Chapter 26: Save the poisonous snake

Anumi paced nervously, frowning as she waited uncertainly.

"Anumi?"

She started, turning to see the one who had intruded upon her forced solitude. She nearly dismissed him, before an idea struck her too swiftly to be considered. She was already acting upon it, taking his arm, dragging him through halls and corridors until she was before a blank wall. She gestured at it in inarticulate worry and frustration.

Kirilan frowned. "What?"

She made a noise that only halfway expressed herself before fisting her fingers in her hair. "He's on the other side, and I can't find a way in."

He blinked. "I'm sure he'll come out sooner or later."

"Not good enough. Please, Kirilan, he's hurting."

That made his spine stiffen. "He's hurt?" he asked sharply, already walking swiftly away.

"Not physically… but yes."

Kirilan hesitated. "You realize…"

"That by going somewhere he has not shown me, somewhere that clearly is a private refuge of sorts, he probably doesn't want me to find him? Yes." She shuddered and began pacing again.

With a sigh, Kirilan shook his head. "Come on, Anumi."

She looked at him with wide eyes. "I think… I'd rather be as close as possible, if you won't lead me to him." She bit her lip and looked at him pleadingly. "You could blindfold me. Then I wouldn't know how to return."

"You'd know enough," Kirilan smirked.

She flushed and turned her head aside.

He lightly ran the backs of his fingers down her cheek. "Come on. You'd never find it the way you're going. It is one of the few places known only to Royalty and the builder of these halls." He took her hand. "So asking how to get in there will only get you blank looks."

"I know," she muttered, glaring at the stone again.

He chuckled and led her through the main corridor they were on to a small, narrow pathway roughly carved into the wall. They went down a flight of stairs to the floor that generally held storage—weaponry, food. The smiths were at work here, their craft's ringing noise harsh compared to the relative silence of the higher halls. He led her through them, winding around a circuitous route before going down another small stair.

Anumi wrinkled her nose at the smell of the cleaning supplies that permeated the air here, but didn't question it. This was far closer to the largest source of hot water. Though she'd not really thought about it before, it made sense for the laundry to be centered around it. "Kirilan?"

He smiled over his shoulder. "Took you longer than expected to protest," he said softly. Then he turned a sharp corner and slid behind a large tapestry to yet another narrow hall, ending in a small room with a wobbly table and a few dusty, moldy books. The one chair was obviously broken, the seat hanging at an awkward angle. He motioned at a door, then moved to a ledge carved into a bench at the far side of the room. "I'll wait here for a while, in case you need a guide back."

She smiled wryly. "In case he kicks me out," she mused.

He simply half-smiled and withdrew a thin book from his robes.

She sighed and looked at the door, matching it to the one key she'd not yet used. "Kirilan?"

"Yes?"

"Do you have a key to this room?"

"Yes. But it's considered his. We each have our own little hidey-hole. You weren't given keys to them, any more than we would use our keys here, save in most urgent need."

She bit her lip and slowly unlocked the door, locking it behind her as the torches around her lit in response to her presence. Hesitantly she looked at the staircase spiraling above her.

She shook herself with a sigh and began climbing, wondering what state she would find her husband in when she arrived.

It turned out she was right in the only guess she seemed able to form—he was staring blankly into space, but wasn't startled when his eyes focused on her.

He smiled wearily. "Kirilan?" he asked, so very softly she nearly didn't hear him.

She nodded slowly, frowning.

His lips quirked again. "Dalidan is poison."

Her insides jolted, sending her to crouch beside him, hands reaching for him. "What has he done to you?" she asked, her hands running searchingly over chest, over cheeks, over hair and trembling as they stilled over his heart.

He caught her hands, shaking his head. "Nothing like that, little one. Nothing so simple as that." He sighed, getting to his feet slowly.

She blinked when she heard a loud crack.

He rolled his shoulders back before shifting, several more small noises betraying how very long he'd remained unmoving in his seat. He drew her over to the couch, angling his body towards her without looking at her.

"Legolas…"

Another faint smile, coupled with wistfulness as he looked up. He touched her cheek, making her chest ache with how very gentle he was. "Is this real?" he asked softly.

"Is what real?" she asked.

His smile was knowing. "You know what. This tenderness, compassion, possession. I am you and you are me. Is it real?" He tilted his head, and a flicker of sadness once again flickered through her. "Or is it merely the bond?"

"I-I…"

"I don't either," he admitted, running his thumb under her eye.

"Does it matter?"

"Yes," he whispered, and she felt his throat tighten.

"Why?"

"Because we haven't reinforced the bond. It…" he let out a hard breath. "It can be broken."

Her throat tightened. "What?"

He looked at her, and she saw his uncertainty, his hesitance. "It can be broken. I've found reference to it being done in several books." He waved his hand at the table.

She looked at the books piled on the table, and laced her fingers together in her lap.

He let out a noise and gathered her hands into his, bringing them to his lips. "I didn't look because I want it broken, Anumi."

"Then why would you?"

He closed his eyes, his head bowed over their hands. "I had to know if it was true. If there was a chance you did not have to be bound to one you don't love, I had to know."

"But I—"

He placed a finger over her lips. "We are close to that… yes. But is it because of us, or because of the closeness forced by the bond? I certainly cannot tell, and I've wondered many times." He shook his head. "We can never know, as long as we are bound, if we would have chosen this. We know that we wouldn't have at the time. I've admitted you interested me, however faintly, though I would never have done anything as I saw Kirilan's interest in you."

She smiled ruefully. "You were a welcome relief to his form of fawning, but you irritated me nearly as much, in a different fashion."

He nodded. "I know."

She looked at the damning books. "As you know I don't wish to be released?"

"Nor do I."

"Then—"

He shook his head. "We cannot think clearly. We are both influenced by the bond."

"Yes. Is it so horrible? We are not alone, and we are…"

"Yes, we are," he agreed. "We will always be at least content, now that we've managed to stop fighting, for the most part. But… but there may be someone better suited for each of us, out there. Someone who we will fall in love with so fully that such as we now feel will be felt without the aid of a bond." He let out a tortured noise as the tears fell from her eyes onto their hands.

"What… what if it's you?"

"Then I pray it'll be you, as well," he whispered, leaning closer.

She met his eyes, frowning when he turned aside sharply, cursing under his breath.

He smiled weakly, and shook his head. "I nearly sealed it," he breathed, gently touching her cheek.

"A kiss would end this?"

He smiled faintly and put two fingers over her lips before she could think. "Yes. But we shan't take the easy way out."

"Have we ever?" she grumbled, looking away.

"Anumi… if we discover feeling exists beyond the separation, we simply… enter an odd sort of courtship, I suppose."

"And if we don't, we tell the entire wood how we were bound in the first place?"

He hesitated. "I don't really know…"

"But you don't like the idea."

"No."

"Why? If you'll go to such lengths to be rid of me—"

He again covered her mouth. "I want to know if this is real, or merely the magic of the bond twisting my emotions to make me believe it. You should know well enough that I despise being controlled. This is the only way I'll know… don't you want to know?"

She looked away. "I'm in a slightly different situation, Legolas. I was alone nearly my entire life. I've found I like having someone." She lifted her eyes to his, seeing the flicker in them she felt a moment later.

"As do I," he agreed. "I was thinking… considering… hoping…"

She'd never seen him so hesitant. Slowly she reached up, trailing her fingers gently under his chin, coaxing his eyes up. "What?"

"That we would continue. For a time, at least."

"Continue? Pretend to be bound?"

He nodded.

"That would certainly solve all question of what to tell the Wood, wouldn't it?"

"It's not just that, Anumi. If it can't be done, or if we choose to bind ourselves again, it would be so much simpler if no one knew."

"No one?"

He grimaced. "I think everyone would be as ambivalent as we currently are, save the poisonous snake who suggested this possibility."

She made the connection, her eyes narrowing as her lips twisted in an unvoiced snarl.

He sighed, bringing her hands to his chest. "He wants you. I won't let him have you, even if we should return to being antagonists."

She closed her eyes. "You're decided."

"I won't force you."

"You are."

He closed his eyes and bowed his head. "I would not hold denial against you," he whispered.

"But you know I cannot deny you, not in this. Even if things had not grown so that I could swear I do love you, I could not hold you to me against your will. Breaking this bond you did for honor will appease the guilt that yet nags at you. I could never deny you that."

He slowly looked up at her, letting her release her right hand, tilting his head into her touch as she dried the moisture from his cheek. "At least you now understand why I hid."

She let out a noise that might have passed for a weak laugh had it not been followed so quickly by a sob. "Yes," she choked out, before further noises were muffled against his chest as he drew her so tightly against him that she knew he was trying to pull her into him.