Becoming Connor Davids
Chapter 26 : Stopping
Author's Notes :
- I have no idea what's on page 46.
- Star Wars and Good Will Hunting are not mine.
Re-post and re-edit : 3/30/10
Corporal Eric Johns had never had a panic attack before but he was pretty sure this was the start of one. His heart was racing, the beats were echoing in his head. Eric's hands were sweaty as he wiped them nervously on his jeans. His breathing was shallow and spots were dancing in front of his eyes.
"Eric?" He heard distantly before a concerned face danced in front of his. Connor Davids was standing in front of him pressing a glass of water into his hands. "Can you hear me?" Eric tried to nod but wasn't sure if he was successful. "I need you to breathe with me. Can you do that?" Connor asked quietly. This time Eric was sure he nodded. "In… out… in… out…"
It took about five minutes for his heart to slow and his breathing to deepen out. He looked up from his water glass into the concerned gaze of his friend. "Are you alright?" Connor asked.
Eric swallowed. "Yeah."
The linguist bit his lips. "Eric, you don't, um, have to do this if you're not ready."
Eric gave the older man a funny look. "I don't think I'll get another chance, Doc."
The scientist pondered the statement before nodding in agreement. "Probably not."
"I want to do this." Eric proclaimed with conviction. "I just have no idea how." He added, in a small voice.
"Just be yourself."
Eric took a drink of the cold liquid in his hands. "I'm not sure I even know who that is."
"Well," His friend drawled. "The Eric Johns I know is slightly serious, but with a wicked sense of humor and a kind heart. Be that guy."
"What do I do, though? Do I pull out his chair? Hold open doors?" Eric panicked when Connor started laughing softly. "What?" The linguist laughed a little more. "Doc, what?"
"I'm sorry." Connor offered. "It's just, you remind me of me."
"You were nervous?"
"Of course." The older man assured him. "I was even, um, older than you when I had my first date, and I had no idea I was, uh, gay, so you're one up on me."
"Oh. Wow. You really had no idea?"
"Nope. Neither did my partner." Connor offered and Eric wondered if one day he would be as lucky as the linguist. "We're sorta… still learning together."
"What should we talk about?"
"Whatever you want."
"What if I don't want to talk about anything and just want to jump his bones?" Eric asked in a serious voice, hiding a smile.
Connor frowned. "Is that what you want?"
The corporal grinned. "No. But I want him to like me."
"Just be yourself." The linguist repeated. "If that's not enough, than he's not right for you."
Eric fumbled nervously with the buttons on his shirt. "I don't know if I can do this." He moaned and sank onto the linguist's bed. They were in Connor's room since Eric's was in the middle of the military quarters.
The scientist crouched down in front of him. "You can do this, okay? Stay positive."
"Okay."
"Sheppard, I'm not so sure this was a good idea." Rodney said as he broke a button on his shirt.
"It'll be fine, Rodney. He's a nice guy, interested in you…" Sheppard said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. "Connor said he's just as nervous."
"And there's that too." Rodney said, taking off the shirt and walking to his dresser to find another one.
"There's what?" Sheppard picked up the shirt and folded it.
"You never said that your boy toy was the mysterious hook up source."
"Don't call him that McKay." Sheppard said with a glare. "And Connor set up Lorne and Teyla and they're happy."
Rodney thought that over as he pulled out another shirt. "So is dating a guy different from dating a girl?"
"Well, you can both use the same bathroom." Sheppard joked back.
"John!"
Sheppard laughed. "Some things are different, yeah. But not everything. You'll figure it out."
The astrophysicist slipped on the new shirt, carefully doing up the buttons. "And he knows I'm me, right? That I'm not good with people and I'm… me?" He repeated.
"Yes, McKay. Wonder of all wonders, he knows you're you and still manages to like you." John rolled his eyes.
"Hey! You could have a little more sympathy. We're not all Mr. Cool."
Sheppard reached out to straighten his collar with a grin and Rodney slapped his hands away. John laughed, " Whatever, you'll be fine, McKay. He's just as nervous as you are."
Rodney lifted his chin in defiance. "I'm not nervous, Sheppard. Please."
His friend gave him a look but didn't say anything. "Well, go get him, McKay. He's in Connor's room."
"What, really?"
Sheppard frowned. "Yes, really. Where did you think he would be?"
"I don't know."
"Well he can't be in his room, now can he?"
Rodney thought about it for a second. "I guess not."
John led him to the door. "Come tell me about it when it's over, alright?"
Rodney looked up at him. "You want me to?" Sheppard had never wanted to hear about Katie.
"Yeah."
"Um, okay, sure."
His friend pushed him out the door. "I'll lock up. Have fun." John said with a grin. "Be home by ten."
Rodney shot him a 'you're so dumb' look and left his quarters. He walked down the hall to the linguist's quarters and swallowed hard before ringing the chime. A few beats later the door opened and a young Marine that Rodney almost recognized stood on the other side looking incredibly nervous and, Rodney thought, incredibly hot. He searched his brain for a name and came up blank.
"Corporal Eric Johns." The younger man said quietly, as if reading his mind.
"Oh, um, Dr. Rodney McKay." Rodney offered back. That was stupid, he know who you are even if you didn't know who he is.
"I know." Eric offered with a shy smile. He turned for a second to someone behind him. "Thanks." Rodney heard before the corporal was stepping out of the borrowed quarters and into the hallway. "Dinner?"
Rodney swallowed and tried to seem more confident than he felt. "Yes, yes. Of course dinner."
"Um, Connor suggested one of us goes to the mess hall while the other goes to the food hub and he mentioned a balcony room…?"
"Yeah, Sheppard said the same thing." Rodney agreed as they walked to the transporter. "I'll take the food hub."
"Okay." He smiled again and Rodney thought he looked even hotter when he smiled. "So I'll meet you there?"
Rodney nodded as the transport stopped. "Yeah."
"Okay." He repeated and the doors closed. Rodney went off in search of food.
John entered Connor's quarters to find the linguist sitting with a mug of tea in his hand and a mug on the table next to him. John pulled him up to take his place before pulling him down again, on top of him. He took a sip of the hot tea. "Mmm, you got more Athosian stuff?"
"Yeah, Teyla dropped it off." Connor explained, resting his head against John's shoulder.
"How was he?"
"Nervous. I think he had a, um, panic attack."
"Really?" John frowned. "His file has no mention of them."
"First one." Connor poked his arm. "And what are you doing going through his file?"
"Hey!" John defended innocently. "I'm in charge here, I can look through anyone's file."
"Uh-huh." John thought the younger man was probably on to him. "You just want to make sure Dr. McKay will be fine." Oh yeah, definitely on to him.
"Is that a crime?"
"No." Connor admitted. "Just very nice."
John smiled. "Well I'm told I can be nice on occasion." He bent down to give the linguist a kiss. Even though he intended a short one he wasn't protesting when Connor gently pushed his tongue into John's mouth.
"Mmm." Connor sighed as they pulled away. "That was nice too." He finished his tea and set it down on the table before shifting his body on John. He gently worked his knees to either side of John's body, facing the older man and leaned forward. John set down his tea and slipped his arms around Connor and into the back of his pants.
"How's the leg?" John asked.
"Great." Connor mumbled against his neck. "Keller even gave me the all clear to start running again."
"That's good."
They sat there in silence for a while. "Connor?" John asked, breaking the quiet.
"Hm?"
"Do you, um," John swallowed. "Ever think about page forty-six?" He asked referring to the book his second in command had given to the younger man. Page forty-six began the section on oral sex.
He felt Connor frown against his neck. "Do you?"
"Yes." John admitted hesitantly.
Connor was quiet before responding. "I don't know." He said at last.
"Would you be willing to try?" John held his breath as he waited for an answer.
"I-I-I'm not sure." Connor mumbled.
"Hey." John said softly. He moved a hand up to rub Connor's back under his shirt. "There's no rush."
"I'm sorry." Connor whispered.
"No reason to be sorry." John soothed. "You're ready when you're ready."
"I'm sorry." He said again, looking incredibly sad to John.
"I'm not." John said firmly. "I'd rather we keep doing what we're doing now, for the rest of our lives, than push you into something you're not ready for."
Connor burrowed further into John's neck. "I feel like I'm holding you back." He whispered.
John frowned. "Where did that come from?"
Connor shrugged against him. "It's been there."
"You're not holding me back." John stated. "I may seem more comfortable with some things but I'm usually not."
"Really?"
"Yeah." John nodded. "Like what we were just talking about, I might be ready to try but I'm still nervous about it, and the fact that it's with you makes me more nervous because I want everything to be perfect. I won't lie to you, Con, sometimes I'm still a bit freaked out that I've fallen in love with a guy, but when I look at you I don't care, all I see is you."
Connor gently kissed his neck. "Sometimes it still bothers me, too. The thought that I won't be married in the Church or have kids." John's heart ached for the man in his arms. "When we first started dating it took me a while to look past the Bible. But I'm glad I did. I love you, John and none of that really matters if you're here with me."
A burst of happiness exploded inside of him at hearing Connor say he loved him. He knew the younger man had said it many times before in Irish, but never in English. "How about we work on this together?" John suggested gently. "Talk to me whenever you're having doubts, and I'll talk to you. We're in this together, for the long run."
"Alright." Connor whispered against his neck.
"Alright." John agreed, pressing a kiss to the side of his partner's head. "Alright."
"So are you even old enough to date?" Rodney blurted out. They were in the suggested balcony room. Eric was eating some chicken and vegetables while Rodney dined on a steak and potatoes. Both were drinking water.
Eric looked up at him. "I'm twenty-two."
"Not an officer?"
"No, enlisted. I'm working on my degree though." Eric offered. "I have four months left before I get my bachelors."
"Then what happens?"
"Officer training." Eric said, swallowing the food he was chewing. "Colonel Sheppard and Major Lorne both do classes here."
"What!? Sheppard does?"
"Yeah." Eric smiled.
"What's this degree in? And where are you taking it?"
Eric took a drink of water. "Engineering with an emphasis in nanobiotechnology from Harvard."
"Harvard? Really?"
"Yeah. I'm a year behind since we had no access to Earth our first year."
"So you were accepted to Harvard but joined the military instead?" Rodney asked baffled.
"And I'm a member of MENSA." Eric said with a twinkle in his eyes. "I love the military. I've wanted to be a Marine for as long as I could remember, and so I did everything I could to make sure that would happen."
"So you've been here since the beginning?"
"Yep." Eric smiled again.
"You know I'm older than you." Rodney pointed out. "Significantly."
Eric shrugged. "So?"
"You don't have a problem with that?" The older man asked.
"Nope." Eric offered. Please don't have a problem with it either, he begged silently.
"Okay." Rodney said eventually. "That's probably the least of our worries anyways." Eric agreed.
Eric pushed away his plate. It held a bit of food left but he was too nervous still to eat any more. Rodney looked at his plate but didn't say anything. Silence seemed to break over them and Eric tried not to squirm in his seat.
"Why do you want to do this?" Rodney asked softly, looking sad to the younger man. Eric thought that Connor was right, the astrophysicist had his quiet moments.
"I like you." Eric said simply.
"And why do you like me? No one else does."
"Maybe they just don't know what they're missing."
"How do you even know what they're missing? You don't even know me."
"That's what dating is for, I think." Eric offered.
"You think?"
Eric tried not to wince. "Um, yeah."
"So you've never been on a date before?"
Eric bit his lip. "No."
"Oh, God." Rodney moaned. "I really am robbing the cradle."
"Look, Dr. McKay--"
"--at least call me Rodney." The older man put in.
"--Rodney," Eric continued. "I love my job. All I've wanted is to serve my country. I told you I did whatever it took to make that happen. I knew when I was ten that I wanted to serve, I didn't know I was gay until I was fifteen. I figured out early on that I had to choose, and I did."
"Fucking Americans." Rodney mumbled under his breath and Eric gave a soft laugh. "I'm not really gay, you know. More like curious."
Eric swallowed. "I could probably live with that."
"I mean, there was this one time in college… but doesn't everyone have a one time in college?"
"Most probably do, yeah."
"Oh. Yes, well, obviously you don't. Unless you count this… and fuck! It just hit me that you're still in college."
"Um, sorry?" Eric asked softly.
Rodney waved it away. "No, no. Whatever. We've all been there."
"Most have." Eric agreed.
Rodney pushed aside his empty plate and stood up, walking over to the balcony. He turned around to give the still seated Eric a look that said 'well, aren't you coming?'. Eric stood and walked over to stand next to him. Rodney took a seat, his legs hanging over the side and the younger man sat down next to him.
"So how would this work?" Rodney asked, turning to look at him.
Eric faced him. "I'm not sure. Probably similar to Connor's relationship."
Rodney fixed him with a stare and Eric tried not to blink. "What do you know about that?"
"What has he told me? Or what have I figured out?"
"Either. Both."
"He's told me that he didn't know he was gay until he met his partner, who also didn't know he was gay."
"And?"
"And I'm pretty sure it's with someone in the military, otherwise there would be no need to hide it. I've, um, narrowed it down to Colonel Sheppard or Major Lorne."
"Narrowed it down?"
"I don't think he's dating someone younger than him, which only leaves a few people left. And there was a coffee mug in his room with the Air Force logo on it."
"Hm. Maybe you're not as dumb as I thought."
Eric laughed and took that as a compliment. "Thanks."
"So…" Rodney fixed him with an odd look. "How long would we have to wait to get to the sex part?"
Eric coughed. "What?"
"I just mean… you're hot, and I'm, well… in the words of my sister… no John Sheppard. I figure you'll lose interest eventually."
"I, um…"
"You don't have any religious hang-ups or moral quandaries or anything ridiculous like that, right?"
Eric frowned. "No religion, really. I guess I've never really thought about it before."
"You're sure you're a guy?" Rodney asked, suspicious.
"Well, it's not like I could just pick someone up. I've been training." Eric defended.
"Please don't tell that you're--"
"A virgin?" Eric finished. "Um, possibly, yes. Is that going to be a problem?"
Rodney snorted. "Not for me. But still, wow. I was a geek in school and I still managed to lose it by fourteen."
Eric blushed. "I… how long do people wait to have sex?"
"Katie and I waited a few weeks."
"Weeks?" Eric tried to keep his voice from croaking. "Okay, um, wow, sure."
"Sure?"
Eric shrugged. "If a few weeks is how long people wait, than sure."
Rodney snorted again. "Sheppard's been waiting months." He fixed a look on Eric's face. "That doesn't leave this balcony."
"Got it." Well, that confirms that, Eric thought. He frowned as he tried to picture his shy friend with someone like Colonel Sheppard.
"Picturing them together?" Rodney asked knowingly.
"Yeah." Eric admitted.
"I try not to anymore. I've seen them together a couple times and I still can't believe it."
"It's just… wow."
"Yeah. So anyways--"
"--Are you dating me just to have sex?" Eric cut in.
"I don't know. Would that bother you if I was?" Rodney asked.
Eric thought about it. He still really liked Rodney McKay, even if he wasn't quite sure why. The man was loud, arrogant, demeaning to others and a lot older than he was, but Eric still liked him. The thought that the other man might be using him for sex, hurt a little. "I'm not sure. I like you, Dr. McKay."
"It's Rodney. And no one likes me."
"I like you. Colonel Sheppard seems to like you, you're team too." He reminded.
"You listed four people on a base of hundreds." Rodney said informatively.
"What if we gave this a try and if it doesn't work out, I'll still sleep with you." Eric offered.
Rodney frowned. "What?"
"I'll probably still like you." He said. "If you decide you don't like me, than you should probably get something out of this."
"What?! I'd basically be using you for your body."
"I'm letting you." Eric protested.
"And what about you? What would you get out of this?"
"I'd get to spend some time with someone I liked."
"That's it?"
"Is there something wrong with that?"
"Yes! You're a kid who's whole life has been the fucking military, for some reason you decided I'm worth it enough to ask on a date and then at the end of a month if I don't like you, you'll let me sleep with you so I get something out of it?"
"Yes?" Eric asked uncertainly.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Rodney exploded.
Eric backed away a bit at the loud question. "I… what do you want me to say?"
"I don't know! But you can't let people use you like this."
"I don't."
"You're letting me."
"I like you."
"You like me enough to let me use your body like a hooker?"
Eric swallowed. "I guess. It's just sex."
"Sex that you've never had before." Rodney sighed loudly and turned away.
"So you don't want to sleep with me?" Eric asked, confused.
Rodney looked at him out of the corner of his eye. "Of course I do, if you haven't noticed, you're pretty hot. I'm surprised no one else has told you that before."
Eric thought for a second. "A few girls have."
"I'm sure. Look, kid--"
"--Eric." He put in.
"Eric." Rodney corrected. "I feel I should give you the standard disclaimer that all the exs have thrown back at me. I'm an arrogant jerk. I spend most of my time working, and therefore have little free time to do other things. I don't understand emotions and I tend to think everyone is stupid because they're not as smart as I am. I'm not careful with feelings and will probably say mean things a lot." He said frankly.
"Well, I'm quiet." Eric said. "Most people say I'm too serious. I'm ambitious and invested in my job, I have three friends on base and they're the only friends I've ever really had. I probably suck at relationships because I don't really have anything to offer. My favorite movie is Good Will Hunting and I've never seen Star Wars."
Rodney turned to look at him. "And you want this."
"And I want this." Eric added. "I won't lie. I'm nervous. The second I leave here you could go straight to Colonel Carter or Sheppard or Major Lorne and my career would be finished. I'm not sure why I even came. The Doc, though, said you were a good guy, that you could be trusted, and I trust him with my life."
"Sheppard's ninja said that?"
"If you mean Dr. Davids, then yes."
"Oh, wow. I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me." Rodney said. "Well, I'm not going to tell anyone, kid."
"And stop calling me, kid."
"I'm almost twenty years older than you, I can call you 'kid'."
"It's weird though, if you're going to sleep with me. And you're only sixteen years older than I am."
"I'm old enough to have a child your age."
"Well you can have me in a few weeks." Eric said with a grin.
"Was that… did you just make a joke?"
"I can make jokes."
"You haven't yet." Rodney denied.
"It takes me a while."
"So any qualms about kissing on the first date?"
"Not yet." He smiled.
Rodney eyed him. "You have kissed before… right?"
"Um, I kissed a girl once."
"A girl?"
"At a party in high school. We played Spin the Bottle."
"And since then?"
"Not so much." Eric admitted.
Rodney rolled his eyes. "Well, come here." Eric scooted closer until their sides were touching. A shock ran up his arm where it touched the older mans. Eric reached out to grab his hand, holding it tightly in his. Rodney didn't pull away, instead lifting his other hand to the back of Eric's neck. Eric swallowed nervously as their heads moved closer together.
"Close your eyes." Rodney whispered. Eric did and the next thing he knew, lips were gently touching his.
"You set me up with a fucking kid, Sheppard! And a virgin!" Rodney said loudly an hour later.
"He's a virgin?" John asked bemused. "And he's twenty-two, McKay, hardly a kid."
"I'm thirty-eight. I could have a kid his age, thus, he's a kid."
"Only if you were pro-creating when you were sixteen. He's a consenting adult."
Rodney whirled from his pacing to face him. "Consenting!? He doesn't even know what he's consenting to! He offered to sleep with me after a few weeks if I decided that this was going nowhere."
"He did what?" John's eye brows rose quickly. "When did he say this?"
"I asked if he was opposed to sex and he wanted to know how long people usually waited, so I told him that Katie and I waited a few weeks, so he said a few weeks would be fine."
"Fine?" John asked confused.
"Then he said that if, after a few weeks, I didn't really want to keep dating, he would sleep with me anyways! He said that I should get something since he gets something."
"And what's he getting?"
Rodney continued pacing. "That's the crazy part, Sheppard! He gets to and I quote 'spend time with someone he liked'."
A few rooms over, a similar conversation was happening.
"I don't think Dr. McKay is going to go out with me again." Eric bemoaned to Connor. He was seated on the bed with the scientist on his left. Connor had a soothing hand moving in circles on his back.
"He seemed pleasant enough when he dropped you off."
"We spent the last forty-five minutes making-out."
"Wow." The linguist said, surprised. "Well then how can you think it went badly?"
"He kept calling me 'kid'."
"You're just a wee bit younger than him." Connor tried to re-assure.
"I'm sixteen years younger than him."
"I thought you knew that."
"I did! He, apparently, didn't." Eric said, putting his face into his hands.
"And!" Rodney added. "He's never seen Star Wars! Even Ronon and Teyla have seen it and they're from another galaxy!"
"He's working on his degree, McKay. Between that and work I doubt he has a lot of free time."
"I thought most teams have movie nights."
John winced. "They do. He's just not there too often because he's busy."
"And he's so serious! He made like two jokes the whole time."
"What did you want him to do, McKay? Start telling knock-knock jokes in the middle of dinner?" John asked, exasperated.
"I'm not even sure he's not using me for sex." Eric mumbled.
"He's not what?!"
"So you're not going to go out with him again?"
"Are you crazy, Sheppard? All I have to do is have dinner with him a few more times and we can get to the sex part."
"You can't use him like that, Rodney." John said sternly. "He likes you. God knows why."
"So you offered to sleep with him if he decides he doesn't want to keep dating?" Connor clarified.
"Yeah."
"And you don't care that the only one who will get hurt in this scenario is you?"
"He's young." Rodney said with a sigh, collapsing onto his bed next to John. "And serious, and quiet and in the fucking Marines."
"Well, if he's a virgin, I doubt he's been in them."
"This isn't a joke, Sheppard!"
"He said he wouldn't tell anyone that I'm gay."
"That's a good start."
"I'm not sure I've seen you this worked up over something before." John observed.
Rodney leveled him with a glare. "I'm worked up over something every hour, Sheppard."
"Well, over a person then." John corrected. "I think you like him."
Rodney didn't deny it.
John licked the hollow spot near Connor's collarbone, eliciting a gasp from the younger man. John rested his chin on Connor's chest and looked up. The younger man was looking at him with a mix of pleasure and love. His hands were gently working through John's hair as the older man went back to mapping out the linguist's body with his tongue. He teased a nipple and the hands in his hair tightened lightly and John grinned against his partner's skin before moving on to the other side.
He slowly moved down Connor's chest, kissing and licking the younger man's stomach. He studiously avoided his partner's erection as he moved even lower, caressing thighs, knees and ankle. John urged the linguist to roll over and Connor complied. He slowly licked his way back up the younger man's body, gently nipping each cheek on his way to Connor's back. John sat on Connor's upper thighs and grabbed some lotion from the bedside table. He squirted some onto Connor's back and the linguist gasped at the cold sensation.
John leaned forward. "Sorry." He whispered into Connor's ear.
"It's okay." His boyfriend said, voice husky.
John sat back up and slowly rubbed the lotion into Connor's back, massaging his shoulders and back, working out tension and knots. "You need to not hunch over when you sit." John declared.
"I'll work on it." Connor mumbled.
John pressed a row of kisses to his back and rolled him back over, still straddling his thighs. He bent over to kiss the man underneath him deeply. Connor wrapped his arms around John's body, pulling on the older man to move up a little. Their erections met and John groaned happily. John coaxed his boyfriend's tongue into his mouth and sucked it gently, tasting the linguist. Connor's hands moved down to gently rest on John's cheeks, a mound in each hand.
John reached out to pour more lotion onto his hand, dropping the bottle off the side of the bed he reached the slicked hand in between their bodies and grabbed him and Connor, pressing them together. His hand slowly pumped them, moving up and down. John tried not to imagine using his mouth instead of his hand, but the picture flashed across his mind and he came with a cry.
Connor looked at him a little surprised but John didn't say anything, he panted as he moved his hand up and down Connor's shaft. Seven minutes later the linguist was coming all over John's hand. The older man reached up and licked some of the hot liquid off. Connor's gaze was questioning but not disgusted or disturbed. John wiped the rest off with a tissue and cleaned their bodies as well.
He rolled off of the younger man to lie next to him on the bed. Connor turned and curled up into him in his normal position. John wasn't sure if he should say anything, instead he moved a hand to rest on Connor's head, fingers tangled in the red-brown locks.
"I want to try, a chuisle." Connor said softly.
John shook his head. "Connor, no."
"It means a lot to you."
"You mean a lot to me."
"I'm not afraid to." The linguist said.
"I didn't think you were. It's a big step though."
"A lot of people do it on the first date." Connor countered.
"We're not a lot of people."
"You've… um, I mean… with girls?" Hr blushed a little.
John moved the hand in Connor's hair gently. "Yes."
"And you liked it?"
John hesitated. "Yes."
"Well, okay then." Connor said and pulled out from John's arm, moving down.
John reached out to halt his progress. "Hold on, there. First of all, I'm flattered that you think I could get it up again so soon, but I can't. Secondly, I thought I would go first, on you. And finally, you're still not ready."
Connor flopped back onto John as the older man yanked him down. "I'm tired of not being ready."
"It won't always be this way." John soothed.
"You don't have to go first."
"I think I probably should."
"I'm sorry."
"We've been over this."
"I--I want to make you happy."
"And you do." John said seriously. "Giving me a blow-job is not what is going to make me happy. Just being with you makes me happy."
"But this can make you happier." Connor protested.
"No." John denied. "You being you makes me happier. And while we're on the subject, I, um, wanted to talk about something else."
"Something else sexual?"
"Yeah."
John felt Connor swallow nervously. "Okay."
The older man moved his hand back into Connor's hair and reached his other hand out to clasp Connor's. "We've never really talked about sex. And I know it's a bit early to be talking about it now, but I want to be clear. I'll wait forever, Connor. If it never happens, it never happens, and I'm okay with that."
"You're okay with that?" The linguist asked confused.
"Yes." John said firmly.
"I think I mean… eventually, yes." Connor said.
"Really?"
"Yeah. I want us to be closer, John." The older man gently pushed Connor off his chest and up so his head was lying on the pillow next to John's. John turned to face him, their bodies tangling together.
"We are close. Sex only makes us closer in some ways."
"I want to be closer in all ways."
"Alright." John conceded. "I'm not ready yet either." He offered. "I just thought we should talk about it, in case it was ever on your mind or something."
"I've thought about it a couple times." Connor admitted. "I read the book but it just sounds…" He blushed.
"Uncomfortable? Painful? Weird?" John offered. Connor nodded against the pillow. "I'm not gonna lie, Con, from what I've heard, it's all of those things. But it can't be that bad if gay people have been doing it for thousands of years."
"Yeah."
"Whenever we're finally ready, we'll take it slow and use a lot of lube." John promised.
Connor blushed deeper. "Okay."
"Was there anything else you want to talk about?"
Connor was silent for a moment. "When we finally, um, make love, I… who do you think will…"
"I will." John said firmly. "I'll bottom first, Connor."
"But--" He started to protest.
"No." John said again. "Neither of us have done it before, we don't know how much it will hurt or what to do. I'll go first."
"But according to the book I--"
"Fuck the book, Connor." John said seriously. "I don't want you to bottom first. Please." He added.
"What if I hurt you?" Connor asked in a small voice.
"Than we add more lube or change positions." John decided. "I know the book would indicate that you would be more… submissive than me, but I don't want it to be like that. We'll figure it out for ourselves. Please Connor, don't fight me on this."
Connor swallowed. "Alright."
"Yeah?"
"Yes, if it means that much to you, John."
"It does." The older man affirmed. "Thank you." He pressed a kiss to Connor's lips. "Thank you." He repeated.
"Tá grá agam duit."
"I love you, too."
John's eyes shot open when he rolled over and found an empty bed. A glance at his watch said 0537. He reminded himself that his missing boyfriend had been cleared to run with Ronon. He settled back into the bed and tried to fall back asleep but a nagging feeling hit his mind, as if something were wrong. John reached out to grab his radio.
"Sheppard to Davids." He had made Connor start wearing a radio when he and Ronon went running. The younger man said he worried too much but took it with him anyways.
"Davids…here." He heard in response.
"Is everything alright?" John asked.
"I… um…" His voice started fading. "Ronon! Hey, give that back!" John heard softly. "Sheppard?" John heard Ronon ask.
"Yeah, what's wrong?"
"We're on our way back."
"Is everything okay?" John was already pulling the blankets off and rooting around for clothes. "Ronon?"
"Irish isn't feeling well."
"Not feeling well how?" John asked.
"Ronon!" John heard in the background. "He's sleeping."
"No I'm not." John said as Ronon said, "No, he's not."
"He should be." Connor countered. The voice got closer and John figured that his boyfriend had taken the radio back. "John?"
"Connor?" John question, worried.
"I'm fine."
"He fainted, Sheppard." Ronon said in the background.
John frowned. "You fainted?"
"No! No. I was just a little… dizzy."
"Was out for a couple minutes." Ronon offered loudly.
"And no one thought to call me?"
"It wasn't any minutes. Stop listening to him. I'm fine."
"Connor, what's really going on?"
"Nothing. Ronon is worrying for no reason." John heard the Satedan say something but couldn't make it out. "No, Ronon, stop, I'm fine." Connor responded to the taller man. "Sorry, John."
"Where are you?"
"About to get on a transporter."
John rushed out of the quarters and down the hall, arriving a few seconds before Connor and Ronon stepped out of the transporter. John clicked off his radio as he examined his partner. Connor was flushed, but otherwise seemed pale. John reached a hand out to his forehead and the scientist knocked it off.
"I'm fine." He said and left John and Ronon in the hallway.
John watched him go before turning to his teammate. "What happened?"
"We were running." Ronon explained. "Reached the quarter point, stopped for a drink. I turned around and Irish was on the ground. I counted two minutes before he woke up. He says he's fine."
"He always says he's fine." John frowned. "Thanks, Ronon."
"No, problem."
John left the Satedan and found the shower in Connor's quarters running. He stepped into the bathroom and perched on the counter. "Connor?"
"Yeah?"
"Will you talk to me?" His normally amicable boyfriend seemed agitated and John wasn't going to push him.
The shower turned off and John handed a towel to the dripping linguist. "Thanks." Connor mumbled, drying off. "There's nothing to talk about." He offered, turning to head out the door.
John sighed and followed the younger man out of the room. "Would you like some tea?"
Connor shook his head. "I'm going back to bed. I'm sorry you had to get up."
"I didn't have to." John corrected. "I wanted to."
The scientist pulled on some boxer shorts and one of John's shirts. He walked over and crawled into bed, pulling the covers high over his head. John filled a glass with water and carried it over, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Drink this." He said, holding the glass out.
"Not thirsty." Connor replied.
"For me?" John asked.
Connor paused but pushed down the blankets and sat up, taking the glass from John. He downed the water and handed the empty container back before once again burrowing under the blankets.
"Thank you." John said, setting the glass down. He laid down and pulled some of the blankets over him. He felt Connor move and a few seconds later his boyfriend's head was resting on John's stomach, an arm thrown around his waist. John snuck a hand under the blankets and gently settled it on Connor's forehead. This time the linguist didn't push him off, allowing the intrusion. John couldn't be positive but Connor felt hot to him, feverish. After a few seconds Connor pulled his hand down and held it against his chest.
John eventually felt Connor's breathing even out, but even though he tried, the older man couldn't fall back asleep. He watched the sun come up over his city. When his watch beeped, John slowly extracted himself from the body on top of him. He pushed the covers down off of Connor's head, leaving the younger man room to breathe.
"John?" The scientist mumbled sleepily a hand reaching blindly for him.
"Shh." John said softly. "I have to go to work. How are you feeling?"
Silence. Then, "Not so good."
"Do you want me to get Keller?"
"No. It's just a bug."
"A bug from a different galaxy." John tried to reason.
"I caught it from Jim."
"Jim?"
"Jim Smith."
"My sergeant?"
"Yeah. His mom sent cookies from Earth, Keller said it came from those."
John silently breathed a sigh of relief. "So he's had it?"
"Yeah. Ben, too."
"Only two?"
"If it took me this long to get it, it might have taken Eric this long too."
"Rodney's Eric?"
"Mm-hm." Connor confirmed.
"I'm sorry to leave you like this." John said regretfully, climbing out of bed. He pressed a kiss to Connor's warm forehead before making his way to the shower. Fifteen minutes later he was freshly showered, brushed and dressed, perched on the edge of Connor's bed. "You gonna be okay today?" He asked, feeling Connor's head again.
"Mm-hm."
"Alright. If you need anything, call someone. I have meetings and stuff today and Lorne has a lot of that too but I think Ronon or Teyla will be available. If you can't find someone, call me." John said, running a hand through the linguist's hair.
"Mm-hm."
"I'm serious, Connor." John said firmly.
"I know. I'm sorry I was… rude this morning." Connor said quietly.
"I forgive you. I just wish you would let me help you." John offered with a sigh.
"I know." Connor looked up at him, blue eyes wide. "I'm sorry. I don't handle being sick well. It…holds me down."
John smiled. "And you're a free spirit."
Connor poked his leg. "Leave me to be miserable in peace. Go pick on some Marines."
The older man laughed. "Alright. I'll see you tonight."
"Lunch?" Connor asked quietly.
John shook his head. "I have to work through it. I can ask Teyla or Ronon…" He left the offer hanging.
The scientist shook his head. "I'll be fine."
"I'm sure you will." John pressed another kiss to his boyfriend's head and stood. "Feel better."
"Thanks." Connor murmured and John could already sense him falling asleep. He shook his head and went to fill a glass with water, placing it on the bedside table when he finished. With one last look at his partner, John went to start his day.
"Ronon." Jennifer whispered loudly.
"Hm?" The large man pinning her down grunted.
"I need to get up." She said, poking a bicep.
"No, you don't." Ronon denied. He pulled her closer to him. Jennifer could feel his heart beating as their chests pressed together.
"I really do. I'm going to be late to a meeting I called." She wiggled to try and move out from under him.
"So be late."
"That wouldn't be setting a good example."
"You have two hours."
"I need to review my notes." She protested, squirming a bit out of his grasp. In response her boyfriend held on tighter.
"I know something else you can review."
"Oh yeah?" She asked, falling limp. "What's that?"
"Last night." Ronon grinned, and sat up to look down at her.
"I really need to go--" The Satedan cut her off with a kiss, his knee slipping between her legs. Jennifer smiled against his lips. She would be late. Again.
"Alright that's it." Carter announced, beginning to gather her things. John looked up excited. They had been in a meeting for over two hours and he was past hungry. But before he could stand the Air Force colonel spoke up, "Wait, I'm sorry. One more thing. Dr. Keller informs me that there's a bit of a flu outbreak going around the base. Right now we only have a few cases, but be aware that your departments may be short some people for a couple weeks." She looked at everyone. "Got it?"
"Yeah." "Yes, ma'am." "Uh-huh." Came her responses.
"Good. Dismissed." She grinned. "For real this time."
John was out of his seat and on the way to the mess hall before she could change her mind. He arrived quickly and grabbed a couple sandwiches and a bottle of water. A glance at his watch said he had ten minutes until his next meeting. He opened the plastic wrap of one of his sandwiches and bounced indecisively before heading for a transporter. Twenty-two seconds later he stepped out onto Connor's level and breezed through the linguist's door.
The room was bright as the balcony doors were opened, letting a cool breeze into the room. There was a large lump under a bunch of blankets on the bed and two empty pudding cups on the bedside table along with an empty glass. John shook his head as he chewed a large bite of his sandwich. He grabbed the empty glass and filled it up.
"Teyla?" A quiet voice called.
"It's me." John answered, walking back over to the bed and setting the filled glass on the table. He sat down on the edge and reached a hand out to Connor's forehead.
"John?" A head poked its self out of the blankets. "I thought you had meetings."
"I do. I'm eating." He gestured with a sandwich. "I have a couple minutes; just wanted to see how you were. So Teyla was here?"
"Yeah. Brought pudding."
"I see that. You feel hotter." John observed. "How's the rest of you?"
"Ugh." Connor answered. He reached up to grab the hand on his forehead and hold it against him.
"Is there anything I can help with?" The linguist shook his head. John finished one sandwich and opened the second. He looked down at his boyfriend. Connor's eyes were closed but John knew the scientist was still awake. "Is Teyla coming back?"
Connor nodded without opening his eyes. "Later."
"Okay. I'm sorry I can't stay." John said, apologetically. "I wish I could."
"I know." Connor whispered. "I'll be fine." He let go of John's hand and the older man stood up. He pulled the blanket back up over Connor's head.
"I'll see you later." John said quietly.
"Bye." He heard from under the covers. John left the younger man there and went on to his next meeting.
Connor groaned as his door chime rang for the third time. He waved a hand in acquiescence and Atlantis opened the doors.
"Doc?" Connor heard his best friend ask. "Are you in here?" He sounded worried so Connor pushed the blankets down to face him.
"Yeah." He answered softly.
"Hey, I've been looking every… you don't look so great." Evan observed, walking over to the bed.
"Twenty-four hour bug." Connor informed him.
"Oh… Oh! That's not good."
"Tell me about it."
Evan grinned sheepishly. "Well for you either, but I needed you to fly a jumper today."
"Rescue?" Connor asked.
Evan shook his head. "Re-con on a planet."
"How about tomorrow?" Connor offered.
His friend looked skeptical. "You sure you'll be up to it?"
Connor yawned. "Hm-hm. Ben and Jim were only sick for a day."
"Alright." Evan agreed. "I'll put you down on the schedule. Can I, um, get you anything?" He offered.
"Nope." Connor replied, burrowing back under the covers.
"Alright. Sorry to bother you."
"It's fine."
"See you later, Doc."
"Bye, Evan."
Connor heard the doors open and close as he snuggled back into his blankets.
Rodney McKay didn't bother to look up as the doors to his lab opened. It was 0130 and the only person who ever bothered him this late was Sheppard.
"I'm busy, Sheppard, go play with your boy toy." He said distractedly.
"You know, one day it's not going to be Colonel Sheppard, or me, and he's going to get in a lot of trouble from you saying that." He heard.
Rodney looked up from his computer and saw Corporal Eric Johns approaching with a half grin on his face. "Oh, it's you. Isn't it past your bed time?"
Eric frowned. "I don't have a bedtime." The younger man stated as he came to stand behind Rodney. He looked over the astrophysicist's shoulder to peer at the computer screen. "Wraith?"
"Yeah, stuff from Michael's lab."
"The one you blew up?" Eric asked curiously. He reached a hand out to trace a word on the screen and Rodney slapped it away.
"I did not blow it up." He huffed. "It was rigged to explode."
"Okay." The younger man accepted easily.
"So what are you doing here, besides bothering me?"
"Am I?" Eric asked with a frown. "I'm sorry."
Rodney waved the words away. "So?"
"I just thought I'd come visit."
"At one in the morning?"
Eric moved to his side and shrugged. "Well there aren't really a lot of times we can see each other."
Rodney thought for a moment. "I guess not." The doors to his lab clicked as they locked. Rodney looked over at them. "Did you do that?"
"No gene." Eric replied with a glance at the doors.
"Really?"
He shrugged again. "Didn't take."
"Hm, well, we can't all be genetically superior." Rodney boasted.
The corporal gave him a wry smile. "So what are you doing?" He asked, taking a seat on a nearby stool.
"Working through the database for anything useful." The older man answered, turning back to his task.
"Don't you sleep?"
"Later."
"It is later." Eric protested.
"Look," Rodney said, turning to face him. "During the working hours I have a million things I need to do, people to yell at, machines to stop from exploding, I don't have time to do extra stuff then, so I do it at night."
"It's morning."
Rodney glared at him. "Technicality."
"Should I leave?"
The astrophysicist gave him a look over with his eyes. "Give me ten minutes."
Eric gave him a rare smile and nodded. "Okay."
Rodney waved a hand. "Go, be somewhere else in the lab. Don't touch anything that says 'don't touch'." He turned back to the computer and heard the younger man stand and walk around.
Twenty minutes later Rodney was saving his work and turned to see Eric, marker in hand, filling in bits of an equation on a white board. "What are you doing!?" He yelled, walking briskly over to the corporal's side.
Eric turned to look at him nervously. "I, um, just…"
"Just messing with stuff!? This is important work that's taken Zelenka and me a long time to…" Rodney trailed off as he read through the equation. "What did you do?"
"I…"
Rodney kept reading. "That's not an answer." He said distractedly.
"I just noticed a few things were wrong and so I fixed them for you. I'm sorry, I can put them back." He offered.
Rodney reached the end and turned to glare at Eric. "You!" He said, pointing a finger at the younger man. "It's not fair." He declared, looking at the white board once more.
"I'm sorry?" Eric said confused.
"You're hot and smart. So not fair." Rodney bemoaned.
"I think you're pretty hot."
Rodney turned to look at him again, a sincere look was on the younger man's face. "Yes, well we've already established that you're young, too young to know better."
Eric frowned at him. "But I--"
Rodney put a finger on his lips. "Let's go, kid." He offered. He walked back over to his desk and grabbed his favorite laptop before heading for the door. They unlocked with a click and opened. Rodney walked out, heading for the transporter when he realized he was alone. He turned back to his lab and saw Eric standing in the same place he had left him. "Well? Are you coming?"
"Coming for what?" Eric asked confused, but started walking towards him anyways.
Rodney gave him a look that read 'you really can't be that dumb'. But the younger man continued to look confused even as he climbed into the transporter with Rodney. Half a minute later they were at the level for Rodney's quarters and he stepped off, heading down the hall. When he didn't hear anyone following he sighed, annoyed, and turned around again, putting a hand on his hip. "Let's go."
"Let's go where?" But the younger man kept following. Rodney decided then that having a… make out partner in the military wouldn't be so bad. He definitely could follow orders. Rodney grabbed his sleeve and pulled him into his quarters with him. He set his laptop on his desk and waved the younger man towards his bed.
"Make yourself at home." He offered, reaching down to pull off his shoes.
"Um, Dr. McKay?"
"Rodney." He corrected, again.
"Rodney, what are we doing?" Rodney turned to look at the younger man who had wide eyes and was shifting nervously from one foot to the other.
"Will you calm down? I didn't bring you here to steal your virginity." Eric reddened. "Are you opposed to making out?" The younger man shook his head no. "Good."
Rodney walked over to the younger man, hooking his arms around his waist. Eric hesitantly wrapped his arms around Rodney and soon their lips were meeting, tongue dueling while Rodney studiously tried to avoid thinking about Eric's age.
Connor woke up to wet lips on his neck, teeth gently biting the skin there. A heavy body was on top of his while one of John's hands was in his hair, the other was in between their bodies.
"Jo-oohn." Connor gasped.
The older man pulled away from his neck. "Finally." He grinned. "Took you long enough to wake up." He bent back down to continue sucking Connor's skin.
The linguist didn't answer as he wrapped his arms around John's body, hands trailing down to cup two soft globes of flesh. He kneaded the cheeks in his hands and John moaned against his neck. John had one leg resting between Connor's and one on the outside of the linguist's left leg so that Connor's leg was between John's. The older man gently thrust against his partner's leg and Connor groaned.
John pulled back, breathing heavily. "How are you feeling this morning?"
"Much better." Connor offered and John leaned down to capture his mouth. The younger man didn't protest that he needed to brush his teeth, John had waived him off in the past; he didn't care.
A tongue invaded his mouth and a finger flicked over the top of Connor's erection before a hand wrapped around it tightly, squeezing it. The hand was dry so John didn't move it very much, instead he brought the hand up to his mouth and, pulling away from Connor's mouth, licked the palm so it was wet and moved it back down to wrap around the younger man. John looked him in the eye as his hand began to slowly jerk Connor off.
The linguist's hips bucked upwards and John thrust against his leg, slowly humping the younger man. Lips met his again and Connor greedily accepted the tongue thrust into his mouth. Connor carefully let a finger drop into the space between John's butt cheeks, letting it rest there as they continued to move. John moved the hand in his hair out to grab the lotion bottle and sat up on Connor's legs. His other hand stopped and moved to accommodate his body and John used the hand to pull Connor up as well. They sat up together and John drizzled lotion down over their erections, watching them jump a little at the cold liquid.
John pulled them together and Connor's hand snuck between their bodies to grab John's hardness, slowly working his hand up and down the shaft. John reached for Connor's and began to do the same thing. Their mouths met and John thrust his tongue into the younger man's mouth in rhythm with his hand. Connor's other hand snaked around his back and his fingers splayed against John's lower back, holding him tightly.
Connor broke the kiss, gasping for air and John held them tightly together, as he repeated Connor's name softly into the linguist's ear. Connor rested his head on John's shoulder and John's hand moved up to cradle the back of his neck, holding him there gently.
"Connor." John gasped. "I'm close." He whispered. Connor kissed John's neck and increased the speed of his hand. Sure enough, a minute later John came in small spurts. The body under his head shuddered for a second, but John's hand never stopped moving. The hand on Connor's neck slowly moved down. "I want to watch you." John whispered.
Connor pulled his head back to look at John. His boyfriend's eyes were alight with emotion and there were beads of sweat on his forehead. John began to pump faster and Connor could feel his body responding. John's eyes met his and Connor came with a cry. The hand on him kept moving until Connor collapsed against John, the older man catching him and cradling him against his chest.
The younger man could hear his partner's rapid heartbeat and feel his body breathing fast as it slowly began to recover from their activities. John leaned backwards and pulled Connor down on top of him, the linguist was too tired to move as he pressed into John's chest, their dog tags tangling between them. John pressed a kiss to the top of his head and Connor tried to return the motion with a kiss to his chest, but found himself too exhausted to move.
"You wore me out." Connor mumbled while poking John.
The other man laughed. "You're younger." He countered. "You should have more energy." Connor thought that was probably true but he poked his partner again anyways. "I love you." John said suddenly, passionately and heartfelt.
Connor's heart skipped a beat and his breathing hitched. "I love you." He offered back.
Johns arms were wrapped around him and his hands moved in soothing patterns across his back. "And I love watching you come." John said and Connor could hear the grin in his voice. The linguist blushed and John laughed again. "Are you going back to sleep?"
The younger man shook his head. "Evan's putting me to work today." Connor offered.
"Oh he is, is he?"
"Yeah, in a jumper."
"A mission?"
"No, some re-con."
"Hmm." John commented as his hands traveled down to gently squeeze Connor's butt. "How long will you be gone?"
"I'm not sure." One of Connor's hands came up to pull John's dog tags out from between them, tangling them with his fingers.
"Do you know who's going with you?"
Connor shook his head. "I assumed SGA-4, but I have no idea."
"So you don't know when you're going, who you're going with and… do you even know where you're going?"
"Nope." Connor answered cheekily. He could almost feel John roll his eyes.
"You are not very helpful." John chastised.
"Well… if you really want to know I'm sure I got an e-mail about it." Connor offered, beginning to sit up. John held on tighter.
"I'd rather stay like this." He said softly.
"Me too." Connor agreed, resting his head on John.
"Shit! I'm late!" Rodney bolted up from his bed. "Why didn't you wake me?" He shot over his shoulder as he quickly stripped out of his clothes and stumbled into the bathroom. A few seconds later he was in the shower. "Make some coffee!" He shouted out the door.
He didn't hear a reply but soon enough he smelt the familiar aroma of his favorite beverage wafting in from the outer room. He quickly finished washing and dried off, wrapping a towel around his waist. He stopped to quickly brush his teeth before heading back out for clothes. Rooting through his dresser, Rodney found some clean clothes and dropped his towel, pulling them on. He turned around and Eric was standing there with his eyes closed holding out a mug of steaming coffee.
Rodney took a long sip before speaking. "Oh, please. You're in the Marines, you haven't seen other men naked?"
"None that I liked." Eric replied.
Rodney drowned the rest of the cup and poured some more coffee in. "What you don't drink coffee?"
Eric frowned. "Not really."
"More for me." The older man declared as he downed his second cup. Rodney refilled it again.
"How much of that do you drink?"
"A lot." Rodney offered before drinking some more. He walked over to his computer and sat at his desk. He began to answer the e-mail that had accumulated while he slept.
"Weren't you late?" A hesitant voice asked behind him.
"Yes, but Sheppard won't mind. I'm always late." As if on cue, Rodney's headset started beeping. Eric grabbed it and handed it over to Rodney. "What?… Really?!… Yes… No… Sheppard, stop bugging me… What?!… I'm busy… How do you know I'm not at my lab?… Go find your boy toy… Oh, I'm the runner up?… Well, I'm busy… No! Don't touch that… Sheppard!… I'll be there in half an hour, try not to blow up the lab… Oh, ha-ha, John…" Rodney clicked off his radio. He turned to look at Eric. "You blow up one solar system and no one ever lets you live it down." He said and then took another long swig of coffee.
"Um… should I go?" Eric asked.
"What you don't eat breakfast?"
"I do." He frowned. "Do you?"
"Yes, you idiot. I'm asking if you want to get breakfast with me."
Eric's face lit up. "Yes."
Rodney snorted into his coffee. "You're easy to please. How was the couch?" He asked. The younger man had spent the night on Rodney's couch, despite protests from the older man that he could share a bed just fine without raping him in his sleep.
"Nice."
"Nice?" Rodney had slept on that couch before, it was anything but nice.
"Yeah."
The older man gave him a strange look. "Whatever works for you, kid." He gathered up his laptop and grabbed his jacket, heading for the door. Eric followed him out the door and to the mess hall. Rodney piled his plate up with food and took notice of the small amount that the younger man behind him took. "Is that all you eat?" Eric nodded. "Well you should--"
"Rodney!" Someone said loudly from across the room. He looked up and Teyla was offering him a wave and a gesture towards a chair across from her. Rodney noticed Lorne was there too. He subtly motioned to Eric and Teyla frowned for a second before brightening and motioning to the seat across from Lorne.
"Do you mind if we sit with them?" Rodney asked, gesturing to Teyla and Lorne.
Eric swallowed but shook his head. "If you want to."
Rodney laughed. "I don't really want to, but Teyla gets mean. And she can kick your ass."
"Oh." Eric followed him across the room and obligingly took the seat next to Rodney and across from his superior officer.
Rodney bit into some bread as he gestured, "You two know each other, right?" He asked, taking another bite.
"Major Lorne." Eric greeted.
"Corporal Johns."
Rodney rolled his eyes. "Dr. McKay." He put in.
Lorne grinned at him. "Nice to see you, Doc." He offered.
Teyla offered him a smile. "Good morning, Rodney."
"Morning." He offered, downing more coffee. Beside him Eric had barely begun to cut up his pancakes.
"I was hoping to be able to discuss John's birthday."
"Sheppard's?" Rodney asked. "That's not until April."
Teyla smiled at him. "April is next week." She offered gently. "And John's birthday is the week after."
"So… surprise party?" Rodney guessed.
The Athosian shook her head. "I have spoken to…" She glanced at Eric and fixed Rodney with a look before continuing, "A close friend of his and they believe a surprise party would be unwise."
A light went off in Rodney's head. "He already knows." The scientist offered, gesturing sideways with his fork at the corporal sitting next to him.
"Know what?" Eric asked.
"About Sheppard and the kung-fu linguist."
"Rodney!" Teyla said sharply.
Rodney looked up and saw Lorne fix Eric with a look that said they would be talking later. "What? He's friends with Sheppard's boy-toy. And like it's not completely obvious."
"It's not." Eric put in.
"I, too, do not believe either of them to be obvious in their affections."
"Either way, McKay, you can't go around telling people, much less inferior officers and members of the US military." Lorne added. "What are you two doing together anyways?"
"I was asking Dr. McKay if he wouldn't mind looking over my thesis work." Eric put in.
"Huh, what?" Rodney asked, turning to look at him. Eric gave him a firm look. "Oh, yeah. Nanobiotechnology. Sure." Rodney agreed.
"So Connor has said that a surprise party would perhaps not be the best way to go."
"What?" Rodney asked, food hanging out of his mouth. "We always do a surprise party."
Teyla passed him a napkin and a glare. "So perhaps this time we shall try something new."
"Like?"
"Such as a small intimate gathering of friends."
"And by small you mean…"
"Yes, those people limited to the knowledge of his relationship with Connor."
Rodney thought for a second. "Ronon's not going to like that."
Teyla sighed as she sipped her tea. "I have spoken to Ronon on the issue already. He has agreed that it would be best if Dr. Keller were to not attend."
"He agreed?" Rodney asked blankly.
"Yes. Connor has also recommended a few places to hold the party, as well as offered to make the cake."
"Why is he in charge of everything?"
Lorne coughed as Teyla answered. "He is closest to John and thus--"
"--Hold on. What? I'm his best friend. I think I know Sheppard better than some trigger happy linguist."
Teyla shook her head and ignored him. "Anyways, we are planning the party on his actual birthday, so please do not plan anything else for that night." She turned to look at Eric. "Of course, you are also welcome to attend, Corporal." She offered.
"It's Eric, ma'am, and thank you for the invitation."
"Eric, then." She bowed her head lightly. "Any questions?" Nobody said anything. She smiled and faced Eric. "So what is this… thesis? You are working on?"
"It's required for me to graduate from…"
"John?" Connor asked with a soft laugh. "What are we doing up here?" He looked down from the top of one of Atlantis's spires.
"It's our anniversary." John replied, coming up behind the linguist. There was a bit of wind that night, and the man in front of him shivered. John eased out of his coat and wrapped it around the younger man.
"Won't you be cold?"
John shook his head. He wrapped his arms around Connor from behind and the younger man clasped his hands over John. They looked out over the city as the moon lit the metal walls.
"We've been together for eight wonderful months." John murmured in his ear. Connor leaned back into him and John smiled at the feeling. "Connor?" He asked hesitantly.
"Hm?"
"Do you remember the night you came home drunk? St. Patrick's Day?"
"Um, not much. Why?"
John squeezed him tighter. "You said something that night, something I've been meaning to talk to you about."
Connor turned around in his arms. "John? Was it something bad?" He asked concerned.
"No, no." John assured him. "Nothing like that." He leaned down so their foreheads touched. "Connor?"
"Yeah?"
"I know you've struggled a lot with your religion and our relationship." John stated, searching his partner's eyes for confirmation. The younger man nodded. "Where have you landed with that?"
Connor bit his lip nervously and frowned. "I still believe in God, if that's what you're asking."
John shook his head. "No, I'm talking about other things. Like two men being together, living together." The younger man turned back around and leaned forward against the railing. John took a small step to close the gap that had opened up between them and wrapped his arms around his partner, pulling him back. "I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that." John whispered.
"No, it's just… it's just hard. I've never really landed anywhere with it. I'd…I'd like to think that I'm a good person, John. That God still loves me."
John's heart ached for the younger man. "I'm sure he does, Connor. How could he not?"
"I don't know." Connor whispered softly. John turned him back around in his arms and gathered him close. "I don't know." Connor repeated, holding on tightly to John. "So many things say this is wrong, but I know," He said quietly, "I know this is right. That being with you is right." He pressed his face into John's shoulder.
"I love you." John said roughly. "I love you, Connor." He felt Connor's body shake a little as the younger man held tightly to him.
After a few minutes Connor pulled back. "I'm sorry." He said, wiping away a few loose tears.
John leaned forward to gently kiss the drops on his face. "I love you." He repeated.
"John?" Connor asked softly, looking up at him with bright blue eyes. "Did I say something about God to you?"
The older man shook his head. "No. It wasn't about that."
"Then what was it?"
"I…I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Connor." John said gently.
Connor frowned slightly at the change in direction. "Okay." He accepted lightly.
"I want to wake up each morning with you next to me, and go to bed knowing you'll be there when I wake up." John continued and the younger man looked up at him baffled. "I want to know everything about you and I want you to know everything about me. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy and I know that if I can do that then I can spend the rest of my life happy."
"John what are--"
"Shh." John said, pressing a finger to Connor's lips before removing it and taking Connor's hands in his. "My world was so empty before I met you, I don't think you even know how much you've changed my life. When you say you love me, I believe you and I remember each and every time you say it." John slowly took a step away from Connor, still holding on to his hands. "Connor," He said, slowly kneeling onto one knee. Connor's eyes were wide and he looked impossibly small at that moment in John's jacket. "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Connor Aodh Davids, will you marry me?"
"No." Connor said softly. "I won't."