Disclaimer: I wish they were mine... but they're not

A/N: I'll be off for the week (I'll spend it skiing with my cousins^^) so I wish you all a very happy Christmas, many presents, and a wonderful new year! I'll go back to updating the fic as soon as I'm back to school :)

Quick word to the reviewer:

Melissa Brite: Aw, thank you^^ I'm glad you do!

RemiRobin: Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked that chapter, considering that I was a bit unsure about it^^

Jordanne: Ah, for my own I really like him, he really seems a good man to me… were it not for Kuro, I swear I'd get Fai with him^^

Kayla-chan1990: Thank you very much^////^ I'm really flattered you think this! And yes, Fai will need all the help his family can bring him!

Yoshikochan: Yes, 'til death do us apart. I feel sad for Ashura though… As I said before, I really like him and I believe, in this fic at the very least, his love for Fai was a very absolute one… In a way, it's better that he died, or he really would have been heartbroken when Fai would have gotten together with Kurogane.
And Fai will probably feel guilty forever for not telling Ashura about his real name (this sentence sounds really weird to me…')
Anyway, I'm glad you liked the chapter^^

Thanks a lot to all of you, anonymous readers and people who added this story on their favorite and/or alert list, even without leaving a review!

26 Blue Socks, Daffodils And Broad Shoulder.

Painful as it was to lose someone loved, the world had to keep turning… and so, life managed to go on.

Fai, Chii, Yuui and Sayoran faced something they had not planned: success. Of course, they had hoped that things would go well for the band, but never had they dared to dream it would come so quickly.
Still, in the year that had followed Ashura's death, Tsubasa had known a surprisingly sudden rising of their success. Soon, they had reached the fifth place of the Hit Parade, and they were still gaining success… Their label was even thinking of taking them into the international market! Things couldn't be better for the band, that at least was sure.

What was unsure, in Fai's opinion, was to know how he should react to that Motosuwa boy. Chii had met him in a bar three month before and she had soon confessed she would like to date him… thing was, though he seemed to be a fine boy, Fai wasn't certain he was ready to 'lose' his sister just yet.

He had had to let go of so many things already….
There had been Ashura, of course, with all the happiness and love and safety he meant.
There had been his privacy –even though it was only partial, and even though it was a normal consequence of being famous, it wasn't something easy to accept, especially for someone like him.
There had been Yuui, in some egoistic way: now that he was a father and ready to welcome his second child, his twin logically spent much more time at his house with his wife and daughter than running from a bar to another with his brother… which was only normal but, still, it felt a bit lonely sometimes.
There had been his life at the flat, too. Of course, that had been a while ago –even before Ashura died- but he still missed coming home and have someone to welcome him, even if it was often a grumpy-sounding Kurogane –actually, the grumpier he was, the easier it was t have fun with him. And besides, Kurogane had always been here when he needed –and wanted- to speak to someone, and though he knew it was a bit egoistic, Fai missed that as well. Plus, it was always refreshing to live with people ten years younger than you were: they gave you enough energy to keep moving, having fun, enjoying what you did….

And that lead to the biggest loss of all: Fai's taste for life.
Oh, he wasn't thinking about suicide –never had, never would, no matter how hard it could get… he had experienced what it felt when you were left behind, he didn't want to inflict that to his family. Still, even if he hadn't come to this state of mind, Fai definitely felt he had lost the will of going on.

Sure enough, Tsubasa's career was promising, and playing still felt very good… but not as much as what it had used to. Everyone around him tried their best to help him have fun, go out, meet new friends –perhaps they even tried to find him someone to date- they had even resorted to inviting Lineos, Trisha and Jérémy for a week, but it hadn't changed a thing.

"What do you want then?" Lineos had screamed one night, tired of hearing Fai refuse every single proposition he made. "You don't want to go out, but you don't want to stay at home either, you don't want to watch a movie but you don't want to play a game… shit man, what's wrong with you?!"

"I swear if knew I'd tell you what's wrong, Line." Fai sighed heavily. "It's just that… I don't know. Something's gone."

"Don't start that."

"What?"

"This train of thought. My mother told me that once, and next thing I knew, she threw herself from a cliff."

Fai sighed again, gesturing that this ending would never be his. Still, he couldn't help feel… bored. No, not really bored. What he felt wasn't really boredom, rather a strange sort of melancholy that sucked every little bit of will and energy he had. It felt as though he only went on living because other people were concerned. Were it only for him, he would probably be spending his days lying on his couch and thinking about all and nothing but please, please let it not be something complicated.
Thing was, Fai didn't know how to change that.

"Start drawing. Buy a dog, help and association, go abroad, I don't know but do something!" Lineos finally cried. "Don't stay here like a… a snail!"

"The last time I went abroad, I ended up meeting Ashura." Fai said, his throat suddenly tight.

"Then cry."

"What?"

"Cry." Lineos repeated. "I don't think you actually cried after he died. You won't get over his death unless you cry over him first."

The blonde Australian sighed and got up, walking toward the door while securing his large leather jacket around him.

"Thing is, I already tried." Fai whispered.

But he had failed. Ever since Ashura's death, from the very second his last breath had vanished away, Fai's tears had been gone. No droplet of water had fallen from his eyes for a year: neither sad nor happy, not even tired tears. Actually, he hadn't felt anything. Frustration, joy, ecstasy, lust, fear, stress, despair, sadness, sleepiness… all that had vanished, leaving nothing but empty and frustrating melancholy.
Now, even walking in a room –his room- filled with gifts and flowers from fans couldn't make him smile.
Now, the house was always silent, even when someone came to see him, because the building was so filled with Fai's nothingness that no one dared to speak too loud.

Now, whatever happened, Fai felt as though he only knew how to shrug, and every other gesture had been forgotten.

Even his fake, plastic smiles were back and, though magazines, fans and cameras loved it, Fai really didn't like that they were back when he had thought to have gotten rid of them.

oOo

"Wonderful Sunshine! Tilt your head a bit more… Perfect!"

There was a beeping sound and Mimi Tachikawa let her assistant take care of her camera.

"Out of memory." She sighed, grabbing a bottle of water.

"Why don't you get a bigger memory card?"

"Ah, but I have one, Darling!" The photograph smiled. "Actually, I've got a lot of them… it's just that if I used them with you, you'd never see sunlight ever again!"

"Do you like me so much, Mimi-chan?"

"Yes indeed! In fact, you're lucky to be the male you know, Sweetheart. Otherwise I'd have raped you by now!"

"I'm lucky indeed!" Fai managed to laugh.

"Well, now it's time for you to go home. No! No, I know it's hard, but really you have to, otherwise I'll never be able to get those wonderful photos of you out of my camera. Now go."

"Yes ma'am!" Fai saluted.

"Oh, and Fai!" she called, "Would you please gain some weigh? You're so skinny if you show your profile and poke your tongue out your shadow could pass for a zipper."

"Nice image." Fai chuckled. "I promise I'll try to eat more."

"You're a doll!"

Mimi Tachikawa was a beautiful and cheery girl with pink hair and large brown eyes. She liked to dress in an elegant cowboy-like style, with white Stetsons and high heeled leather boots. Her high pitched voice, her strong manner, her natural grace and her good looks had first made her a mannequin… however, she had been deeply shocked by -how did she put it?- "The 'Bitchiness' of that world of lying hypocrites", and she had chosen to become a photograph. She had struggled at first, until Yamato Ishida, apparently an old friend of hers, had asked her to become The Wolves' official photographer.
From then, the sheer genius of her photos had been praised everywhere by everyone, and Tsubasa had only been able to get her because Fai and Yamato were still in contact -and also because she couldn't help… er… "Fangirling" as she said, over Fai. Which was ridiculous, but nevermind.

Anyway, working with Mimi –Meems, as her friends called her- had always been agreeable. She was talkative enough to make you forget the camera, and her continuous employ of sweet words made Fai feel at ease with her. However, working with Mimi had recently become particularly tiresome.
When Fei Wong had spent two years harassing Fai –though indirectly- the blonde had learned to give his face a smiling appearance in every circumstances… that had been exhausting enough, more efficient than any kind of sport, and Fai had honestly thought it had to be the most tiring activity ever.

But then he had lost Ashura, and it had forced him to start pretending again… only this time it was worse, because he had to smile for the camera –meaning with his whole body instead of just his face- and, this time, the problem –the lack of happiness- couldn't be blamed on anyone or anything. That was the way he was, end of story.

Too bad the story was so frustrating.

oOo

"Parfois," he confessed to Trisha when she phoned him as he left Mimi's studio, "J'ai l'impression que je suis sur le point d'exploser… Parfois c'est tellement horrible que j'ai envie de dévaster la pièce…"

"Si tu en as seulement envie c'est que ce n'est pas aussi terrible que ça pourrait l'être."(1)

The lies had come back, too. Fai didn't only feel like destroying the room, he actually destroyed it, leaving nothing but ruins and emptiness around and inside him, knowing that he would have to clean sooner or later, but without succeeding in actually doing anything.

oOo

It was after one of these fit that Kurogane stopped by, on a sunny Monday afternoon.

The flat was an apocalyptic sight, with crashed vases all around the place, water and smashed daffodils scattering every room's floor. There were broken plates, and some remains of glasses that looked as though someone had thrown them against the walls in an access of rage.
There was a cell phone, too, or rather what was left of it, lying next to the kitchen door, its components spread around it, like small pieces of an animated corpse.

Kurogane carefully made his way to Fai's bedroom, trying not to add to the mess –and really, 'mess' was the biggest understatement ever.

He found the blond man lying on his bed, his shoes still on, his face buried in the pillow.

"Poor flowers really didn't deserve that."

"'Mallergict'daffodils." Was the muffled and automatic reply.

"You're allergic to cell phones, too? Yours is spread all over the floor."

"Leammealone." Fai sighed, still not taking his head off of the pillow.

"You honestly think I'm going to leave you in such a state? Yuui would torture me to no end, even if it took him away from Tomoyo and the kids for years."

There was a muffled sound, and Kurogane sat on the bed, next to Fai's still form, his hand resting on the blonde's back, not because he felt like it but because something told him Fai needed the touch.

"Now, seriously, what's wrong?"

Fai finally hoisted himself up and sat cross-legged beside Kurogane, his blonde bangs hiding his face. He sighed deeply, hands clutching his jeans so tightly his knuckles were white.

"Takeru and Daisuke are born." He said shakily. "Freya's little brothers."

"And you replayed World War Two in your living room because you were happy?"

"The daffodils made me sneeze."

"Oh, for god's sake…"

"I wasn't."

"What?"

"I. Was. Not. Happy." Fai said angrily. "My brother told me I was an uncle again, and I was fucking not happy at all!"

There was a tense silence as Fai attempted to calm down, his breath coming in irregular, ragging sounds.

"I don't know why… I mean I should be jumping all around the room like the sugar-high moron you think I am… but all I can do is take my frustration out on anything I have at hand! Shit, what's wrong with me?"

"Nothing."

Kurogane really hadn't expected to be slapped in the face when he had said that.

"You've seen the flat, it looks like Hiroshima, it's been like this for months, I've never felt that stupidly empty before, DON'T TRY TO TELL ME NOTHING. IS. WRONG. WITH ME!"

Fai's sentence was punctuated with punches as he hit Kurogane's chest. He didn't know why he did that, since he knew he'd only feel worse afterward, but somehow he needed to do it, he couldn't stop, no matter how stupid and unjust it was for the younger man.

And then, suddenly, Kurogane's arms were around his shoulders, pressing Fai to the brunet's chest. The blonde breathed in the familiar scent and laced his own arms around the younger man's waist, burying his face in his neck.

He cried himself to sleep that night, without knowing if the tears came from the daffodils, the joy of having a nephew, or simply the fact that Ashura was dead and he was only crying for that now.

All he knew was that, when he awakened up next morning, Kurogane was still sitting on his bed, his broad shoulder kindly supporting Fai's painful head.

End of Blue Socks, Daffodils And Broad Shoulder.

(1) "Sometimes," he confessed to Trisha when she phoned him as he left Mimi's studio, "I feel like I'm about to explode... sometimes it's so horrible I feel like destroying the whole room."

"If you only feel like destroying it, then it's not as bad as it could be."

A/N2: Okay, just because I couldn't get it to fit into the chapter and it might be useful: Fai is 31, and Kuro's 21^^ I'll let you figure out the other characters' ages on your own ^^

Next Chapter: The First Of Many. A title I borrowed from Sabaku No Natsuo's Bus Tickets (which I really think you should read, for it's a good and well written story^^)