Chapter 25

It took a good while to calm Gamzee down enough for Dave and Karkat to move him, pulling him out of John's block and to his own. Karkat tugged him past the recuperacoon and over to the cloth pile on the floor, knowing Gamzee had a preference for it, tucking him around in a nest and staring at him for a moment.

This was the second time he'd seen Gamzee so frightened, and it almost hurt. Any residual feelings he ever had for the Subjugglator were being exploited to the max, just adding to the absolute fuckery that was his Romantic life. But he honestly couldn't help it. Gamzee's state had stirred up pity in Karkat, pity he thought had become contempt long ago.

He remembered all the hurt Gamzee put him through, only to find out Gamzee had been hurting too, and he had been a part of that pain. He really didn't end things with Gamzee, so much as replaced it without telling him, effectively leaving the Subjugglator all alone with no one to temper his mind.

Trolls without Quadrants were bad enough. It was worse when they were Highbloods. A Highblood Subjugglator with psychosis that would have been legendary had Alternia not been destroyed, without a Quadrant to his name, was just a recipe for disaster.

And come to find, he had not only been ignored, he had been abused by Vriska.

Karkat rubbed a hand over his face, trying to bury down the guilt. 'Don't do this to yourself, Vantas,' he thought. Gamzee himself said he made conscious mistakes and a lot of his misfortune was self-imposed.

'But if I had been there…'

No. No, stop this. He was already neck-deep in shit conflicting over his feelings about Dave, he didn't need to rekindle a flame that wasn't even that strong to BEGIN with.

'Look at him, you idiot! He needs you!'

Shut the fuck up, not doing this! The stupid assclown didn't—

"He needs you."

Karkat's head jerked up, having forgotten Dave was in the room too. He felt a flush of red come to his face. "What the fuck are you talking about—"

"Don't," Dave said, his uncovered red eyes pinning Karkat in place for a moment before turning to Gamzee. "…did you know that you are his greatest regret?" he said after a long pause. "Before betraying all of you to this English monster, before going on his killing spree, ruining his moiraillegience with you is his greatest regret. Even now, every time he looks at you, I can smell the Pale desire radiating off him so badly it almost gives me a headache." He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms, shifting his focus to the wall.

"I'm not saying you were wrong to break it off," he continued. "It was pretty one-sided from your standpoint, and in his mental condition, he needed a minder rather than a moirail. But you were literally ALL he had."

He reached up, massaging the bridge of his nose. "I've done what I can to try to dampen down his Pale feelings for you, but there ARE limits to what I can do. If something's real enough, there's only so much I can do about it. I cant get rid of TRUE Romantic feelings, any more than I can create them. I'm a master illusionist with Romance, nothing more." He pushed off from the wall.

"…Like I keep finding myself saying…I'm not your moirail. And I don't feel Pale for you. Those feelings are better concentrated to someone who needs them." With that, he left the room.

Karkat stared at the door, his jaw slack and heart twisting painfully in his chest. Unconsciously, his hand slipped up to press against the skin his heart was behind, his body shaking softly. His legs turned to jelly, and he collapsed on the floor next to the pile, his jaw moving as though trying to remember how to function and form words. Nothing came out. Nothing but a pathetic, high-pitched wail of pain the likes of which he'd never made in his life.

He was barely aware of hands grabbing him and pulling him into the pile until he felt them on his head, papping gently in a soothing manner to accompany the soft shooshing he heard. He let out another whine, burying his face into a bony shoulder, clinging tightly and sobbing quietly.

Gamzee pulled Karkat to him tighter, keeping up with the shooshpapping, letting Karkat cry through the heartbreak. 'Over a sweep too motherfuckin' late,' he thought bitterly. Still, he could play the part he had to, resolving to punch Dave's face in later, and not in a purely Romantic way either.

Dave was outside in the twilight before anyone was even considering waking up, swinging his sword in the air as he had been for the past two hours, trying to work himself to exhaustion. Unfortunately, it seemed all this fuckery concerning his own shitty Romantic life combined with that orb insanity was keeping his adrenaline up and active.

He swung the sword again, slicing off a section of tree on the border of the property, stepping back to take a breather when he heard someone walking up. He turned around to see Gamzee walking up, and was stunned to see he'd done so barefaced, making the displeasure on the Subjugglator's face all the more apparent.

"…Gamzee," he said, straightening and rolling his shoulders. "…What're you doing up so—" He was cut off when Gamzee flashstepped over and bashed him in the face with one of his clubs, sending him sprawling. He hissed in pain, spitting out a tooth. "WHAT THE FUCK—"

"Get up," Gamzee snarled, his purple eyes glowing with rage. Dave stayed in place, wiping blood from his face. The hesitation only made Gamzee snarl louder. "I SAID, GET THE MOTHERFUCK UP, MOTHERFUCKER!"

Dave jumped to his feet, clenching his sword. "The fuck is WRONG with you?" he demanded, immediately getting a completely platonic surge of hate from Gamzee, that being all the warning he needed to bring his sword up in time to block another blow from Gamzee's clubs, reflexively kicking Gamzee back from him. "Stop it! Tell me what's going on!"

Gamzee growled, displacing his clubs and instead equipping himself with a black warhammer with a long handle, spinning it like it weighed nothing, gathering up some momentum. "You know what you motherfuckin' did!" he snapped, darting forward and swinging the hammer hard, missing Dave by inches and instead shattering a nearby tree to splinters.

Dave shifted back, clenching his jaw tightly, getting an epiphany. "Fuck—Gamzee, just fucking LISTEN—!"

"FUCK THAT NOISE!" Gamzee shrieked, swinging the hammer again, using any missed follow-throughs as more momentum for another strike. "MOTHERFUCKER! YOU MESSIAHS-DAMNED MOTHERFUCKER! YOU KNEW HOW HE MOTHERFUCKIN' FELT ABOUT YOU!" He aimed a swing at Dave's head, and Dave dove to the ground, rolling out of the way before he was struck there, having to keep jumping and rolling to avoid the rapidly-placed strikes Gamzee was making with the hammer.

"STOP IT—" he shouted, ducking from another blow, trying to talk between strikes. "FUCK—GAMZEE, PLEASE—"

"BREAKIN' HIS HEART IS SOME MOTHERFUCKIN' SHIT I WILL NOT STAND FOR! NOT ANYMORE!" Gamzee swung the hammer low, and managed to clip Dave on the heel, making the smaller troll trip back on the ground. He swung back fast and brought it down hard, shattering the sword in Dave's hand on the ground.

Dave yelped when the shock of the blow made his hand go numb from holding onto the hilt when it was hit, jerking to sit up, but being pinned back with Gamzee's foot on his chest. With a precise swipe from the hammer, the shades on his face were knocked off, leaving him to stare up at the full rage in Gamzee's eyes.

Gamzee growled down at Dave, his hands holding the hammer's handle tightly, clenching and unclenching as though containing the urge to bash the mutant's head into pulp. "…Give me one motherfuckin' reason why I shouldn't motherfuckin' kill you," he hissed. "And you'd better make it motherfuckin' GOOD."

Dave swallowed hard, trying to keep calm, but unable to take any deep breaths from Gamzee's foot inhibiting his breathing. "I…" he stammered, his own hands clenching into the grass under him. Gamzee putting pressure on his foot with nearly enough pressure to snap a rib made him yelp. "I DON'T FEEL PALE FOR HIM!" he shouted.

Gamzee snarled. "WRONG answer, motherfucker!" he snarled, raising the hammer.

"GAMZEE!" Dave shouted, throwing his hands up, forcing out a heavy, almost suffocating emotion from his own heart. "Gamzee…..I don't…feel PALE for him…" he repeated, a heavier elaboration in his voice, suddenly feeling as drained as he had been trying to be. He went lax on the ground, turning his head to the side to let himself go boneless without his horns being bent wrong, feeling as though a hammer to the head was a pretty good option at the moment.

Gamzee felt the throb of emotion Dave had emitted, slowly lowering the hammer in realization. "…..oh…." was all he said as he displaced the hammer away, taking his foot off of Dave's chest.

Dave took a deep breath, only to let it out shakily as he clenched his eyes shut and covered his face with his hands. "…I didn't mean to hurt him," he said softly, his voice shaking. "…I…I swear I didn't…" Gamzee sat back on the ground, staring out at the woods.

"…I know what that's like," he replied. "And it don't motherfuckin' matter what you meant to do, or didn't mean to do." He pulled his knees up and buried his face in them. "…Karbro doesn't motherfuckin' deserve this."

Dave wiped his eyes, biting his lip. "…I know," he said. "…that's why I cant…I…I cant hurt him like that…understand, please…!" Against his own conscious will, his body curled up on itself like a sad wiggler. "SHIT…FUCK….I didn't MEAN for this to…!" He broke off, burying his face in his hands, his body shaking.

The two sat in silence as the last remains of light faded from the sky. By that time, Dave had reigned his emotions in and had sat up, staring out into the darkness of the woods with Gamzee.

"…Gamzee?"

"…yeah?"

"Don't tell Karkat."

"…sure thing, brother."