MY GOD TWO UPDATES IN 8 DAYS? First chap after a quarter quell! I'm extending the deadline to July 22, so be sure to answer the quiz in the last chap in a review! After the deadline, I'll take all the submission and send back your score! The top three get prizes so be sure to try your best!
Note: a few here were taken from 333 ways to get kicked out of the UN, another few were taken from cadaska but I tried to limit the number to avoid outright copying.
AND POLAND YASSS
100 things I, Poland, cannot do.
1. I cannot chase people around on a pink pony when the ask me if I'm sure I'm a boy.
2. I cannot accuse Monaco of copying my flag.
3. She will, like, slap me.
4. I cannot try to recruit another bear to fight for me.
5. Especially if I let it help me stick wet cotton balls all over Russia's car.
6. (Apparently, even Russia needs to see in order to drive)
7. I cannot ever leave my Bigos boiling for over three days.
8. Because 'poisonous gas' is not a nice house scent to have.
9. Dying everyone's hair pink at the International Sleepover is never a great idea.
10. Because you will get caught.
11. And, like, be executed.
12. I cannot threaten other nations that I will make Warsaw their capital.
13. Especially Russia.
14. Buying ponies during wars is not a good idea.
15. Even if I say it is.
16. I cannot attempt to spread Saint John's Kupala Night to Western Europe.
17. For some reason, not everybody enjoys jumping over fires.
18. I cannot replace England's Stonehenge with butter.
19. Especially if that butter belongs to Norway.
20. I cannot, like, propose to make all of the World Conference's chairs ejectable.
21. And give myself a button that allows me to eject whoever I please at anytime.
22. I should never listen to Hungary's conspiracy theories that the World Meeting is just one giant orgy.
23. It's not healthy for my sanity.
24. Or my ears.
25. Referring towards hamburgers as "diabetic flesh frisbees" is not okay when in the presence of America.
26. Even if, like, the rest of the world agrees with me.
27. Photoshopping flower crowns on all my photos is not a good use of my time.
28. Nor is photoshopping Putin's face on to cartoon rabbits.
29. Catholic sparkle parties are not allowed.
30. Especially if Germany is nearby.
31. I cannot argue with France whether or not Chopin was Polish or French.
32. It will, like, drag on for hours and Germany will yell at us for not using our time efficiently.
33. I cannot brag to Austria that I was the one who saved him and his precious Vienna from the Ottomans.
34. And how does he thank me?!
35. By participating in the first and third partitioning of Poland!
36. Like, completely unbelievable!
37. Never let a goat within 50 feet of Austria.
38. Ever since the car incident, he'll spazz out if any goats get too close to him.
39. I cannot, like, threaten to throttle America when he calls me Eastern European.
40. Or asks why I speak Russian.
41. Encouraging idiotic nations to sing even more idiotic songs is a recipe for disaster.
42. I'm still recovering from the time Italy sang "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" nonstop in a meeting.
43. *shudders*
44. Dressing up as the Grim Reaper and standing outside old people 's houses is, like, totally, unacceptable.
45. Especially if that old person is China (or some other old-ass nation).
46. I cannot replace Hungary's hand sanitizer with glue.
47. She will not hesitate to use the frying pan on me, sadly.
48. I cannot wear a rubber pony head to World Meetings.
49. Germany calls it unprofessional.
50. Never accept any purple glowing food.
51. Especially from England.
52. I cannot mention the time Lithuania won a Nobel Prize for solving the problem of illegally parked luxury cars by running them over with armored tanks.
53. Come on Liet, you still, like, got a prize for that!
54. Burning Marzanna at the World Meeting building will just cause mass havoc and panic.
55. I'm saying goodbye to winter, not summoning, like, the devil, America!
56. I cannot attempt to kill anyone who says I'm a car thief.
57. Or any kind of thief.
58. It's not, like, my fault stolen stuff somehow ends up at my place!
59. Never call me communist.
60. You can, like, blame Russia for that crap.
61. Trying to convince Lithuania that Belarus is crazy and will not make a good girlfriend is futile.
62. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the sane one…
63. Confusing America by saying there are sand dunes in my place is more fun than it is legal.
64. Because he will hide out in his bunker for several days, claiming that the world has turned upside down.
65. Geez, I just have sand dunes, it's not like I'm a total frozen wasteland!
66. Mixing M&Ms and Skittles together is "cruel and unusual".
67. Not to mention totally hilarious.
68. My fruity-chocolatey concoction will be the doom of us all.
69. Shut up, France.
70. Going on roller coasters as a team bonding exercise never works out.
71. Especially when I brought along some nuts and bolts and told Latvia, "Whoa, these came out of your seat!" when we were about to go down the highest hill.
72. Growing a little garden in Germany's keyboard is not, like, as thoughtful as it sounds.
73. Neither is infesting the World Meeting Room with plushie rats.
74. Look on the bright side! The chairs are finally comfortable to sleep on!
75. Pranking wars will just, like, destroy an unnecessary amount of furniture.
76. The same can be said for rapping wars.
77. Except instead of destroying furniture, it will destroy time and any ability to get back to work.
78. I cannot ride around in a Barbie Jeep with a Barbie doll in the passenger's seat.
79. And Lithuania in the back seat.
80. The only thing missing is a pair of pink shades and an Arnold Schwarzenegger-esque catchphrase.
81. Setting Russia's pipe in jelly will only, like, hasten my inevitable doom.
82. So is replacing it with a cardboard version.
83. I cannot dress up as He-man and scream, "HEYEAYEAYEA" nonstop.
84. I already have the hair!
85. *sparkles*
86. I cannot participate in India's Bollywood movies.
87. I've been banned ever since I asked if he was filming Indian Power Rangers when I saw one of his music videos.
88. I cannot, like, tell Italy I eat pizza with ketchup.
89. He'll be threatening to drown me with holy water for desecrating his dish.
90. I cannot build a shrine to ponies.
91. Or anything.
92. Especially if I use the European Union's budget to build it.
93. Greece has wrecked it quite enough already.
94. I cannot complain about how long these lists are.
95. Writing random stuff to fill up space on here is not allowed either.
96. Ponies.
97. Jesus statues.
98. Upside down houses.
99. Whatever.
100. You might call me insane, but I just want to watch the world burn.
2-3: Submitted by the lovely "AphHetaliaLover"!
4-6: In WW2, the Polish Army had a bear in its ranks; he carried shells to the frontline and was taught how to salute. (6 can be found in my other fic, "444 things to avoid doing"; if you stick wet cotton balls onto a surface in cold weather, they will stay there for quite a while.)
7-8: Bigos, the national dish of Poland, is a meat and cabbage stew that if left boiling for over three days, starts to emit a deadly gas.
16-17: Saint John's Kupala Night is a tradition in most Slavic countries where people jump over fires and young women and men team up to find elusive fern flower. According to local legend, the fern only blooms on Saint John's Kupala Night and prosperity, luck, and discernment will fall whoever finds one. Due to men and women partnering up to find the fern flower, a relationship may end up blooming.
31: Chopin had a Polish mother and a French father (hence the name).
37-38: A goat once stole an Austrian man's car.
52-53: There's a spin off of the Nobel Prize for unusual or trivial achievements. The mayor of Vilnius, Lithuania's capital, won by demonstrating that the problem of illegally parked luxury cars can be solved by running them over with armored tanks.
54-55: At the end of winter, it's tradition to make a human size doll and burn it as a way of saying farewell to winter.
56-58: One Polish stereotype is that they're thieves. The thief usually isn't Polish, it's just that many stolen goods end up in Poland because many people drop their stolen goods off there.
59-60: One Polish stereotype is that they're communists. This couldn't be farther than truth. After the Allies took the Axis out (Germany treating Poland pretty badly), Stalin installed loyal communist agents in major government positions and rigged the elections to make sure they always won. Decades later, Poland took communism down through the Solidarność movement (the Solidarity movement, the leader being Lech Walesa, whom you may remember as the guy with an awesome mustache) and inspired other Eastern bloc nations to do the same. There was even talk of banning the Communist Party all together!
63-65:Stereotype 3#: Poland is a barren ice land. In the Słowiński National Park in northern Poland, there's a desert that stretches on for miles, ending at the sea with a gorgeous beach view.
86-87: Look up Daler Mehndi's Tunak Tunak Tun music video and you'll see what I mean.
88-89: When the waiter brings you your pizza in Poland, there won't be any tomato sauce on it. The waiter will bring you sauce to pour it on yourself, however, sometimes the sauce is just ketchup.
95-99: Poland has the largest Jesus statue in the world as well as an upside down house.