Chapter 25:
A/N: Long Benny chapter coming up, lot's of emotion so prepare!
Kenny PoV:
Noise. Bright lights. Busy corridors. Students, everywhere.
Not the best cure for a hangover. Especially when you had been drinking non-stop all weekend. I felt like going back to fourth grade, where I could pull a hood over my face to block the world out; where it could be dark and quiet and secluded. All my problems could be bottled up rather than spilling out over the white shiny hallways of South Park High.
Bebe PoV
Bloating. Morning sickness. Cramped corridors. Students, everywhere.
I felt like an illegal immigrant; dressed in a huge padded duffel coat to hide any traces of the bump that people may suspect. Besides, I wasn't safe anymore now that Eric Cartman knew of my secret. I felt as if everyone was staring at me. I was constantly looking over my shoulder, ensuring I was still invisible. But I was far from invisible. Not just because I felt the size of a house, but because I was Bebe Stevens; cheer captain, most popular girl in the school, Kenny McCormick's girlfriend and Clyde Donovan's ex. If people were looking at me, it was most likely for one of those reasons.
Kenny PoV
I turn the corner to see Bebe, covered from top to toe in thick clothing, wading through the groups of excited students. I knew it was getting colder now that the winter months were drawing in, especially up here in the mountains, but wasn't this a bit extreme? She catches my eye and quickly tries to dodge my glance. But I have already clocked her. Surely I wasn't this much of an embarrassment.
"Bebe?" I call and she looks up, pretending she hasn't yet seen me.
"Oh, hi Kenny." She gives a distracted wave.
"You going hiking?" I tease but she just ignores me. I was trying my best. We hadn't spoken properly since the crash and with Bebe's record with guys, it seemed we were going pretty much the same way as Stan and Wendy right now. I would grab her hand and walk with her proudly through the corridors but they were tucked tightly into the sleeves of her coat so there were no chances of that.
"No." She just mutters. "Are you going to rehab?"
"What?" I frown, giving a slight laugh.
"You're breath's enough to make me drunk." She tells me, sharply. Shit. "And you reek of spirits."
"Oh... Yeah." I nod, I had done the best I could to have a wash this morning, but our water had completely run out now and so I had resorted to using mom's make-up wipes, which clearly, weren't too effective. "Wild weekend."
"So I heard." She replies. "Stan told me what a state you were in. However, I am really sorry about your dad Ken."
"Don't be." I prompt her. "It's a blessing."
"Is it?" She gives me a look. "Your dad's dead and your mom's banged up. Who is going to earn an income now? It's clear you don't have any electricity or water and according to Kyle, your front door is... gone."
"Well we didn't earn an income anyway." I point out. "Dad did fuck all to earn a wage and mom gave up after her latest relapse. I was the one earning all the money for Karen and I."
"Yeah, until you got sacked for being drunk and disorderly." Bebe hisses, jeez, why was she being such a bitch? "Are you going to get another job now then?"
"Well I don't exactly have the best CV..." I trail off. "I'm hoping Kevin might grow a heart and lend us some, now that he is the guardian."
"Well your mom might be out soon." Bebe shrugs, knowing as well as I do that Kevin was not going to help out financially unless someone was holding a gun to his head. "You never know."
"Yeah right." I chortle. "That'll happen the day Cartman fits a size zero. No, she's in there for a while now. I might just help Kev sell the stash, he gets mint for it."
"No you fucking won't." Bebe stops in her tracks. "Over my dead body will I date a drug dealer."
Well that cleared one thing up; we were still dating.
Bebe PoV
Homeroom was alive with chatter. Clyde was telling his gang of Token, Craig, Tweek and Jason how he apparently met Selena Gomez at the weekend, which was without a doubt, bullshit as it was Clyde. It was clear that the only person who actually believed him was Tweek, as the others were all looking away; disinterested. Wendy was back finally but had segregated herself completely from the rest of the class, Stan in particular and was sat hunched over a book in the corner of the room. Stan didn't look particularly chirpier either and was sat in a similar position on the opposing side of the room. The hood of his brown coat pulled over his face to conceal his injuries. Kyle was sat next to him, babbling on about some games controller, unaware that Stan wasn't listening to a word he said. Butters was also talking to a large group of people; Timmy, Kevin, Lola, Douglas and Francis, about My Little Pony or something equally as lame whilst the others flicked through comic books and occasionally nudged one another to point something out. Red was drawing up some kind of timetable over on the popular girls table; she seemed to take the leader role as both Wendy and I were absent. Heidi, Annie, Milly, Esther and Jenny were looking at it quizzically, whilst sipping Slimfast milkshakes. The group of less popular girls were sitting not that far away from them, where Tammy and Emily were laughing at something on their phones. Lexus and Mercedes walk in late, high fiving Portia and the others and then flipping off the teacher when they get pounded on for being six minutes overdue.
Is this seriously what life has come to? I am sat here next to my pathetic boyfriend who stinks of alcohol, observing everyone else because I have nothing to do myself but worry about giant baby heads stretching out of me. I glance across to Kenny, worried he can read my mind. Are you ever scared to think about something because you feel like someone can pick up on it?
Kenny PoV
I stare straight ahead, daring not to make eye contact with her so that I don't receive another lecture on my personal hygiene or alcohol consumption or childcare. But she is still staring at me, a worried look on her face, as if she is trying to read my mind. She was staring at me so intently; I tried to push my cravings for vodka out of my head. I felt as if she could sense what I was thinking. Are you ever scared to think about something because you feel like someone can pick up on it?
I slowly turn to face her, this was the only way she would stop shooting lasers into the side of my head and unsurprisingly she turns back to the front, immediately, as if pretending she wasn't staring at me for the past five minutes. There was so much tension built up between us, I felt like there was a wall of it separating our desks. We both sit there in silence, knowing neither of us were fooling the other, daring the opposing person to speak first.
"So..." I give in, my voice croaky from the sudden use of my throat. "What lesson do you have first?"
"Home economics." She replies, bluntly. I knew she had home economics first, I knew her time table off by heart, but it was my attempt at instigating a conversation and she was making no such effort back.
"Cool." I just nod and then mentally face-palm myself. Cool. Cool? That was the most un-cool thing I could possibly say, ever. "I have product design."
"...Cool." She mimics and our awkward conversation was interrupted by Cartman's voice introducing the morning announcements. Oh shit, the morning announcements.
Bebe PoV
Oh shit, the morning announcements. A surge of panic washes over me. I cross my fingers so tightly under the table that the bones feel as if they will snap. Cartman wouldn't, would he?
"Today lunch is a salmon fillet served with steamed vegetables." He blurts out. "Man, what is this, The Plaza? Kyle Broflovski a.k.a Jew Rat will be handing out leaflets today at lunch about Jew Scouts, a club he will be volunteering at with Francis for work experience. For any of you who are willing to end your life, go and collect a handout from him by the dinner hall."
"Dick-hole." I hear Kyle mutter.
"On Friday a guest speaker will be coming in to teach us all about the dangers of drink-driving. Oh hey, Kenny McCormick, I think you should put that down in your diary; if you can afford one." He chortles and I see Kenny roll his eyes. "Stan Marsh, the school councillor wants you to see him at some point on Wednesday most likely because you are acting like a depressed prick all of the time. Well done Wendy for pulling out of that one. Oh and also, in more minor news, Edward Cunningham from ninth grade, your dad is in a coma as of this morning due to a motorbike accident and Casey Miller, junior year, your dog has just died."
"Eric, we told you not to announce that publically!" I hear Principal Victoria's voice squeak faintly.
"So... sucks to be you guys." He continues, rudely. Great, everyone had been ripped on, now it was my turn. I squeeze my eyes closed, awaiting the harsh words that would come out of his mouth. How was he going to announce it? Would he string it out or just say it all-in-one? "That concludes today's session. These were the morning announcements and I am Eric Cartman."
What? Why hadn't he said anything?
Kenny PoV
"...Are you... ok?" I ask Bebe, noticing that she had her eyes firmly closed and her fingers tightly crossed. "...Bebe?"
"Yeah hi!" She suddenly looks up and I jump in my seat, which makes me feel dizzy again. "Everything is fine. Perfect. Everything is perfect as ever."
She gets up instantly and virtually runs out of the room as if she is about to hurl. What the fuck was going on with people?
Bebe PoV
I flush the chain, watching as the disgusting looking substance is washed away by clear water. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, falling back against the wall of the cubicle and breathing a sigh of relief. I hated being sick, but I hated being pregnant more. The constant secrets, having to hide myself in clothing, the fear of giving birth, the fact that no one knew and the people who did know didn't seem to want to do anything about it. I was certain Cartman would have announced his discovery on the morning announcements and Wendy had pretty much been blanking me since our argument in the hallway. Why was she being such a bitch about it? She wasn't the one who was up the stick. In fact, she had no problems at all. Well, except for breaking up with lover-boy for no apparent reason. But that was nothing in comparison to what I was going through. I bet she broke up with him just to spite me, so that everyone would pay attention to her, give her sympathy, so that I had no one.
There was only one alternative; I had to tell someone else. The two essential people were my mother or Kenny. Trust me, I wasn't too hyped about letting either of them know. It wasn't really something you mention over your Captain Crunch, this was big, it was going to kill my mother.
Mind you, maybe she was a safe bet, she had given birth to me at a young age. Granted, at first she hadn't wanted me and had passed me onto a foster family for a few years before taking me back, but at least she would understand the feeling. I could relate to her. She would understand.
But it would also kill her; kill her to know that her darling daughter, captain of the cheer squad, destined to be prom queen, future Miss America, was carrying a child at the age of seventeen. No, I couldn't do it to her, I couldn't let her down.
I would have the baby in secret. Yes, these things were on the television all the time. I could hide the pregnancy until I was due and then I would give birth somewhere private and put him on someone's doorstep. My mind suddenly drifts back to the sonogram and the beautiful baby I had seen on the screen; my baby boy.
No, I couldn't let it... him, stand in the way of everything I had ever dreamed of. But I needed help if I was going to do this and the only person that could come from, was Kenny.
Kenny PoV
Finally.
I bound through my open front doorway and reach the kitchen, pulling the cupboard door open so violently it falls right off into my hand. What is it with doors in this house? The hinge had been eroding anyway.
I was gasping for a drink. It was almost getting like an obsession. But every single time the liquid hits my tongue, I get a sense of freedom. I am teleported to a completely different place, where I am a completely different person. Where all my troubles just melt away and my insides feel like fire. It is refreshing, exciting. We were running low on spirits, I would have to convince Kevin to buy some more. Either way I unscrew the cap off a bottle of gin and raise it to my lips; sensations shooting through me as the bitter taste hits my tongue and cascades down my throat. I collapse on the couch, glugging from the bottle, unable to stop myself. I have to at one point because I know that otherwise I will get alcohol poisoning, my mom had suffered with that many times and I was pretty sure my dad lived with it constantly. That was most likely the reason for his death. I was more like him than I ever thought... I was turning into him. No, I couldn't be.
Give it a few years and you'll be lying next to his grave Kenny. A voice whispers in my head and I take another sip to make it disappear. You're no better than him; just another washed-up, self-loathing waste of space.
So what if I was? He made me this way. He caused me this pain, him and mom. Kyle's family had the tradition of being Jewish, something they passed down through generations. Cartman's family were spoilt and obese. Stan's were all pretty musical. Wendy's were all intelligent and Bebe and her mom's lives revolved around beauty products. What did I have? Well, I didn't really have a mother and father anymore.
Poverty, overdose, early death. They were the things passed down through my generations. If I knew I wasn't coming back, I would have killed myself so long ago. I look longingly at mom's sleeping pills that still lay on the coffee table.
Would I ever die?
That was something that me and my father had not had in common; I couldn't die from this. I could drink myself into oblivion and still come back. Whoopee for me.
At this point I hear a muffled voice in the doorway and turn my head to see Bebe. I don't even bother trying to hide the bottle, instead I take another gulp of the drink, right in front of her. She stares at me, broken, tears brewing in her eyes. I could tell by her face that she was about to tell me some bad news.
"What?" I muster, slurring my words and then holding out the bottle. "You want some?"
She walks over to me slowly and hesitantly takes it from my fingers. "I can't." She whispers but takes a gulp all the same, pulling a face as it hits her taste buds. "Kenny, we need to talk."
"Is this national break-up week or something?" I ask her and she raises her head to look at me.
"That's not why I'm here." She takes another sip and then passes the bottle back to me. "I'm here for support, a few kind words from my loving boyfriend. Not the drunken mess that I am now in a relationship with."
"Can you blame me?" I question her.
"No." She responds almost immediately, wringing her hands and staring down at the floor.
"Is it your dad?" I guess and she shakes her head. "Then, what?" I persist. "...Bebe?"
"I'm pregnant." She virtually whispers and the words hit me like a knife, knocking me back and sending my head into a dizzy downwards spiral.
"What?" I splutter as my head rebounds off the arm of the couch.
"You heard me." She spits.
We stay there in silence for what seems like a lifetime. I wonder whether to crack the 'you're joking right?' line, but I know there was no point in wasting my breath.
"...So there you go." Her voice cracks with pain. "Congratulations Mr. McCormick, you've got me well and truly up the duff."
"...When?" I muster, not being able to process her words in the state I was in.
"The crash. Tested and confirmed." She responds. "...Braxton Hicks apparently, that's what caused the stomach cramps... They're false contractions."
"The crash?" I repeat, angrily.
"I'm four months gone." She continues, side-stepping my comment. "A baby boy."
"Bebe, The crash?" I persist.
"Wendy was there when they told me." She carries on babbling. "It didn't-"
"SHUT UP!" I suddenly yell, throwing the empty bottle of gin with full force at the wall, where it smashes and falls to the floor. She stands there in silence, finally not trying to continue her story. Tears were pouring down her cheeks, she looked terrified. "YOU'VE KNOWN SINCE THE FUCKING CRASH? AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?"
"YOU'VE HAD YOUR OWN PROBLEMS!" She cries, trying to defend herself.
"YEAH SINCE THE WEEKEND, THE CRASH WAS WEEKS AGO!" I bellow and she takes a deep breath in, trying to calm the situation.
"...Kenny." She whispers. "You've been in a state; drinking, getting sacked, drinking some more."
"SO WHAT?" I spit at her, picking up the next thing to hand which was a glass bowl and hauling it at the wall.
"Stop it Kenny, you're scaring me now." She gasps, trying to hold her tears back.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" I question, throwing mom's bottle of sleeping pills as they also smash and spill out onto the floor.
"KENNY STOP IT!" She yells and I grab her wrist out of anger, jerking her upwards. Her eyes suddenly fill with fear and she stands, frozen, like a rabbit caught in the headlights. I release her instantly once I realise what I am doing and she backs away until she is standing against the wall.
"I'm sorry." I hold my hands up. "I'm sorry... That reminded you of... him."
"Everything reminds me of him." She croaks, warily looking at me as if I am about to run at her. "I'd come home and he was drunk. He would flip out about everything. Throw things, yell at me, grab me, hurt me... Beat me."
"I didn't mean to-" I tell her. "Bebe I would never hurt you. You know that, right?"
She looks at me as if I was a stranger, eyeing me up and down, trust draining from her body. Her eyes dart from my fists, to my feet, to my own eyes. They meet there and she stares at me intently, slowly moving her head to nod at me. "I know."
She makes the first move; taking a few steps forward hesitantly. I let her slowly walk over to me, taking her time. I hold out my hand and she takes it when she reaches me. We stare into each other's eyes for a while and then she folds into my chest, warmth seeping over us. I hear her begin to cry into my hoodie and I hold her tighter than ever, swaying back and forth.
Protecting her.