Chapter 25 – The Ice Is Getting Thinner

("The Ice Is Getting Thinner" by Death Cab For Cutie)

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, their characters, setting, or plot. All of those belong to Ryan Murphy, FOX, and their affiliates.

A few weeks later, things with Quinn had never been better. We were getting closer and spending more time alone, which was actually kind of intimidating. When you're in a group setting, it's a little easier to keep your cool and kind of hide behind everyone else. And let's be real, with the big personalities in glee club, it wasn't hard to sit back and be invisible. But when we were alone, I had to be on top of things, had to make sure I didn't slip up. Quinn was opening up to me on all sorts of things. We were laying on my porch swing when she told me about her not-so-pleasant relationship with her father and she even talked about missing Beth. I felt sympathetic, but at the same time, I didn't feel the same things I felt when Blaine told me about his brother. It was different. I also couldn't help but feel bad I wasn't opening up the same way.

With two weeks to go until sectionals, Quinn pulled me aside in the hallway with a beaming smile on her face. "So you're taking me with you, right?" she asked.

"I'll take you anywhere," I responded with a smirk, pulling on the straps of my bookbag. "But where are we talking about again?" I added, laughing.

"To the wedding," she said, taking both of my hands from my bookbag straps and putting them in her own, swinging them back and forth. "Kurt's dad and Finn's mom are getting married. And the glee club is performing."

"So now we're getting paying gigs, huh?" I asked with another laugh. "Looks like New Directions is moving up in the world." She laughed a little, showing me her gleaming white teeth.

"So I don't have to worry about finding a date?" she asked, tilting her head with a flirty look.

"Not if I have anything to do with it."

"Excellent," she said before giving me a kiss on the cheek and winking at me with those sparkling hazel eyes. As she walked away, my mind went back to the ring in my bedroom, just waiting to be put on her finger. If my mind wasn't made up to give it to her then, it was after my talk in the gym with Finn that afternoon.

"Hey," Finn said, walking up to me. "Is that safe? With your shoulder messed up and all?" He pointed to me lifting some free weights, still feeling a little pain in my shoulder. Nothing I couldn't fight through. I had survived worse.

"It doesn't feel messed up to me," I told him. "But I'm healthy, I'm gonna be dying to get my job back." It was true. Ever since things with Quinn had taken off, I knew I would need to get that quarterback position back. The quarterback and cheerleading captain were a token couple at most schools.

"Well Coach Beiste isn't gonna replace me while we're winning," he said.

"You can't win every game," I told him, instantly sensing things were getting tense. I didn't want to start an argument. "Look, I still wanna be friends, it's just, I'm kind of on the cusp of being one of the most popular guys in school." That wasn't totally untrue. Like I said, dating the head cheerleader came with its perks.

"I uh, I didn't think you were the type that cared about that stuff," he said, a hint of disappointment in his face.

"Everyone does," I answered. "Being on top means you don't have to take crap from anybody, no teasing, no slushie facials." I could feel the anger in me rising up again. Not in a rage, but more in exasperation.

"Being quarterback isn't going to put you on top," he said, before challenging me. "Especially since you can't get Quinn to be your girlfriend." Again, my mind went to the ring. I was bound and determined to get it on her finger soon.

"I'm working on that too," I told him defiantly before offering a fist bump. I knew she couldn't say no. Things were going too well for her to say no.

The next day, I got my ass handed to me when she said no. Well, to be fair, she said maybe. But either way, I felt like a total asshole. It's not every day you're on your knees telling someone you love them and they flat out turn you down. I had done everything right too. I mentioned stars, girls loved that. The guy in A Walk to Remember even named a star after Mandy Moore! I got on my knees, I made a promise, the ring was awesome. I couldn't figure out why she would say no to me.

That night I laid in my bed thinking it all over. What went wrong? I clicked the box open and shut on my chest, listening to it clink over the white fabric of my t-shirt. Maybe she just didn't like me back. But that couldn't be it. She asked me to take her to the wedding. But that could be it too. The extra practice for the last minute wedding was wearing everyone down. Plus all the stress from trying to make sure Karofsky didn't turn Kurt into the next posterboy for gay hate crimes wasn't helping anyone. That could be it, she was just stressed. A relationship is a big commitment. Maybe she just thought she couldn't handle it. Still, I even told her I wouldn't do my Matthew McConaughey impression! That's a big sacrifice!

But it nagged at me for hours, sitting in the back of my head. Maybe she knows. I took a deep breath. There was no way she knew. She was too feisty. If I was sure of one thing, it was that if she knew, I would know. Still, I felt like I was getting so secure with her. In reality, I could feel the ice getting thinner.

The next few days went quickly. The wedding was barely a week away and I started going to more football practices. On top of it all, I tried to do what I could for Kurt in the hallway. I knew I couldn't take Karofsky by myself, but if I ever saw them in the same area, I'd pull Kurt aside and make up any excuse I could to keep him away from the bully. I tried to keep it cool and not make it seem like I was doing anything out of the ordinary, but Kurt called me on it.

"I know what you're doing, Sam."

"I don't know what you mean," I responded, watching him as he put in the combination for his locker.

"Look, you can't protect me forever. I've got to have courage. I've got to stand up to him. And it's not easy, but it's better than everyone trying to be a guardian angel." That's when I saw it. He opened his locker and a face stared back at me that made my heart leap.

"I'm just saying hi dude," I said, trying to keep my eyes off the photo hung on his locker door. As much as I tried, my eyes kept swinging back to it.

"Just don't get yourself hurt on my behalf," he said, piling more books into his locker. There was an awkward silence and Kurt looked up at me. "Okay?" he said.

"Sure," I said, before doing something very dumb. "So, who's the uh, who's the guy in the picture?" I asked. As the words were coming out of my mouth, my brain was screaming at me to shut the hell up. But my mouth was faster. Kurt swung back to look at the photo.

"Oh, that's Blaine," he said like it was nothing. "We met when I went to Dalton."

"Oh."

"Yeah," he continued, a smile creeping onto his face. The instant he mentioned Blaine, his whole attitude changed. It went from total sadness to complete joy. "He's gay. But like Clark Gable gay, not Clay Aiken gay. He's really been helping me with all of this."

"That's good," I replied, my mouth getting drier. "So are you guys, uh, you know, like –"

"Dating?" he interrupted, the smile getting wider. "No, not yet at least. But who knows what the future holds?" He slammed his locker shut and I instantly snapped out of it. "Look, I appreciate the help Sam, but I don't want you doing anything that will get you hurt. Like Blaine says, it just takes some courage on my part." He walked away, leaving me floored.

That was my thing with Blaine. I was the one who told him about courage. Blaine was supposed to be my problem, not Kurt's. I guess I couldn't expect Blaine to be single forever, but part of me always thought he was back at Dalton, still devastated from me leaving. And now it felt like he didn't even notice I was gone. The heavy feeling I had been avoiding came back in one big rush. It was the same feeling I had been so familiar with before I met Blaine. I hated it, but it hung over me all day.

After school I had double duty: football practice from 3-5 and then a night rehearsal for the wedding afterwards. We were working on "Marry You" by Bruno Mars and for as late notice as it was, the number was pretty easy. During the entire practice, I got all my rage out by working on my throwing. I didn't even care that my shoulder hurt the harder I threw. I couldn't believe Blaine moved on so quickly. I couldn't believe he told Kurt my idea about courage. And I was stuck here, still dreaming about him, still missing him, still lying to myself. I threw another ball hard on that last thought before falling and sitting on the grass. I caught my breath again, trying to keep my cool, but I felt all the anger boiling under me. There it was. I finally admitted it to myself. I missed him. I missed him a lot. And I was fighting it this whole time. The same anger I felt a few weeks ago in the gym was coming back. Anger at myself.

After practice, I got a shower and tried to calm down, but I could still feel it rising up under the surface. Things didn't help when Mike and Artie confronted Karofsky in the locker room. "Stop picking on Kurt!" Artie challenged him with Mike in tow.

"Do you mind?" Karofsky said, "I'm changing." My thoughts went wild. Like anyone would want to see him naked. Get over yourself. I continued changing, keeping my anger down. The confrontation went on and the more it did, the angrier I got. I had to physically hold myself back when Karofsky spat at them, "If he wants to be a homo, that's up to him. Don't rub it in my face!" I almost lost it. Rub it in your face? He was fucking living his life, just being himself. And somehow that's rubbing it in your face? I was breathing heavily and grabbed onto my locker to keep myself in check. But when I saw Karofsky shove Mike into Artie, it was all over. In an instant, my bullies at Dalton flashed in my head. I saw Derrik conning me into friendship. I saw Sean dumping my bookbag in the dumpster. I saw Cole snickering as he took my uniform. And I flew at Karofsky, punching him hard. He swung back, hitting my eye and before I knew it, he threw me back against the red lockers and I fell onto the floor. I was still swinging when Coach Beiste pulled him off of me. But my rage wasn't over. Even as she threw her body in between us, I lunged for him. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I knew I wanted to smash his face into a million pieces.

As the Beiste yelled at us, I straightened up and walked to the athletic trainer's office to get an ice pack before going to glee club practice, leaving the rest of the team in shock. I knew I should've been better, I should've kept my cool. But it was that kind of bullying, that kind of ignorance that sent me packing from Dalton. And the guy I missed.

I missed him. It was almost a relief to finally admit it. I missed him. I missed his eyes. I missed his hand in mine. I missed everything. But I shook myself out of it. It had to be this way. I had to put my happiness on hold to keep things on an even balance. It would be better this way.

Everyone in glee club made me feel like a hero for beating up Karofsky and my black eye was like a badge of courage. My mom wasn't so impressed. "What is that?" she asked, mortified at my bruise.

"It's nothing mom, I just got hurt at football practice." But I could tell she already knew I was lying. It was the look on her face I had seen before.

"Okay Sam, let's try again. And before you do, you should think long and hard about the fact that I got a call from your football coach today." She sized me up and I knew I was in trouble. I sat down on the dining room chair as she stood in the archway to the foyer.

"Okay," I surrendered. "I got into a fight today."

"And please tell me why you thought that was a good idea," she remarked, challenging me back.

"Look Mom, you don't understand what it's like at school. This guy," I trailed off, gritting my teeth. How was I supposed to tell her what I meant without telling her? "This guy is just, Mom, he's the worst kind of guy. And he won't leave my friend Kurt alone. He just keeps harassing him."

"Why?" she asked, moving toward me.

"Because Kurt's gay," I told her, trying hard to seem neutral about it all. "The whole glee club's been trying to protect him. And I had to stop Karofsky from hurting him." My mom stood in front of me, her arms still crossed.

"Sam, fighting isn't going to make him stop bullying."

"Well what else could I do?" I asked irritably.

"Almost anything else," she answered sharply. "You can't fight fire with fire. You have to be the bigger man. And frankly, I'm disappointed in you." I gave her an incredulous look.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked. "I was standing up for a kid who needed help."

"I'm not saying you didn't have good intentions Sam, but I expect better from you. A real man would've taken the high road. He would've had more dignity than to start swinging fists. And the part that upsets me the most is how you thought you would come in here and lie about it. I don't mind you standing up to a bully as long as you do it in the right way," she emphasized. "But don't you dare sit here and lie to my face. It's rude and dishonest and it makes me doubt my trust in you." I looked down at the carpet, my eyes trying to avoid hers.

"I'm sorry," I said. She took a deep breath.

"I want you to know that when these things happen, you need to be able to control yourself. And you need to be able to come to me with these problems and not bottle them up until they explode like this." I nodded, catching her eyes.

"Okay," I responded quietly. She stared me down for a few seconds before continuing.

"You're grounded," she said. "For a week. You have school, football, and glee club. Otherwise, you're in this house."

"Yes ma'am," I answered.

"I understand you had good intentions so you can still go to the wedding. But that's it."

"Okay," I replied, nodding.

"Get up to bed," she said. I got up from my chair and slunk up to my room, crashing on my bed. It sucked getting in trouble, but I had to give it to her. That was probably the best bit of discipline my mom ever handled.

Two days later, I was bored out of my mind and couldn't wait to get to the wedding. Turns out I didn't miss sitting around and watching movies as much as I thought I did. When the day of the wedding came, I was finally ready to get out of my house and go to some place that wasn't school. I felt happier than I had in a while, but there was still a nagging feeling in the back of my head that knew the happiness was only for a little while. I had to fight to keep my shit together when Kurt's dad gave his wedding vows. I watched him look at his bride like no one had ever looked at me before.

"I'm not really known for having a way with words," he began. "When you're a kid, adults will tell you a lot of things. One thing they neglect to mention is how sad life can be. I lost somebody I loved very much but Kurt, he lost his mom, and that killed me. We got by, but looking back I want to apologize to you Kurt. What we were living just wasn't living." I sat back and thought about the life I was living. And I knew I wasn't really living at all either. But I was scared to think what would happen when the ice broke and I was in over my head. Would I really be living then either?

"You know that saying, when God closes a door He opens a window? Well sometimes out of nowhere He'll do one better and kick a whole wall down. He grabbed me by the shoulders and He pointed me to this woman right here and He said, 'There she is, go get her.' You're everything Carole. Words can't describe you. You're everything and I will love you until the day I die." I looked down at my hands folded on my lap and couldn't help but feel that heaviness again. In that single moment, I felt sadder than I had in a long time. Usually I felt angry or even annoyed at my life. But right then, it was sadness that washed over me and I tried hard to keep it together. I could feel my face going stone hard to keep from showing any emotion and eventually I caught Quinn's eye. She gave me a wink. I took a deep breath and relaxed. She kept me in check all night. I knew she had to be the one.

She proved it to me Monday morning when she met me at my locker. "Hi," I told her, a smile on my face. She held up a small bottle.

"Arnica," she said. "Twice a day. It'll help your bruise."

"Thanks," I said, taking it from her.

"I've been thinking a lot about what you did for Kurt," she said, leaning on the lockers. "It made a real impact."

"I thought the only impact that was made was Karofsky's fist impacting my face," I said with the same grin. I was happy to see her. She made me feel comfortable.

"You saw what Finn did at the wedding," she said, talking about his surprise performance for Kurt. "That was because of you." There was a slight silence, but I didn't even notice it. I was too taken in by her eyes. They were brighter, even happier than usual. "We've been talking this whole time and you haven't even noticed that I'm wearing your ring." I glanced over at her hand on the locker. The smile on my face got bigger.

"How'd you get that?" I asked playfully.

"I broke into your locker," she said laughing. "I've always been really handy with a nail file," she added.

"Really?" I replied softly. She amazed me. She was talented, beautiful, cunning. That's what I loved about Quinn. She always surprised me with what she could do. Who she could be. What she was capable of. As she walked away, I gave a slight jump of success, knowing I got the girl. I worked for it and I wasn't about to mess it up. Yes, I missed Blaine. But that was the past. And the girl walking down the hallway was my future. At least, that's what I thought at the time. But thin ice always breaks eventually.