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Chapter Twenty-Five
"Edward, where do you keep your coffee?" Jane called from the kitchen.
"Um, I don't usually keep it on hand. Sorry," he answered as he flipped through the pages of his textbook trying to find where he left off.
"Well, we need to get some then. You know how much I like coffee in the morning."
"Actually, I don't even have a coffee maker."
Jane stood in the doorway and sighed exasperatedly. "Seriously?"
Edward shrugged. "I never drink the stuff." He silently wished she'd let it drop, but he knew she probably wouldn't. Actually, he wished she'd just go and leave him in peace so he could study.
True to his word, Jacob had cleared Jane to go home two days before Christmas, leaving Edward no choice but to bring her to his apartment. He'd suggested that she spend some time at her parents' house, but she'd declined. And somehow, even though her parents were there the day she was released to go home and were ecstatic with the progress she'd made, they didn't seem very anxious to have her back home. So Edward had no choice but to bring her to stay with him.
Once she'd arrived, she'd been anxious to resume the physical relationship they'd had prior to her accident. The thought made Edward ill, and he did his best to put her off. He cited concern over her well-being, and the fact that Jacob hadn't given his okay for her to even drive yet, let alone engage in anything as rigorous as sex. She eyed him skeptically, and he could see the pain behind her eyes, but he pushed it aside. So far, he'd been successful. All they'd done in his bed since she'd moved in was sleep. He wondered how much longer he'd be able to put her off.
Now, almost two weeks later, she'd pretty much moved in with him, and it seemed to Edward as if she was constantly there. The apartment was too small for him to ever really get away from her, and she was less than understanding about the demands of his schoolwork.
"So, I thought you said you started school late," she said as she plopped down next to him on the couch.
"I did."
"So you're not getting credit for any of your assignments?"
"That was last semester. When the new semester started last week, that changed."
"Well," she said, her face taking on the pout that Edward had come to abhor. "I don't see why you can't just take this semester off, too. I mean, I just got home, and we have a lot of catching up to do." She grinned, wrapping her arms around his waist.
Edward sighed and patted her hand. "I know, but I can't. I need to be in school."
"Yeah, I was supposed to start school, too, you know," she said, resentment clear in her voice.
Edward sighed again and felt his jaw clenching reflexively. It seemed that lately she'd been bringing up all of the opportunities she'd missed while in a coma, and Edward suspected she was doing it on purpose to try and manipulate him. He also knew he had no defense against it.
"I know, Jane, and you will. We both agreed that this semester was too soon for you to start though." He smiled and patted her arm again in what he hoped was a reassuring way. "I know you're impatient. You've dealt with so much these past few months, and I'm so proud of you. We just need a little more time, and then our lives will be back to normal." He heard himself say the words, but he wasn't sure what they meant. Normal. Was this what his new normal was? He was still working hard to be a better person and support himself without his father's help, but somehow it felt like a hollow victory without Bella.
He glanced at his watch as he pushed thoughts of Bella from his mind for what seemed like the thousandth time that day. That day and every day. "I need to shower before work," he said, patting Jane's knee and bracing for the argument that he knew was about to start.
"Do you really have to go to work?" she asked, her voice giving off a hint of a whine.
"You know I do."
"No you don't. I know for a fact your father would be more than happy to reinstate your trust fund. Hell, we don't even have to touch your trust fund. I've got mine. It's more than enough for the both of us."
He ignored her. He'd heard it all from her dozens of times in the past two weeks. Undeterred by his silence, she continued.
"I'm serious, Edward. Our parents have worked hard to establish a life for us so that we don't have to work at menial labor jobs like waiting tables."
Her tone annoyed him, and he spun to face her. "Jane, I know you don't understand, but I'm doing my best to work hard and establish my own life. I don't need anyone else's help, especially not my father's."
Jane gave him a surly look, but his tone must have been enough to convince her that the subject wasn't up for debate anymore, at least not that day, because she kept quiet as Edward stalked into the bathroom and started the shower.
He left for work a little while later, feeling both guilty for quarreling with her and resentful of her constant presence. His mood was not improved at all once he arrived at work. Even though it had been weeks since Bella had quit on Peter, he still gave Edward dirty looks almost every time he saw him. Edward had a feeling that one slip up was all it would take for Peter to get rid of him. To make matters worse, the girl Peter had hired to replace Bella was even slower than Edward had been when he'd first started. Thankfully, Edward wasn't asked to train her, but her ineptitude still spilled over into his work sometimes.
"Victoria, you were supposed to deliver this order to table nine!" Edward called, handing her a plate that had sat under the warming lights far too long. "You'll have to have them re-fire it now."
"Sorry!" she mumbled, clearly embarrassed.
The rest of the night followed a similar pattern, and by the time Edward pulled out of the parking lot for home, he was exhausted. He found Jane already asleep, and he did his best not to disturb her as he crawled in next to her.
As tired as he was, sleep didn't come easily. Unsurprisingly, he found his thoughts drifting to Bella. He wondered where she was and what she was doing. Surely she'd returned from New Mexico. Had she found another job? Most importantly in his mind, did she ever think of him? He entertained the possibility that somewhere she was lying in bed thinking about him, but he knew he had no right to hope for that. They'd each made their decisions. He knew that it was his poor decisions more than anything that had gotten him into this predicament. He sighed, and Jane rolled over in her sleep, reminding him again of her existence. He sighed. It did no good to dwell on thoughts of Bella. It was as though she'd been a fleeting dream. She'd been his for a few impossibly happy months of his life. But now she was gone, and Edward had to face that inescapable fact. He wondered if she'd moved on and found someone new, but the thought was too painful, so instead he punched his pillow, rolled over, and willed sleep to come. Eventually it did, and his dreams were nondescript and disjointed.
Jane was required to attend physical therapy sessions several times a week, and she was still restricted from driving, so in the morning before class, Edward drove her to Jacob's office, located near the facility she'd spent so many weeks in.
"I'll be back to pick you up after my first class. I should have just enough time to take you home before my second class. Can you please keep an eye on the time and be watching for me? I won't have time to wait for you, okay?"
Jane nodded dismissively and waved goodbye to him as she climbed out of the car. He watched as she practically skipped to the front door of the large medical complex. He silently thanked Demetri for referring them to Jacob. He'd been a lifesaver. Since he'd come into the picture, Jane's whole attitude about training had changed.
Edward made it to campus with only minutes to spare, and when his lecture was over, he hurried back to his car, checking his watch as he went, and hoping that Jane had listened to him this morning. He really couldn't afford to be late this early in the term. He arrived in front of the building and peered at the entrance, looking for Jane. She was nowhere to be found. Exasperated, he parked the car and headed inside to find her. He located Jacob's office on the directory wall inside the front door and took the stairs two at a time.
As he pushed the office door open, Jane's laughter filled his ears. She was bouncing up and down on a giant exercise ball as Jacob stood behind her to keep her steady. Neither of them noticed Edward's entrance. He cleared his throat.
"Oh, hey, Edward," Jacob said, smiling lightly.
"Hi, Jacob." Edward nodded briefly and turned his attention to Jane. "Jane, are you ready? I've got to get back to school."
"Okay, I'm coming. You're so impatient," she said, looking at Jacob and rolling her eyes. Jacob just smiled and helped her off the ball. "I'll see you Thursday then, right?"
Jacob nodded, and Jane made her way out the door. Once in the hallway, it took Edward a moment to realize they were heading in opposite directions.
"Where are you going?" she asked. "The elevator is this way."
Edward had been heading for the stairs again, but he realized that stairs might be a little more challenging than Jane could handle, especially just after finishing a training session with Jacob. He sighed and they waited for the elevator. He checked his watch and rolled his eyes.
"Jane, do you remember me asking you to be ready for me to pick you up? I'm going to be late to class now," he said, working to keep his tone calm and even.
She shrugged and stepped into the elevator. "I lost track of time. Sorry."
Edward sighed. There was no way he'd be able to make it to class on time now. He remained silent as they headed back to his apartment.
"Do you think we could stop and get some food? There's nothing at home, and I'm starving."
Edward stared at her in disbelief. "No, I have to get to class."
Jane sighed and muttered something incoherent under her breath, but Edward didn't ask her to repeat herself.
"I'm sure there's stuff to make a sandwich or something. I get paid on Friday. We can go grocery shopping then."
She snorted. "I can go grocery shopping anytime I want to."
Edward ignored her and pulled up in front of his apartment. "I'll be home around three," he said as she climbed out of the car.
Jane made a face, but nodded. "Okay, see you."
Just as he'd predicted, Edward was late for his class. He slipped as quietly as he could into the back row, but the professor still gave him a look.
He had one more class after that and then an hour break before his last class of the day. He decided to catch up on some reading and found a quiet corner in the library. He'd just started a new chapter when he glanced across the library and nearly dropped his book.
"Bella," he whispered to himself as he rose from his chair. Forgetting about his belongings scattered around his chair, he moved toward her. She hadn't seen him yet. Her eyes were on the shelf in front of her as she moved her fingers lightly across the spines of the books stacked there. When he was near enough, he spoke out loud. "Bella."
She looked up and her expression changed. He wasn't sure what he saw in her eyes. Pain? Fear? Excitement?
"Edward," she breathed, and her voice almost caused him physical pain. "I'm surprised to see you."
What did that mean? Surprised in a good way, or a bad way? He had to work to remind himself that it didn't matter. He was with Jane now.
"How are you?" he asked, trying to look casual as he leaned against a bookshelf.
She nodded. "I'm doing good. Busy, but good."
"Did you get another job?" he asked, unsure of what to say, but desperate to keep her talking.
"Yeah, I did. It's another restaurant. A little bit farther from campus, but I have a car now," she said. "A present from my grandmother," she explained at his surprised look.
"That's great. I was really sorry to see you leave Lucky's."
"Yeah, well. It was for the best." The silence was awkward for a moment, and then she said, "I miss everyone there, though."
Edward wondered if there was a hidden layer of meaning in her statement. Did she miss him too? Before he could wonder much more, she asked, "How are you? How's Jane?"
Edward both hated and loved that she always asked about Jane. "She's good. Things are pretty much back to normal," he said, shrugging, and for a split second, he saw unmistakable pain in her eyes. He tried to recall what he'd said to make her look like that, but it was gone before he could figure it out.
"That's great, Edward. I'm glad to hear that," she said. Her smile seemed warm and genuine. "I'm actually dating someone now too," she added in the most natural tone, as if this news wasn't going to rip what was left of Edward's heart out, throw it on the ground, and stomp on it.
"Really?" he responded, hoping that his tone sounded light and airy.
"Yeah. His name is James. He's actually from my hometown, but he moved out here to attend mechanic school. We knew each other in high school and then reconnected while I was home for Christmas."
In the back of his mind, he wondered why she was telling him all of this. "That's great," he heard himself say. He wondered if his voice sounded as foreign to her as it did in his own ears. "That's really great."
"Well, I'm late for a class. It was good seeing you, Edward."
"Yeah, you too." He wanted to stop her. He wanted to grab her and kiss her and tell her that he was the only one for her, but he couldn't. He couldn't because it wasn't true, at least not anymore. He watched her until she disappeared, and then he walked heavily back to his things. How was it possible that running into someone who he had practically lived to see just a few short weeks ago could all of a sudden ruin his entire day with just one five-minute meeting?
Despair and anger at himself welled up in him as he stormed back to the table where he'd left his belongings. Without really seeing, he shoved his things back in his backpack and trudged out of the library. His last class forgotten, he headed for home. The apartment was blissfully empty when he arrived. He found a note from Jane on the counter. Her mother had picked her up and taken her shopping.
He tried to watch television for a while, but it was no use. Bella invaded his thoughts. But it was worse than usual. Instead of the Bella of his memories, he was now inundated with thoughts of her with her new boyfriend, James. He knew he wasn't being fair. He'd made his decision, and so had Bella. In the back of his mind, he recognized that his decision to keep his commitment to Jane had been what had caused Bella to make her choice to move on.
With something that was halfway between a growl and a moan of frustration, he stood and stalked toward the shower, as if he hoped he'd be able to wash the torment that was Bella away.
The water felt good against his tired muscles, and he'd just started to relax when he was startled by a cold hand on his back.
"Mind if I join you?" Jane asked coyly. He hadn't heard her come in. He blinked as he tried to clear the water out of his eyes. She was already undressed, and before Edward could respond, she climbed in next to him. Her hands and lips were everywhere, and everything about it just felt wrong to Edward.
He protested, but his words seemed to get lost, and her lips were already on his, drowning out his objections. Suddenly, images of Bella and her new faceless boyfriend filled his mind. He knew it was wrong, he knew he was a horrible person and a coward, but he didn't care anymore. He was tired of trying to do the right thing. He was tired of trying to make everyone happy. This was his life now, his new normal, so he said nothing as he pushed Jane against the wall of the shower and tried to keep thoughts of Bella and the many showers they'd shared out of his head. This was just who he was now.
A/N: Thanks for reading. You can follow me on Twitter if you want to chat. :)