CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
I love my child
He's got his mother's smile
I'm so fortunate
So fortunate
Life can get tight
But I will make it right
So Fortunate - Adema
Angel didn't even try to fight his foul mood. He sat in Giles' office at the school to scare Leda and Tricia into a confession so he might as well nurse his anger. The morning wasn't off to a good start. Buffy was cranky for reasons he hoped could be attributed to having to deal with the girls. Cordy, Gunn, and Fred were still giving him the cold treatment as they headed off for Wolfram and Hart.
After having time to truly understand what Angel had done to her, Faith wasn't much better, taking the violation of her mind very seriously, with all the signs of being a rape victim; he hoped he hadn't tore off the scabs off her past. Wesley was more forgiving and Spike was full of questions. Angel did all he could to avoid Spike because he wasn't in the mood to answer his inquiries.
Angel had peeked in on Connor and managed to wake him up because of the barricaded door. Connor had flipped him off and rolled back over, obviously still in the mood to be as ugly as he could. Angel refrained from telling Connor it didn't matter. He loved him in spite of it all but suspected that would result in Connor spontaneously self-combusting or finding the strength to kill him, whichever came first. At least Giles and Lorelei were in good spirits as they all sat in Giles' office while Buffy and Robin rounded up the girls.
"Want to talk about it, Angel?" Lorelei set her oft-present electronic notepad down.
"Not really," he said. "I expected everyone to still be mad at me and want me to feel guilty over the spell, and I'm not going to do that. I don't feel guilty. I tried to help my son, and I'd do it again."
"I don't know that you should feel guilty," Lorelei said, surprising him. "I don't know the whole story Angel, just what I heard from Willow and the others but that didn't convince me that you could have reached your son. He sounded like he was in a very dark place."
"What do you know, Lorelei?" Angel held up a hand, realizing how crass that sounded. "I don't mean that facetiously. How much did they tell you?"
Lorelei's pretty eyes met his levelly. "About Connor being raised in hell. He told me about being with Cordelia, and I can see Connor's pain clearly."
"They told us about Cordelia and Connor producing a hell goddess," Giles added with just a little too much awe for Angel's peace of mind. "But no one could tell us about what happened to her and what happened to Connor afterwards. I'm assuming that's when the spell was cast."
Angel nodded, hating this topic. There was too much pain associated with it. "They knew what happened to Jasmine but not Connor. Still, Jasmine had all of us enthralled. When that spell broke...even I have trouble holding on to all the details surrounding Jasmine." Angel rubbed his forehead. "And I didn't get to say so, Lorelei, but thank you for talking with Connor. I'm going to ask you for a favor though."
"I'm not sure I can grant it, Angel, not if it concerns therapy," Lorelei said uneasily.
Angel waved her off. "I don't want to know what he tells you. I wouldn't think about asking you to breach patient confidentiality. I was going to ask you to use your office at the hotel and try to schedule the sessions when Faith, Buffy or I am around."
"You're afraid he'll freak out and hurt me." Lorelei made a notation in the book.
"I know that patients can do that but if Connor does it, he could kill you easily." Angel hated saying it. He didn't want to think about how dangerous his son could be. "Just have a walkie talkie or something as a panic button...if you don't think it'll interfere with the session."
Lorelei wrote something else in her book, and then looked up. "I'll talk to Connor, assure him that it won't be used to broadcast anything, that it's only for my protection."
"Good. I don't want you at risk trying to help him." Angel paused, drumming his fingers on the desk. "Lorelei, I have some DVDs of Connor. Some I know the contents of, some I've yet to watch. One is of when he first arrives. The other is when he had his melt down at the mall. I don't know if they'll help you or not but you're welcome to watch them."
She curled a lock of her red hair around her finger. Her face held a great deal of curiosity as did Giles'. "That might help but I'll hold off until after the first session. I'd like to try to get as unspoiled an impression of him as I can. That will be hard enough at this point."
"Okay." The phone rang and Angel answered it, his face growing dark and ugly. "What do you mean he's gone? No, that's okay, Faith. You guys aren't his keepers. Thanks for telling me."
"Connor's gone?" Giles questioned.
"Disappeared without telling anyone," Angel grumbled, wishing just for once his son would do what was expected of him and be good.
"Angel, your son did tell us he doesn't keep more than daily use of heroin around. Unless I miss my guess, he was mollified with methadone yesterday. Connor will have to go score," Giles said, taking his glasses off for a polish.
Angel slumped in his chair. "I know. I'm sure that's where he is. It's just that this demoness isn't confined to the night, and he's at great risk."
"He knows that Angel. He also knows what happened to him if he goes into withdrawal. Trust me, that'll get him out there," Lorelei said, unapologetically.
Angel skinned his lips back, his eyes flicking up to the books that lined Giles's exceeding English-looking office, all books, dark leather and wood so polished it looked like silk under glass. Most days, Angel was very comfortable in this room but not today. "His money is still at the hospital. Oh damn. I'd better beat Buffy home. He'll have taken my money unless he planned on trolling the streets for tricks and she was furious the last time he robbed me."
"Easy money would probably have more allure," Giles said. "It would save him the hours needed to earn on his own."
Angel nodded, not minding as much as he thought he might losing out on his money. He'd rather not have Connor out there whoring. He just had to be sure he got the money replaced before Buffy found out. He knew Buffy might understand and forgive Connor, for Angel's sake if for no other reason, but she was already angry at Connor for his previous theft. She hadn't taken it out on Connor, feeling sorry for him at the time, but let Angel have it with both barrels. Angel looked at the door willing Buffy to come through it but there was no sign of her. "Where are they?"
"Robin and Buffy are taking the girls to see Willow first in the infirmary," Lorelei replied. "For random drug testing."
Angel hadn't been expecting that but he saw the sense in it. "Oh. I suppose if Amaya was beginning to experiment there's every reason to assume they were as well."
"We might end up testing all the girls over the course of the next few days," Giles said, his eyes dim with regret over the necessity. "Just as a precaution. Perhaps we've given them too much freedom."
Angel spread his hands. "Do what you think's necessary." He looked to the door, finally hearing a group approaching. He was taken aback at the totally haughty expressions on Leda and Tricia's faces. He was reminded of Cordelia the first time he had met her back in Sunnydale. Leda even looked like Cordy a bit, dark hair, tanned skin, beautiful. And Tricia was her Harmony, only brighter, but still the pretty blonde, obsessed with fashion judging from the clothing. He knew he had his work cut out for him if the drug testing hadn't shaken them up.
Angel watched them sit down, one on either side of the table, closest to him. Buffy sat between Leda and Giles while Robin took up residence between Tricia and Lorelei. Angel felt his body tensing as he took quick stock of the dynamics in the room. Would they let him do what he needed to do? He still didn't know what he was going to do yet. He couldn't actually hurt these girls as much as he might want to. Then again the girls didn't know that.
"You know why you're here," Angel said.
"I know that you all think Trish and I were planning to hurt some junkie," Leda said, no hint of emotion in her voice beyond how this inconvenienced her. Leda seemed utterly bored with being called into the office again.
Tricia's eyes cut to Leda and Angel caught it. She was the weaker of the two, looking to the other girl for support. It was one of the reasons Lorelei had suggested the physical barrier the table represented as it sat between them. "We didn't do anything. We keep telling Mr. Giles and Mr. Wood that but they don't believe us. Neither does Buffy."
"So, what would Amaya have to gain by putting in her journal that you wanted to help her kill someone just for the thrill of it?" Angel kept his face soft, his voice gentle. If he went violent too fast, he'd be driven into a corner too quickly. All they would have to do was call his bluff and it would end the secession then and there. It was better to try and finesse them.
"We keep telling everyone we don't know. We didn't control Amaya," Leda sniffed, examining her nails. "She was crazy."
"So she made it all up in a document no one else was meant to see?" Angel tried to get Leda's attention but she was too busy putting on her 'I'm so tired of this' show. "Why would Amaya do that?"
Tricia shrugged, her eyes flicking over to Leda again. "I don't know."
"Blackmail maybe," Leda said, looking up from her painted nails. "You know, if we didn't do something she wanted, she'd show it to Buffy or Mr. Wood."
Angel's eyebrows lifted. "Really? Wouldn't that get her in trouble, too?"
Leda looked at him like he was the stupid one. "I told you she was crazy."
"I don't understand why no one believes us," Tricia whined, her hands twisting over themselves. "We didn't do anything so why are we being punished?"
"Maybe because you're in a position of power being Slayers, and we can't risk what happens if you think you can do anything you want," Robin put in, his face pinched and hard.
"We've already heard the Faith story a dozen times." Leda blew at her bangs, leaning back in her chair.
Angel got up and went behind her, running a hand over her shoulders, and she shuddered under his touch. "So you think you know it all, do you? Maybe we should bring Faith here and let her tell you what it's like to have walked in her shoes. She didn't plan to go down that dark road but she did. But what you two are planning is even worse." Angel circled around behind Tricia, and she flinched away from his big hand. "Faith spun out of control when she accidentally killed someone. You two were planning to murder a man. That's infinitely worse." He caught one of Tricia's blond curls between his fingers. "Maybe you should ask Faith what prison's like. Do you know how long you could go to jail for attempted murder? Maybe you don't care. You'll only be thirty something when you get out. You might even still be pretty." He ran a hand over Tricia's cheek, and she twitched.
"We didn't try to kill anyone," Leda said, a little nervously.
Angel wondered if she was afraid Tricia might break because Leda hadn't looked this afraid when he directly addressed her. He went back over to her. "Planning a killing is still a criminal offense. Talk to Faith about what it's like to be in a cell, about what it's like on visiting day and you have to face your family with that pane of glass between you. She's in town right now. Ask her about the women weeping when their families refuse to come on visiting day, taking away that last little bit of hope. Do you want to experience that for yourself?"
"Well, I don't see how that'll happen when you have no proof we did anything, just some scribblings in Amaya's diary." Leda smirked up at him.
"Amaya did drugs, too," Tricia offered. "Who knows what that made her do and say. We didn't tell anyone because...well, we were afraid. She's older and all."
"And what if we go ask the person Amaya spoke of in her diary," Angel said, grateful that his companions were sitting mutely watching his play. "Would he tell us that you two didn't ask him to let you tie him up for sex at a price?"
Tricia made a face, squinching up her blue eyes. "Like we'd touch some junkie? Eww, could you imagine what diseases he might have?"
"Maybe it was just tying up then, no sex," Buffy interjected, and the girls barely looked at her.
"It wasn't anything," Leda said, shifting closer to Giles to put a bit of distance between her and Buffy. "We've been over this. Even if you found the junkie - like is he even named in the diary - what good would it do you? Junkies are messed up. You can't trust anything they say. They're useless."
The glacial chill off her words froze Angel. There was no emotion in her, except for disdain and even that was flat as if the girl couldn't fully access it. "So useless they don't matter?" Angel put his hands on her shoulder.
"I didn't say that. I'm just saying you can't trust them," Leda said trying to squirm out from under his hands.
Angel could see this was getting him no further than it had gotten Giles and the others when they tried talking to the girls. "I'm not like the others, little girl. You lie to me and I get angry," Angel said, his voice still gentle but lisping around his fangs.
He heard Tricia jump a bit but his eyes were on Leda who seemed nonplused. "You won't hurt us. They won't let you." She nodded at Buffy.
"Do you think Buffy could move faster than I can snap your neck?" Angel caressed her jugular with a finger. Buffy pushed her chair away from Leda's giving him better access.
"But we didn't do anything. You can't just kill us," Tricia said, her eyes wide, looking to Lorelei who was beside her.
"He won't do anything," Leda snapped at her, making Tricia jump.
"Are you so sure? I know a few things I can do," Angel prowled back over to Tricia, seeing she was trembling. "I can send Robin to go get Willow, bring her down here and try a truth spell." He wondered if Willow actually knew such a spell.
The girls exchanged worried looks.
"That's a very good idea," Robin said, getting up. "Maybe I should do that right now."
"Please do," Giles said and Robin left. Angel saw Tricia tracking the principal's departure nervously. Leda still seemed unconcerned.
"And you know what else we can do, Leda, that won't even involve Angel hurting you...at first." Buffy smiled predatorily. "We can make you not Slayers anymore."
"You can't," Tricia whispered.
"That's not possible," Leda said. "We're Chosen."
"And I'm here to tell you it's very possible, young lady," Giles said, rapping his hands on the table with an echoing bang. "It's called cruciamentum. And it's been used by Watchers for a dozen centuries maybe more. Trust me, if I chose to I could leave you both helpless."
"But we didn't do anything to deserve this," Tricia argued again.
"And maybe you should tell them about the special jail the Watchers have, Giles." Buffy's agate eyes hardened. "The one Wesley had Faith sent to. No lawyers, girls, no trials. Your parents' money can't help you. The Special Ops Watchers come for you, and you just disappear until the Watchers think you're safe to be back in society."
Angel smiled at Buffy. She had taken a page from Angelus's book, and it was having an effect on Tricia. He could see cracks around her edges. Leda was a different story.
"You can't make us say we were going to do something we had no plans on doing," Leda said, leveling her gaze at Tricia. "Threats don't change the fact we don't know this junkie, and we never planned on killing him."
Angel caught Lorelei's eye and saw her grim look. He suspected she was thinking the same thing he was; Leda was too cold, too heartless. Tricia might be salvageable if she were separated from Leda but the dark-haired Slayer might be a lost cause, a sociopath who wouldn't think twice about hurting someone just because she could. "Threats don't...Tricia, don't you have a pet rabbit, Zoe? How would you feel if I did to Zoe what you planned on doing to the young man Amaya wrote about?"
Tricia lost all coloring, trembling violently. "You can't! Zoe never hurt anyone. She's just a bunny. You can't hurt her."
Angel got down to her level, looking her in the eye. She couldn't meet his golden gaze. His fingers curled over Tricia's knees. "You're worried about a damned rabbit but didn't give a second thought to the life you planned on snuffing out as part of Amaya's sick little game?"
"I didn't do anything. Don't let him hurt Zoe," Tricia tossed that over to Lorelei.
"Angel has a point, Tricia. We have details of what you three were planning. Maybe you should see what it looks like," Lorelei said, her face carefully schooled not to show her repulsion at the idea. "It's just a rabbit after all."
"But she doesn't deserve this," Tricia's lips quivered, her voice shaking.
"And the man in Amaya's journal? Did he deserve what you had planned for him?" Angel's fingers dug into her flesh.
"We don't know him, never saw him, never tried to pay him for sex and definitely didn't plan to kill him," Leda said, drawing the attention back to her.
Before Angel could respond, there was a commotion at the receptionist's desk outside of Giles's office. He could hear Ashley yelling at someone that they couldn't go in there. The door opened and Connor strode into the room, still wearing the hideous sweater Giles had given him. Connor had on the worn coat he owned but it looked like he had shoved it through the wash. It wasn't reeking like it had been. Angel wasn't expecting to see his son and wondered what he was doing here. Buffy glanced over at Angel, and then her eyes flicked to the girls. Tricia was breathing harder and even Leda looked nervous. Their scents shifted. They were afraid.
Connor jumped up on the edge of the table, his legs dangling over the edge. He nudged the chair Angel had been sitting in with a booted toe. He looked like a lost little boy to Angel. He wished he could just do something to make his son whole and healthy again but his every attempt just made things worse. Maybe it was better not to try.
"Hello Leda, Tricia." Connor fixed the girls with a chilling look. Angel remembered that look. It was something that he never wanted to see on his son's face. It reminded him too much of Angelus and the claims Connor had once made about being the demon's child, not his. The girls didn't address Connor nor even look at him. Angel knew they had to realize that the fact Connor recognized them on sight didn't bode well for their story. Connor twisted on the table, looking up at Angel. "Nice face, but it doesn't look like it's working."
"I wouldn't say that." Touching his brow ridges, Angel glanced over at Tricia.
"They know you won't really do anything to them," Connor said, voicing what Angel already knew.
"How many times do we have to say we didn't do anything?" Leda's dark eyes flared. "Amaya made it all up."
Connor laughed, a harsh ugly sound. "Really? I know I'm high a lot of the time. Hell, I'm high now but I remember you two coming around with Amaya. I remember what you offered. I can even tell you the price you were willing to pay." Connor cocked his head at them. "Really, your parents give you way too much money if you had that much to spare."
Leda glared at him. Tricia's lips started trembling again, and Angel saw his son go after that weakness like a hawk on a rabbit, the same as he had.
"Why did you want to hurt me?" Connor asked, and they didn't respond. "Did you really think it would be easy to kill me? Did you think it would be fun?"
"We didn't think anything because it's not true," Leda said, her eyes not leaving him.
"So I'm lying?" Connor shrugged, taking off his coat. "Could be. I've been known to do it but why would I?"
"Do we need to remind you about Willow's truth spell?" Buffy's face was like stone, her voice cold and hard as marble. It had its effect on Tricia but Leda shrugged it off.
Connor made a face. "Ooo, magic, you just have to hate it don't you? Especially when it screws you over. Want to give it a go, my story versus yours?"
The girls didn't answer him. Angel sat in Robin's vacated seat. Tricia quailed away from him. He wondered where his son was going with this but was more than willing to let him run.
"I'm pretty sure I know what you were thinking. It's common enough where I'm from. 'He's just a homeless junkie. No one cares about him and no one will miss him.' That's why junkies and whores die anonymously in droves every year, victims of someone's rage, someone who's forgotten that we're people too and someone cares for us," Connor said, and Leda rolled her eyes at him. He swung around on the table, planting a booted foot on either arm of her chair. "No one is disposable, little girl. Not me, not Night Rain and Lian and not even you. Night Rain told me a lot about what goes on here. It's a school like any other and even though you're all special girls, there's still the usual hierarchy, cool kids on the top and you work your way down. That's human nature and nothing Buffy or Giles or anyone at this school can do to prevent it. I know you two and Night Rain think you're on the top but that means jack in the real world. I do not rank under the used tissue you toss in the can."
Leda's lips curled, as she pushed her chair back quickly trying to spill Connor off the table. He caught himself gracefully, and her face darkened in a rage. "You think you're so smart, junkie?"
"Smart enough to know that that man there would miss me terribly if you had managed to tie me up and kill me." Connor pointed to Angel.
"What would a vampire care about you?" Tricia asked, trying to sound as tough as Leda and failing.
"He's my father," Connor replied, and the girls stared at him, confused. "And I know this much, if there is only one person who gives a damn about me, it's Angel." Connor looked over at him, and Angel felt his chest tightening. Had he really heard Connor admit to someone that he believed his father's love was real? "But Angel's not the only one. I have an adopted sister who writes me all the time. She loves me no matter what I've done to myself. Shyla would be devastated if crime scene photos of my torn up body made their way to a forensic's program while they look for my killers. I'm not insignificant." Connor slammed a fist against the table. "I count."
Connor pulled the sweater off over his head and Angel wondered what in the hell his son was up to. A niggling thought about Connor needing to cover up tickled in the back of Angel's brain. No one should see his son looking like this, all his ribs visible, knobby at the ends where they attached to the breast bone, his stomach caving in. A line of Ogham writing ran from Connor's belly button to the start of his pubic hair, which showed just a bit because his pants weren't staying up over the sharp points of his hips. Underpants were nowhere to be seen.
"But if you think it would be an easy thing to kill me, why don't we put it to the test. The adults can leave, and it'll be just us three. You want to know what it's like to kill a person, to know if it's a thrill, let's give it a go." Connor reached into the voluminous pockets of his duster and pulled out a huge knife. "It won't take long with this, unless of course you really want to make me suffer first. That was the original plan. Sorry, I forgot to bring you something to tie me up with but I promise, I won't fight you."
Connor offered the knife to Tricia who buried her hands under her thighs, tears forming in her eyes. He pivoted and held it out to Leda who just smirked at him. "What? No takers. Oh, come on. This is what you wanted." He dropped the knife at his side as he laid down on the table. "You can decide who's first. Don't worry about Angel or Buffy. They're leaving."
Lorelei got up and nodded toward the door. Giles and Buffy followed her. Angel was slower to move. He didn't trust Connor to handle the young Slayers should one of them take him up on his offer but he headed toward the receptionist's office. Angel hovered in the doorway, unable to actually leave Connor alone. The two girls didn't move.
"Okay, making me wait for it is really cruel you know," Connor said, squirming on the table. "Let's get started already. If you really want me tied down first I bet Buffy has rope around here somewhere." He rolled up onto one arm looking at Leda. "What's the problem?"
"You're so screwed up, you're disgusting," she replied, her eyes boring a hole in him.
"That really hurts coming from you." Connor took the knife and rolled over to face Tricia. "How about you, Trish? Isn't it as fun as you thought it would be?"
Tricia turned away. "Leave me alone."
Spinning her chair back around, Connor put the knife in her hand and leaned against the point. Angel smelled the tang of blood as the tip of the blade pierced just under Connor's nipple. He headed back towards his son before something bad happened. "Come on, you planned this. Not so easy, is it when you see me as a human being and not a thing. Do it," Connor ordered, blood running down his chest
Tricia dropped the knife on the floor, sobbing. She buried her face in her arms against the table. "I'm so sorry."
"Yeah, I already know that," Connor said, sitting back and Angel paused. Maybe Connor had it handled after all.
"Trish, shut up." Leda leaped to her feet, heading for her friend.
Angel chucked her against the wall before she could hurt Tricia or get to the knife but the spell bounced him away from her. Leda stared up at him, shocked that he had touched her. He saw true fear in her eyes for the very first time. He pointed at her. "Stay down."
Buffy went to get Leda under control. Tricia kept babbling out apologies, nearly incoherent through her weeping.
Connor caught her chin, tipping her tear-stained face up. "I matter."
Tricia slipped his grip and puddled up on the floor. Lorelei went over to her.
Angel took hold of Connor, his thumb brushing the wound on his chest. It was already healing but a large pearl of blood decorated his thumb. "You all right?"
"Stings a little but nothing I can't handle." Connor wiggled, trying to get free of Angel's touch.
"Put your shirt on. You're cold," Angel said, seeing all the gooseflesh. "We need to get you a belt."
"Whatever." Connor pulled on the sweater, seeing Robin and Willow arriving out of the corner of his eye. "If you lick that blood off your fingers, I'll be really disappointed."
Angel looked at his rouged digits. "I fed off someone high on heroin once or twice before. Curious sensation, not something I'm eager to revisit."
Connor snorted. "What happens now?"
Buffy glanced over to Willow, holding a struggling Leda. "Willow has a spell that guarantees they can't get out of their rooms. We'll work from there. They're not going to hurt you. Come on, Willow. Leda needs an attitude adjustment."
"You stupid cow, Trish. You better hope I don't get out of the room," Leda raged as Buffy hauled her out with Willow following her.
"That one scares me," Connor said, watching Buffy fighting to move Leda along.
"You're not the only one," Lorelei said, helping Tricia up. She didn't offer any protests. "Connor, I've work to do here obviously but later this afternoon, I'll be free."
"I'll be at the hotel," Connor said. He had an eager look on his face that pleased Angel. He wanted Connor to be happy about therapy. That was the first step in making his son well again.
"One of us should ride you back there," Angel said.
"You have a way of getting there in the daylight?" Connor tossed his long hair back, giving him a cold look.
"No, I'll be going by the sewers as usual. I was thinking more along the lines of Giles," Angel said, ignoring the antagonistic tone.
"I should give a hand with the research," Giles said. "You could help, too, if you'd like Connor. It might have been a while since you put those research talents you needed to get through law school through their paces but we could use all the help we can get."
Connor nodded. "I can do that."
Angel caught Connor before he could follow Giles out. He pulled his son to him, feeling him tensing up. He pressed his forehead against the crown of Connor's head. "You were right about everything, Connor. One of the things that kept me going was the belief that you were having a good life somewhere and even though I know that didn't happen, I want you to know nothing you do will change my love for you." He hugged Connor hard. "You do matter."
Connor squirmed free and went after Giles without saying a word. Angel refused to be discouraged as he headed into the sewers. He started toward the hotel, and then changed his mind. They had plenty of people working the books. There was something that needed doing more. Angel headed for the mall. It was an easy thing to avoid sunlight inside of malls. There were precious little windows because they wanted the shoppers to lose all track of time. It made it convenient for him. And if Buffy found the missing money before he got back, he'd just tell her that he took it with him shopping, and he could get some out of an ATM on his way home.