Disclaimer: I don't own YYH or the characters

Happy December everyone! Can you believe it's already December? I can't! I only have one week left of my internship (and a lot to do so I'll probably stressed as hell XD) Anyways, I just finished writing Chapter 28, which will actually be a Christmas chapter (nope, that wasn't planned. It was just where my plotline was going next, but perfect timing, right?). That means there will be at least two more updates this month, definitely. Maybe more depending on how much I crank out ;) Anyways, I want to send a special thanks out to all of my reviewers. I'm mainly writing this story as both a coping mechanism and also to help others that might be going through issues like this. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel and friends willing to help us get there, as I'm seeing. Always remember that :D

A lot of time had passed since the day at the hospital, and things had not gotten any better. Well, some things did. For one, Hiei and his mother and sister returned to Tarukane's when they knew he wouldn't be home, and now they were staying in different homes. Hiei gathered all of his belongings and officially moved in with Botan and her mother. Yukina opted to go with Kuwabara. Kuwabara finally confided everything in his sister and demanded her not to get involved or let on to Sakyo that she knew anything. Hina, she moved in with Shiori. She didn't like being away from her kids, but the good thing was that they weren't far away.

Tarukane had been pissed when he found their belongings gone.

He contacted Hina first and demanded she return home with the children. She had denied his request and told him that she had hired a lawyer and that if anything happened to her, her kids, or her friends, a recording would appear at the police officer regardless of their deaths. She had won that battle.

Hiei, he contacted next. The conversation didn't go well.

"I only agreed to do your dirty work if you left Botan unharmed. You went back on your word, breaking our arrangement. I would stay clean if I were you. With an officer shot, by your man I presume, and what I know and the recording…if anything happens to us, you'll be going down for murder. Have a nice life."

Yeah…something like that.

It didn't sit well with the mob boss, but for now his hands were tied. He'd have to sit back and let everything play out. Of course, he would be plotting in the meantime.

The group dynamic had improved significantly. After Hiei's confession at the hospital, Keiko and Yusuke finally accepted that the guy was in love with their friend. There was no longer any uneasiness or distrust among them. Hiei was even a bit more open with them as well. After all, they were a big part of Botan's life, and she was a big part of his. Surprisingly, Hiei didn't mind having real friends. He always had Kurama, but that was just one person he allowed to be close to him because they were raised in the same house. This was completely new and definitely welcome.

However, there was still another revelation that needed to be dealt with, and that is why Hiei and Botan had decided to have everyone over while Sakura was at work. Botan was finally ready to admit some things to her friends, maybe not as much as she had with her mother and Hiei, but enough.

"So…not that I don't love the idea of an afternoon not doing homework, but what's so important that you seemed so serious at lunch?" Yusuke asked.

It had been a while since the moment at the hospital where he called attention to the pills. Her friends most likely hadn't forgotten, but they had no idea that today was the day Botan felt ready to tell them. Kurama kind of figured it out. He always had a way of knowing things, which Hiei had pointed out to Botan. She had never realized how intuitive her redhead friend was until Hiei made note of it.

Kuwabara and Yukina were also there. Whatever it was, they knew it was serious, though Yukina thought it had something to do with Tarukane, and Kuwabara was thinking they were about to find out their friend was pregnant.

Keiko didn't know what to think, but she knew Botan long enough and could tell that whatever it was weighed heavily on her friend's heart. She was the first to connect the dots, but remained silent, her eyebrows furrowing. She was acting just as skittish as she had been at the hospital.

Botan looked to Hiei for encouragement, and he nodded at her and got her to sit down placing himself beside her as he held her for both comfort and stability. She hesitated before she spoke, not looking anyone in the eye. "We need to talk about the stuff I was going through those few weeks and before," she told them. "It all started with mom losing one of her jobs. She had been fired because some supervisors didn't like that patients were going to her, even though she had been there for a long time. It was around the time I needed to pay the application fee, and I was terrified to ask for any money. I tried applying for jobs behind mom's back, but nothing was working out."

"Working with school and your activities would have been really hard for you," Kurama empathized, understanding how the girl felt but also knowing she would have put more pressure on herself.

"I know," Botan admitted, her expression growing harder and angrier, "but I had to try. At the same time, dad was ignoring my phone calls. I haven't told you this, but a couple years ago he got angry at me and stopped talking to me. He said I was manipulative and that we were done. I was spiraling for a while."

All of her friends, including Yukina, blanched. They had all known she had issues with her father, but they had no idea. "Why would he say that?" the teal-haired girl asked.

"Well…apparently having emotions makes me manipulative, because crying to my grandmother was the worst thing I had done," Botan deadpanned before sighing and shaking her head. "Unknowingly, Hiei had helped me through that, as Pyro. He was always good at telling me that I wasn't at fault for my father's treatment of me, even if I really didn't believe it and still struggle with accepting it."

Hiei frowned when he heard her say that. He really wished she could believe it, but he would just need to keep working on that with her. "Anyways, I had been warring with myself about whether to tell him about school and needing money for the application. I know he had agreed to help mom with school, but I was still so nervous that he would say no. I ended up going to mom eventually because he wouldn't answer my calls and I didn't want to ask him over e-mail.

"Then, sometime after the study party I got my acceptance letter." Botan smiled slightly, looking over at Hiei. "Well, I didn't know it was an acceptance letter then. Hiei and I are actually going to the same school." Her expression fell though as she remembered what exactly she was saying. "That was the day that guy from the school showed up and told mom that we were in danger of losing the house if we were going to be late with more mortgage payments. I hid my letter after that. I couldn't open it and see that my decision to go to school was going to set us back more.

"I was so torn up about opening the letter that Hiei kind of figured it out," Botan continued. "He found the letter hidden in my biology book, and I confided in him that I was afraid to open it. He figured out that it was more than just fear of whether or not I was getting in. He had told me he applied to the same school and wouldn't open his letter until we opened them together."

Keiko glanced over at Hiei who was patiently listening to the whole story, holding Botan's hand as she continued to tell them. She noticed him blushing slightly as Botan told them about one of his many acts of kindness towards her. The brunette had to admit that she was impressed with the undertaking Hiei put on himself while not yet knowing the extent of Botan's problems.

"When we opened the letters and we saw that we got in, I kind of unraveled. I told Hiei everything. The fact that mom lost her job, that we're on food stamps, the mortgage…dad always saying he'll help and then turning it around saying it's my own fault I'm in whatever situation I'm in…and I needed the money for the orientation fee, too. Hiei calmed me down, and he told me to tell my mom, that she would want to know, and that the worst dad could say was 'no.'"

Botan grew deathly silent as her brows furrowed and she snuggled into Hiei who, in turn, wrapped his arms around her and placed his lips against her forehead simply remaining there in contact with her. "I take it…" Yusuke started, "that it was worse than a no?"

"Much, much worse," Botan murmured against Hiei's chest. "The day Tarukane found Hiei and I together in his room…was the day my father e-mailed me back saying that he wouldn't help me. He said I deserved everything, and that it was my fault because mom refused to let me get a job so I could 'experience childhood,' and I should have fought harder to get a job." Her friends looked either stunned or angry, or a cross between the two. "He also said that mom has poor spending choices, and I took after her, and that he wouldn't help me because I did this to myself and needed grow up. Also, if he were a traditional father I'd have better spending choices, a better work ethic, and be in better physical shape…and the worse he said was that we were better off without each other."

Keiko gasped. "Oh, Botan…I'm so sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" Botan questioned. "You didn't write the e-mail." Hiei nudged his girlfriend when she said that. "What?"

"That's exactly what I tell you when you apologize. Remember this next time," he stated simply. He then started to take over the story from there. "That was around the time all that shit went down in the hall. Tarukane didn't like finding me with Botan, even if we were just talking. You know what happened, so all I'll add to that is that I figured out who she was when she brought up Ruka and that incident."

"Yeah, we know that," Kuwabara muttered. "What does that have to do with any of this?"

"Everything," Botan and Hiei said simultaneously before exchanging confused looks.

Botan blushed slightly and looked away before returning to the matter at hand. "Because mom was late on the payment because of my hair, I was having a hard time, blaming myself. I convinced myself that I got Hiei in trouble for giving me money and for burdening him with my problems. I honestly believed I was nothing but a burden and a mistake. I didn't want to put my problems on anyone, not even you guys, and I'm sorry about all of that."

"You have no reason to apologize," Kurama assured her, holding his hand up in protest. "You are our friend, and we understand. But you know that we would always help you."

"I know," Botan told him, though she still seemed hesitant and uncertain. "But I didn't then. And then I was getting beaten on by all of those guys. And then Hiei tried to apologize, and I pushed him away. I felt so guilty, but I thought it would be better for everyone if I…" She shook her head, not ready to say it. "Then Shishi showed up and handed me the bottle of pills."

Now, everyone was certain of where this conversation was going. They knew Botan would tell them about the pills eventually, but all of the stuff leading up to this? Something still wasn't adding up. How had Botan not taken any of the pills? She honestly had every reason to want the emotional pain to stop. No one would have blamed her for accepting them.

But they were surprised that she didn't accept them. "I tried to reject them, but Shishi wouldn't take them back. He said I didn't want them now, but might want an escape later and just left me there. Then I had English, and I had failed my paper. This was before I knew I had dyslexia, and Mr. Akashi called me a failure in front of the whole class and said people like me didn't belong in the world.

"Between him, my father, and the fact that I kept hurting everyone around me, I truly believed I was a mistake that you would all be better off without."

"Botan…no," Yusuke growled slightly. "You weren't. Please, tell me you weren't."

But Botan couldn't tell Yusuke that. "I wish I could say that."

"Wait, what's going on, Urameshi? What was she doing?"

"She was going to..?" Yukina started to ask, but she sealed her mouth shut when her brother's eyes met her and she saw his raging emotions.

"What?" Keiko questioned, looking directly at her friend, not understanding the unspoken thought.

"That day, I sent Pyro a message telling him that I finally had a way to end my life," Botan admitted, awaiting the upset she was expecting to happen.

She didn't look at anyone, and no one said anything, but eventually, she heard shuffling and then footsteps, and soon she was engulfed in a hug. It was Yusuke, but that wasn't all. Each one of her friends joined in the hug one by one, a big group hug, and she caught Hiei smirking at her. That was before Yusuke yanked him into the group hug and she heard him yelp slightly. It caused everyone to laugh, and finally, the discussion was over. They took to watching movies after that.

Later, the girls decided to put a chick flick in, so the guys offered to cook. "You saved her life," Yusuke stated, earning Hiei's attention. Hiei glanced at the dark-haired teen warily, not knowing where he was going with the discussion. "Why didn't you tell her who you were before that?"

"I was afraid," Hiei admitted. "Afraid that if I told her, she would stop talking to me. And not for selfish reasons either. I needed to know that she was talking to someone about her problems, even if I was part of the problem. If she had completely shut down on me…there would have been no one for her to go to when she was given those damn pills."

"Yukina said you were a wreck during that time," Kuwabara told him. "I don't know how you did it. It would have killed me having to stay away from someone I loved like that."

"It was awful," Hiei agreed, "but not as bad as watching her withdraw from everyone. My heart stopped when she sent me that message saying goodbye."

Kurama's expression grew grim. He knew how hard it must have been for Hiei. His friend had never been one to let anyone close to him, and Botan was the first stranger that he had ever cared about, both as Rocker Girl and as herself. He noticed the change in Hiei from the beginning, but he didn't know how deeply it had run. To think that he almost lost the first person to ever break through his shield had to have been earthshattering. He now understood why he refused to let her go that day. They had all been stunned when he had attacked her in the hall, but it was more astonishing when he refused to let go of her hand.

"You're a good guy, Hiei," Yusuke replied sincerely. "I'm sorry I misjudged you."

"I was an asshole," Hiei retorted. "You didn't misjudge me."

"True," Yusuke said with a grin, "but you're still a good guy. It's a bit late, but you know, welcome to the group and all that shit. You're stuck with us, now."

"Hn," Hiei chuckled. "I figured that already. Mostly when the oaf started dating my sister. By the way, when were you going to tell me that you and Yukina planned to run away to school together?"

"Wha…" Kuwabara responded dumbly in shock.

Hiei just shrugged. "Be sure to take care of her. For some reason…I have this bad feeling surrounding something. I can't place it at all."

They all took it seriously. "You know, not gonna lie, but this psychic ability of yours sucks," Yusuke grumbled. "Details would be nice."

"You got me there."

Over in the living room, Keiko watched as Botan watched the movie with a smile on her face. It seemed that confessing everything to them took a huge weight off the girl's shoulders, but the talk wasn't fully done. "We wouldn't have been better off without you," Keiko stated, earning her friend's stunned attention. "You're our friend and we love you, and it would have been hell. Just like that time Yusuke was hit by that car and the paramedics said he died before they resuscitated him."

"Huh?" Yukina interjected.

"That was back in middle school," Botan told Yukina sadly. "His mother was still struggling with her problems, and Yusuke had run away. He had gotten in trouble at school too, and walked out. But there was this kid who ran into the road, and he got in the way to protect him. Luckily, though, the guy wasn't going so fast because he was turning. It was still bad, but a lot of the damage was minimal. It was the shock to his system that got him, but like Keiko said, they resuscitated him. He was hospitalized for a while."

"You're changing the subject," Keiko pointed out. "Botan…"

"I know," the blue-haired girl responded. "I understand that now. I've just been struggling with the fact that I had thought to… Anyway, I'm so thankful that Hiei stopped me. I still remember how angry I had been when he shot into the house and smacked the bottle away telling me that I was smarter than that. When he told me he was Pyro…everything just clicked and I was so overwhelmed. He stayed with me all night, just holding me. I told him everything the next day. I don't know…I don't know how I would have gotten through this without him."

"I'm sure my brother is thinking the same thing," Yukina assured her. "I've never seen him the way he is with you. He's never been happy before."

"What?" Keiko asked in surprise. "Never?"

Yukina smiled sadly and shook her head. "We have a very complex story as well," the girl explained. "Hiei always held so much hate towards our father thinking he abandoned us. It hardened him, and he didn't really trust anyone. There were times when he was content, but never truly happy. He rarely ever smiled. Most of the pictures of us as kids, he always had his arms crossed and looked bored. Now, though, he smiles so often. Botan…that's all your doing."

Botan looked over to the kitchen and found Hiei's eyes on her. As theirs met, she saw a small smile form on his lips, and she knew Yukina was right. She didn't really know what was so special about her of all people, but she couldn't deny his twin's claim. She remembered her conversations with Hiei as Pyro, and even Hiei had said himself that Botan made him feel emotion, made him want to feel emotion. She didn't see it in herself, but he did somehow. A smile formed on her lips as well as she and the girls went back to watch the movie, the guys returning to their side with food in hand. They had gotten out of the majority of the movie, so they mentally agreed that cooking was worth it.

Hiei sat beside Botan on the floor, his hand gently grazing her leg. He smirked as Botan shivered before he quickly snuck a kiss from her that the others missed. A soft blush dusted her cheeks, nervousness reflecting in her eyes. Not wanting his girlfriend to be nervous, he moved to kiss her forehead and allowed her to cuddle against him.

Everything was peaceful.

"So…I kind of need to ask you something," Botan admitted later when she and Hiei were alone again. They were upstairs in her room getting ready for bed. Hiei glanced over at her expectantly, and Botan hesitated. "Um…so Christmas…"

"What about Christmas?" Hiei questioned, positioning himself next to her in the bed.

Taking in a deep breath, Botan said, "Every year I go to my father's parents' place for Christmas Eve to be with his side of the family, and every year I get nervous on what happens if he shows up. We never know until like the day or a couple days before… I…with everything going on, I just don't know how to face everyone, especially him. I just…you know…would you…" She shook her head as she tripped on the words. "Will you please come with me?"

Her request was not surprising, but it did come as a surprise to Hiei whose brows furrowed, not able to conceal his shock. Botan took his reaction the wrong way and turned away. "I mean…you don't have to. I'm sorry, I just…"

"What have we said about that?" Hiei sighed. "Why are you apologizing? You just took me by surprise. You're inviting me to spend Christmas with your family."

It was Botan's turn to be confused. "You…you invited me and mom to have Thanksgiving with yours."

"Yes, but Botan…I…I love you," he reminded her, finally saying the words out loud. "Yes, we're dating, but we…we haven't ever said… Are you sure about this?"

Now that Botan heard his words, she could understand his reaction. She had been holding her feelings back, mainly because she was still such a mess. In her mind, she had settled that she wouldn't tell Hiei until she was completely healed, but she didn't realize just how much she needed to hear his words, at least once, and if that was the case then Hiei, who had been in love with her longer, needed to hear them from her.

"I…" she started to say. "Hiei, I…I…"

Hiei's brow quirked slightly as he moved to wrap his arm around her, silently imploring her to finish her statement. She hid against him, allowing his comforting warmth to enter her being. "I love you," she admitted in a whisper, closing her eyes as she felt him stiffen in surprise.

And Hiei was surprised. It was one thing to have his feelings, but completely different when Botan not only accepted them, but returned them. His heart beat rapidly to her confession. He couldn't contain himself. Botan was relaxed against him, most likely overwhelmed by her feelings as he had been when he learned of them. He didn't give her time, though. Instead, he guided her face to his roughly and kissed her hard.

Botan was floored by his sudden movement, but she responded in kind, her fingers lacing in his hair scratching his scalp lightly. The action caused him to growl and deepen the kiss, lying her down on her bed. Her innocent moans egged him on as his hand moved to her hip. He lost himself in her, sliding his hand to her stomach causing her to gasp.

Hiei started to get even more into the kiss, and it seemed Botan was as well. As his mind clouded, he moved further up and that was when Botan panicked and grabbed onto his wrist firmly, stopping him. Her action had stunned him and had clearly stunned her before tears started to form in her eyes. She clearly mistook his astonishment for hurt because she latched onto him and started apologizing over and over again, begging for forgiveness.

His mouth went dry as he started to speak, but he couldn't say a word as he held Botan. What exactly had happened? His mind was so hazy, it was hard to focus. He knew one minute they were kissing and things were getting heated. He knew Botan said she loved him and that he couldn't be happier, so what exactly was she apologizing for?

He shook the haze off and then moved Botan so that she was looking at him. She almost felt like a ragdoll in his arms. Tears were streaming down her face and she was shaking. "Hey," he called out to her softly. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry," she repeated. "I'm so, so sorry. I…I never told you. I can't…we can't…"

She started sobbing again, and it reminded him of when she had come to the mansion soaked from the rain crying over her father's cruel words. "Botan, you're not making any sense. You didn't do anything wrong."

"But I stopped you," she countered. "I love you, but I just can't right now… I never told you about it all."

"About what all?" he pressed with slight force, gripping her arms a tiny bit tighter. "Talk to me, Botan."

"Dad told mom he loved her," Botan started hesitantly, holding her clenched fist to her chest. "They were going to get married and then he left when she found herself pregnant. I…I always told myself I would never put myself in that position, that I would never take that step before marriage, because a guy could still leave. I know you're nothing like that, but I panicked, and I don't think I can ever…I'm so sorry. I just never want my child to grow up the way I did, and I'm just sorry, because I know you wouldn't do that to me and-"

Hiei's expression turned serious as he cupped her face and forced her teary eyes to meet his unwavering orbs. "We don't have to take that step," he assured her. "Not until you're ready. It doesn't bother me."

"But…you wanted…"

"I got caught up in the moment," he told her, a smile gracing his features. "It's hard not to when your girlfriend is just so damn beautiful." When Botan blushed, he chuckled. "I can't promise that I won't get lost in the moment again, but I promise to try not to, and you can stop me as much as you'd like. I would never force you to give up your principles even if you ever got caught in the moment with me."

"Why are you so amazing?" Botan sighed as she leaned back on the bed. "I'm a failure as a girlfriend, and you're sitting there being as kind as always."

"You are no failure," Hiei declared, his voice darkening. "You have been hurt many times before, including by me even if there was a reason behind it. It is not wrong to not want to sleep with someone because it would complicate things in an already complicated situation. I will not push you, nor do I want you to push yourself. A girlfriend's purpose is not to be a sex object. If that were the case, do you think I would have ever let that idiot near my sister? I would want him to respect her just as much as I do and will respect you. It's as I said earlier." He took her hand and placed it over his heart. "I feel strongly for you, Botan, and you don't have to worry or apologize. You're the best girlfriend I could ever have. Nothing will get in the way. I promise. Not even this."

His words finally reached her, and she responded with a curt nod. "I…thank you."

"You don't need to thank me either," he assured her. "It would be better for both of us to wait. Look what happened with both of our mothers. My father wasn't even going to leave her, and then that bastard got in the way. Between what you've suffered and the fact that he is still out there, the timing is not right. One day, maybe, but now…I just enjoy being here with you. And I will come with you for Christmas."

Botan's face lit up at his acceptance to her invitation, as well as the fact that he was able to change the subject. Her smile, even though her face still had dried tears, made his entire spirit soar. She had no idea what she did to him with just that smile. He always wanted to see that smile, and for that he would not push her or make her jeopardize her morals. He would never want that for any of the women close to him. No, he just wanted that smile to remain on her face.

He kissed her again, gently with less heat before he pulled away to adjust their positions. His arm wrapped around her stomach as they spooned. At first, Botan had tensed, but she quickly relaxed. She was used to sleeping facing him, hiding against him, but this time Hiei wouldn't let her shut everything out. Instead, he rubbed gentle, comforting circles over her clothed stomach. He didn't do anything else other than that, and eventually he could hear Botan's soft snores. He sighed in relief, knowing that she was okay and relaxed, no longer worried about telling her friends the truth or pleasing him as she thought she needed to. They were in their own world now, one that was peaceful and mellow.

And Hiei couldn't feel more tranquil than in that moment.