Chapter 26: Morning Trauma
The next morning after a somewhat fitful night, Alex awoke to find Kate missing and she sat up in bed. Her initial thought was that the psycho had somehow gotten loose and took Kate while she was sleeping. She called out to her in a panic, "Kate? Kate!"
Kate was in the kitchen setting the coffee maker to brew when she heard Alex calling her name. Kate heard the panic in her voice and she ran into their bedroom. She rushed to the bed and sat down next to Alex, reaching out to rub Alex's arms, "Baby, Alex I'm right here, what's wrong?"
Alex let out a trembling breath and felt her face grow hot, "I'm sorry...I woke up and you weren't here and I thought" She took another breath, "I thought something bad had happened. I'm sorry."
Kate gathered Alex close and rubbed her hand over her back, "Baby, it's ok. I'm right here. I'm right here, I just went to make us some coffee."Kate tried to soothe her girlfriend.
"God, I feel like such a-you probably think I'm crazy,"Alex said, leaning on Kate.
Kate ran a hand through Alex's hair, "No, sweetie, I don't think you're crazy. You've been through a very traumatic event and it's only natural that you would have nightmares. I'm going to be here for you no matter what happens."Kate pressed a kiss to Alex's forehead.
Alex buried her face, "I hate this...it's just like before..."
"No, it isn't. Because this time, you have me. You're not alone, you don't have to go through this alone."
"I know. But I hated the nightmares. I hated the feeling of helplessness and I hated the phantom pain I used to get where I was shot. I don't want to go through that again and it's already happening."
Kate felt a little helpless at that moment, but then she remembered her surprise and she hoped it would help. "I'm sorry that what happened brought all this back for you. I never meant for you to get drawn into this mess." Kate paused, "I brought something that I hope might cheer you up a little bit. Do you want to see it?"
Alex smiled a little and nodded, her chin sitting on Kate's shoulder. She pulled back and asked, "Should I wait here?"
Kate thought about that, "No, come with me?"Kate thought it might be best to get Alex out of bed. She had a feeling that if she stayed in bed, the nightmares and the bad stuff would keep haunting her. Kate stood up and held her hand out to Alex, leaving the decision in her hands.
Alex got up from the bed. She needed to be in the other room where there was more space, more air, more light. She took Kate's hand and followed her, eager to see what she had for her.
Kate led her into the living room. She thought about making her close her eyes but decided against it in light of last night. Instead, she brought her over to the shelf that held their statue and moved to stand behind Alex, holding her from behind in a warm embrace. "Do you see that?"
Alex looked up at it and leaned back against Kate, "Yeah..."
Kate rested her chin on Alex's shoulder as she explained, "It survived the explosion intact. Baby, for me, that statue is a symbol of our love, our future, and it survived. That makes me believe with all my heart that you and me, we'll survive this too. We're strong like that statue and we'll get through this, I promise."Kate kissed Alex's shoulder and tightened her arms around Alex's waist, keeping her close.
Alex looked at it, admiring the face of the perfect little baby, and she put her arms over Kate's, "I want to believe that nothing has changed...that everything is going to be fine-but what if this happens again? What if I lose you, Kate? How would I go on?"
"You won't lose me baby. This was an isolated incident. Stuff like this doesn't happen to me. I'm almost never in any real danger." Kate smirked, "In fact, despite being a cop in homicide, my job is oddly safe."
"I used to think that about my job too." She pulled away and changed the subject, "You know, I should go take a shower. I still have residue from last night on me and I really want to rinse it off. I'll be out in a while."She left the room and went to the master bath, locking the door behind her after grabbing her cell phone. She dialed a familiar number and waited for Jack McCoy to answer.
Kate decided to give Alex some time alone, thinking she might feel better after a shower. Kate decided to make breakfast for them. She went into the kitchen and began getting the food ready.
Jack McCoy was in his office working on some paperwork when his phone rang. He picked it up, "McCoy."
"Jack, it's Alex Cabot. I hope I'm not interrupting, but it's important that I speak to you."
Jack smiled, "No Alex it's fine. You're saving me from paperwork. What can I do for you?"
"I need to request a transfer...temporarily. I just need some time away from homicide. I don't care where you put me. I'll even take Appeals...anything you can offer me Jack, please."
Jack thought about that for a moment, "Well, Alex, the thing is, there's nothing open right now, I'm sorry. From what I understood, though, I thought you were happy at the 12th precinct, what's going on?"
"It's a long story, but I got caught up in something bad and Kate and I were almost killed. I need some time away from the 12th precinct. Will you call me if something opens up?"
Jack knew when not to pry, "I see. Well I promise to call you the minute I have an opening up, but in the meantime, if you feel you need to take a leave of absence, I can arrange that too."
"I'll get back to you on that. For now I'm just taking a couple of days off until I get back to normal. I've delegated my cases to Rossi, but I'll keep an eye on things. Thank you for doing this, Jack."
"It's not a problem Alex," Jack said, smiling. "Anything you need you call me, I'm here any time."
"Thanks, Jack. Have a good day,"she said and then hung up.
Meanwhile, Kate was making breakfast, eggs, bacon, toast and coffee while she waited for Alex to get out of the shower. She sighed as she admitted that she would have to postpone her proposal for a bit...at least until Alex was back on solid footing. She paused her motions, her hands resting on the counter where she had the bread waiting to go in the toaster, and hung her head down, closing her eyes to keep her anger at Scott Dunn at bay. Kate took a few deep breaths and when she felt she had her anger under control she lifted her head and went back to making breakfast.
While Alex was in the shower, she found herself just leaning up against the wall, tears falling down her cheeks. She was holding herself, her body bent at the waist, as she did her best to keep from having a panic attack. The last thing she wanted was for Kate to see her like that, but deep down inside she wanted to scream, she wanted to scratch at her skin, just something to get it all out.
Kate finished cooking and served up two plates, putting them on the table along with two cups of coffee. Now that she didn't have the routine of cooking to distract her, Kate realized that Alex was taking a very long time in the shower, longer than she usually took. Kate became worried, fearing that Alex had slipped in the shower or something, so she went to the bathroom door. When she reached for the knob and realized it was locked, Kate frowned; Alex never locked this door. Kate went to where Alex kept her keys and found the small one that fit the bathroom lock. Within moments she had the door unlocked and she carefully opened, slipping into the room quietly. She closed the door behind her and asked, "Alex? Baby, are you ok?"
Alex was sitting on the floor of the shower, her arms wrapped tightly around her knees as she held them to her chest. She was sobbing, her entire past playing through her mind.
Kate slowly walked towards the shower and carefully pulled back the shower curtain. What she saw broke her heart and she quickly turned off the water before she knelt down next to Alex. Kate wanted to reach out to the blonde, but she was afraid that might make it worse. Alex looked like she was in shock, so Kate carefully whispered, "Alex?"
Alex just shook her head. Her eyes were focused on some faraway place.
Kate settled down onto the floor, realizing they'd be there for a while. "Alex? Can you look at me?"
"Don't..."was all she said as she remained perfectly still.
Kate was confused now, "Don't? Don't what?"
"Don't look at me. I don't want you to see me like this,"she said slowly. She wanted to handle this on her own.
Kate felt her heart sink a little lower, "Baby, I told you, I'm not going anywhere. Please let me help you."
"You can't, ok? You can't help me..."she said as balled up a little bit tighter. She was so angry, so filled with rage that all she wanted to do was break things.
"Well, I'm not leaving you alone, so can you let me try?"Kate asked, not knowing how to help her girlfriend.
"What are you going to do? Tell me Kate, what the fuck are you going to do to make this better?"
Kate felt a little useless, but she tried anyway, "I don't know, but I will do whatever you need me to do. Anything except leave you alone. Just name it. What do you need me to do?"
"Kill Scott Dunn,"she said, her muscles tightly clenched.
Kate felt Alex's words wash over her and she realized that part of her wanted to do just that, kill the man who did this to them. The problem was, she knew it wouldn't really fix anything. She slowly reached over and placed her hands on Alex's, carefully prying them off of her legs. Kate held them for a few moments, trying to warm them again after their stint in the cooling shower. Kate took a breath and realized Alex was still staring into space. She took both her hands into one of her own and used the other hand to cup Alex's cheek, slowly turning her face until she was looking her. When her eyes made contact with Alex's she said, "If I thought it would help, I would. But how would killing him and spending the rest of my life in prison away from you be a good thing?"
Alex's lip trembled and she started to cry again, her whole body finally relaxing in defeat, "I want him to pay for what he did! I want to see him punished!"She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Kate.
Kate held her girlfriend close as she stroked her hair, "He will, I promise you he will. We have him locked in with the evidence. He's going to spend his life in prison."
"I wanted the man who shot me to die too...I wanted to kill him for what he had done...I was alone then, I had to deal with it by myself..."
"But you're not alone now. I'm here and you can lean on me. Baby, I love you and that means that I am always here for you, no matter what happens, got it?" Kate needed Alex to know she wasn't alone anymore. "You'll never have to be alone ever again because I've got you, ok?"
Alex nodded and in a weak voice asked, "Can you help me up? I'm cold and I just want to lay down in our bed."
"Of course, come on." Kate slowly stood up and helped Alex out of the shower before she reached for a nearby towel. She wrapped it around her girlfriend and held the blonde close, her arms around her for a moment to warm her up before she let go and began walking with Alex into the bedroom. Kate pulled back the covers and helped Alex into the bed after the blonde had dropped the towel. Kate pulled the covers over Alex and then she walked around the foot of the bed and slipped in on the other side. She pulled Alex to her, wrapping her arms around her and held her close. She whispered, "I love you."
"Even though I'm such a mess?"Alex asked quietly as she leaned back against Kate's body.
"Unconditionally, forever. Nothing will ever change that, I swear."Kate placed a soft kiss on Alex's shoulder.
Alex smiled just a little, "I love you too, Kate. I'm sorry for all of this..."
Kate shook her head, "You have nothing to be sorry about baby. None of this is your fault." Kate paused, her own guilt welling up, "I'm sorry that you got pulled into this, I never meant for you to be a part of this guy's twisted game."Kate kissed Alex's shoulder again, scared that this might be the thing that broke them...that this might be too much for Alex and she would leave her.
"It scares me Kate...what if we'd had a child and that bastard did something to her?"She didn't mean to think that way, but she had to be realistic about the risks.
Kate closed her eyes at that thought; it was too scary for her. She gently turned Alex to face her and when she could see Alex's eyes, she said, "He will never hurt us again. Our child won't ever be hurt by anything related to my work. I'd quit the force before I'd let that happen. I know I was supposed to protect you and I failed at that, but I didn't think he'd go after you. I promise you again that nothing and no one will ever get that close to you, ever. If I have to take myself off a case or leave the force altogether, I will. Nothing is more important to me than you and our future together, ok?"Kate knew she meant every word. She would leave the force if Alex asked her to. She'd do whatever it took to keep her and their family safe.
Alex gazed deep into Kate's eyes, "You mean that? You'd leave the force for me and our baby if it came to that?"She couldn't believe Kate would actually consider that. After all, Olivia had always been adamant about never leaving her job for any reason, not even if someone was trying to kill her. It always made Alex worry about their future as a couple.
Kate smiled, "Yes, I would. If it meant keeping you and our family safe, I would. Nothing means more to me than that."
Alex leaned forward and kissed Kate to show her gratitude. She had her arms wrapped around her girlfriend, gently stroking her back.
Kate leaned into the kiss, savoring the contact for several precious moments before she pulled away. "I love you."
"I love you too. Thank you for what you said, Kate...and thank you for not treating me like a flake. I know I've been difficult since we got home."
Kate raised a hand and stroked Alex's hair, "I meant every word baby and for the record, you're not a flake. You went through something traumatic and it brought back what you went through when you were shot. I get that, I really do. I'm right here for you, always."
Alex leaned her head against Kate's forehead and said, "Would it be ok if we just stayed here for a while? I know you made breakfast, but I just don't think I can eat right now."
Kate tightened her hold on Alex, "We can stay here as long as you need to."She closed her eyes and breathed deep.
Alex caressed Kate's back, her finger drawing circles on the small of her back as she lay there. She wasn't sleepy, she was just quiet and this was exactly what she needed. Kate was here and she didn't have to deal with it alone. She just had to be smart and let her girlfriend in instead of pushing her away.
Kate lay there enjoying the silence, happy that Alex seemed to be letting her in, letting her help, even if all she could do was hold her. Kate took a few moments to think about what she would do if she left the force and she realized that she could go the usual route of private security, but she knew it wasn't her style. Then Kate remembered the business card she had tucked into her desk. One of her cases a few months before she took her vacation to New Mexico had involved a television producer whose husband had been murdered. The killer turned out to be the production assistant he'd been seeing on the side and the producer had given Kate her card, saying that if she ever got tired of chasing bad guys, she'd always have a job as a technical adviser on one of the producer's cop shows.
Kate had begun watching the shows the woman produced and she spotted a few mistakes here and there, but it was generally pretty realistic. She figured if she quit the force to keep their family safe, she could always see if the consultant job was still available. It would definitely be a nice change of pace.
After about an hour of laying in silence, Alex gently scratched Kate's back and spoke quietly, "I think I'm getting hungry. Can we go eat?"
Kate smiled, "Yeah we can, but I think what I made is too cold to eat. I'll make us more. You want to come help?"Kate didn't want to leave Alex alone again; it would be too easy for her demons to overwhelm her if she was by herself.
Alex nodded, "Yeah. I'll just put on something and be out in a minute."She pulled back from Kate and got out of the bed to go get her clothes.
Kate stood by the door, "I'll wait for you, if that's ok."She really didn't want to leave Alex alone, not even for a minute.
"Sure," Alex said, understanding why Kate wanted to stick around. She went to the dresser and took out underwear and pajamas and dressed herself quickly so that they could go out to the kitchen. She walked over to Kate and took her hand, "There, better."
Kate smiled when she saw how sexy Alex looked in her pajamas and led the blonde out into the kitchen. She took the plates she'd set out earlier and dumped the cold, congealed food down the disposal before she turned to Alex and asked, "Any special requests for breakfast?"
"Your specialty...Malukuao?"Alex requested with a sweet smile.
Kate smiled, "You got it." Kate had a thought, "Since you can make it almost as well as I can, you want to help me?"
Alex smiled and nodded, "Sure. What do you want me to do?"
Kate handed Alex a block of cheese, "Shred this and I'll get started on the eggs, ok?"
Alex chuckled and saluted, "Yes ma'am."She took the cheese from Kate and then grabbed a knife from the drawer to slice the cheese into a smaller portion so that it would fit in the food processor.
Kate began preparing the eggs and together they finished making breakfast in perfect harmony. Anyone looking at them from the outside would swear they'd been cooking together for years.
Alex poured Kate some coffee and set the cup down on the table before joining the detective. She looked down at their plates, "Looks great as always, baby."
Kate blushed, "Thanks honey. Let's eat." She picked up her fork and picked up some Malukuao, "I like it when we can have breakfast together."
"Me too, baby. We need more days like this..." She stopped and blushed, "Well, not exactly like this, but you know...where we can have breakfast together."
"Yeah, I know what you mean." She took a bite and chewed slowly as she thought about the best way to tell Alex that she wasn't going to be working for a while. "Um, well the good news is that for the next few days, I'll be free to have breakfast with you every morning."
Alex turned, "What? Did they put you on leave?"
"Not exactly, I'm taking a few days off...I have to find a new place to live."
Alex looked confused, "Um, no you don't..."
Kate decided to play dumb, not wanting to assume anything, "Well, my apartment is a little...blown up right now, so..."
"Babe, you have a home right here, with me. There's no point in you going to find something else...because...well, things have been going so well that even if this hadn't happened, I was going to ask you to move in with me..."
"Really?" Kate was still being careful, "But I thought you said it was too soon?"
"No, five months ago it was too soon. Now, I think I feel confident about having you move in."
Kate looked down at her plate for a minute, trying not to let her emotions overwhelm her. When she was sure they were under control she looked up, "Are you sure? I mean I would love to live here with you, but only if you're really sure."
"Kate, I'm sure. So sure in fact that I've already gotten you a mail key and cleaned out half of my closet to make space for your things. You also have half the dresser now."she said with a grin.
Kate smiled, "Really? Then in that case, I would love to move in with you."Unable to control her happiness, she got up from her seat went to kiss her girlfriend, beyond thrilled that they were taking this next step.
Alex caressed Kate's cheek, "We can use the next few days to go shopping for you. We'll replace everything that's replaceable and maybe even pick out some new things to make the loft feel more like home for you."
Kate smiled, "Honey, all I need to make any place home, is you."
She blushed, "Well, me aside, I'm sure you'd like to have things here that represent you, like your comic books, for instance. I want you to feel like this place is ours, not mine."
Kate frowned, "Well, the thing is, I kept my comics in the living room so they were destroyed in the explosion. Really the only things that survived were what I kept in my bedroom: the statue, a few books, and some knick knacks."
"Like I said, we can always replace what is replaceable, honey. Even if we have to scour all the bookstores and comic shops on the island, we'll rebuild your collection."
Kate smiled, "Ok."
Alex picked up her fork and continued eating her breakfast. "You know, it's a good thing you let me borrow that Batwoman book Kevin gave you. He would be devastated if it had been blown up."
Kate nodded, "Yes it is. I am very thankful that one was here. I'm also very thankful that you weren't there with me. I don't know what I would've done if you had been injured in the explosion. It's bad enough that you got pulled into it at all."
"In all honesty, I would've rather gone through that with you than what I went through with him. We could've ducked in the tub and it would've been over, just like that," she said, snapping her fingers. "Quick. Easy. Not spending 24 hours with a lunatic, never knowing if he'd snap or if he'd kill you in front of my eyes and then finish me off."
"Well, I would rather have seen you safe in your office or in our bed than anywhere else. Have I mentioned how sorry I am that this happened?"Kate wished there was a way to fix it and get them back to where they were the night before Dunn had ever come into their lives.
"Yes, but it's not your fault. It's just...something that happened. Dunn is responsible for this. He just happened to pick Castle's book and he went after you. I'm grateful that you were able to bring him down so that no one else will ever have to suffer at his hand."
"So am I."Kate smiled, truly thankful that Alex was safe. Before she could say anything more, there was a knock at the door. Kate stood up and went over to see who it was.
Castle was standing on the other side with a bottle of mimosas in one hand and a box of gourmet white chocolate dipped strawberries in the other. He figured that Kate and Alex deserved a little indulgence after everything that they'd been through.
Kate looked through the peephole and smiled when she saw Castle standing there. For a moment she was afraid it was someone dangerous. She opened the door and stepped aside to let him in, "Hey Castle, what brings you here?"
"I came by to check on the two of you. How is everything?"he asked as he walked into the loft.
Kate closed the door behind him and then joined Alex on the couch, "We're, um...dealing." She waited until Castle was sitting before she continued, "Um, Castle, I want to...thank you again, for having my back with Dunn."
He looked at her with total seriousness, "You never have to thank me for that, Kate. So long as you and Alex are safe, that's what matters."
Kate smiled as she rubbed Alex's shoulder, "Still..." She let that linger for only a moment before she decided to change the subject, "So, um, what did you bring?"
"Mimosas and strawberries. I figured you might like a little treat," he said and set the bottle and box down on the coffee table. "I promise I won't stay long...you two can enjoy these later."
Kate smiled at his offerings, but before she indulge, she looked at her watch and noticed the time, "Um, actually Castle I have to go to the station to close out the case. Would you mind staying here with Alex until I get back?" Kate turned to Alex, "Baby, I don't want to leave you but I have to go in and finish this up. You don't mind if Castle stays with you, right?"Kate hated to leave Alex in such a fragile state, but it couldn't be helped.
"Of course, I can stay as long as you need,"he said. He looked at the blonde to make sure she was ok with it.
Alex looked at Kate, "Yeah, go on ahead, babe. Rick and I will catch up. I feel like we haven't seen each other in days."
Kate kissed Alex and then hurried to get dressed. Five minutes later, she walked back into the living room and said, "I'll be as fast as I can. I'm going to use this chance to talk to Montgomery about taking a few days off as well. Call me if you need anything before I come back, ok?"
"I will. Be safe, love." Alex kissed her lips and was tempted to pat her on the bottom in encouragement, but she figured it'd be best not to while Castle was in the room. Once Kate had left, Alex asked Castle, "How are you doing after all of this?"
Castle chuckled, "I think that's supposed to be my question, but I'm ok. It's going to take a bit to get rid of my own guilt over the whole Nikki Heat angle, but I'm glad you and Kate are safe." He paused, "How are you?"
Alex couldn't help the flush that colored her cheeks, "I've had better days, but Kate is helping me through it."
Castle nodded, "She's good at that, being the one who comforts others. I've never seen anyone who has as much compassion as she does when she's dealing with the families of the victims." He paused a moment, thinking about how to say what was on his mind, "Um, Alex...there's something you should know about the night of the bombing..."
She looked at him expectantly, "What?"
Castle hesitated, "Well...you know that Kate was, um, showering when I was trying to call her about Conrad. When...um...well when I broke down her door and found her in the tub she was, um...naked. I promise you I turned away as fast as I could and I didn't try to peek after that, but I saw enough to know she was naked."
She chuckled, "It's really not that big a deal Castle. It was an emergency and you were a gentleman about it, I'm sure."
"Oh I was, I really was, it's just...I wanted you to know that Kate was very adamant that I not see her naked, which I totally understand. She promised you and under any other circumstances..."
"It's all right, Castle, really,"she said reassuringly. She knew that Kate had no interest in Castle so it didn't really bother her that he saw her girlfriend naked. What mattered was that he got her to safety.
When Kate arrived at the precinct, she found the FBI agents dismantling the war room, but when she didn't see Jordan aiding the effort, she went to look for her in the next most obvious place. She walked into the break room and called out to Jordan just as she getting a coffee. "Hey."
"Oh, hey," Jordan said warmly when she looked up and saw Kate standing there. "How's Alex?"
"She's...coping." Kate said, not wanting to get into that drama again. "What's happening with Dunn?"
"He's being held in the tombs until we can transfer him to Riker's. The paperwork is moving along nicely."
Kate nodded, "Good. Hopefully, he'll be out of our lives forever now."
"No question," Jordan said with a reassuring smile. She set her coffee down and approached Kate, her voice sincere, "You know, we wouldn't have caught him if it weren't for you..."
Kate blushed, "Well, I had some help." Then she looked down for a second and humbly admitted, "I want you to know that I learned a lot from you on this one."
"Same here, detective. If you ever want a change of scene, we'd be more than happy to have you on our team,"Jordan said as she handed Kate her card.
Kate smiled as she took the card in her hand, "I appreciate the offer, Jordan, but if I ever leave the force it'll be to raise my children with Alex. I don't think I could handle being away from our family like that. Don't get me wrong I admire the fact that you can do this job, but it's not for me,"Kate said, trying to be honest while still doing her best not to insult or offend the other woman.
"I completely understand. It's not for everyone, but you really are talented. I hope you stick with law enforcement. By the way, have you seen Castle?"
"If that's an option, I certainly will. As for Castle, he's actually with Alex at the loft. I asked him to keep her company while I close out the case." Then she frowned, "Why are you looking for him?"
"I have something for him...a parting gift, I suppose. I wanted to give it to him personally before I left to the airport."
"Oh, um, I can take it to him when I go back to Alex's. I'm planning to take some time off so that I can deal with the aftermath of Scott Dunn versus Nikki Heat."
"Oh...extended leave?"she asked, curious to know how badly this had affected Kate and Alex.
"Just a week or two..." Kate explained, "Alex had some...stuff happen to her in the past and this kind of raked it all back up again. I thought it might be a good idea for the two of us to take some time away from the city." Kate then changed the subject back, "So, do you want me to take your gift to Castle?"
"Sure. I don't think I'll have a chance to see him before I have to leave. I have something for you as well. You can open it later, if you'd like." She went over to her briefcase and took out two small packages. "The blue one is Castle's. This one is yours."
Kate took the two gifts and smiled, "For me? Thank you, Jordan." Kate remembered that she still had to talk to Montgomery so she said, "Um, I should get going, but have a safe flight home."
"Thanks and good luck with everything. I hope the time away helps,"she said and then took her leave.
Kate watched as she left the break room and then she sighed in relief. It really was over. Dunn was going to be put away for the rest of his miserable existence and she and Alex would be free to move past it.
She walked to the Captain's office, her steps somehow lighter, and she closed the door behind her once he'd asked her to come in. "Sir, there's something I need to talk to you about."
"Of course, have a seat detective,"he said and leaned against his desk.
Kate sat down and looked at her boss, "Sir, I'm sure I don't need to tell you the toll that this case took on me. Between Alex getting kidnapped and my apartment being blown up, I feel like I need a few days off to clear my head and get myself back on track. Would it be all right if I took a short leave while I deal with all of this?"
Montgomery was more than willing to give Kate the time she needed and he nodded enthusiastically, "Yes, absolutely. After everything you and Alex have been through, I think a few days off is a good idea. We have you covered while you're gone; you don't have to worry about a thing."
Kate smiled, "Thanks Captain. I was thinking maybe two weeks, if that's ok."
"You sure that's all you want?"he asked to double check. He didn't want Kate coming back too quickly if she needed more time.
"Yes I'm sure, but if anything changes, I'll let you know."Kate hoped it would be enough to get Alex through this, but if not she had enough sick and vacation time to cover a third week.
"Ok, well, you two enjoy your time and if you need anything, we're here. Don't forget that,"he said with a warm smile.
"Thank you, sir."Kate stood up and left Montgomery's office, but before she left the precinct, she found Ryan and Esposito to give them the skinny on her leave of absence. Once they'd wished her luck and offered her their support, she left the precinct and headed back to the loft.
She rode up the elevator and smiled at the thought of moving in and living with Alex, spending her life with... Kate suddenly remembered the ring that she'd ordered for Alex was ready to be picked up and for a moment she thought about going down to Tiffany's to pick it up but she was so tired, so she'd leave it for another day. What she really needed was to see Alex and shut out the rest of the world.
Kate got off the elevator and walked to loft door, but before she slipped her key in the lock, she pressed her ear against the door to see if she could hear anything that might signal what was going on inside. All she heard was some light music, so she opened the door and followed the music into the living room where she found Alex and Castle talking quietly. She approached slowly and asked, "Is this a private party or can I join you two?"
Alex opened her eyes and smiled, "Wow, I didn't expect you back so soon. Did everything go ok?"
Kate smiled as she walked over to the couch and sat down next to her beautiful girlfriend, "It went very smoothly, which is why it didn't take me very long. Montgomery agreed to give me the time off and Jordan informed me that Dunn is going to be sent to prison for a very long time. No deals for him, he's getting the max."Kate leaned forward and kissed Alex's cheek to celebrate their triumph.
Alex breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank God, the last thing I wanted was that guy going up for parole. He deserves the death penalty for what he's done."
Castle looked at Alex with surprise. He didn't figure her for the type to support the death penalty, but then again, it made sense given the circumstances. For her part, Kate was more than happy to see Dunn get life in prison. She turned to Castle, "Castle, just so you know, I'm taking about two weeks off. That means you have two weeks off too...unless you want to shadow Ryan and Esposito."
"Eh, I think I'll pass. I wanted to spend a little time with Alexis and recover from all the drama. I know I didn't have it half as bad, but you know...a recharge might be good for all of us."
Kate nodded and then she remembered the gift that Jordan had given to her to give to Castle. She reached into her purse and pulled out the blue box, "By the way, Jordan asked me to give this to you, a parting gift."Kate lightly tossed it to him, grinning when he barely caught it.
He looked at the tiny wrapped box and then looked back at Kate, "Did she mention at all what it might be? A hint?"
"Nope, just said it was for you...although she did want to give it to you in person so, who knows?"Kate grinned.
He shook the box but there was no rattle. "Hmmm, I think I'll open this later...just to be on the safe side."
Kate rolled her eyes, "Chicken. I doubt she'd give you anything dangerous." Kate turned to Alex, "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine. We've just been listening to some Billie Holiday to calm things down. Castle poured me a very tall glass of mimosa and now I'm very relaxed."
Kate smiled, she liked seeing Alex calm like this, then she looked over at Castle and silently gave him the signal that she needed to be alone with her girlfriend.
He quickly took the hint and stood up, "Well I better get going, I promised Alexis we'd go to a movie tonight. Take care ladies, I'll see you soon Kate."
Kate nodded, "See you Castle." He let himself out and Kate smiled at Alex, "Ok, so now that we're alone...are you sure you're ok?"
Alex looked at her, "I'm holding up. But most of what I just said was for Castle's benefit. I didn't want him worrying over me so I did what I could to keep up appearances."
"That's what I thought. Um...I was wondering...how would you feel about maybe getting out of the city while I'm off? We could go to Amherst and really relax. How does that sound?"Kate asked, a little nervous that Alex would say no, but hoping she'd agree.
"You want to go up to the house? I...I don't know...it's so quiet there...it would give me a lot of time to think..."
Kate grinned lasciviously and wiggled her eyebrows, "Trust me, I won't give you time to think...if you know what I mean."
Alex knew that Kate had her heart set on it so she did the same thing she did for Castle. She relied on the lessons she'd learned as a Cabot and side-grinned, "Oh really?"
Kate shifted and straddled Alex, "Yeah, really. Honestly, I just want us to get away from the city for a bit." She leaned down and placed a light kiss on Alex's neck, "I thought maybe if we were up there, just the two of us, it might...help both of us get past this case."
"Sure, that sounds great,"she said, her words carefully measured for the proper inflection and level of enthusiasm. She just wanted to make Kate happy and if this was the way, she'd make it through somehow.
Though Alex had agreed, Kate sensed something wasn't right so she looked into Alex's eyes and noticed that they looked hollow. The enthusiasm that she'd heard in Alex's voice was obviously for show and she realized that Alex was lying about something. "Alex, honey, what is it? I can tell there's something you're not telling me so just say it. If you don't want to go away, just say so ok? I'm not going to be mad, if that's what you're worried about."Kate just wanted Alex to open up to her, to be honest with her.
"It's fine Kate, we can go up to the house,"she insisted, her lips pulling into a smile.
Kate felt her heart dip in her chest at the realization that Alex wasn't going to tell her the truth, but she didn't let it show. Instead she placed a light kiss on Alex's lips and humored the blonde, "Ok, good...um, I'm going to get something to drink. I'll be right back."Kate gracefully lifted herself off of Alex's lap and went to the kitchen to get a glass of cold water.
Alex let out a breath. It wouldn't do her any good to say something to Kate because all it was going to do was make her girlfriend worry and dote on her and she didn't want to be a burden, not after what had happened that morning. She decided to change the subject, "I was thinking that we could go out tonight."
Kate walked back into the living room. "Go out? Ok, where?"
"I don't know, a club or something. Somewhere fun,"she said, watching Kate carefully.
Kate took that in, but in all reality she didn't want to go out, especially not to a loud, chaotic club. She felt like saying something to Alex but then she figured that getting out for the evening might be good for Alex so she came up with a compromise, "Ok, sure, but instead of a club, we don't we go see a movie and then grab some dinner?"
"We could do that here,"Alex pointed out. She wanted the noise and the crowd of people to fill the space around her and cloud her mind so she wouldn't have to think.
Kate took a breath and realized she was going to have to risk the headache and take Alex to a nightclub if she wanted to keep her girlfriend happy. "Ok, we'll go to...Merch New York and have a good time, does that work?"Merch New York was the sister club to the original Merch in Boston and thanks to its location in the West Village, just a few blocks away from where Kate and Alex lived, the lesbians who frequented tended to be of a certain class. Kate figured that if she had to take Alex out, she was certainly going to pick some place nearby that wouldn't get too rowdy.
"That sounds perfect," Alex said as she got up from the couch. "I'm going to go get ready. We can stop for dinner somewhere nearby. Maybe sushi or Indian?"
Kate frowned, "You're going to get ready now? Babe, it's three in the afternoon, we have plenty of time."Kate now knew something wasn't right but she didn't know how to bring it up without offending Alex.
"Yeah, well, I thought we could go out now, maybe take a walk, go shopping, just get out,"Alex said as she started towards their room.
"Oh...um...yeah o-ok. That sounds like, fun. I'm just going to wait for you out here, then."Kate had hoped they could spend the afternoon in the house relaxing so that she wouldn't have a bad headache when they went to the club, but it seemed like that wasn't in the cards. She knew that Alex was still having a hard time dealing with the aftermath despite this act she was putting on and Kate knew that she'd have to be the bigger woman and do what she needed to do to help Alex through this. She'd just take a couple aspirins and do her best to burrow through the afternoon.
Alex, meanwhile, went into their bathroom and sat down in front of the mirror to start getting herself fixed up for the evening. She curled her hair, did her make-up, and got dressed in a pair of calf-high boots, a skirt, and sleeveless blouse. She walked out about an hour later and found Kate still sitting on the couch and she asked, "Is that what you're going to wear?"
Kate looked down at her dark blue jeans, medium-blue, jewel toned blouse, and her black ankle boots and she didn't see a single thing wrong with wearing that out for shopping or for going out to the club, "Yes it is. Are you ready to go?"
"Honey, no offense, but isn't that a little casual for the evening?"
Kate thought about that and said, "Well, we can always stop by here real quick and I can change into something fancier, but for shopping and walking around, this is fine."Kate wasn't in the mood to change clothes just because Alex didn't like it.
Alex sighed heavily, "Fine. Let's go then."She hated that Kate was being so difficult.
Kate stood up and was on her way to the door when she suddenly she took a sharp detour into the bedroom.
"Where are you going?"Alex called out.
"Just give me one sec, I forgot something,"she yelled back as she walked into their bathroom.
She opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out the bottle of Extra Strength Tylenol to take two tablets before they left for the afternoon. She scooped up some water in her hand from the tap to swallow them and then she stuffed the bottle into the pocket of her jeans just in case she needed them later. She walked back out to the front door where Alex was waiting for her and she forced a smile as she approached her girlfriend. "Sorry about that, let's go."Kate reached for her keys and held the door open for Alex.
Alex walked out ahead of Kate, her boot heels clicking a rapid pace as she walked down the hall to the elevator. She pressed the button and tapped her foot as she waited for the doors to open. She didn't want to have to come back so that Kate could change and normally she didn't mind her girlfriend's outfits, but those were her work clothes and she wanted her to wear something a little different for the evening.
Kate saw and heard the foot tapping coming from her girlfriend and on most days she would ask what was wrong, but today a part of her suspected that she was the cause for her girlfriend's irritation and she wasn't willing to start a fight in the hallway. Instead, she just ignored it as she waited for the elevator with Alex.
When the bell rang and the sliding doors opened, Alex stepped in and settled into the rear corner after pressing the button for the parking garage. She looked up at the display where the numbers lit up and waited for the doors to close.
Kate stood in the corner across from Alex and as much as she hated to distance between, she knew that she had to give her girlfriend some space. She could feel the tension between them like electricity, but she wasn't going to rock the boat. All she had to do was get through the rest of the day and then she'd be ok. Kate quietly sighed when she remembered just how early in the day it was though.
Alex kept her hands planted firmly on the railing as the car made its descent. She looked over at Kate when she heard the sigh, "What?"
Kate almost let it all out then but decided against it, "Nothing, just a little tired. It's nothing."
"Look, if you don't want to go, just tell me, ok? I can call up my cousin or one of my friends to go with me if you want to stay home."
Kate turned to look at Alex, "No, it's fine. I just need some caffeine so maybe we can stop for coffee before we start shopping, is that ok?"Kate was determined not to ruin the day with her mood.
"Sure," Alex said. The car stopped and the doors opened again. She stepped out and turned to Kate, "Do you want me to drive?"
Kate grinned, "No, I got it. Come on, let's go see what mischief we can get into."Kate was a bit better at putting on a cheerful face in spite of her mood than Alex and she made the decision to let go of the dark cloud that was hanging over her head in the hopes that she could bring a genuine smile back to Alex's face.
Alex got into the car once Kate unlocked the doors and leaned back against the soft leather seat. She was starting to get a headache, but that was mostly because she knew that Kate was being passive aggressive and she really just wanted to go out without all the other stuff hanging above them. She really did just want to call Janice or Serena, someone who would go out with her and not put her through all of this.
Kate pulled out of the parking garage and turned left to head in the direction of the coffee shop she loved. It was only a few blocks away, but when she saw that Alex wasn't going to make any attempt at conversation, she turned on the radio and drove the rest of the way humming along with the music.
She pulled up to the coffee shop and turned to Alex, "Are you coming in or should I just bring you the usual?"
"The usual is fine. Thanks, honey,"she said, offering Kate her first smile since they'd left the apartment.
Kate smiled back, "Not a problem. I'll be right back."She got out of the car and walked to the shop grateful when she noticed that the line was short. She stepped up behind a tall, dark haired man and waited her turn.
After a minute she heard a familiar voice, "Kate!"Just as she turned towards the voice, she felt the impact on her legs as Kevin ran into them and hugged her.
She smiled as she looked down at the boy, "Hey kiddo, what are you doing here?"
Just then Janice walked up to them, "Hi Kate, sorry about that." She motioned to her son who was still clinging to Kate's leg, "He insisted on running over."
Kate smiled, "Hi Janice, it's not a problem. So what brings you to this side of town?"
"We're on our way to the Brooklyn Zoo. We stopped in to get something to drink for the road. Are you off from work today?"
Kate nodded, "Yeah, I'm actually taking a few days off. I'll bet you guys are excited, the zoo sounds like such a fun thing to do."She started wishing she could join them but she knew Alex wouldn't want to go to the zoo when she had the chance to go shopping instead.
Kevin looked at his mom, "Can Kate come with us, mom? Please?"
Janice looked down at her little boy and laughed. She loved when he turned please into a three-syllable word. "Honey, I'm sure Kate has other plans for her day."
Kate looked down at Kevin then up at Janice, "Um, actually, Alex is in the car and we're supposed to go shopping." Kate saw Janice's eyes light up at the mention of shopping and she had an idea. She turned to Kevin, "Hey kiddo, can I talk to your mom alone for a minute?"
Kevin smiled at Kate, he'd do anything for her, "Sure, I'll go sit over there and finish my hot chocolate." Kevin walked to a table a few feet away and they kept him in their eye-line as Kate turned to Janice, "Hey um, I had a thought, and feel free to say no, but Alex really wants to go shopping and I really don't. The thing is, I don't want her to be alone just yet. What do you say we trade? I can take Kevin to the zoo and you can go shopping with Alex? Does that sound like something you might want?"Kate hoped Janice would say yes, but then she realized that the other woman might actually be looking forward to going to the zoo with her son. She prepared herself just in case Janice decided to say no.
"Sure, that would be great. I mean, it's not that I don't want to take my son to the zoo, but his dad was actually supposed to take him and he got called away at the last minute. I was supposed to have a 'me' day today but I didn't want to disappoint him. I know he'd love to go with you."She was so grateful for the stroke of luck. She had spent the past two weeks with Kevin and hadn't really had a day off.
Kate smiled, "Then I guess it's a lucky day for both of us...provided Alex is ok with the change in lineup."Kate had a feeling though, given Alex's mood, she might welcome a change.
Just then, the barrista called out to Kate, so the detective went up to the counter to order a coffee for herself and Alex. While Kate was busy giving her order, Janice went to get Kevin so that they could go out to the car with Kate and see if Alex would be ok with the change in plans. Once Kate had the two drinks in her hands, she walked out of the shop with Janice and Kevin and approached the passenger side of the car. Kate set down one of the coffees on the roof of the car and knocked on the window to get Alex's attention.
Alex lowered the window and smiled when she saw her cousins there. "Hey, what are you guys doing here?"
"We're going to the zoo,"Kevin said excitedly from his mother's arms.
"Oh, how fun, I bet you're looking forward to that honey." Kevin nodded.
Kate handed Alex her coffee then said, "Hey, um, Janice and I were wondering if you'd be ok with a, uh, a change in plans for the day."
Alex could feel a tightening in her chest and she prayed that Kate wasn't going to suggest they go to the zoo with Janice and Kevin. "Oh? What's up?"
Kate smiled, "I was thinking that maybe Janice could go shopping with you while I take Kevin to the zoo. I thought maybe you and Janice could have a great time and we can meet up later at your place so I can change clothes before we go to the club, what do you think?"
Alex looked at her cousin and smiled, "Sure, I think that sounds great, actually. Um, I guess you'll call us when you're done?"
Kate smiled, "Well, we'll probably be done before you two clean out the stores, but we'll text you."Kate opened the door for Alex so that she could go with Janice to her car. Kate was silently thankful that Alex had thought to get the optional built-in booster seats in the back. It would make driving Kevin around much easier.
Alex joined her cousin and smiled, grateful to be going out with someone that actually wanted to go shopping for the afternoon. She looked at Kate and Kevin, "You two have fun and be safe."
Kate smiled. "We will, have a good time." Kate placed a hand on Alex's shoulder and squeezed gently, not knowing if a kiss, even on the cheek, would be welcome. She watched them walk away before she turned to Kevin, "Well, looks like it's just you and me buddy. You ready?"
Kevin smiled the biggest smile he could, "Yeah!"Kate opened the back door and pulled out the car seat straps then settled Kevin onto the seat, strapping him in securely. She closed the door and went to the driver's door. She got in and pulled into traffic, heading for the zoo.
TBC...