Disclaimer: That would still be a no.
Challenge: Duty
AU. Set somewhere near the beginning of the series.
Jen stood near the window, tension written in the ridged line of her back. The past few days had been hell on earth for her in more ways than one. She took it all in stride though, keeping her emotions tightly bottle up inside. Her sense of duty overwhelmed any loyalty she might feel for Wes or his century. It was who she was and it dictated everything that she did. Duty, it completely consumed her life and made it impossible for her to connect with someone whose sense of duty was less than adequate.
Wes sat in the shadows, silently watching her from the comfort of the couch. A small frown played around the corners of his lips as he stared at the prone figure. Her hands were locked behind her at the small of her back as she stood straight as a board, inert and unwavering the pale moonlight. To the casual observer this was a normal pose to find her in, alert and confident, but Wes knew that her looks were not only deadly, they were deceiving. Her shoulders weren't held high in sincerity, but to keep the façade of cold detachment from cracking and letting her true emotions shine through. But even despite her best efforts, a slight slump had crept into her posture. Inside, Wes knew she was a storm of emotions. Deep down she blamed herself for everything that had happened. Her verbalized attacks were directed at Wes, but her heart told her she was to blame for Trip's death.
He had tried time and again to tell her it wasn't her fault. The fiery explosion that had claimed their friend's life was a tragic accident, brought about by one of Ransik's sinister plot. There was nothing that Jen could have done that would have saved him. It was meant to be.
"Meant to be…" he whispered to the darkness that surrounded him.
Making a decision at last, he climbed to his feet and slowly approached the window.
"Jen?"
Empty silence followed his words.
He came to a stop by her side and stood with her, quietly observing the sleeping city below them. He knew from experience that Jen would talk when and if she felt like it. Any attempts to cajole her into speaking before she was ready were almost always met with cold fury or stony detachment. Never both. So it came as a surprise when she suddenly turned and threw her arms around his neck.
"Oh, Wes!"
It took him a moment to realize that she was crying; hot tears soaked through his t-shirt and sent a pang of guilt surging through his heart. "Jen, shhh, its ok," he gently cooed into her hair.
She shook her head, sending tears flying wildly in every direction.
"No, no it's not ok! Trip's….Trip's dead and it's all my fault!"
He pushed her back and cupped her face in his hands, forcing her to look him in the eyes. "No Jen. We've already been through this. There is nothing you could have done. You were outside, with us, protecting the city. It's not your fault."
"But…if I had told him no. I should not have told him to go in there. So stupid, I should have known it was a trap. If I'd gotten there faster, beaten Ransik…"
Wes pressed a finger to her lips to silence her.
"It was Trip's choice. He knew the risks." He paused, desperately searching for something too say, anything to ease Jen's pain. He sighed, knowing that what he was about to say might do more harm than good.
He put his arms around her waist and brought her to his chest, choosing his next few words with care.
"You're human Jen. Humans make mistakes. You aren't perfect and no one expects you to be. You've got to learn to let these things go. I know that's not an easy thing to do, but Trip wouldn't want you to be making yourself sick over it. He was doing his duty; any one of you would have done the same."
He chanced a glance at her face, and was saddened by the expression that he saw there. It was no longer contorted in pain and misery but into something equally as bad and at the same time much worse: confusion. Wes has never seen her look so lost before. The strong soldier, the one who always held it together, even under the worst circumstances, looked like a lost child on the verge of a breakdown. She had had to choose. Duty over a friend's well-being, and now she was second guessing herself left and right. Second guessing everything she knew and everything she had been taught. To her, duty was the glue that held her life together and kept it from shattering into chaos. But that same sense of duty had forced her to make a decision that had taken the life of a dear comrade. Wes couldn't begin to imagine how she felt. His own feelings at that moment were also too ineffable to fathom.
"I wish I could stop the pain," he whispered into her hair as he gently stoked her back, "I wish I could make it right again, but I can't. All I can do is be here for you. You've got to forgive yourself. Let the pain out, all of it. Let it out or it'll eat you alive. Just think about all the people that Trip saved by going after that bomb. Thousands of innocent people are alive because Trip wasn't afraid to do his duty. Because Trip cared."
Jen tightened her grip on Wes until he thought she was trying to break him in two.
"I'm not saying it's going to be ok, but in time, it'll get better."
The silence that engulfed them as Wes finished speaking was almost as uncomfortable as Jen slowly trying to squeeze the life out of him. But after a few moments her tears subsided and she leaned back to meet his gaze.
"Thank you," she said, her voice so soft he barely head it.
"You know I'm always here for you. Because I care."
She gave him a watery smile. "I know and you don't know how much that means to me."
Wes felt the heat in his cheeks rising and returned her smile with a shy one of his own. "If you ever need anything Jen, anything at all, don't hesitate to ask. I know I'm not the greatest at this kind of stuff, but I try."
She nodded. "Yeah, you do kinda suck at this comforting stuff…"
He cocked his head to the side with a curt smile. "What was that? Did you just prove you had a sense of humor?"
He reached up and felt her forehead, "no fever….ok, who are you and what have you done with my Jen?"
A real smile, the first one he had seen in days, finally appeared on her face. "You're starting to rub off on me."
His grin widened as she laid her head back on his shoulder, "It's a flaw."