There was no reason to be worried. Everything was going to be alright. Edward will be alright and if he was going to be alright, I was going to be just fine. Happy forever. I had to repeat those words to survive the real thoughts in my brain. Nothing will be alright. It's dangerous. I wanted to stop thinking. To cut my brain out or find a mute button.
Waiting in this small waiting room was worse than hell. Everyone was acting like they were feeling no fear although the tension in the room was so heavy it almost cut out my breath. The sound of Emmett's heels that were touching the ground a thousand times a minute was the only sound that kept me in the reality of things.
I closed my eyes, trying to remember Edward's face. I heard the knitting sticks from Esmé touching each other. It was almost forming a beautiful music. Or maybe I was just losing my mind. Alice was turning over a page from her girly magazine every now and then.
The last look Edward had given me before he left for his surgery- a look that said "maybe I won't be alright after all"- had put my angst on a higher level. I was sitting here waiting to get some news, starting to feel useless by just sitting and getting my mind crazy was like waiting for someone to murder you. It was murder. The doctors were murdering us.
Everyone came out of their chair at the exact moment when the door had opened. Carlisle took off his blue bandana from his head and sat down next to me. Everyone was staring at him, sending messages with their eyes. I was even insulting him. My mind was luckily private.
"Nothing new." He told us. He sighed.
"Is that a good thing?" Emmett asked the question that was on every mind.
"I have no idea. The last news I've got was that his tension was a bit high but could be fixed." Everyone looked frustrated.
"It's going to be alright." Esmé soothed. Everything will be fine. Everyone sat back in their original position, doing the same thing only half-concentrated.
"Have you eaten yet?" Carlisle whispered to me. I stared at him in disbelief. His son was probably dying at this very moment and he wondered if I had eaten something? "You should eat."
"I'm not hungry."
"You should."
"I don't want to eat, Carlisle." I said strongly to him, almost in a rude voice. I was going to throw it up anyway. There was suddenly a beeping noise coming out of his pocket. Everyone turned his head like someone had yelled their names at the same time.
"Shit." Carlisle said while looking at the black beeper in his hands. He came out of his chair and ran away without saying anything to us. We all looked at each other like it was a wordless agreement. We all ran to where Carlisle had disappeared. A nurse stopped us in front of a lift. Staff only.
"Oh come on Leah." Emmett said to the nurse. Yeah he definitely knew every nurse in Phoenix. She just shook her head in an apologizing way. We walked slowly back to the room, our feet slumping on the ground. They should have put us some rags under our feet, we would have cleaned the place. Some of us looked back to the door, hoping someone would come out to give us more information. Suddenly, Emmett turned around and ran to the door, opening it before Leah could stop him.
"Emmett, come back!" Esmé screamed to him though we all could hear in her voice that she was proud of her son. The three of us continued our way to the waiting room, slightly more hopeful which was stupid.
And the wait could start again. Seconds felt like hours and minutes like years and every hour felt like centuries past.
After 183 seconds, because yes I had been counting seconds, Carlisle entered the small room with Emmett. At the look of their faces, we all could conclude that there was something very very very wrong.
"His tension dropped, his heart weakened. His pancreas swelled up and the..."
"He's in a coma." Emmett interrupted the useless explanation from his father.
A coma. A coma. A coma. 1 word, 2 syllables. Coma. Co-ma.
The world underneath my feet opened, making me drop in the worst kind of hell. At least it was better than death. Fuck you. I collapsed on the ground, my knees hitting the ground as first. I didn't give a damn about the sting of pain in my knees, in my legs. My whole body was aching, everything hurt. My heart was bleeding, my eyes were crying. I couldn't hear anything or anyone. I refused any kind of help. I wanted to see him. I wanted to be with Edward.
No, it wasn't true. I was sure they were kidding. Making a horrible joke that would make us all hate them until their last breath. My last breath. Edward's last breath.
I was aware of the arms wrapped around my shoulders, holding me and rocking. I was aware of the big bear arms that were keeping me calm or at least were trying to. I was crying, yelling, every organ, every fiber, every bone was aching. It wasn't true. Nothing was true. This existence was a joke. I hate it all. Everything. And I hated everyone. Anyone. I even found myself hating Edward. He was the one I hated the most. Why did he agree on this shit? When did he decide to ruin me? I hate myself. I had no idea why but I hated being me even more than I usually hated being me.

XXX

I was woken up by a snoring too close to my ear for my liking. I looked up to the cause of the noise, wondering why I was sleeping with my face on Emmett's lap. I hit him with my elbow in the stomach, causing him to wake up in surprise.
"Stop snoring." I said with a voice that surprised me. My throat was hurting and the sound my body was releasing was far from my usual voice. It was knavish and hard, like I hadn't spoken in years. Or like I had been crying for hours on my boyfriend's brother lap.
"You snore yourself." He said, pinching my nose with his thumb and index.
"I don't snore!"
"You do, Swan. You snore."
"Shut up." I turned my head from him and looked at the wall in front of us. A white wall. I stayed with my head on Emmett's lap. It was more comforting than sitting on my own. He was rubbing my shoulder to comfort me. I liked it. My big bear Emmett.
I acted like I hadn't noticed Emmett's swollen eyes and red nose. I was perfectly aware of the fact it would take all his pride away. And I knew my face probably wasn't a lot better looking right now. No one's face was.
"Where's everyone?" I asked, suddenly noticing we were alone.
"Alice is with her boyfriend Jasper. He took the first train to get here."
"Sweet"
"Hmm."
"And your parents?"
"With Edward." I shivered at the sound of his name. Edward. My Edward. Coma.
"And why aren't you there?" I turned my head to look into his teary eyes. He was looking away from me, probably because he was trying to avoid my look while he was going to cry again.
"I wanted to stay with my sis." His sis. Funny. "Do you want to see him?" I thought about it. Yes I wanted to see him. My entire body was begging to see him. I needed to see he was half-alive and still his beautiful self. I had to see if he was my Edward still. I wanted to go to him, smell him as weird as it may sound and making sure he wasn't dead yet but still in that stupid two syllable word. Co-ma. If my heart had legs, he would be begging on them asking me to see my Edward again, the one that healed me. My brain was literally screaming. See him, see him!
But I replied a heartbreaking, shaky "No."

Poor poor Edward! Poor poor Bella! How is this going to evolve?

So, I want to excuse myself for updating so late but… yeah you know what happened anyway. Push on the review button to tell me what you think about this turning point.

I want to thank my awesome beta for helping me out again with this. Thank you for everything you did, Chrissy. You're wonderful but you know that already.

Xoxo, Laure.