Random Drama Action Chapter 26: Mutiny on the Soundstage, a total drama series fanfic

Author's Note: And finally, the Finale. The votes have been cast and all that's left is this last chapter before the reunion.

Disclaimer: I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.

For this chapter only, I am notanswering reviews at the start. There are some people who did post some thoughts and those will be answered in the post script. Now...-+

Today is the the day. The finale of season two, where DJ and Kitsune battle it out for the million dollars. Who will win? Read on and see.

Episode 26: Mutiny on the Soundstage

"Last time on Total Drama Action," Chris said over the usual shot over the film lot. "Chef spent all night interrogating DJ on how to cook actual food," the brickhouse was shown explaining to Victor why he was gone.

"But night owls weren't the only animals on set," he continued over clips of the four animals being revealed, followed by Kitsune and the parrot being judged, "as the cast were each paired up with an animal buddy to train in their image," Victor, Heather, and DJ's judging were also shown.

"While some bonded with their animals," DJ was shown in the confessional with the bear, "others butted feathers," the parrot was shown leading Kitsune into several traps.

"In the end DJ won invincibility," Chris and Chef were shown giving the brickhouse a ten. "And Victor's vote sent Heather packing," the queen bee was shown yelling at the host as she was escorted to the limo.

"However it also put him in breach of his contract," Chris was shown explaining this to the Final Four, "and had him disqualified."

"Which brings us to our Final Two," DJ and Kitsune were shown giving each other wary looks and the camera pulled back to show that it was a feed on one of the screens in the monitor room.

"It's not exactly how I wanted to wrap up the season but, what are you gonna do?" Chris asked with a shrug as the camera pulled back even further to show him seated nearby. "Who'll be taking home our grand prize of one million dollars?" He waved his hands around a bit, then pointed at the camera. "Find out right now," the scene flashed to him standing in front of the cast trailers, "on Total! Drama! Action!"

XXXXX

[A stage light pops up in front of some fake buildings and turns on; a camera with a rat on top of it comes out of a manhole; another camera comes out of the hollow of a tree, along with some garbage and a very confused raccoon. A pair of hands claps a film slate in front of the camera, and the camera flies through the film lot; Chris drives a golf cart with Chef in the passenger side in the camera's path. The host grins and waves and the cook crosses his arms and scowls as the lyrics start]

Dear Mom and Dad I'm doing fine

[The camera passes through a tree and files down a road between the studio warehouses, dodging a farm backdrop and a sunset backdrop before flying through a costume rack]

You guys are on my mind

[The camera flies up the fake mountain and peeks over the edge to see a pool of water, then jumps in]

You asked me what I wanted to be

[As the camera lands in the pool, bubbles fill the screen and then disapate to show Sugar in her bikini with a large shark behind her. The pageant queen farts as the shark opens its mouth, then it chokes]

And I think the answer is plain to see

[The camera pans up to show Harold on a surfboard hooked up to some rigging. He tries to dodge seagulls that are shooting past him like bullets, only to take one to the face and be knocked in the water.]

I wanna be... famous

[The camera quick pans to the left, showing Duncan manning what can only be described as a seagull cannon with a sadistic grin on his face. The camera pans back to show Sky looking at the punk with contempt as he fires the rest of the gulls. The camera flies between them, then pauses in front of a large door as Sasquatchanawkwa runs across it in a pink dress and boa The door opens and the camera flies into a bright light.]

I wanna live close to the sun

[The light fades into a shot of the beach set where Leshawna sits on a pool chair. She is flanked with sharks in their own chairs The camera zooms in on Leshawna as she gives a huge smile.]

Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won

[The camera pans to the right and ending up on Noah in the confessional reading a book with a smug expression pn his face and his legs propped up on the table. He leans back and goes too far as he falls backwards.]

Everything to prove, nothing in my way

I'll get there one day

[The camera quick pans to the right again to show Heather and a bald and camo cap wearing Alejandro on rock pillars against a dark backdrop. The two have dueling sticks, Heather's is blue and Alejandro's is orange. Alejandro hits Heather a few times and she responds with a jab to his face, his cap falls off and the camera quick pans down to show the hat falling perfectly on DJ's head.]

'Cause I wanna be... famous

[The camera zooms out a bit to show DJ stirring a metal pot with a smile on his face. He pulls out a small orange bottle and sprinkles something in the pot, takes out a spoon and offers it to someone off-screen; the camera zooms out more to show he was offering it to Sammy, who giggles and kisses him on the cheek. The camera pans out to show Amy watching the scene on one of two monitors in another room with a look of disgust on her face. She angrily presses a button and is surprised when an explosion rocks the other screen.]

(Na nananana nanananana nananananana)

[The camera cuts to the explosion as it fades away revealing a slightly singed Shawn nervously looking around... only to scream and run away to the right past a zombie in familliar clothing. The zombie reveals itself to be Kitsune, who giggles to herself as he runs past. The camera follows him as he runs past the Lame-o-sine then stops at the vehicle.]

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous (Na nananana nanananana nananananana)

[The camera zooms in on the limousine's window, which rolls down to show a smiling Mike and Zoey. The window behind them rolls down to show Victor smiling at the couple. He opens the door with an formal bow. The camera flies past a series of flashes as if it were going down the red carpet and stops at Chris in a blue tux on the amphitheatre. The host grins and opens an evelope, then looks over at a scowling dress-wearing Chef as he holds a tray of Guilded Chris's. Chris purses his lips and gives a look to the camera. The camera zooms out to show the scene was being watched on a monitor, then pans down to Gwen and Trent, the latter strumming the last few notes of the theme on his guitar.

The camera zooms out to show the non competitors on the center couch of what looked to be the set of a talk show, flanked by two double tiered couches. On the top left: Noah, Sammy, DJ, and Tyler. On the bottom left: Zoey, Mike, Leshawna, Harold, Duncan, and Kitsune. On the top right: Staci, Malcolm, Victor, Sky, and Alejandro. And on the bottom right: Scarlett, Sugar, Shawn, Amy and Heather. The feed on the monitor fizzles out and changes to the Total Drama Action logo]

XXXXX

The episode opened at night, zooming in to a shot of the cast trailers. The lights were on inside both of them. "I'd never figured I'd be the last guy standing," DJ mused to himself as the camera zoomed in on the guys' trailer.

"But here I am," he continued as the camera cut to the inside of the trailer. "All alone," his tone started to sound less confident. "In this old trailer that could fall apart any second." The sound of metal creaking was heard. He gulped and his teeth started chattering.

The camera cut to the outside, then panned over to the girls' trailer and cut inside. Kitsune was seen sleeping peacefully in her pajamas, but the chattering teeth of her neighbor soon woke her up. "What the?" she asked before her face fell. "It's just DJ chattering again. You'd think all that muscle would give some sort of insulation. Am I right?" She asked expectantly, only for the camera to cut back as if reminding her she was the room's sole occupant.

"Right," she said somewhat solemnly, "I'm the only girl left. No sleep farts, no night terrors, though I'm pretty sure that one was me, and best of all no one to manipulate everyone to keep themselves in the game. It's just me and the guy built like a brick wall." The chattering started up again. "Who's gonna keep me up all night if I can't find a way to tune him out."

A second later, the camera cut to the roof hatch as it swung open and a canister was dropped inside the room. Already spraying some kind of purple gas when it hit the floor, it immediately caught the goofball's attention.

"What the-" was all she could get out before passing out.

The camera cut back to DJ. "You say somethin' Kitsune?!" He yelled out, but got no response. Another canister was dropped into his trailer, and he only had time to give it an odd look before passing out himself as the camera faded to black

The scene faded back in to the two sleeping contestants tied tightly to what looked like a wooden mast set in front of some manner of wood-and-rope riggings. It was Kitsune who awoke first.

"Huh?" she groaned in confusion as she looked around, her drowsiness rapidly fading away. "Holy crap! DJ wake up!," she gave the brickhouse on her right as much of kick as she could manage, "wake up! We've been Shanghaied!"

The scene rapidly zoomed out. The area the two finalists were in was revealed to be something that resembled an old sailing ship with the sails all furled. Notably, both bow and stern were little more than scaffolding, and the whole thing sat far too high in the water.

DJ finally awoke with a vigorous shake of his head, then quickly looked around with a hint of panic in his eyes. "What's going on? Where are we?" he asked with a tone matching his eyes.

"If I knew, I wouldn't have mentioned the Shanghai thing!" Kitsune yelled back.

DJ blinked, then shook his head. "Right. Sorry about that." He struggled against the bonds for a moment but to no avail, then said "The ropes are loose, but not enough for me to get out of. You mind givin' me a hand?"

"No offense," she told him with a tense look. "But I literally have no reason to trust you right now."

"What do you mean?" DJ asked with a hint of hurt. "I thought we were friends."

"We are," she replied. "But this is a million bucks we're talking about. I wouldn't trust my dad on this one."

"What if I untied you first, then it's up to you if you wanna return the favor."

"Fine by me," she said with a shrug. "I don't know why this matters to you though." After a few moments of struggling without success, she said "Maybe I should do the untying."

XXX

"I just wanna take a moment to thank the Junior Lady Rangers," Kitsune bragged. "Sure they kicked me out after only three weeks, but it only took one for me to earn my knot tying badge."

XXX

The footage cut back to Kitsune finishing untying DJ; more ropes which had presumably bound them to the mast were already lying on the deck.

"Breakfast, anyone?" Chef asked as he wheeled a covered meal cart up to them from stern-wards on the ship.

"Let me guess," Kitsune said skeptically, "breakfast today is a rotten fried eggs with moldy bacon and fried goat brains." The shot cut to a close-up of the dish cover as Chef raised it and a cloud of steam was released, and DJ raised his brows in surprise. "Or maybe bilge rat," she continued, "to keep with the theme."

"You might wanna take a look," DJ said with a small smile, prompting the goofball to finally look down at the meal.

The camera panned across a close-up of their breakfast: A stack of thick pancakes with butter and syrup. Bacon and eggs. Pineapple. Fruit juice. Muffins. Every last piece looked absolutely delicious.

"If this is a dream, I don't wanna wake up!" Kitsune said in disbelief.

"Fresh fruit to ward off scurvy," Chef explained as the focus moved to him, "hot flapjacks to prevent, uh, lice...or whatever, all prepared to my highest personal standards."

XXX

"Chef always did say he had standards," DJ told the audience. "I just didn't believe him until now."

XXX

The two finalists were shown happily chowing down before they were distracted by a rope being lowered just inches above the food cart. They backed away quickly as Chris slid down from above wearing full pirate regalia, including a blue-and-yellow macaw sitting blank-eyed and at an odd angle on his shoulder.

"Yarr, maties!" he told them in a pirate accent. "Me parrot Chris Jr. Jr. Jr. and I," he adjusted the apparently fake bird so that it was standing up straight, "want to congratulate ye landlubbers fer makin' it to the Final Two! And as ye can prob'ly tell, today be... Space Zombies Movie Day!" The two finalists stared at him in confusion and disbelief.

"It's actually Pirate Movie day!" he corrected in his normal voice. "And you're on deck for a swashbuckling obstacle course, followed by a treasure hunt through the entire season's challenges." He leaned towards DJ before continuing. "And if you wanna claim your million dollar booty, you're gonna rethink the 'all for one and one for all' approach."

XXX

"Well somebody's gotta win this thing," DJ told the confessional while cracking his knuckles. "It might as well be me. Dang," he said in awe, "I'm about to start the challenge that might win me a million."

XXX

The scene resumed with a close-up of Chris holding out two boxes of cotton swabs, each of which was grabbed by one of the finalists. "Obstacle number one," the host told them as the shot briefly zoomed out to show DJ and Kitsune, then cut over to the rear of the ship as a sasquatch and a bear entered what looked like a pair of restrooms, "swab the poop deck."

A few wet farts were heard, and the two contestants cringed in disgust. The shot cut back to the restrooms as a bell rang, signaling each door as it opened and its occupant emerged along with a cloud of noxious fumes. The sasquatch was holding its nose, and the bear paused and lit a match behind it

"Obstacle number two, pun intended," Chris continued with two raised fingers, then pointed at a nearby barrel containing a green flag and a yellow flag. "Grab a flag, shimmy up the greased mast," the shot panned over to the mast in question where Chef was slathering on the grease with a scowl, "and fly your jolly roger." The shot quick-panned up to the greasy crow's nest, then over to a cannon that had an air pump attached. "And finally, a cannon ball! The target is the monster-chomped movie set."

The shot cut back to Chris and the finalists, the host raising a pistol high into the air and the castmates with their swabs at the ready. "Ready! Set!" The two girls withdrew a single swab from their boxes. "Aaaannd...GO!" He fired his pistol, and the finalist were off.

DJ and Kitsune quickly ran into the bathrooms... and immediately came back out, gagging and gasping for air. "Aaaagggh, my eyes are burning!" Kitsune exclaimed before both contestants went back inside.

"I get it," Chris told Chef as the latter wheeled the meal cart over, "the food's laced with laxatives, right? Nice!" he gave the hulking man a thumbs up.

"Nope!" Chef said bluntly. "Just goin' out in style!"

"Going out?" the host repeated in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"That's the last meal I'm ever gonna serve on this two-bit show!" Chef declared, waving his greasy paintbrush around, and patting it against his apron. "I got me a gig cheffin' on a swanky cruise ship, so you can kiss my behind goodbye!"

"Yeah yeah, and I got the job hosting the Oscars," Chris said mockingly. "Very funny."

In reply, Chef slapped the greasy brush against the host's hat so that it stuck. "Who's laughin'?" he said darkly.

The restrooms were shown again, Kitsune coming back out for air while DJ was only heard coughing heavily and exclaiming "I think I might throw up!"

"Well puke in your side so I don't have to clean it up!" Kitsune called out before turning her head back in the direction of the host. "Hey Chris, I'm outta swabs!" Another box was tossed her way, and once she'd caught them she retreated back into her restroom.

"If our contestants think they have it rough," Chris said as the camera cut back to him and Chef, "the people on Chef's fancy cruise ship will have to suffer through his slop with no chance of winning a million!" He got a bit closer to his partner's face, and Chef loomed in the rest of the way.

"I don't think you wanna keep goin' there," he told the host menacingly.

The scene cut back to the restrooms, DJ coming out for air this time. Unfortunately for him, Kitsune also came out, but not for air judging by her satisfied face. "Looks like Kitsune will be the first to finish the deck!" Chris said from off-camera.

"Come on!" DJ called out. "Help a brotha out!"

Kitsune sent him a sympathetic look as she walked over to grab her yellow flag "Sorry," she said sincerely. "But I need every advantage I can get. So I think I'm gonna-" She was cut off in shock as the sasquatch suddenly ran past her and Chris, clutching its behind. "...keep the lead..."

"Looks like Bigfoot's not done yet," the host said as the ape-man was shown running back into the restroom, and a few more wet farts uttered forth a second later. The bell rang, the door opened, and the sasquatch walked out in a cloud of gas. "Which means Kitune's not either," Chris added with a grin as he handed the girl another box of cotton swabs.

The goofball took them with a grimace, then ran back over to the restrooms. Just as she was about to re-enter, DJ burst out of the door on the right. "Done!" He declared with a bright smile.

"So..." Kitsune said sheepishly. "About that whole 'help' thing..."

"Sorry," DJ answered with a smirk as he picked up his green flag. "I need every advantage I can get."

"Yeah. I deserved that one," she admitted before going back into the restroom.

XXX

"Maybe all isn't lost," Kitsune confessed hopefully. "After all, there's still the whole 'greased mast' thing. Maybe all those muscles will be a hinderance."

XXX

The footage cut back to DJ running towards the greasy mast with his green flag in hand. He tried to get a jumping start, but he just slid back down. Furrowing his brow, he tried again with the same result. The camera pulled back to show Kitsune tapping her foot with her yellow flag in hand. Maybe you should let me take a turn," she suggested.

"Good luck," he said, taking a step back ang gesturing for her to go ahead of him. "Climbin' this thing is imposs-" He was cut off by a triumphant cry off-screen. The camera panned up to the top of the mast to show that Kitsune had tied her flag to the top.

The scene cut back to Chris and Chef. "You can't bail," the host said, "we're a team!"

"I fly solo," Chef retorted. "I'm a maverick."

"Dude," Chris laughed, "without this job, you'd still be selling street meat outside the bus station." Chef growled angrily at him, and walked away.

DJ was shown climbing again with a determined expression, his green flag clenched in his teeth. He was alerted by the sound of laughter approaching her from above, and looked up just in time to see a jovial Kitsune sliding back down the mast. The two collided, and DJ fell once again. This time, he was unable to stop himself from crashing through the planks of the deck and landing in the water with a splash.

"Dude," she said into the DJ shaped hole. "Why didn't you wait?" DJ resurfaced with a dazed look, but by then the goofball had shrugged and moved on.

"You ever fired an air cannon before?" Chef asked as Kitsune came up to him leaning against the railing by the cannon, whistling to himself.

"Not this exact model," the goofball replied blankly.

"If you're goin' to hit that target," Chef said with a point, the camera cutting to the partially-eaten city set used in the first episode of the season, "it's gonna take a whooole lotta air." The camera cut back to him as he motioned down to the air pump at his feet. Kitsune rolled her eyes and groaned.

The scene flashed ahead to Kitsune pumping air as fast as she could. "This is too quiet," she said after a moment, still concentrating on her task. "I've been at this for ten minutes and you haven't insulted me once. Is everything okay?" She looked back over her shoulder at Chef, who was sulking behind her.

The cook seemed to be taken off-guard by the comment, and yelled "After a whole season of lip, now you wanna know if I'm okay!"

Kitsune shrugged and turned her attention back to the pump, and the shot cut in for a close-up as the needle on the pump's pressure gauge reached the end. "Finished," she announced with a satisfied smirk, wiping the sweat from her brow.

"Get in!" Chris told her as he walked up.

Kitsune stared at him in shock. "You gotta be kidding!" she told him.

"Now you oughtta know the answer to that by now," the host nodded, "so buckle up." The goofball walked off with a scowl, and Chris turned to Chef. "You gonna fire the cannon or are you just gonna stand there and be useless?" he asked in annoyance.

"N-n-now you see that," Chef stuttered, "that attitude is why I'm outta here! I've had it with watching you do your bogus job and get all the glory," Chris uttered a low gasp, "while I'm stuck with all the grunt work!"

"Hosting is way harder than what you do," Chris countered. "I dare you to try it some time!"

"Fine!" Chef said. "Let's go!" he leaned his face towards the host, who answered with the same.

"Fine! Be my guest!" Chris said.

A throat being cleared off-screen got the attention of both. "I hate to interrupt," Kitsune said in a calm and annoyed tone as the camera cut to her sticking out of the cannon with a star-patterned helmet and goggles on her head, "but I am kinda in a race for a million right now."

"Okay," the host said, pulling out a remote control and raising a finger to press its button. He paused after a moment, then handed it over to Chef with a smile. Chef pressed the button himself, and the shot cut back to Kitsune as a beep preceded the cannon firing. The goofball was launched into the air with a shout, and the focus moved back to the two adults.

"Piece of cake!" Chef told the host. "Just like the rest of your job."

"Oh," Chris retorted angrily, "you'll see!"

"Guys?" A voice called from off camera

"I'll see what?" Chef countered. "How easy it is?"

"Guys?!" the voice repeated a tad bit more impatiently.

"Have you even ever read a cue card?" Chris asked angrily. The two men began to growl at one another.

"GUYS!" the voice shouted.

"WHAT?!" Chris and Chef answered in unison.

The camera cut to DJ standing at the top of the mast, his expression triumphant and his flag tied to the mast above Kitsune's. "I just wanted to let y'all know I finished this part!" He told them. "And to get ready because I'm coming down!" He turned to climb back down, but slipped on the spar he was standing on and fell back down. "Not again!" He shouted before crashing through the wooden deck with another splash.

"Sorry," Chef told him as he and Chris walked over to the second hole he'd made, "but I'm gonna have to leave you in the hands of Mr. Personality over here," he pointed at the host with his thumb, "and get on with my super-easy hosting duties."

"I'm totally capable of shooting a dude out of a cannon on my own, thank you," Chris shot.

"Guess we'll see," Chef replied before he started to walk away.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Chris asked. "It's about that time?" Chef was shown stopping in his tracks and raising his eyebrows. "When people might go to the fridge or change channels and not come back?

Chef coughed into his fist, then turned to face the camera. "Who will win the million bucks?" he asked in an extremely stilted fashion. "Who will not? Do not touch that clicker." He pointed at the camera, then crossed his arms. "We will find out, right after this." He paused a moment, then leaned forward and yelled "I SAID GET YOUR HANDS OFF THAT CLICKER!"

(Commercial Break)

The episode resumed with a shot of Kitsune flying through the air with the sun behind her, screaming as she finally came to a landing on one of the city set's sidewalks. The shot zoomed out as she landed head-first, bouncing off her helmet and landing safely on her butt; the helmet was flung off in the impact and her headband was missing. The camera zoomed in as she groaned and shook her head, then smiled as she put her headband back on.

"I'm here," she said to no one. "Now what?"

A sudden cloud of dust got her attention, and the shot pulled back to show Chef Hatchet descending upon the scene on a helicopter-carried rope ladder. "I'm coming, keep your shirt on!" he said as he landed and took out a stack of note cards from his back pocket ad gave them a glance.

"Sweet landing, dude," he read awkwardly, "I'm your righteous new host, uh," he paused to read his lines again then looked at the camera, "Chef!" He paused a little too long, grinning nervously and moving his eyes from the camera to the contestant.

"Any chance you can speed this up?" Kitsune asked impatiently.

"Work with me here, kid," Chef told her gruffly. He cleared his throat, then continued with his host attempt. "The rest of today's challenge is a ganar-uh," he faltered and re-read the line, then waved his hand so that Kitsune had to quickly duck, "gnarly treasure hunt!"

"And in other news, the sky is blue," the goofball said flatly.

"Oh," Chef said smugly. "How's this for news? If you correctly answer a trivia question, you skip the challenge and move on to the next one."

"Works for me," she answered with a smile. "Fire away."

"Okay, uh, bro," Chef read from his notes, "who got the space boot after the Alien Movie challenge?"

"Mike and Zoey," Kitsune answered. "I mean, they knocked you out like a sack of potatoes."

"Follow up question," Chef said with a scowl as the girl was about to leave. "Which personality did you cause Mike to become in front of Zoey last season?"

"What kinda question is that?" She asked incredulously. "I didn't even know he had Multiple Personality Disorder last season, and if I did I wouldn't have caused a change on purpose."

"Too bad, then!" Chef read from his cards. "Time to get it on with the alien!"

"What do you mean 'Get it on'?" Kitsune asked suspiciously.

The camera pulled back to show the animotronic monster staring her down. "I mean," Chef said from off-screen, "that since the first two people kicked off were a couple, that you gotta make-out with the alien! And it's gonna be nice and slobbery," he added darkly into a walkie talkie, the scene briefly cutting away to the control tent where a blond male intern waited in the motion capture suit. "Don't be shy now."

The shot cut back to Kitsune, who was in the monster's hand. It roared at her and she pursed her lips, then puckered up. The kiss wasn't seen, but it was heard and the goofball was dropped onto the ground.

"Oh," she gagged. "That was so nasty."

The scene abruptly flashed back to DJ, dripping wet as he pulled herself back onto the deck of the pirate ship set. He immediately noticed something off-screen, and the shot cut to Chris crying.

"Uhh, are you ok?" the brickhouse asked skeptically as she approached.

Chris sniffed and glared at him, the camera pulling back to show him chopping onions. "Yes," he replied. "Stupid Chef's doing my job, so I'm doing his stupid job."

"Are you two fighting?" DJ asked curiously.

"None of your beeswax!" Chris yelled. "Kitsune has a huge lead and you've got an air cannon to pump," the camera quick-panned over to the cannon in question. "Go!"

"Who was left," Chef asked as the camera flashed to a shot of the fake mountain before cutting to him and Kitsune at the base of it, "on the editing floor after the 'make a movie' challenge. And follow up, who was she crushing on?"

"Amy?" Kitsune asked incredulously. "That little witch isn't capable of liking anybody!"

Chef made a buzzer sound. "No dice, dude." He turned to the side and asked "Can I stop with this 'dude' stuff already?"

"So I have to haul the movie gear up the hill again?" Kitsune asked.

"Nope," Chef said darkly. "This time, you have to haul the hill up the hill." He handed her a shovel. So get to it!" She groaned, but took the shovel.

The scene cut back to DJ, now loaded into the cannon and wearing the same style of helmet and goggles Kitsune had earlier. "Okay Chris," he told the host, "fire away! I gotta catch up!"

Chris wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "Darn these salty trade winds..." he said with a quavering voice.

DJ pursed his lips. "Is it the onions again?"

"Chef's leaving the show!" the host cried.

"Makes sense. Chef's job ain't exactly easy, I should know. It'd probably be better if he got any kind of appreciation."

Chris wiped a tear away from his eye. "Y-y-you r-r-really think so?" he asked.

DJ shrugged. "Well, it probably couldn't hurt to give him a raise, either."

Chris wiped his eyes on his sleeve again. He smiled, then pressed the button on the remote.

DJ was fired from the cannon with a surprised yell. The camera lingered on Chris as he watched him, sniffing and raising his hand to shield his eyes. "I guess I should go check on the big guy..." he said to himself, his voice still quavering.

"Follow up question," Chef said as the camera cut to the water tower from '3:10 to Loserville'. "What student government position did Noah win before making his audition tape?" The shot panned down to Chef and Kitsune.

"Student Body President," the goofball answered with a smirk.

"That's correct!" Chef said. "You get to skip the next challenge."

"Out of curiosity," Kitsune said, "what would the challenge have been?"

Chef grinned darkly and pointed up. The camera followed to reveal the old horse at the diving platform. "Oh," Kitsune said blankly.

The camera flashed over to DJ as he landed on his stomach and slid a few feet. Chef ran over to him as he got up and dusted himself off. "Your question-" the cook started.

"What question?" DJ asked in confusion.

"I am not readin' all these stupid cue cards again!" Chef yelled, throwing the cards behind him. "Just tell me who was voted off first and why."

"Mike and Zoey?" DJ replied. "There was somethin' goin' around about how they were big threats."

"And what personality did Kitsune cause Mike to change into in front of Zoey last season?"

"Yeah!" DJ snapped his fingers in remembrance. "Kitsune gave him a can of peanut brittle that was full of those little paper snake things. So when he opened the can to share them with Zoey, the snakes went everywhere and he got so frustrated that he changed into Chester."

"You want me to tell you why Sky got into gymnastics?" Kitsune asked as the camera cut to her in the prison yard from 'The Shawnshank Redemption'. "We weren't even on the same team!"

"You were last time," Chef pointed out as he doubled over and tried to catch his breath.

"But we only talked for like ten minutes!"

Chef made the buzzer sound again and the camera panned across the obstacle course.

"Please don't tell me there are dogs this time," Kitsune said with a fearful look and tone.

"Yep," Chef said, "and they can smell blood."

The goofball ran off screaming.

"Noah was on the student government?" DJ asked as the camera cut back to him. "Isn't he a little lazy for that?"

"Apparently not," Chef said as he tried to catch his breath. "But since you can't tell me, you gotta let the horse land on you."

The brickhouse groaned and got on all fours.

"I don't know?" Kitsune said, the camera cutting to her and Chef in front of the studios and standing next to a projector. "Four?"

"Wrong!" Chef said.

"Okay, but I like horror movies," the goofball warned.

"But since you couldn't tell me how many camps Harold's been to, we're playing 'The Miracle of Childbirth'." Chef said as he started the film

Kitsune's eyes widened in shock as the projector started, then the camera cut to a close-up of her face as her cheeks bulged.

"Uhh Chef?" DJ asked back at the prison yard.

"Chill!" The cook yelled as he ran into the frame. "I'm doin' the job of two people! I haven't run this much since basic trainin'! Now who was sent home in the prison movie challenge?"

"Sky," DJ answered plainly.

"And why did she want to be a gymnast?"

"Her older sister inspired her."

"Huh," Chef said, clearly impressed. "So what was it like, votin' out the team captain?"

"Honestly, we only did what we did to avoid votin' her off. If they tied, then it'd be on the tiebreaker as to who wenr home. But I gotta go catch up." DJ jogged of and Chef groaned before jogging off as well.

The camera cut to a blindfolded Kitsune running through an open stretch of the film lot, barely missing explosions as she ran.

"The mines are buried!" She complained to no one. "What the heck is the blindfold for?!"

"All in all, I'd say Harold went to about sixty-four different camps," DJ said. "Which seems like a lot but most of them only lasted a week or two. The really weird thing is that they were all owned by a guy named Steve, and they weren't all the same guy."

The camera panned out to show Chef groaning at his lost time for rest and then cut to Chris watching suspiciously in the back.

The camera flashed through a montage of Kitsune facing off against a bear in the sports challenges. First, she had to score a basketball on it, then she was shown playing badminton against it, after that she was shown tiring herself out boxing with it before receiving a punch that knocked her off-screen, and finally, she was shown running away from it as it tried to rat-tail her.

"So there's this zombie movie marathon," DJ was explaining as the camera cut to him, "and since he can't sleep he figures he should watch it. Well apparently, there's a reason most people don't let seven year olds watch movies like that. Dude got freaked and's been terrified of zombies ever since."

Chef wheezed. "Correct!"

"What kind of host are you?!" Chris yelled as he walked into the frame. "Do you even know where Kitsune is right now?"

"Uh..." Chef said.

"As host, it's your job to keep track of all the contestants," Chris admonished. "Not just your favorite."

"I'm your favorite?" DJ asked with a smile. "Thanks Chef. By the way, how big is Kitsune's lead?"

"She's only got one challenge on you," Chris answered. "But that could easily change if you stay around here." DJ got the message and ran off. Chris turned to Chef and said, "How about we put this on hold for now? I'll follow DJ and you follow Kitsune."

"Fine," the cook said as he headed off. "But not 'cause I need any help."

"Victor Octavius Lawson IV," DJ said in the bank set from 'Ocean's Eight, or Nine'. The camera cut to Chris nodding happily.

"She's actually not lactose intolerant," the brickhouse answered next to the boxing ring. "She just has a severe dairy allergy. It mostly messes her up with cheese."

Chris nodded yes.

"I don't care if we were dating," Kitsune said as she carried Chef, wearing a pink dress and tiara, across the rope bridge from 'The Princess Pride'. "Duncan never told me anything about his time in juvie and I never asked." She stumbled a little and Chef glared at her.

"Drop me and you're dead meat," he warned.

"I don't know where you got that from," DJ told Chris as the two stood next to the power lines from 'Super Zeroes'. "Sammy was the first one to try out for the cheerleading team. Amy only did it because she was scared Sammy might get more popular than her.

The camera cut to Kitsune staring down the Vomit Comet in shock.

"There was this one kid who whistled a lot," DJ said. "Duncan was terrified of him."

Chris and DJ shared a high-five.

The camera flashed to a bird's eye view of the Vomit Comet in action before cutting to the viewing window, where Kitsune was trying to keep from puking.

"His older brother's named Jose," DJ said.

Chris dramatically got out of his way and he ran off.

The G-Force trainer had stopped. Kitsune was shaking slightly with bulged cheeks next to Chef, then vomited.

The cook looked down at his feet and groaned.

The footage skipped ahead to show Chef cleaning his shoes as Chris and DJ finally showed up. "Where's Kitsune?" Chris asked. Chef pointed a thumb to his right and the host followed.

"Space Movie Question victim question is-" Chef started without looking at DJ.

"It was Sugar," the brickhouse answered.

"I don't care enough for the follow-up so you can go on," Chef said.

DJ started to leave, but stopped. "You know," he told the cook. "Chris is really gonna miss you once you're gone."

"Really?" Chef said hopefully. "He said that?"

"Well actually he didn't," DJ admitted. "But with him that's how you know it's the truth." He headed off to meet up with Chris and the camera lingered on Chef's touched expression.

"Ooh, look at this suspenseful outcome," Chris said as the camera cut to him, Kitsune, and DJ standing next to an office set's door. "The next question could decide who climbs the golden ladder to Glorytown, and who slides down the stinky chute to Loserville."

DJ and Kitsune shot each other a wary look.

"Who was voted out during the animal buddy challenge?"

"Heather," the two finalists answered at once.

XXX

"Well, I just lost a million bucks," Kitsune complained in the confessional. "I mean, I barely knew any of the questions about the others and I actually liked them."

XXX

"There goes my advantage," DJ confessed. "Did anyone like Heather enough to talk to her for more than a few minutes?"

XXX

"What is Heather's biggest fear?" Chris asked.

The two finalists looked at each other and shrugged.

"Oh? Neither of you know?" Chris asked impishly. "I guess that means you both have to do the last challenge."

"Great," Kitsune complained. "I have to deal with that stupid parrot again."

"I actually liked that challenge," DJ said.

"Right," Chris said even more impishly than before. "That challenge was seriously boring. So for the last challenge, I brought back the shakingest, the quakingest, the bone mashingnest face smashingnest challenge of all!"

The camera panned out to show the scared looks of the finalists.

"The Disaster Movie Earthquake Challenge!" DJ and Kitsune's eyes grew in shock.

The camera flashed to the obstacle course from 'Masters of Disasters' and panned across it. DJ and Kitsune sat at the end while Chris sat in his golf-cart turret not far from them.

"Remember how you broke your foot on this thing Kitsune?" Chris asked.

"I hate you so much," she muttered under her breath.

"Contestants ready?" The host asked, ignoring the comment. "Good luck suckas! Heheheh."

"I hope I don't break anything again," Kitsune said to herself.

"At least it's finally over after this," DJ told her.

"ACTION!" Chris said as he started the course's earthquake feature.

The two finalists ran through the course as Chris gleefully pelted them with golfballs. Once he ran out of those, he shot at them with tools and cinderblocks.

DJ and Kitsune managed to dodge everything Chris threw at them though, and Chris growled before the camera cut to him using a large slingshot to launch a toilet at them.

"Look out!" Kitsune yelled as she pulled DJ away from the path of the plumbing. "Don't even think about thanking me," she said as he opened his mouth.

"Got it," he said and the two started off once more, narrowly avoiding a kitchen sink.

The camera cut back to Chris as Chef drove an old safe over to him. "It made me think of you," Chef said.

"Really?" Chris asked.

"Want a hand?"

The footage skipped ahead to the two men readying the safe in the slingshot. The way you torture those kids," Chris said sincerely, "you're a natural! Knockin' 'em down, bruisin' 'em up, breakin' their spirits! Nobody does it quite like you pal."

Chef raised an eyebrow and glanced at the host, hope filling his expression. "You really mean that?"

"If you really wanna leave the show, it's cool. Good luck."

Chef was silent for a moment. "...Nah, I couldn't leave you all alone like that," he finally said, donning a playful smile. "You'd be terrible on your own! You're not that good."

"So...you'll stay?" Chris asked.

"After I get a raise!" Chef answered. "And a vacation."

"Deal!" the host said.

"Then let's finish these suckas off!" Chef said, and the two launched the safe.

The camera cut to Kitsune making her way across the monkey bars, following the safe with her eyes and wincing at the sound of impact. "DJ!"

The shot focused on the brickhouse as he groaned in pain. The safe had landed on his back and was slowly dragging him into a fissure in the course.

Kitsune jumped off the monkey bars and ran over to her fellow finalist. She tried to pull him out of the fissure, but was having no luck.

"Forget it," he told her. "You can still win this thing."

The goofball spared a glance at the zipline to the finish line, shrugged, and walked off. The weight of the safe finally dragged DJ into the fissure and he fell with a scream... that was cut off as Kitsune reached a hand in to catch him.

"But," he said in confusion. "Why?"

"I don't know," she answered playfully. "Maybe I'm an idiot. Now come on, we've got a million dollars to fight for."

"There's an idea," Chris mused to himself as the shot cut to him and Chef.

The camera flashed to DJ and Kitsune at the start of the zipline.

"You ready?" Kitsune asked.

"Ready," DJ replied and the two started down the zipline. They landed on a mattress not far from the finish line, a set of double doors with two red arrows pointing to it and spared each other a glance.

The camera cut to the nervous anticipation of the finalists' parents in the Aftermath studio before cutting back to the monitor. DJ pulled ahead of Kitsune, then Kitsune pulled ahead of DJ, and the process repeated.

"And the winner of Total Drama Action is..." Gwen announced.

The camera cut to the backstage entrance, where Kitsune burst through the doors and doubled over... a moment after DJ had.

"DJ!" The audience cheered and the brickhouse in question just stared ahead in disbelief.

"I won?" He asked blankly.

"You won!" Sammy cheered, running up to her boyfriend and giving him a bone-crushing hug. The rest of his supporters joined them not long after.

"And we have a special guest to present you with the money," Trent said as he walked over to the couple. His supporters parted and the camera focused on the his mother, who had the million dollar briefcase.

"Mama!" DJ cried, rushing over to the woman and hugging her.

"I'm so proud of you Devon Joseph," she said as she hugged him back.

The camera cut to Kitsune, who was sitting on the couch vacated by DJ's supporters. "I was so close," she said to no one.

"Look on the bright side," Duncan said as he sat next to her. "You got that settlement money now."

She smiled softly. "Thanks. Hey listen-"

"Please take me back," he interrupted, handing her a small bouquet of flowers.

"Huh?" She asked blankly.

"Look, I know I messed up. A lot. But I'm miserable without you Foxy. Because, I love you, and knowing that I can't be with you is-" He was interrupted by Kitsune kissing him on the lips.

"Of course I'll take you back you idiot. Al's got nothing on you."

"And thank you for cutting me off before I had to finish that sappy speech."

"Oh no," she said with a low chuckle. "You're finishing that later, now I want you to meet my parents." the two got off the couch and walked off.

"And so it ends," Chris said as the camera cut to him and Chef at the finish line DJ had crossed earlier. "Thanks! From me," he put his hands on his chest, "your beloved and humble host, Chris McLean. And from our winner," he gestured to the side with his thumb, "DJ. It's been a great season," he spread his arms wide as the audience began to cheer even louder and the shot moved back in steps to show the brickhouse's celebration, "of Total! Drama!"

"Action!" The host, Peanut Gallery, Aftermath hosts, Final Two, their parents, and Chef said all at once.

[That was a nice way to wrap everything up.]

[Now here's what could have happened.]

The camera flashed to DJ and Kitsune at the start of the zipline.

"You ready?" Kitsune asked.

"And the winner of Total Drama Action is..." Gwen announced.

The camera cut to the backstage entrance, where Kitsune burst through the doors and doubled over a moment before DJ did.

"Kitsune!" The audience cheered and the goofball in question gave the camera a face-splitting smile.

"I won!" She cheered. "I won! I won!" Her supporters crowded around her, but Duncan ran off for some reason

"And we have a special guest to present you with the money," Trent said as he walked over to the goofball. Her supporters parted and the camera focused on the her parents, who had the million dollar briefcase.

"Mom!" Kitsune cried, rushing over to the woman and hugging her. "Dad!"

"We're so proud of you," Selena told her step-daughter. "But it's my understanding you have a choice to make," she said pointing to Alejandro.

The camera cut to the charmer, who was sitting on the couch vacated by her supporters, then back to the family. "I'll make it later mom," she promised. "But right now I wanna celebrate with all my Total Drama friends." The audience and Peanut Gallery cheered again, excluding Heather, Sugar, and Amy, who were all too spiteful, and Duncan, who wasn't there.

"How are you feeling?" Sammy asked DJ as the camera cut to them.

He pursed his lips. "Dissapointed mostly," he answered honestly. "I was so close, ya know?"

"Trust me I know," she replied with a smile.

"Pardon me." Victor said, gaining their attention.

"What's goin' on?" DJ asked.

"In order to make up for what I would have been forced to do had you not won immunity in the Final Four, I'd like to gift you a monetary settlement," the gentleman explained.

"That's not really necessary," DJ told him.

"Nonesense," Victor waved him off. "And if it bothers you, consider this. Kitsue was to receive a settlement had she not won the competition. Why should you not?"

The brickhouse smiled. "All right, but no more than the twenty-five she was gonna get."

"You have my word," the two shook on it.

"Now I gotta go talk to my mama," DJ announced as he walked off. "I haven't seen her in over a month."

"And so it ends," Chris said as the camera cut to him and Chef at the finish line Kitsune had crossed earlier. "Thanks! From me," he put his hands on his chest, "your beloved and humble host, Chris McLean. And from our winner," he gestured to the side with his thumb, "Kitsune. It's been a great season," he spread his arms wide as the audience began to cheer even louder and the shot moved back in steps to show the goofball's celebration, "of Total! Drama!"

"Action!" The host, Peanut Gallery, Aftermath hosts, Final Two, their parents, and Chef said all at once.

Author's Note Post Script: And it is finally over. I hope you enjoyed this season as much as I enjoyed writing it. The challenge was both harder and easier than I thought it'd be to write, and even though it was probably really easy to give it away thank you all for voting for your favorite.

So as I'm sure you know, DJ is the official winner of Random Drama Action. It was a close call, and there was a lot of support for our fox-loving goofball. But in the end, DJ had the votes.

Kitsune's ending: Believe it or not, both endings leave the Duncsune plot open. But I figured she'd be more willing to celebrate with her parents if she won. Also, Duncan left to get the flowers in both endings, but for some reason couldn't make it to her before the end of the episode in hers.

And the another reason I brought their parents into the Aftermath was the nice little bit where they hand their child the million.

Be on the lookout for the Celebrity Manhunt Special, dropping Sunday, March 18th.

As always there's probably more that I'm forgetting right now and will answer in reviews. I'm looking forward to see your reviews for the finale.

And speaking of reviews...

Derick Lindsey: Sorry to disappoint you with the lack of Final Three. Like I said, it was the plan early on, but I could never get a claer concept of what I wanted out of it. And it's gotta work in my head before I try and write it down, or type it out as it may. I really am letting the readers decide, as you just read.

TheOneAndOnlyNumber1: I'll be honest, I never intended for there to be so much focus on her. I think it's more of a matter of her having more plot than he did. But thank you for your thoughts, they'll help me try and keep things a little more even next time.

With that I'm signing off

-TotalDramaFan14

RDA ELIMINATION TABLE:

16th Place: Mike/Zoey

15th Place: Zoey/Mike

14th Place: Amy

13th Place: Noah

12th Place: Sky

11th Place: Harold

10th Place: Shawn

Eliminated: Victor

9th Place: Leshawna

8th Place: Sammy

7th Place: Duncan

6th Place: Alejandro

5th Place: Sugar

4th Place: Heather

3rd Place: Victor

2nd Place: Kitsune (ALTERNATE WINNER)

1st Place: DJ (ALTERNATE RUNNER-UP)