Elphaba clung gratefully onto Glinda's hand, her other arm gripping the Grimmerie, and she continued up, up, up the stairs; overwhelmed with the irrepressible feeling that the only way out was up.
26.
Fuelled by anger, hurt, hatred, bitter disappointment and other emotions which were no longer distinguishable from one another, Elphaba finally reached the top of the staircase and found herself greeted tauntingly by the feel of cold air. Outside? How could she be outside? Elphaba glanced wildly around, and her heart dropped as she realised that there was nowhere left to run: the staircase had brought them to the top of a tower, from which there was no escape but into the increasingly darkening sky.
She looked at Glinda. Her girlfriend had slipped off her shoes for to run better, and was holding them in the hand that was not clutching Elphaba's. Her face was flushed pink with the effort of the unexpected exercise.
As blue eyes looked helplessly at her, Elphaba moved Glinda impatiently out of the way- helplessness was not beneficial to her at present- before hurrying to the door and closing it behind them. There was a key in the lock which she turned, but the entrance still did not feel nearly secure enough. She glanced urgently around, before catching sight of a broomstick which stood innocuously beside the door- forgotten, perhaps, by one of the Palace's cleaners. Elphaba grabbed it and slung it across the lock, barricading them in.
"Elphie, what are you doing?" asked Glinda's hysterical voice, even before Elphaba had completed her task, "Shutting us in here is not going to do anything. In case you haven't noticed, there's nowhere else to run to! You can't be proposing that we stay up here indefinitely; they'll break the door down! And what in Lurline's name were you thinking, magic spelling the Wizard and Morrible like that?"
"And what else would you have had me do?" Elphaba demanded, wheeling around to face her, "Allowed Morrible to magically force me to work with them?"
Glinda pursed her lips and looked away, and the sick answer dawned on Elphaba quickly and horribly.
"You would have had me go willingly, wouldn't you?" she asked incredulously.
"Well, what else was there to do?" Glinda snapped, turning quickly to look back at Elphaba, "It was either that or be spelled into working for the Wizard! At least with the first option, I'd have known you were safe, Elphaba!"
Anger riled through Elphaba more greatly with each word Glinda spoke. She had thought her girlfriend had come some way towards understanding why she cared so much about this cause, but it was now sadly apparent that Glinda understood nothing.
"You call working with those two safe, Glinda? The Wizard is behind everything I came here to try and put an end to!" she reminded the blonde fiercely, "I refuse to be used as a pawn by Morrible, and I refuse to be used as a means to the Wizard's immoral and selfish ends! If you're honestly telling me that in my position you would have given in to that superficial offer of acclaim, then you're a damn sight less of a woman than I thought you were."
The way in which Glinda's cheeks flushed pink at these words told Elphaba everything she needed to know, and she shook her head at her girlfriend in disgust. She had just opened her mouth in order to tell Glinda that she could take herself back down the stairs to the Wizard if that was truly the side that she was choosing; when Madame Morrible's shrieking, magically vociferated voice suddenly boomed out of nowhere:
Guards! Capture her! Wicked Witch!
The voice reverberated to every corner of the room. Glinda began shaking uncontrollably as it faded, and even the broomstick barricading the door seemed to tremble. Elphaba, however, found herself distinctly unconsumed by fear. There were times which should be responded to fearfully, but this was not one of them. Now was the time to be productive; and Elphaba found all of her other emotions overtaken by a sense of recklessness; the urge to do the impossible. She had to get away: away from here, away from the Palace, the Emerald City, Shiz… away from everyone who had ever hurt her or had tried to impose their limitations on her. But she was at a dead end: there were no other doors save for the one they had just come through, and that would lead her right back down to the Wizard…
"Elphie, listen to me!" Glinda pleaded suddenly. She had moved to Elphaba's side and her anger appeared to have rapidly disappeared at the sound of Morrible's voice, "I know how important this cause is to you. I wouldn't really have you work for the Wizard. That's maybe what I would do, but only because I'm so much less brave than you. Elphie, I'm sorry."
Glinda's eyes had moistened and she was trembling violently. Her own anger dissolving for to be replaced by an instinctive, consuming desire to protect her girlfriend, Elphaba put an arm around Glinda and pulled her to her chest. The blonde woman buried her head gratefully into her dress.
"Don't worry, my sweet," Elphaba said soothingly, "Don't worry."
She held onto Glinda as she considered her options. Elphaba did not have the smallest intention of going back down those stairs; there had to be another path she could take from here. But the tower was so high that if she leapt off the side, she would surely fall to her death. But what other path was there?
"Elphie?" Glinda's muffled voice asked from her bosom, "It's going to be okay, isn't it? You've got your magic- you can get out of here."
Glinda needed reassurance, but Elphaba couldn't help wishing she would be quiet. She was trying to think. She had the feeling that she was missing something decidedly obvious here; but what?
Then just like that, Glinda's words repeated themselves in her mind and Elphaba had to fight the urge to smack herself in the head. Of course; she was a sorceress! And she had the Grimmerie! She didn't have to go down: she could go up!
Without a further moment's hesitation, Elphaba pushed Glinda from her chest and dropped to her knees. Opening the stolen Grimmerie, she rifled eagerly through it until she happened upon what she was looking for: a flying spell. Her expression darkened for a moment as she read swiftly through it, wondering what evils the Wizard might have had her use spells such as this one for, given the chance.
It had gotten to the stage now where Elphaba had nothing to lose, however, and so she recited the spell hurriedly, fluidly. As she did so, she felt an unpleasant and inexplicable dizzy sensation impose itself upon her. She couldn't for the life of her figure out what it meant- it had never happened before- but she ignored the uncomfortable light-headedness and continued chanting, regardless.
When she had reached the end of the spell, Elphaba slammed her hands defeatedly onto the pages of the book. Nothing had happened, save for the dizzy sensation to have increased up to the point that she felt her head might split open. Why hadn't anything happened? She could do magic; she had Oz's most powerful spell book in front of her. Was she simply not practiced enough at this particular spell? Was she not a powerful enough sorceress to command usage of the Grimmerie?
But then she heard Glinda gasp and looked up quickly. The first thing she noticed was the green light- she had done something, then. And then Elphaba saw it- the broomstick she had used to barricade the door. It was hovering casually in mid-air as though built solely for this purpose- her escape. Elphaba gave a soft laugh and climbed to her feet. She walked over to the broomstick and ran her hands over it delightedly, knowing instinctively that this unlikely object was her route away from this tower.
A loud and sudden bang outside the door distracted Elphaba from her discovery and she glanced quickly at the door- which was still intact, despite the absence of the broomstick, thank goodness- and then turned to Glinda.
The blonde hadn't moved since Elphaba had begun casting the spell. She stood stock still, staring at the broomstick, looking more terrified than Elphaba had ever seen her. As Elphaba watched her, Glinda suddenly looked up, her eyes big, blue and glistening.
"El-Elphie," she stammered, "Elphaba- I d-don't… I'm so sorry… I don't think I can-"
She broke off, unable to finish, but it didn't matter. Elphaba understood what she meant: Glinda wasn't coming with her.
"No, Glinda," Elphaba told her firmly, "Don't be sorry. They don't want to capture you- you'll be safe." Leaving the broomstick hovering, she went to Glinda. "Now listen to me, my sweet," she told her girlfriend softly, taking her teary face in both hands, "After I'm gone, you need to go back downstairs and tell Madame Morrible that you tried to bring me back, but that I'd disappeared before you could catch me. Show her how terrified you were by the whole experience and swear that you'll keep the entire thing a secret. You can even say that I bewitched you into thinking you loved me- she'll believe that of me, I'm sure. Tell her anything you can that'll get you on a train back to Shiz. I'm sure it won't be too difficult. It doesn't take too long a look at you for one to become convinced that you're innocent, Glinda." She cupped Glinda's tear-stained face, "See, you don't even need to try and cry on command- the tears are already here."
Glinda tried to smile. Elphaba pressed her lips briefly to the other woman's and then turned away quickly. There were guards pounding incessantly on the door now, trying to force entry- she didn't have much time.
Just as she was about to swing her leg over the broomstick, however, Elphaba impulsively glanced back at Glinda. The look of abandonment that must have appeared on the blonde's face after Elphaba had turned her back was so intense that the green woman felt her urge to act independently rapidly fade.
She closed her eyes briefly and tried to force upon herself the strength to leave without Glinda. She reminded herself that Glinda would be safe back at Shiz, that she had inflicted enough danger on the other woman already- but it was no good; she just couldn't do it. She felt, irrationally, that she had to be near Glinda to protect her; as though her presence would physically prevent the blonde woman from danger. It was ridiculous, Elphaba knew: she was the cause, in fact, for all the danger Glinda had encountered thus far. And yet, she couldn't suppress the feeling.
"Glinda," she said before she could stop herself, her eyes still closed, "Come with me."
Glinda gave a sharp, audible intake of breath. "W-What? Elphie, I c-can't."
Opening her eyes, Elphaba glanced again at Glinda, then, on impulse, left the broomstick for the second time and went back to Glinda.
When she was close enough, Elphaba took Glinda's hands in her own. Though she had never before pleaded with anyone in her life, she found herself doing so now: "Glinda, please. Please come with me. We could do so much together; just think of it. I don't want to leave you here. I can't leave you."
Blue eyes met Elphaba's brown ones- they had filled with tears again.
"Stay here then, Elphie," Glinda whispered, gripping Elphaba's hands so tightly that her nails dug into the green woman's flesh, "Stay here with me."
"I can't, my sweet, you know I can't." Elphaba could feel tears welling in her own eyes now, but she was not, by any means, going to let them fall. Now, of all times, was not one to show weakness. "I can't let myself be used by the Wizard- I need to keep fighting for this cause. I know you don't understand entirely now, but you will someday, I prom-"
"Don't patronise me, Elphaba!" Glinda interrupted, pulling her hands away abruptly. Her voice had suddenly risen in hysteria and several tears splashed heavily down her cheeks as she spoke, "Don't you dare patronise me! I am not a child, I am your girlfriend, and I am not about to stand by and watch you make a decision that you are going to regret for the rest of your life!"
Elphaba was about to retort angrily that she knew exactly what she was doing and wouldn't regret a thing, when an especially loud thud on the other side of the door was followed by the sound of splintering wood. The door had partially broken away. The guards would have forced their way through it before long- she needed to stop stalling her departure. Moving away from Glinda, Elphaba collected the Grimmerie from where it lay on the floor and tucked it under her arm; then checked the fastening on her satchel to ensure that it was secure.
It was time to go. Elphaba looked for the last time at Glinda who was watching her, silent tears now spilling incessantly down her cheeks. The sight of her girlfriend's tears made Elphaba's stomach tighten, her heart wrench, and she wished more than anything that she could stay and comfort her. There was no time for that, however. She had to leave- now.
"I'm sorry," she said, the words seeming to lack the significance to justify her actions even as she spoke them. Elphaba cupped Glinda's sweet, teary face in her hand and placed her lips on the other woman's for a lingering moment- savouring it, for it would be the last time she kissed her. Her lips stung as they encountered the dampness caused by Glinda's tears which seemed to have spread everywhere now, but Elphaba paid no mind to this.
Glinda didn't react to these words, or even to the kiss; she simply stood there with her gaze lowered, her tears flowing continuously. Elphaba hesitated, then returned to the broom and threw her leg over it.
Glinda let out an irrepressible sob. She had never felt so helpless in her life: the woman she loved more than anyone in Oz was leaving her and nothing she could say or do would prevent it. She knew that there was really no other option for Elphaba, and that she herself was being selfish by wanting her girlfriend to stay. The only course of action save letting Elphaba leave her forever was to go with her. But she couldn't do that; she just couldn't.
"Hold out, if you can," Elphaba murmured to her from the broomstick, "Hold out, my sweet."
Elphaba's words suddenly seemed to trigger something within Glinda and she began to truly consider the course of action she was so afraid of. How could she possibly let those words be the last Elphaba ever spoke to her? Hadn't she sworn to herself and to Elphaba that they would stick together, no matter what? By staying behind now, would she not be abandoning Elphaba when her girlfriend needed her the most?
Elphaba had still not left- she was taking her time. Glinda knew that this was because she didn't really want to leave without her, and was hoping for her to have a rash change of heart. But time was something that was severely limited at present; there was none to be wasted.
As though to clarify this thought: another, louder splintering of wood was followed by cheers of triumph as the door almost broke away from its hinge, and Glinda realised suddenly that it was time to follow her instincts or forever live in regret.
"Elphaba, wait!"
Elphaba turned to her, her feet lifted from the floor, about to kick off from the ground. A sudden, tentative glimmer of hope had appeared on her face. Glinda covered the small distance between the two of them at a run and climbed onto the broomstick behind Elphaba, her hands fastening closely around her girlfriend's waist.
She could hardly speak through her tears; barely coherent as she uttered the words which she knew would change her life forever. "I-I'm coming with you."
"Glinda... Are you sure?"
"Yes!" At that very moment, there was a deafening crash as the door came away from its hinges completely and fell heavily to the floor. Glinda squeezed her eyes shut, sobbing uncontrollably. She buried her face in Elphaba's hair, trying to attain strength from its familiar smell. "Now, let's go! Quickly!"
Guards were running at them. There was no time to hesitate any longer. Glinda gripped on tightly as Elphaba pushed away from the ground and then they were moving unsteadily upwards.
"Elphie!" Glinda gasped, clutching on even tighter as unfamiliar hands clawed at her dress, at her stocking-covered feet- her shoes had been left behind; and even despite everything, Glinda felt a brief pang of grief for them. She wanted to whisk her feet away, but couldn't dare to, fearing a change in her position, even for a second, would be fatal. Elphaba looked down, and Glinda caught a glimpse of the gritty look of determination on the green woman's face before she directed her eyes forward once more, forcing the broomstick to take them faster and higher.
Glinda looked forward too, her fear fluctuating in frequency with every foot they rose. As they flew higher, the guards below them because less of a threat, but the greater their altitude, the less retractable her decision became. She had truly chosen her path, Glinda realised, her heart racing in panic; there was no going back now.