Happy Easter everyone!! Especially to specialfrancine who's always reviewed and given me the strength to keep writing.
I read a fic yesterday by harryfan95 which was a letter: Was it worth it? It was written as a letter from Alice to Jack, so I decided I should write a sort of reply. Enjoy!
Dear Melissa Moretti,
That's who you truly are and you have to remember that. On the outside, to everyone else, you might be Alice Carter, but to me you'll always be Melissa –just like how I'll always be the monster to you. You can't run away from who you are, like I am. You would think that someone who's lived as long as I have would have figured that out by now. You have to be stronger than me Melissa.
The thing is… I do hear his screams. It isn't just when I close my eyes; it's just about every day. They aren't just his screams either. I can hear others too. I can hear Ianto telling me I won't remember him. I can hear your mother yelling at me. I hear ghosts and they're always whispering in my ear.
And you know that if there was some other way, I would have taken it. I'm not a cold-blooded murderer by choice. You, Melissa, can find some closure that you will die one day. But what happens to me? One day, I'll be the only one left. That Doctor that I've spun tales about will eventually die too. In the end, it's just me and Time.
I know where you think I'm going with this, but I will not under any circumstances tell you to put yourself in my position. That would be unjust. You blame me, and you are entirely right. It was my fault. I don't ask for your forgiveness either. You don't need you to give it because I took Steven away from you.
Earth is a graveyard. Everything rots and withers and decays. You think society is doomed? Try the 51st century. You don't want to see me again and you won't. There are too many reminders of my past here and I have to get away. I won't be here tomorrow.
But just know one last thing Melissa. It's never worth it. That is one of the things you learn when you have forever like me. All that fixing timelines and saving people, it's usually never worth it. But for that moment there, when most everyone is safe, you finally get that sense of solace –only if you're cursed like me. You feel that somehow, your actions are justifiable.
But they aren't. And that isn't me justifying that what I did was right. What I did was a felony punishable by law.
I love you. You're my daughter and no matter what you think of me, I'll still remember you when I'm old and stuck at the end of the universe waiting for everything to end. I'll remember everyone. Don't think for once that I don't know how you feel.
Your heart might have broken but mine didn't. A heart can't possibly break if it wasn't even whole to start with.
You never truly know what you have until it's gone.