't even look at me, probably." she wiped tears from her eyes.
"Look, I know you love him and everything, but things could be so much better for you, Piper." he said.
"James, I don't want to hurt you. Trust me, I've obviously hurt enough people recently. I love Logan, and if anything changes in that, you'll be the first to know, but I really don't want another relationship right away." she said.
"If he lets you go, and your feelings change, you'll pick me, won't you?" he asked, sounding serious.
Piper looked up at him and then down at the bed. She couldn't promise him that because chances are, if Logan truly let her go, it'd take her a while to get over him.
"I guess, but I don't really know, okay? I have a lot to think about and deal with and this honestly can't be up in the middle of all of it." she replied.
"I understand." James said, "Maybe one day."
"Yeah, maybe." she replied half heartedly.
Logan, on the other hand, was just waking up himself to an empty room. Kendall had obviously already gotten up and Jo's stuff that was in the floor was gone. He looked at the clock and read the time before getting up. He couldn't help but feel like he'd gotten hit by a truck. Worst of all, he had to go on stage tonight. He had to listen to her sing a song about him, then he had to go introduce her as his girlfriend, and then sing with her, pretending nothing happened. Yeah, he could do it…not.
He got up and stuck his head out the door cautiously, trying to avoid one of three people, if not all of them. He didn't want to put up with James' shit this early and after all that happened. He also didn't want to Jo to go southern fried crazy on him either like yesterday. Oh, and of course he couldn't run into Piper. That'd be a disaster.
No one was out there, so he braved it and walked out. He grabbed a Poptart out of the cabinet and a water bottle before heading back into his room.
He was at a complete loss as to what he was going to do about tonight. He hurt too bad to get up on stage, even though he knew he had to. He didn't want to hear Piper's song, because it would make the hurt worse right before he went on stage, but he had to. This just was another one of those things in life that he might not want to do, but he had to. He hated that fact.
The whole day was pretty quiet. James stayed with Piper in her room, talking and hiding away from everyone, especially Logan. Carlos was in the back room, taking advantage of the fact that no one really wanted to watch TV except him. He also was feverishly texting Karlee, yet again, after getting her tickets to the show that night. Jo and Kendall just hung out in the back room with Carlos, not paying attention to anything but each other, trying to keep their relationship together, unlike Logan and Piper. Logan stayed in his and Kendall's room all day, going back and forth between watching music videos on his laptop and sleeping.
The time had finally came for them to leave the bus to get ready for the show. They never came in any contact before the show. Logan lingered over behind the stage where Piper got ready to go on. He had his mask already over his face where she would hopefully not know it was him.
Her face two nights ago and her face at that moment were two completely different looks. Two nights ago, as Logan was holding her hand before she went up, she looked pumped and fired up. There was a fire in her eyes that couldn't be covered up. Tonight, she just looked kind of dead. Jo was standing where he should have been, giving her thumbs up and doing gestures to remind her to smile. She kept trying to cheer her up before the elevator began to rise and Piper's song started full out.
Logan headed back to the Big Time Rush dressing room and watched Piper on the monitor. The guys all sat in silence, as if the incident from last night stole their ability to speak. She looked okay once she was on stage, which made him feel a lot better. When it was time for her to sing "Your Love Is A Drug", she seemed kind of half-hearted, but that was expected.
When she did her bow and then ran off stage, Logan walked towards the back of the BTR guys as they walked to go backstage. When it was finally time for them to get loaded in the sliding glass doors, Logan watched Jo come kiss Kendall before he went on and tell him something that Logan couldn't hear because of the feed from the audience.
He frowned a deep frown, missing Piper's pre-show kiss and all the silly things she'd do before they ushered her away. A soft smile was brought to his face at the memories, but then was shaken by Gustavo's voice pouring through the ear piece to get in position.
They went through the whole show like any other night, even though Logan felt as if his whole world was still upside down. Hell, "Shot in the Dark" tore him up a little inside By the time "Halfway There" got there, he was already ready for the show to be over. Sad thing was, they didn't put "Halfway There" in the dead middle of the show for no reason.
The whole song was just hard. End of story. Piper's kiss on the cheek made his heart shatter, his throat dry up, and it felt like his cheek was being burned. Not to mention, for the entire last chorus, Piper was all over where James was. They pumped up the crowd together and danced together, sort of like what they used to do.
If the concert didn't end soon, Logan decided he was going to stage dive, sending him into his own fan girl related death.
Luckily, after a few more songs, it was finally time for final bows. Afterwards they went to the meet and greet, as usual. Logan was forced to sit beside Piper because Gustavo still had no clue about what went down, although he was sure Kelly knew by now, because Piper didn't have her necklace on and she wasn't with Logan every chance she got, like normal.
At one point, Piper dropped her purple Sharpie into the floor. Logan watched it fall before leaning down to pick it up. He handed it to her carefully. She looked him in the eye, hurt deep in her Hershey colored eyes, before taking it back. Her hand gently brushed his when she took it back, sending a spark through his arm hitting him dead in the heart. He missed it all. He wanted to hear her voice, not just in a song. He wanted to feel her touch again. He wanted to kiss her again. Most of all, he wanted to hear "I love you, Logie" fall from her lips one more time.
She turned back to face the fan she was talking to again, not turning towards Logan again for the rest of the event.
After the meet and greet, they headed back to the bus to take their nightly showers. All of the boys, except Carlos, who was talking to Karlee outside the bus, went back into the back room to watch TV and wait for their shower time to come up. Piper, Jo, and Katie were all piled near the window where Carlos was outside talking to Karlee, giving Mrs. Knight an unwanted play by play.
"Okay, they're still talking." Katie said.
Pause.
"Still talking." Piper said.
Pause.
"OH MY GOSH! HE KISSED HER!" Jo said, causing all the girls to practically press their faces against the tinted window.
"Okay, they're still making out." Katie said.
Pause.
"Still kissing." Piper said.
"Dang, Carlos, get a room!" Jo said.
"Girls, come on. His relationship is his own business." Mrs. Knight said.
Minutes passed before Mrs. Knight walked back over there and looked out the window herself.
"We're seriously pulling out of this parking lot in ten minutes. This is getting ridiculous." she said, earning a laugh from the three girls.
"Someone hit the window and then duck!" Katie said.
"I got it." Piper said, "Duck down, you guys!"
Mrs. Knight, Jo, and Katie ducked down low as Piper hit the window hard with two fists and then ducked down with them.
A few minutes later, Carlos walked back inside, a serious look on his face.
"Who did it?" he asked before the girls all started laughing.
"One day, you guys. You just wait." he said before trudging back to the back room with the rest of the boys.
"See, now doesn't that prove that you can still have fun?" Jo asked Piper.
"Yeah, I guess." she sighed.
After showering, Jo and Piper retreated into their room to talk. After getting a full story about yesterday and talking about it in depth, the conversation moved to James.
"He's like, in love with me. I don't know if he's serious." she said.
"So what are you going to do?" Jo said.
"I don't want to mess around with him when I'm still in love with Logan."
That sentence struck an idea within Jo.
"Logan's totally the jealous type, the way he always fights for you with James." Jo began, "Have you ever thought of shamelessly hanging out with James or maybe pulling a friends with benefits to make him jealous?"
"I'd feel so bad." Piper hung her head, "I don't want to use James, unless Logan does something to make me jealous, you know."
"Maybe you should hang with him some. Test the waters." Jo said.
"I don't know. I don't want to hurt Logan any worse." Piper said.
"Just see how it goes, that's all I'm saying!"
After her talk with Jo was over, Piper waited outside of the bathroom, knowing James would be coming out of the bathroom soon following his hour long shower and condition and any other thing he does to make himself look better.
"Hey!" James said with a huge smile on his face, seeing Piper standing outside the bathroom waiting for him.
"Hey" she smiled softly.
"What's up?" he asked.
"Not much, can I talk to you?" she asked.
"Sure thing!" James replied, tossing his towel in the clothes hamper behind him.
They walked into the room James and Carlos shared, and James locked the door behind them, just in case this was either super important, or things got a little…out of hand.
"So what's up?" he asked as he sat down beside her on his bed.
"I was just wondering, why exactly do you feel the way you do about me?" she asked, picking at the dark purple nail polish that was on her fingers.
"I don't know. I've always been into you ever since I first saw you in your video." he said, "Then when we met, and I saw how nice you really were. I don't know, it all just happened."
"Really?" she asked, "So like, right here, right now, you're getting all those nervous feelings and you're fighting with yourself with what to do and all that junk?"
"More than you'd know, and James Diamond never gets nervous." he said, "Well, unless I run out of 'Cuda Massive Hold, but that's another story."
"So you like me?" she asked.
"Duh."
"I think the alcohol's finally gotten to me." she said, feeling a nervous feeling that could honestly make her cry boiling over in her chest.
"Why?"
With that, she leaned in and kissed James shortly on the lips.
"There's no going back now."