A/N: I don't own this. We all know who does.
Thanks to goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, and bugsmama07 for pre-reading this. :)
Thanks to MariahajilE for keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. :)
~*o*~*O*~*o*~
Chapter Twenty-Six
My therapy session wasn't nearly as bad as I'd imagined it would be. The office was nice, rather low-key, and very quiet. The waiting room was small, and I was the only one there. I was still nervous as I sat in the chair and tried to keep my breathing slow and regular. A dark-haired woman, who looked to be in her mid-50s, opened one of the doors next to the secretary's window and called my name.
"I'm Dr. Santiago, though most of my patients call me Dr. Carmen. How are you today, Bella?" she asked, offering her hand for me to shake.
"I'm okay, I guess. I'm nervous."
Her smile instantly calmed me. "Don't be. It's just you and me, and we'll be talking about whatever you feel comfortable sharing today. No pressure." She led me into a room that had two large sofas and a chair on one side of the room. The other side had a few floor-to-ceiling bookcases filled with books and pictures, and in a corner, there was a large box of toys, as well as several different toy structures for children. It made me feel better seeing how ordinary the room looked.
"As you know, I work with a lot of families, so children often times attend sessions. I find it helps me work with them when they have things they can relate to. The same with adults, so if you have any particular items you draw comfort from, please feel free to bring them along to future sessions. The work we'll be doing here is for you, to help you. My only real concern is that we're able to do that, and that you leave here feeling better about your life."
"Thank you," I quietly said.
She looked through the paperwork I'd filled out for a few moments and then closed the file. "Today, I want to get to know you a little bit. I've read what you've written in the file and we'll deal with those issues, but I want to just talk and get to know you for now. And you'll get to know me, too."
She started asking little questions, nothing too important or crazy. I answered as honestly as I could, remembering what Edward had told me. I knew there was nothing seriously wrong with me, so I didn't need to worry about that, but I also knew I had issues most people didn't have to deal with. Those were the things I needed help working through.
Dr. Carmen smiled through most of our discussion, and I felt very at ease in her presence. After explaining all the things she'd asked about, she finally asked if there was anything else I wanted her to know. With Edward's voice playing on a loop in my head, I took a deep breath.
"I think I'm falling in love with my brother-in-law," I said.
She was quiet for a moment. "Why do you think that?"
"Because I know what it's like to love someone. I know what that feels like. And this feels like that, only about a million times stronger. It scares me, especially that it's happening so soon after Alec died. I feel like I shouldn't be finding love again, not this soon and not with Edward."
"Why do you feel that way, Bella? Do you feel like you're not worthy of finding love again?"
"No, I don't think that. I just think it's so soon, you know?" I looked up at her, my eyes filling with tears. "It's so fast and sudden, and I know people will assume things about us. But it feels so right. I think part of me feels guilty, because I never felt this level of want for Alec. And to find that so soon..."
"What do you think Alec would have thought about you and Edward being together?" she asked.
"I don't know. He told me he wanted me to be happy, to find someone else who would make me happy. And the last time I spoke to him, the day before he passed, he told me there was someone else for me. There was something else that was greater than what I knew. I didn't know what he meant and maybe it wasn't love he was talking about, but the way he said it... It's like he knew something I didn't know. Like he'd seen something I couldn't see."
"How did Alec feel about Edward?"
I sniffled, wiping at my eyes. "He loved him. When Edward and Jane first stated dating and then when they got married, Alec didn't really like him. I think he just couldn't figure out why Jane was with him. He was so different from all the other boyfriends Jane had over the years. Jane and Edward together didn't make sense. But as time passed and Alec and Edward started working together, he watched Edward with Jane and Emily. He really gained a lot of respect and love for Edward. I saw it happen, and I remember when he stopped saying not-so-nice things about Edward. It was weird, because I could tell he genuinely liked Edward."
"And when Alec was still alive, how did you feel about Edward?"
I was silent for several seconds, trying to put my thoughts into word. I wanted to say it the right way, to really make her understand. And I didn't want to mess it up. Edward deserved better than that.
"There was always something special between me and Edward. We just got along, right from the first day. The first time we met, I felt so comfortable with him. It was like I could tell him anything, and he wouldn't judge me. He was funny and smart, and I admired the way he treated Jane and Emily. I could see how much he loved them, and I thought very highly of him. When Alec would say stupid stuff about him to me, I always felt offended and I'd stand up for him. I think maybe that's why Alec took so long to come around. I never felt anything inappropriate for him — I promise you that — but I knew I could always depend on him, which was great since Alec's family is the only family we have in Forks. We had to stick together, and we did. We were really close, and I knew him. I knew Edward."
"It sounds like you had a very special relationship."
"We did," I said, then smiled. "We still do."
Dr. Carmen smiled at me. "Bella, let me tell you what I think after today. I think you're a very lucky woman. I think you had a wonderful marriage to a good man who loved you and who you loved in return. I think you've tried to be a good mother, as well as a loving and faithful wife. I think you have a fierce love for those around you, and I can see a fire within you that's been dampened by what you've experienced this year."
I nodded, knowing that she was right, that Edward had been right. I wanted to be my old self again, and Dr. Carmen seeing a difference in me — the me then versus the me now — led me to believe that she could help me find that girl again.
"I see a sad, heartbroken girl who is strong and determined, a girl who's fighting back to reclaim what she's lost. I see hope in you, Bella. I see a need and a want that you have, that you're trying to fill. I see the desire for love and happiness in you. Because of those things, I think you're well ahead of many other people who face the same challenges you do. I'm confident that you're going to pull through this and that you will be a better person because of it."
"Thank you," I said.
"I know you live an hour away, so do you think meeting every other week would be okay with you?" she asked.
"Yeah, that's fine."
"Okay, we'll get some appointments set up before you go. Bella, I just want you to be careful. Just like with life, don't make any rash decisions until you've had time to really think about them first. You've got a pretty level head on your shoulders, and I have no doubt you'll do what's best for you and your children."
"Thank you."
"And just so you know, the things you're feeling for your brother-in-law are, quite frankly, very normal for a person like yourself. People who've had healthy, happy marriages often times find themselves in a new relationship very soon after losing a spouse. They yearn for companionship and someone to share their life with, and they know having a relationship can be a wonderful blessing. Just because you lost one person and you still love them doesn't mean you can't find someone new and love them, too. Life isn't a game. There are no winners or losers. Edward only has to compete against Alec if you make him. That's your choice. Truth is you can have them both and be better for it."
I nodded, sniffling and wiping at fresh tears that were gathering in my eyes. "Thank you so much. That really helps me."
Her smile was warm, as was her goodbye hug, and I knew without a doubt that I'd come to the right person. After scheduling our next few meeting times, I left Dr. Carmen's office feeling lighter and better equipped to deal with things. I knew we hadn't really worked through any of my issues yet, but just being able to tell her about my life and my challenges was wonderful. I talked to Alice about it for a little while when I picked up Mckenna. She was happy for me, and when I left, she wrapped her arms around my waist and tightly hugged me.
"I can still see you, Bella," she whispered. "I see you." It felt good hearing that, and the whole way home to Forks, I had a smile plastered on my face. That might have been partly due to the fact that I would be seeing Edward soon. I wanted to see him, to tell him about my appointment and to really start talking to him. Maybe he was the thing Alec had told me about. Maybe it was him that Alec saw for me. Maybe.
As our meeting time with Edward and Emily approached, I decided not to change my clothes. I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, so I grabbed a sweater in case the night got a little chilly, and we left. I'd been to Edward's house a million times. Jane always loved to show it off, and she would have parties and luncheons and get-togethers every chance she got. It was a really beautiful home, with many custom touches designed by Edward himself. Parking in the driveway, the kids were excited to run up the long sidewalk that led to the front door.
"Don't kick the lights on the grass!" I yelled at them, hoping they would avoid the little pathway lights that were shining bright as the daylight quickly faded. Walking toward the house, I remembered the first time I'd ever seen it.
Alec and I had just moved to Forks and were renting a little apartment while we looked at houses to buy. Jane and Edward were moving to Forks, too, since Aro was handing over control of his business to Jane and Alec. Alec and Edward were going to run things while Jane and I helped out where we could.
Jane was pregnant with Emily at the time, and when they'd found the house, she knew it was perfect for their new family. She didn't want anything too big and grand, but something a little smaller that felt cozier for them. Plus, the smaller homes in their neighborhood were much more affordable for a couple just starting out and with a baby on the way.
The four of us had gone to dinner to celebrate Edward's birthday. He was so sweet with Jane, holding her hand and letting her lean on him when she walked. He pampered her throughout the entire meal, causing Alec to laugh and tease her about what a wimp she was.
"You try having a ten-pound baby in you, and then we'll see who's a wimp," she spat at him. She was a week past her due date, and I could see how uncomfortable she was. It was the middle of June, and the weather was quite warm. "Ugh, don't they have air conditioning in this place?" she said, almost bursting into tears.
"I'll go check. Can I get you anything while I'm gone?" Edward asked her.
"Um, maybe a Shirley Temple or something, please? That sounds good. Thank you, baby." She smiled up at him so sweetly. She had to have been aware of her mood swings, and I was certain she regretted it. She didn't feel well, and I understood that.
Edward hurried off, and just then, Alec's phone buzzed. "Oh, sorry. I forgot I left it on," he said, pulling it from his pocket and looking at it. "It's dad. I should take this. I'll be right back."
Jane and I sat at the table, her bouncing back and forth between whining and whimpering and sighing and giggling. She was beautiful all pregnant, and her belly wasn't nearly as big as many I'd seen.
"So, any news from your doctor?" I asked. Alec and I were waiting another year before we started trying for a baby. We had a plan, and I intended to stick to it.
"Yeah, he says any day. I guess if the baby doesn't come by next Wednesday, then he'll induce me."
I nodded, knowing it was only Thursday, and she had a long way to go.
"Hey, babe," Alec said as he sat back down at the table. "There's a problem at work. My dad needs me to meet him and go in. I'm so sorry. I can take you home now, if you want."
Just then Edward walked back to the table. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, I guess some stuff got left out of the storage yard. I gotta go help my dad get it all locked up. Plus, he wants to go over those plan changes we made today." Alec turned to me. "I should be an hour or so. If you wanna stay, I can come back when I'm done."
"We can take her home. It's no problem," Edward said. "I mean, unless you want to go home now."
I really wanted to stay. Alec and I hadn't had a night out in a while, and since we'd moved to Forks and I hadn't made may new friends yet, I'd been so looking forward to our evening out. "I think I'd like to stay, if that's okay with you guys."
"Fine with me!" Jane said happily. I was hoping maybe that would lift her spirits a little, but as we drove home after dinner, she was curled up on the back seat cursing Edward's name and several of his body parts. She may have looked beautiful as a pregnant woman, but she felt miserable.
"Edward, can you take me home before you drop Bella off?" she asked. Her voice was so quiet and sad that when he began to protest, I spoke up.
"No, it's fine. I don't mind. Plus, I haven't seen the new house yet," I said with a smile. He nodded in agreement, and we turned toward their neighborhood. It was in a newer area of town, one that Alec and I had looked in a few times, and we loved it. The house was gorgeous, like I knew it would be, and I helped Edward get Jane out of the car once we'd parked in the driveway. We helped her into the house, and Edward gave me a quick tour before we left to take me home.
"The house is so pretty," I told him.
"Thanks. I like it. I think I can add a few things to it, you know, to make it a little more unique."
I smiled at his enthusiasm. "That would be great. And you can use that schooling of yours, too."
He laughed at my comment and as we drove along I saw a For Sale sign in a yard. "Oh, slow down," I told him, then looked closely at the house. It was so nice, and I really wanted to see the inside of it. Jotting down the number, I made a mental note to call the realtor the next day so that Alec and I could see it.
As we pulled onto the street where Alec and I were living, Edward's phone rang.
"Hi, babe. I'm just dropping Bella off. You want me to grab something on my way back?" he asked.
"Edward! Come home! I think the baby's coming," I heard Jane yelling through the phone.
"What? Why?" he said, his tone suddenly very loud and panicked.
"My water broke. Or at least all this clear liquid came gushing out onto the floor. Luckily I was in the kitchen. I'd hate to have to get this out of the new carpet."
I had to hold back my laugh at her worry over her carpet. I knew she and Edward wouldn't see the humor in that just yet.
"Okay, we're heading back. Did you call your parents?" Edward asked as he turned around and headed back to his house.
I heard her say she hadn't but that she would.
"I love you, and I'll be back in just a minute. Be ready. We're havin' a baby tonight!" Edward said to Jane and I smiled, seeing him so excited and anxious for this next step in his life.
"You'll come with us, right? I'm probably gonna need your help with her on the way, and I know she wants you and Alec at the hospital, too."
I smiled. "Of course I'll go with you. There's no place else I'd want to be."
Collin knocked on the door, and soon enough, Emily opened it, inviting us in. Edward was in the kitchen pulling plates and cups from the cupboard.
"Hey, you're here," he said, smiling at us and looking sweetly at me. "My parents are coming over about seven. I figured that would give us time to eat and stuff. Is that okay?"
Nodding at him, I smiled. "Yeah, that's perfect. You need any help?"
"I do know my way around this kitchen, missy," he teased, and it made me laugh.
"Well, by all means then, I'll let you serve us."
I herded the kids to the table that sat in the open dining space and watched as Edward moved around the room. It made me happy to watch him being so domestic and useful. And it made me not feel so bad about him helping out in the kitchen at my house.
When the kids all had their pizza and were happily eating, he looked across the table to me and smiled.
"How did it go today?" he asked.
I watched him closely, taking in his calming and reassuring mood. I thought about what Dr. Carmen had said about moving on and how some people who had been happy before could be happy again. And how it was okay. And how Edward wasn't competing against Alec, unless I forced him to. It was up to me, and I'd already decided.
"It was good," I said. "It was really, really good."
~*o*~*O*~*o*~
