The Heroes Parody Project
Author's Note: There are 4 chapters left after this one. So I'm just going to quickly wrap up Hiro's storyline (I'm my own worst critic, but I'm not a fan of it. In fact I'm really not that crazy about any of the Hiro storylines I write, is that bad?) and set the stage for the last chapters of this Volume.
Disclaimer: The Heroes Parody Project a fan fiction based off of the show 'Heroes'. It is copyright NBC and Tim Kring, and I am not affiliated with any of the cast or crew. Reader Discretion is advised.
Claire is sitting on the couch, watching tv. She is joined by Lyle. He punches her in the arm, she slugs him in the stomach.
Lyle: OOF!....ugh.....What are you watching?
Claire: Wheel Of Fortune.......Peter somehow managed to get on it.
Lyle: Really? How is he doing?
Claire: I bet him that he wouldn't make a single dollar......he's in the final round.
Lyle: What did you bet him?
Claire: I'd do his laundry for a week.......I was taking a major risk here....because Peter's laundry...(shudder)
(On TV)
Peter: YAY! The final round! In your face, Claire!
Pat Sajak: Okay, Peter. You picked your letters for the final round. Don't forget we will give you the letters R, S, T, L, N, and E. You have 10 seconds, and if you win you'll get an incredible prize and bragging rights against your niece.
Peter: The greatest gift of all.....
Pat Sajak: Let's see the letters so far.
The six letters reveal themselves to be.....Trelns.
Pat Sajak: Hey! That's all the letters! You win by default!
Claire: WHAT?!
Peter: Woo Hoo!
Claire: 'Trelns' isn't even a word!!!
Lyle: What are you talking about? Yeah it is....
Claire: No it isn't...
Lyle: Uh, yeah....it is.
Claire: Uh, no....it isn't.....so shut your face!
Sandra walks in carrying some groceries.
Sandra: Lyle, honey, can you help me get the last bag in the car?.....Damn Trelns almost made me spill everything just now.
Lyle (to Claire): See?
He gets up and walks out.
Claire: IT ISN'T A WORD!! ARGH!
Sandra: Oh, Claire, can you set the table? I'm making Smoked Trelns for dinner tonight!
Claire: ARRRRGH!
Claire storms upstairs to her room, grumbling along the way.
Claire: Previously on Heroes......(Slams her bedroom door)
Angela: I'm holding a race so I can write it off on my taxes now that Nathan has pulled out of the Company Deux project.
Noah: Which happened 2 chapters ago.
Nathan: I'm pulling out of the Company Deux project.
Noah: This also happened 2 chapters ago….sheesh….
Elle: Okay, Claire, we're set for your mission. Go ahead and proceed…
Claire: I'm sure my dad is just thrilled….
Elle: Completely supportive, he was….
Claire: …..you're full of it.
Elle: Yes I am.
Claire, Micah, and Samson Gray speed off to the football game to look for Flag Girl Molly to find the location of Sylar (since nobody else has thought to do that yet).
Molly: Go to this address.
Samson ditches them. Claire and Micah break into the Syndicate.
Sylar: You must come with me on a mission….(finger quotes) Bridgett….
Claire rolls her eyes. Claire and Sylar bust into the museum, Claire gets busted in general.
Sylar: AH HA!!
Claire: Oh, whatever….
Claire gets thrown into a prison cell, then suddenly gets rescued.
Sylar swings the front door open to find his father, Samson, waiting for him.
---
Tick….tock…..tick…..tock……tick….tock…..
Sylar (or Gabriel) and Samson Gray are sitting across from each other in the guest room of The Syndicate. They say nothing, and continue to stare each other down in what seems like an eternity. Samson couldn't help but notice the beautiful cross stitching on the rug in front of the fireplace that just so happen to read:
Chapter Twenty Six "Killer Instinct"
Sylar: ……
Samson: ….So…..you're doing well.
Sylar: ……
Samson: ……How's school?
Sylar: State your business.
Samson: Well, as you can see. I'm alive and well. Fit as a Faddle….
Sylar: ?
Samson: Whatever…..I have come to make a peace offering…
Sylar: I left you for dead. You somehow got healed, probably from the cheerleader.
Samson: Cheerleader….what cheerleader?
Sylar: The power I took from her that you wanted and now Claire just happens to show up, and is now missing, and now you're here and not dying. So yeah, I can put the pieces together. I do know how things work you know, that has and always will be my special power.
Samson: Well, you are very observant….I wouldn't call it a power though.
Sylar: So what is your motive?
Samson: None at all, my son. I see you got yourself a nice little operation here. I don't suppose you have….room for one more?
Sylar: I have plenty of room…just not for you.
Samson: Well, that is unfortunate. I do hope you can change your mind and we can resolve our differences someday. When that time comes….you can call me. Here is my card.
Sylar: ……Where is it?
Samson: What?
Sylar: The card?
Samson: I haven't made it yet.
Sylar: Why would you offer a business card that you don't have!?
Samson: I was trying to look professional….do you have a piece of paper?
Sylar: Yes.
Sylar scoffs and leaves the room. He returns with a piece of paper and a pencil.
Samson: A pen, if you don't mind.
Sylar: What's wrong with a pencil?
Samson: Not permanent enough. I don't want you to forget about my offer and erase it.
Sylar leaves the room, he returns with a pen.
Sylar: Here!
Samson: Thank you….let me write my information down.
Samson jots down something, he hands the piece of paper to Sylar. Sylar opens the paper to read his father's info, which just reads:
SAMSON GRAY
Sylar: I know your name!!!
Samson: Oh….well, give me my paper back!
Sylar: Why don't you put a telephone number down?
Samson: I don't own a phone….
Sylar: Do you have a job? Can I not call you there?
Samson: I do….and you may call me there. I look forward to your answer….son.
Cue creepy violins, Sylar looks around to see where that's coming from. Samson makes his way out of the building, neglecting to tell Sylar his place of work or his work number. Sylar flings the paper up into the air and storms off.
Meanwhile, Claire opens her eyes, she is in a place she does not recognize.
Claire: Oh, great….now what?
She looks around, the front door is locked (from the outside). Making her way to the window, she spots a framed picture on a desk. Her father, Noah Bennet, is in the picture. Not too sure what to think, she looks back out the window.
= = =Earth'll be comin around the Sun when it comes, Earth'll be comin around the Sun when it comes…..Heroes!= = =
Peter, is patiently waiting in someone's bathroom. Ready to exact his revenge.
Peter: Stupid Munroe, finding out about our powers….thinks he's going to get the upper hand by ambushing me in the bathroom. Well, I'm going to get the even upper hand by forcing him not to expose us. There's only one way to save the Heroes, and that' this Hero! (Points to himself)
The shower curtain flings open……and it's Niki.
Niki: AHHHH!
Peter: AHHHH!
Niki: AHHHHH!
Peter: Double AHHHHH!
Niki: PETER!!!?!?! WHAT THE FRACK?!
Peter (covering his eyes): Niki, I am sooo sorry….I didn't know. I was trying to ambush Munroe.
Niki: In your own bathroom!?
Peter: That's where he was last time.
Niki: Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed.
Peter: Don't worry…I was filming the entire thing.
Niki: You WHAT!?
Peter: I wanted video evidence of Munroe promising he wouldn't expose our powers to the public!
Niki: ……………………………Peter?
Peter: Yes, Niki?
Niki: Get. Out. Now.
Peter: Hmm……That's strange.
Niki: What?
Peter: Door's jammed….
Niki buries her face in the shower curtains.
At the school, all is going fine and good. Except for the whole Hiro brought back some friends from past history and now they are destroying the school.
Hiro and Ando are running down the hall, screaming for their lives, being chased by a few Velociraptors. Monica is walking to her office when she notices the spectacle.
Monica: What the hell?
Her door opens, Micah reaches out and yanks her inside, slamming the door.
Micah: Oh good, you didn't get eaten.
Monica: Micah, what in the world is going on?
Micah: Dinosaurs.
Monica: Excuse me?
Micah: Hiro went back in time to give his students a History lesson they would never forget.
Monica: That's a horrible idea.
Micah: That's what we tried to tell him. He did it anyway, his power is messed up, and now he brought back some….guests.
Monica: But….wouldn't taking something from its natural habitat and time period and bringing it to today completely alter History?
Micah: Uh…..actually…..yes
Monica: That and I could have sworn I just saw Genghis Kahn in the cafeteria.
Micah: Oh great……man, I don't have time for this. Claire is in trouble!
Monica: Whatever is going on, we need to fix it. We don't need one of those loopy time paradox things that were in the last volume. Hell, I wasn't even in the last volume and I don't want to experience that!
Micah: But something must be really wrong if Hiro isn't stopping time.
Suddenly, the door flies open and Ando drags an unconscious Hiro inside. Monica runs forward and slams the door while the Velociraptor bangs it's head on it.
Monica: EEK!
Micah: What happened?
Ando: I think a caveman threw a boulder and knocked him out.
Micah: Seriously? A boulder? Give me a break…
Ando: What are we going to do?
Micah: Okay…I have an idea to fix this. It might not work.
Hiro (sitting up): Don't worry guys, I know what to do.
Micah: ….
Ando: ….
Monica: ….
Hiro takes out a fork and starts brushing his hair.
Hiro: All I have to do is give Ursula my voice, which will get me legs so I can finally marry Prince Eric. But first, let's sing about how great life is under the sea. (Grabbing Ando's hand) Now Sebastian, strike up the band!
Ando: OH CRAP! He thinks he's the chick from The Little Mermaid! We're screwed…..
Micah: I'm going to make the call.
Monica: I sure do hate the break the fourth wall again….but, were all the previous volumes like this?
Back at Peter's apartment, a fully clothed Niki is placing Peter's tape into the garbage disposal.
Peter: You know I could have recorded over that!
Matt (eating a sandwich): What's going on?
Niki: Don't tell him.
Peter: I accidentally saw Niki naked in the shower.
Matt: I would hope she was naked, her clothes would get all wet!.......and nobody likes that, believe me…..
Niki: Could we please stop talking about this?!
Peter: And I accidentally recorded it, and now here we are.
Niki: What part of…'Stop talking about it' is hard to comprehend in that tiny lump of goo you call a brain?
Matt: I don't see what the big deal is…..(turning to Niki)…Didn't you used to be a Internet Stripper?
Niki puts her head down on the counter.
Peter: HEY! YOU'RE RIGHT! SHE WAS!
Niki: Seething with rage…..must make Death now….
Peter: I don't know what I'm going to do about Munroe. He has evidence of our powers, and is going to expose us.
Matt: Just go see what he wants. He probably still works at the hospital we keep ending up at every other chapter.
Peter: Good idea…..I know! You should come with me, and convince him not to do that.
Matt: …..oh…….OH!....you mean (finger quotes) 'Convince'…..I hear ya, man………
Mohinder walks in.
Mohinder: Man, what a hard day at work. Doing research sure does take it out of you. Now to watch my movie.
Mohinder picks up the remote and pushes play…….The shower curtain swooshes open, followed by the screams of Niki and Peter. Mohinder drops the remote….and his jaw in shock.
Mohinder: This isn't 'March of The Penguins'!!!
Niki shoots a death glare at Peter.
Niki: If that's what I think it is…..then what is in the garbage?
Peter (sliding in his chair): …..the…..other copy?
Niki: AHHHHHH!
Niki sprints across the room, tackling Mohinder to the ground.
Back at Noah's office.
Noah and Elle walk in after the whole race debacle.
Noah: Strange….I can't seem to get a hold of Claire.
Elle: That sucks.
Noah: YOU SENT HER ON THAT MISSION!?
Elle: AHH! How did you know that?
Noah: Because I know you, Elle. Always going behind my orders…..this is going to cost you big.
Elle: Big?
Noah: Big.
Elle: How Big?
Noah walks over to a chart with all the agent's names on them. Next to the name are sets of gold star stickers for good behavior. Noah removes one.
Elle: Damn….I worked really hard to get that.
Noah: Now that I think about it….I don't recall giving you any….ever…..Did you take these from The Haitian's board?
Elle: Well, he has like a million! It's not like he would miss them.
Noah: Ugh! I have to go get her and clean up your mess!
Elle: No, no, no….I can do it!
Noah: Are you sure?
Elle: Yes, sir!
Noah: Fine, get moving!
Elle: Aren't you going to give me the address?
Noah: You don't know…?....Wait….How does Claire know where to go then?
Elle: Uh…..she ran into Molly at a football game?
Noah (sighing): …there is no way you could've known that…unless…...you got your script book switched again, didn't you?
Elle: Yeah, I took Micah's by accident…..so I knew about it in advance.
Meanwhile…
Micah: Are Noah and Elle in this scene? (flipping through pages) Because it just has dialog between them but they are nowhere near here…..I'm so confused!
Elle: Okay, so this is the address of The Syndicate….how did you get this?
Noah: Go. Get. Her.
Elle: But….it's the bad guy's lair!
Noah: Go. Get. Her.
Elle: Aw, hamburgers!
At The Syndicate….Sylar opens the door to find Elle.
Sylar: You have got to be kidding me. Who else from my past is just going to show up at the door!?
Elle: Hello, Sylar…..you are looking well.
Sylar: What do you want?
Elle: Well….it's a funny story…..you see, I sent one of my……she's not really an agent, she's just…..anyway, is Claire here?
Sylar: Good lord, you have gotten sloppy.
Elle: What do you mean?
Sylar: You send a double agent to infiltrate the Villain's organization then come alone, in person, to the front door, to see if she's here? Who does that?
Elle: We do! The Company! Best in the business……if you would like to make an appointment you are more than welcome to call. Here is my business card.
Elle hands Sylar a card that just has the words 'ELLE BISHOP' on it.
Sylar: GRRRRR!
RIP! RIP! RIP! RIP! RIP!
Sylar: Leave the premises at once or I will have you killed!
Elle: Not without Claire!
One of Sylar's assassins, appropriately named ASSASSIN! (exclamation point and all) creeps up and is about to judo chop Elle. She reaches behind her and grabs ASSASSIN'S! wrist and electrocutes him.
Sylar: I need some new lackeys……She's not here.
Elle: She's not?.....Why?
Sylar: WHY!? I don't know….and even if I did I wouldn't tell you.
Elle: ……That is so rude! I don't appreciate you talking to me like this.
Sylar: I don't care.
Elle: GET OUT! I never want to see you again!
Sylar: FINE!
Sylar storms out of his own lair. Elle steps in and slams the door. Sylar looks back to see what just happened as his head turns into a giant lollipop with the word 'SUCKER' imprinted on it.
Elle: That's all folks!
Whatever…..anyway, back at the school.
Micah (on the phone): So….what do you say?.........Yes, he is in……he's knee deep in it as you would so likely put it…….he's out of his mind and can't really go back in time and you are the only other person I can think of who can……….yes…….The Prehistoric Age……….awesome, thanks……..oh yes, he will……..talk to you later.
Monica: Who was that?
Micah: A friend I know…..so, uh…..we are in the clear….all we have to do is wait.
Monica: That's it?
Micah: That's it.
One of the Raptors breaks its head through the window.
Micah: But we might have to survive until then.
Back at The Syndicate, Claude enters the Briefing Room.
Sylar: Where the hell have you been!? You know, we could have really used you on that silly Museum Heist Mission.
Claude: Heh….my apologies…..Jax wanted to run some diagnostic tests.
Sylar: Good…good…..
Claude: Saw you talking with the old guy.
Sylar: Ah yes…..the…urm…..some Newspaper Salesman……..I know! Go track down where he is…and go blow him up.
Claude: …you want me to blow up the Newspaper Salesman?
Sylar: Yup. He's getting far too pushy. I want him removed at once.
Claude: Will do, master…..
Claude turns around and takes his leave.
Micah, Monica, Ando (carrying Hiro) run out of the school and load up into Monica's car. Before Monica has a chance to get in her car, one of the T-Rexes bites down and slings the car across the parking lot with Micah, Hiro, and Ando inside. Monica stands there in terror and thinks for a moment.
Monica: Okay….I watched Jurassic Park, so I know exactly what to do with these….HIIIIYA!
Monica kicks the Dinosaur….and…
Monica: That didn't help! AHHH!
Monica runs off screaming, which is exactly what you are not supposed to do since their vision is based off movement.
Monica: I didn't say I finished the movie!! AHH! HELP! I'm going to be eaten! NOO!
Monica gets cornered and the T-Rex looms in a chomps down. It's teeth phase through Monica's body without puncturing actual skin, she doesn't feel a thing.
Monica: I'm alive…?....Huh?
The giant Dino disappears into thin air.
Monica: ….Okay, that was…..odd.
Monica runs back over to the car which is upside down.
Monica: Micah! Are you and those other people alright?
Ando: We have names!
Micah: Yeah, we're good….why are you still alive?
Monica: Gee, thanks! They're gone!
Micah: Good……glad to hear it. She pulled through for us.
Monica: Uh….whatever…….
Later, in the hospital.
Hiro (lying in the bed): Wow…I feel so much better.
Micah: So, what do you think happened? Why did so many different things from the past came back with you?
Hiro: After you have traveled through time and space as much as I have….some things start to get botched up. I just need a few days of rest……before I can go back to teaching!
Micah: Uh…..
Monica: Splendid……
Ando: Hiro, I got your mail…..Thought you should read this one.
Hiro: Okay, let's see what it says…..reaches over and puts his glasses on.
Dear Hiro,
I'm glad to see you're not screwed up. You're lucky your friend Micah called
me in to save your butt again. I mean, I did have better things to do with
my time, just so you know. Well, to wrap things up, there will come a time
in the near future that I will request a favor from YOU. Don't wait for
me, I'll show up when you least suspect it. Prepare to pay me back.
With much love,
YOUR NEMESIS
Hiro: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Ando: ….
Micah: ….
Monica: ….
Peter: Hiro, could you keep it down? We're on a mission here….
Hiro: Oh…sorry.
Peter closes his door and walks with Matt up to Munroe's office.
Peter: This is it.
Matt: This is it.
Peter: We're going to go in there, you are going to make him forget everything.
Matt: That's more of the Haitian's thing.
Peter: Hmm…you're right, probably should have brought him along.
Matt: But…I did do something like that before….so….it's worth a shot.
Peter: Let's roll.
Peter and Matt open the door to find Munroe stabbed to death, in a pool of blood on the floor.
Peter: Okay…..can you make him 'think' he's not dead?
Matt: That's more of a Linderman thing….and…..yeah…..about that……
To Be Continued….