Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge. - Paul Gauguin
~lalaLAlala~
"So, you're going to be dating my brother," Jane said happily.
"And having Jesse for a model finally cured you of that crush," Daria countered with a smirk. "I am not going to let you forget that."
"That's fine," Jane agreed with a dismissively accepting wave. "After all, I have all those lovely sketches that 'appreciate' the way that boy looks. I'm not about to forget anyway."
"The whole thing doesn't gross you out?" Daria asked.
Jane shook her head. "Nope. While you and Trent spend the time between now and your eighteenth getting used to the idea that you're interested in each other and don't have to hide it, I'll have that same amount of time to get used to you two actually being a couple. It's not going to be a sudden, shocking thing."
Daria nodded in acceptance. "So, it's cool then."
"It's very cool," Jane corrected. "And thanks for talking to Trent after his last break up with Monique. Really. The rest of us are too desensitised to the whole drama to be supportive the way he needed us to be."
Daria shrugged, and offered no other words.
"Hey, Lawndale High, are you ready to par-tay cray-zay?" a voice called out over an amplifier, interrupting their comfortable silence.
"What the hell is that?" Jane asked, even as all the other students around them started running for the source.
"If that's an ice cream truck, that better be some damn good ice cream," Daria answered.
"I'm Bing!"
"And I'm the Spatula Man! And we're Mental in the Morning!"
"Because you gotta be crazy to make it through high school!"
A number of the student populace cheered.
Daria, all the way out the side, didn't. Rather, she gave a quiet exclamation of "Good grief."
"It's lame DJ's, Charlie Brown," Jane quipped.
"Escape while we still can?" Daria suggested.
"I'm on your six," Jane agreed.
"The most depressing thing about that," Daria said as they walked away, "is that those are the people responsible for choosing what music gets played on the radio."
Jane winced. "Um... set up your own station out of your art house?" she suggested.
~lalaLAlala~
The Morgendorffer evening meal, dubbed by Jake 'Taco Tuesday', was interrupted when Jake started to go red in the face, sweat profusely, and declared he couldn't feel his left arm before he wheezed, sank a bit in his seat, and fell face-first into the bowl of guacamole.
He was promptly rushed to the hospital.
"We'll have to wait for the test results," the doctor told them, "but so far it looks like a very mild heart-attack."
"Oh no," Helen said, fearful for her husband.
"A heart-attack?!" Quinn wailed, and started crying into her hands.
"A very mild heart-attack," the doctor repeated firmly.
"Was there much damage?" Daria asked, forcing herself to be calm about the matter. Helen wasn't being her usual I-will-have-answers-and-I-will-have-them-NOW self, and Quinn was, as previously noted, crying. Someone had to be the sensible one.
"I don't think so," the doctor answered calmly. "If he adopts the right diet, exercise and attitude, he should be fine. I hope you don't mind the question, but... is there anything in your father's home-life that might be causing him... stress?"
"Every bill that comes in the mail, and anything that triggers memories of his childhood," Daria answered plainly. "To name only the most regular causes. He's burst blood vessels before."
When Quinn finally stopped crying, she ducked passed Helen and wrapped her arms tightly around Daria.
"Thank you for making me maintain a straight B average, and helping me do it," she said. "I'm going to study even harder from now on, and go to medical school when I graduate from high school."
"Quinn? Daria?" Helen asked, surprised by what she was seeing and hearing.
"I'm going to be a heart doctor," Quinn announced, still holding tight to Daria. "If something had happened to Daddy..."
"But he's going to be alright," Daria stated. "The doctor said so, and Quinn? You do know that some of the models and posters in my room are -"
"Yes," Quinn said quickly. "I know. Being a doctor is also icky, but it's important work, and..."
Daria awkwardly patted her little sister on the shoulder.
"Well, if you're really interested, then this pamphlet will lead you to a few books that are good starting points," the doctor said, and handed over a folded piece of standard printer paper that was full of information, but lacked any colour at all. "Those books all talk about things people need to be aware of after they've had a heart-attack, as well as signs and the preventative measures that current scientific knowledge recommends."
"Thank you," Quinn said softly, and accepted the sheet solemnly.
~lalaLAlala~
"Heart-attack? Jake?" Jane clarified.
"Yeah, and my grandmother, Ruth, will be staying with us while he recovers," Daria explained unhappily.
"Is this the grandmother who said she'd give you a hundred bucks to change your hair?" Jane asked.
"Both my grandmothers said that," Daria answered.
Then, completely inappropriate to their very serious discussion, Bing and Spatula Man way-laid them.
"Spatula Man, I see a couple of young ladies here who I bet know how to par-tay!" the rainbow-wig-wearing Bing said.
"We really should start driving between classes," Daria said to Jane softly.
"With your car, we actually probably could fit in the hallways," Jane offered.
"Girls, we've got a treasure chest full of zeeeeeee ninety-three produce here, and all you have to do for the key is tell us, on the air, where you love to get Mental in the Morning!" said the balding, somewhat over-weight Spatula Man.
"Note to self," Jane spoke up, letting her friend keep her silence, since it was not a good week already. "Stop by courthouse on way home, and pick up restraining order."
"Well... no problem-o," Spatula man decided. "We'll just find some other mental morning party people."
With that, Daria and Jane were permitted to pass unmolested and continue on to their next class.
"Thanks," Daria said shortly.
"You just bottle it up until the end of the week," Jane advised. "Then really rip into them. So... Quinn's serious about going to med school?"
"It's a way off yet," Daria said. "But she is really hitting the books, and not just figuring out how to co-ordinate an outfit with a stethoscope."
"Wow."
"I know."
"... You're really proud of her right now, aren't you?"
"Yes. So proud that I'm openly admitting to being proud of her, even."
"Wow. And when does Ruth get here?"
"This afternoon," Daria grumbled. "And she'll bring all of her old-fashioned values with her."
"How old-fashioned are we talking here?"
"Women shouldn't work, they should be full-time home-makers," Daria answered.
"Ooh, yeouch. You've still got your key to the back door though, right?"
"Yeah, but with the recent heart-attack, it might not go over too well for me to be out of the house even as much as I usually am," Daria said. "Especially with Ruth there, much as I dislike the woman."
~lalaLAlala~
"Still haven't settled on a decorator I see," Ruth said as she stepped through their front door. The criticism would be starting early, it seemed.
"Actually, if you recall Ruth, I decided to do the decorating myself," Helen countered.
"Oh, marvellous! I look forward to seeing it, once you get started," Ruth answered.
"As a matter of fact, it's already -" Helen tried again.
But Ruth turned to Daria and Quinn, cutting off Helen's reply. "And how are my little granddaughters? Daria, you look... you haven't changed a bit," Ruth said, unable to come up with anything else.
"Actually, I'm fairly sure I'm taller than the last time you saw me," Daria answered. How pathetic that her grandmother couldn't even say "look how you've grown" when they hadn't seen each other for years.
"And how's my beautiful little Quinn?" Ruth asked, moving on to give Quinn a hug.
A hug that Quinn returned because she had to, rather than because she had any great love for the woman.
"Studying hard," Quinn answered happily when they separated. "So that I'll be able to go to med school and become a doctor after high school."
"Quinn, girls as pretty as you don't need to become doctors," Ruth scolded.
"I've got to be something," Quinn answered, "and medicine is a very valid profession."
"Mom? Is that you?" Jake yelled out.
"Jakey! You shouldn't be yelling," Ruth called back, her voice softer. "Didn't you give him a bell?" she demanded of Helen.
"We- we were just about to, of course!" Helen answered quickly.
"Really," Ruth said as she marched off to see her son. Clearly, she didn't believe a word of it.
For some reason, when faced with her mother-in-law, Helen's ability to lie went completely out the window.
"Well, Grandma Ruth's here, we've exchanged greetings, I'm getting the hell out," Daria said. "I'll be at Casa Lane if I'm needed for anything."
"Be back for dinner," Helen instructed with a sigh. "We'll all hear it from Ruth if you're not."
"Got it," Daria agreed.
~lalaLAlala~
Daria parked her Mini in the Lane driveway, and headed around the back.
Trent was sitting in the gazebo with his guitar, and loud noises were coming from within.
"Hey Daria," he greeted.
"Hey," she answered. "Jane up to something?"
"A sculpture," Trent explained. "I think it's meant to be inspired by your dad's heart-attack. How is Jake?"
"According to the doctor, he'll be fine. According to him, he's at death's door," Daria answered, and sat down beside Trent with an exhausted sigh. The whole mess was getting to her – Jake's heart attack, Ruth visiting, and the damn DJs at school on top of it all.
"Hey," Trent said gently, and pulled her closer to him. "It'll work out. We've all got to confront the human condition and mortality some time."
Daria gratefully snuggled into his side. "Speaking from experience?" she asked softly.
"Tommy Sherman," Trent reminded her. "Former classmate."
"Oh yeah," Daria recalled softly. "Sorry."
Trent shrugged off the apology. "It's no big deal," he told her. "Death happens to everyone eventually, and it hasn't happened to your dad yet."
"Thanks Trent. I needed that."
Trent smiled down at her. "Glad to oblige. Um... by the way, the Spiral's got a gig in Freemont in a couple weeks. Want to come?"
"I'm your support act," Daria pointed out. "Freemont might be even deader than Lawndale, but I'll be there. Just give me a date so I can let the parents know."
"Cool."
~lalaLAlala~
Friday eventually rolled around, and the DJ's once again targeted Daria as she passed their van on her way to class.
"You've been avoiding us all week long! Why not come up here, and tell us why zeeee ninety-three makes you Mental in the Morning!" Spatula summoned.
"Freeeeeee t-shirt!" Bing added.
"It's two sizes to large, and tissue thin," Jane noted from across the crowd. "How can you resist?" she asked sarcastically.
"You know what, I just can't," Daria answered her friend, and walked over to the stage, much to Jane's surprise.
Daria was surprised when the crowd around the van the DJs were broadcasting from actually cheered when she took the stage and accepted the microphone.
"A few days ago, my father had a heart-attack," Daria started, and took peripheral satisfaction in the suddenly guilty expressions being worn by the two annoying DJs. "Forcing me to admit his mortality to myself for the first time. Accepting this grim new knowledge has been especially difficult, as I have been under constant, yammering assault by two utterly brainless and talentless so-called radio personalities. And so for these reasons, I, Daria Morgendorffer, am Mental in the Morning," she stated calmly.
The crowd of students was silent, shocked, and one girl even raised a hand to her mouth in that "oh my gosh, I can't believe we all blew it that bad" gesture.
The van was quick to pack up after that.
"Well done," Jane said when Daria stepped down. "Feel better?"
"Thank you, and yes, but there's one more thing I have to do. It's going to have to wait until I get home though."
~lalaLAlala~
"Quinn, if you don't take your nose out of that book from time to time, you're going to get wrinkles," Ruth was saying when Daria entered the kitchen. She was last home. She'd stayed at school and gotten her homework done in the library before returning.
"Reading doesn't give you wrinkles," Quinn answered. "Or Daria would be covered in them by now."
"Wouldn't it be easier just to marry a nice doctor?" Ruth suggested, a tiny bit desperately. "Then you could stay home with your children, and have dinner on the table for your husband every night."
"Just what are you getting at, Ruth?" Helen asked, having caught the dirty look sent her way at the end of that little endorsement.
"She wants you both to model your lives after hers, and who could blame her?" Daria said, joining in the conversation. "After all, just yesterday she was telling Dad how she made all the right decisions in her life. Right, Grandma?"
"I- well, uh... I need to check on the laundry," Ruth decided, and excused herself.
"You both owe me," Daria informed her mother and Quinn when Ruth was out of ear-shot.
"How does she do that?" Helen asked Quinn.
"You got me."
Daria smiled to herself, having heard that, and then headed up to see her dad, newspaper under one arm – and Jane's 'get well soon' gift held in the other.
"How're you feeling?" she asked.
"Oh, better I guess," Jake answered calmly. He'd been reading a book on healthy heart habits. "It's just a little difficult when your first major organ decides to betray you."
"Just be thankful your pancreas is still on your side," Daria advised.
Jake smiled a bit at that, and set his book aside. "Daria, how am I doing, as a dad?"
"Well, better than yours, going by your stories of him," Daria answered. "Here, I already did the hard ones in the crossword."
Jake smiled widely at that. "Thanks, Kiddo."