Lisa's First Whatever You Call It
The 4th of July, 2005
4-year-old Lisa Callie Special, not yet PhD was in her room. Then her older sister Lily came in.
Lily: Sa Sa! Sa Sa!
Lisa: Not now, Lily. I've almost completed my newest invention. If it works as I intend, it will allow anyone who uses it to explore alternate universes, that is, if my hypothesis that they exist is correct. I just need something to power it.
Lily took off her diaper and threw it at Lisa.
Lisa: Thank you. Good effort. However, unlike some people may believe, human feces is not a substance that can be used as a fuel source. What I need is a bottle of lemonade and six 9-Volt batteries.
Lisa started stirring 9-Volt batteries and lemonade together. 3-year-old Lola Special came in.
Lola: Lisa, can you invent something that will make Lana disappear?
Lola noticed what Lisa was doing.
Lola: Why are you mixing a bowl full of lemonade and batteries?
Lisa: I am making a contribution to humanity's understanding of the world, unlike you, who just participates in beauty pageants and watches game shows.
Lola: Wha…what? I don't…I don't watch game shows. Why would I ever…watch game shows?
Lisa: There's no shame in it, Lola. That interest is completely innocent. You don't have to hide it.
Lola: Just tell me what the lemonade is for.
Lisa: It's the power source for my new invention.
Lisa finished her invention, put it on her left wrist, and then used it to open a portal.
Lola: I'm telling Mommy and Daddy!
Lisa: Why'd you say that as if I did something I should be in trouble for?
Lola: Mommy! Daddy! Lisa's doing something dangerous just to see what happens again!
Lisa: It's not just to see what happens.
Lola left and shut the door.
Lisa: She doesn't see the benefits of scientific research.
Lisa looked on at the portal.
Lisa: This SHOULD take me to an alternate universe. Although, since I haven't perfected my invention yet, I don't believe it will take me to that universe's Washington.
That's right. The Specials are from Washington, not Michigan.
Lisa: Lily, if I don't come back, then….actually, I don't think there's anything you could do for me. At least I now realize I should say "Good bye" to everyone just in case I…
The rest of the Special family so far (the parents, Lola, 2-year-old Lana, and 1-year-old Lucy) came in.
Lola: See, look!
Rita: Lisa, what is that?
Lisa: It's a portal that will likely take me to a different universe.
Lynn: But why?
Lisa: Because alternate universes are a concept we don't yet have any scientific proof of.
Lola: But what if it DOESN'T take you to a different universe?
Lynn: She's right. Are you sure this is safe?
Lisa: There is an approximately 1.564% chance of me imploding the second I step through this portal.
Lola: Then Mommy and Daddy aren't gonna let ya'. Right?
The Parents: ….
Rita: Hold Lucy.
Rita made Lisa hold Lucy. I hate how all their names sound so similar.
The Parents: *discussing it*
Lynn: Lisa can go.
Lola: Seriously?!
Rita took Lucy back.
Lola: Why do you always let Lisa do her crazy science stuff, but you never let me do anything I wanna do?
Lynn: Because.
Lisa: Good bye, parents and sisters.
Rita: Wait. How sure are you that you'll…?
Lisa went through the portal.
Lola: 10 bucks says she doesn't come back.