Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, they belong to Stephanie Meyer and no copyright infringement is in any way intended. All I own are my ideas.

Chapter 26 – Pain and Hurt

BPOV

After Edward left I sat there for a little bit thinking about what he had said. There was a part of me that wanted to believe him that I wasn't the problem, but all the evidence seemed to point to me being the common denominator. I knew that this was something that I will eventually have to face but right now I just wanted to have a good day.

I shook off the memories of what Edward and I had discussed and made my way to the bathroom to finish getting ready for the day. Spending time with Angela is just what I need to make things better and hopefully she will be able to give me a little perspective on what she believes I should do.

When we had finalized our plans we had decided that I would pick Angela up at her place. I made my way over there and the closer I got the more I could feel the tension leaving my body. By the time I arrived I had decided to just let everything go and just focus on having fun.

"Hey Ang," I said when she got into the car.

"Hey, how are you today?" she asked.

"I'm good. Do you want to stop for some coffee before we start?"

"Sounds good."

On the way to Starbucks we talked a little bit about work and how Tyler had been being an ass. By the time we arrived we were laughing about how stupid he looks when he starts to have his little temper tantrums. Angela literally had me rolling when she did an impression of him when he doesn't get his way.

We decided to get our drinks to go and made our way to the mall. Unfortunately we both needed to get a few new things for work so we decided to get the non-fun shopping out of the way first. Since I didn't know what my hospital bills were going to end up costing me, I made my way to the clearance rack. Fortunately I was able to find some dress shirts that would go well with the suits I currently own and some black pumps to replace the ones I currently have.

Once the work clothes were out of the way we made our way to find some new workout gear. Although Rose had offered to go to the gym with me I didn't feel comfortable with that. I was hoping that I would be able to convince Angela to start taking some classes with me.

I decided to bring it up while we were trying on new sneakers. "Hey, I was wondering. I was thinking about taking some fitness classes. I want to start kickboxing or something like that. Would you be interested in maybe checking them out with me?" I asked quietly.

Before she answered she furrowed her brow. "I would love to, but are you sure you should be doing that right now?"

"I talked to my doctor and was told that as long as I am careful that there shouldn't be a problem."

"Cool, maybe we could check out a schedule of when classes are next week and find something that is easy to get to with work and everything."

I was so very happy that she was going to do this with me that I pulled her into a hug. "Thanks so much. You have no idea how much this means to me."

Angela chuckled. "I'm just glad to see you getting back to your old self."

That statement made me stop and think about how much has changed lately. It also made me wonder whether or not I was indeed the cause for my problems.

"Hey, what's going on in that head of yours?" Ang asked.

I just shook my head because I really didn't want to get into it in the middle of the store. Angela must have realized what part of my hesitation was because she suddenly decided she was hungry so we paid and made our way to IHOP for lunch.

I laughed when Angela chose IHOP because the one thing that her and I have always done is eat pancakes when we are spilling our guts to one another. It was obvious that Angela knew I needed to talk to someone about everything and I loved her a little more for being the friend she is.

Once we were seated and the waitress had taken our orders Angela spoke. "Spill girl. I know that there are a lot of things going on in the pretty little head of yours. Tell me so I can help."

I fought to keep the tears that welled in my eyes from spilling over. I gave Angela a watery smile. "Where do I begin? Things just seem so messed up that I don't know which way is up."

"I know, but you are so strong. How about you start with how your doctors' appointments went the other day."

"The appointments actually went pretty good. Like I said earlier, the doctor said I should be able to start working out again. I just have to be careful and try not to overdo it."

"That's great. How about your therapist appointment, how did that go?"

"That appointment was a little harder. She actually gave me homework for this week and I'm kind of afraid to do it."

"What is it?"

I took a deep breath before I spoke. "She wants me to find a time to talk to Jasper and let him know what I'm feeling." I said quietly.

Angela looked at me as if she was trying to read my face. "How do you feel about that?"

I laughed. "Ang, you sound like my therapist."

"Sorry," she started, but I waived her off.

"Don't be. Actually I feel good about it, but at the same time I'm scared."

"Why are you scared?"

"Things with Jasper have been so strained lately that I guess that I'm afraid talking to him will only make him more defensive and make the rift between us even bigger. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah it does, but Bella you have to do this if you want to move past it. You are so strong that you will get through this."

"I guess I'm just scared Ang. I feel like I create problems with all the people in my life and I don't know how to fix them."

"Besides Jasper, who are you talking about?" Angela asked.

"Well, Edward is mad at Alice and then the other day when I was having coffee with Rose, she got into a fight with Alice because of spending time with me. I just seem to bring bad things to the relationships around me." I answered quietly.

"Oh Bella, none of that is your fault. I think that you will see that after you try to talk to Jasper. You can't control how other people act or react. The only person whose actions and reactions you can control are your own. Remember that and no matter what happens when you talk to Jasper remember that I'm here for you." Angela said as she pulled me into a hug.

"Thanks Ang." I told her as we finished eating our lunch.

I didn't realize how long we had been talking until we left the restaurant. Unfortunately, for me that is, Angela had plans with Ben so I was on my own for the rest of the night. As I settled in for the evening I thought about everything Angela and I had discussed earlier. I decided to just bite the bullet and ask Jasper to get together to talk.

I grabbed my phone and quickly dialed Jasper's cell phone before I had a chance to change my mind. It rang four times before he answered.

"Hello," he answered.

"Hey Jasper, its Bella."

"I know who it is. What can I do for you Bella?"

"Um, I was wondering what you are doing tomorrow."

"Why?"

"Well, I was hoping we could maybe get together and talk."

"I'm busy tomorrow Bella."

"Oh, I understand. I guess it was kind of short notice," I replied dejectedly. "Is there a time in the next few days when you would be free?" I asked.

"I don't know Bella. I am pretty busy. I will have to check my schedule and get back with you later in the week."

"Okay, I understand. Hey Jasper," I started.

"Bella, I have to go. Alice and I have plans. I will try to get back with you after I check my schedule." Jasper stated.

"Okay. Bye," I said before I realized that he had already hung up.

I sat there and looked at my phone. It was apparent that Jasper wasn't going to make the time to meet with me. What had I done so bad to make him hate me so much? I dropped the phone out of my hand and the tears started to pour down my face. I sat there for I don't know how long until the tears finally dried and I fell into a fitful sleep.

I jerked awake in the middle of the night from a nightmare. My parents had been there and they both were telling me that I was a waste of space and that everyone would have been better off if I had just died in the alley. The tears came again and I knew there was no way I would be going back to sleep.

At about 5:30 I gave up and got dressed. I made my way to Starbucks and decided to take Edward some coffee. I don't know why I was so nervous but by the time I made it to the hospital I had already drained my cup of coffee. I steeled myself before I walked into the Emergency Room and went to the receptionist to ask her to page Edward for me.

I didn't have to wait too long before I saw Edward and the pain from last night seemed to melt away when I saw his smiling face coming towards me.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Edward asked.

"I'm not interrupting anything am I?" I asked, suddenly afraid that I was going to get him in trouble.

"Nope. This is a very pleasant surprise." Edward said as he gave me a kiss.

"Here, I thought you might like a cup of coffee."

"Thanks babe. Didn't you get yourself anything?" He asked, looking perplexed because I didn't have any.

"Yeah, but I drank it already."

"Do you have a few minutes? Would you like to sit with me while I drink this?"

"Sure. That is if I'm not interrupting anything." I told him with a smile.

"Nope. I was just going to take a break anyway. Now I just have an even better reason."

Edward steered me toward his office where we both took a seat on the couch and sat there quietly.

I don't know how long we sat there in silence but suddenly Edward spoke. "So how was your day yesterday? Did you and Angela have fun?"

I smiled as I thought of how much better Angela had made me feel after lunch. "Yeah, we did have fun. We didn't do a whole lot but we did sign up for a kickboxing class that we are going to start taking this week."

"Are you sure that you shouldn't wait a little longer." Edward asked and I had to roll my eyes at how overprotective he was being.

"I'm sure. The doctor said I could but I promise that if I have any pain I will stop and wait a little longer." I told him before I gave him a kiss for being so concerned.

I knew he was concerned and actually his concern meant a great deal to me. In order to get him off the topic I decided to ask him how work had been. Apparently his night hadn't been too bad. When he asked me if I had given much thought to where I wanted to have lunch I had to tell him that I really hadn't. Truth was I could care less if we had peanut butter and jelly at my place as long as I got to spend some time with him. I smiled when he told me that he just wanted to spend time with me. I love how we seem to be on the same wavelength.

I was just going to tell him how we both seemed to be on the same wavelength when his phone went off with a text message. I could tell that something was up when his brow furrowed when he looked to see who the text was from.

"Something wrong?" I asked after seeing the look on his face.

"Nah, it's just a text from Jasper."

"Oh. Hopefully nothing bad happened." I said although I really was wondering what he was texting Edward about.

I sat there while he read the text. "Hmm, Jasper wants to get together."

"Oh really. Maybe you should do it." I replied quietly as I tried to hide the hurt from my voice. Why is it that my brother won't speak to me but wants to get together with my boyfriend? Maybe they were planning on getting together and comparing notes about me. Suddenly I felt sick and wanted to be anywhere but here.

"I will get together with him another time. We were going to have lunch today." Edward stated.

I knew that if Edward told Jasper no, then things were just going to get worse. I shook my head. "Edward, please just go ahead and meet with him. We can have dinner tomorrow instead."

I wanted nothing more than to get as far away as possible. I knew that things with Edward were too good to be true. Did he give Jasper the heads up that I wanted to meet with him? Who can I trust?

"If you're sure baby. I can always get together with him later. I was really looking forward to spending time with you."

I laughed to let him know that everything was fine, but really I was fighting the sobs that wanted to rip their way out of my chest. "I promise it's all good. It will just make tomorrow even better," I told him with a kiss.

Thankfully Edward's pager went off and he had to get back to work making my escape easier. I somehow made it back home before the tears started to escape. I knew that I couldn't sit around or I would go crazy.

I changed into my workout clothes and threw on my running shoes and started running. I don't know how far I ran but by the time I stopped I was having trouble breathing. I looked around me and noticed that I had gone so much further than I normally do.

Once I figured out where I was I realized that I had run over ten miles. No wonder I was in so much pain. I knew I couldn't run because the pain in my ribs was starting to get bad so I started to walk back in the direction that I had come from.

Thankfully I always throw money into my shoe when I run so I stopped at a corner market and grabbed a bottle of water. As I made my way back to my apartment I came upon a little park. I found a bench and sat there as I watched the children playing on the playground. I don't know how long I sat there but the next thing I realized it was getting dark.

Although I was still in a good deal of pain from my earlier run, I knew that I would need to run home if I wanted to get there before it got too late. I cranked up my iPod and started the trek back home. By the time I finally got there I wanted nothing more than to curl up into a ball and make the pain go away. The physical pain of my injuries and the emotional pain of those who only want to make sure I know I'm not wanted.

I didn't even look at my phone when I got inside. Instead I made my way to the bathroom to take a shower and try to wipe away everything that has happened. While I was washing it all away I decided that despite what Carmen wanted I was done with Jasper. I tried, but he refused. I know that I had a defeatist attitude but I just can't deal with it anymore.

By the time I was done with my shower, I knew I needed to take something for the pain if I had any chance of getting some sleep. While I knew better than to mix the pills with alcohol, I just wanted it all to go away so I poured myself a glass of wine after I had taken the pain medication. Before long the blackness started to take over and I welcomed it.

Tomorrow was a new day.

I woke up in the morning feeling more rested, but still in a good deal of pain. I knew I had overdone it with the run yesterday but I couldn't find it in myself to care. I was going to make sure that I didn't let Angela know that I was in any pain because I didn't want her to back out on kickboxing.

When I went to grab my phone I noticed that I had several missed calls and texts from both Edward and Jasper. I didn't know why Jasper would be calling but I had no plans of calling him back. Was my anger childish? Yes, probably, but I am tired of being treated like trash. I deleted all calls and texts from Jasper without looking at them.

I looked at the texts from Edward and it appeared that he had tried to get in touch with me after his lunch with Jasper. While I felt bad for not wanting to talk to him either, I didn't want him to worry so I decided to shoot him a text.

Was out yesterday. Sorry I forgot my phone at home and fell asleep when I got home without checking messages. Didn't mean to make you worry. Have a good day. –B-

I didn't get out the door before I got a response.

I was so worried about you. Glad that you are safe. Are we still on for tonight? –E-

Shit, shit. I forgot about dinner. While a part of me was screaming that I needed to make a clean break from Edward, I knew I had already fallen in love with him and it won't be that easy. With a sigh I typed out my response.

Sure. Just let me know when and where? –B-

I will pick you up at your place. 6? –E-

Sounds good. See you then –B-

I sigh as I try to decide how I am going to move forward with Edward. Can I trust him? I love him sure, but does he have any feelings for me? Either way, I know I need to be honest with him and let him know what I'm feeling. We will see if he even wants to be around me after that.

Knowing that I need to get to work, I put these thoughts out of my mind and make my way to another fun filled day at the office.