A/N: I'm so sorry it took me this long to update! It's been over three months and I'm deeply ashamed. I was just very busy (exams and other uni stuff) and didn't have much time to write. Aside of that, I just had a hard time writing this chapter. I wanted to get the feeling right, but I couldn't quite get it the way I wanted to. I'm still not sure what I think of it, but at least I'm somewhat satisfied with the way it is now. I hope you are too, and I hope you're still able enjoy it. :) Let me know what you think! The reviews are as always highly appreciated and one of the things that keep me going. Thanks for everything :D

Chapter XXVI

After her appointment with Dr. Huffstodt JJ decided she did not want to return back to home yet. It would be empty anyway, and she did not like to be alone for the moment. So she decided to head to Quantico, visiting Garcia, since the rest of her colleagues were out of the state for a case.

"Hey, Pen!" JJ piped up when she walked through the door. The blonde was working her magic on her keyboard, temporarily distracted by JJ's presence, but her eyes not leaving the screen. When apparently she was finished doing what she was doing, she turned around in her chair, her face molded into a brighter smile than JJ remembered the wobbly woman had.

"Jayje!" She exclaimed, quickly jumping onto her feet to envelope JJ in her arms. "How's my blue-eyed beauty doing?"

JJ grinned, knowing from Garcia's face that she was putting up a smiley face to mask her worry, but she was willing to play along as long as Garcia wanted her to.

"I'm actually pretty good," JJ answered, not entirely truthfully, but something within JJ held back from voicing the anxiety and the worry she had felt barely thirty minutes ago. She would not even know what the technical analyst could do about it anyway, so she decided against telling her about her problems. She wanted to talk about the few things that did make her smile instead of the ones that faded every trace of one from her face.

"Tell me." Garcia half-whispered, making JJ think she was in a conspiracy of some sorts, but without anyone informing her what the conspiracy was exactly about. She knitted her eyebrows in confusion.

"What?" She asked, beginning to get more confused by the face Garcia was making. A face that fell somewhere between a grin and sheer excitement.

"About the date!' Garcia squealed, as if it had been the most obvious thing she could ever think of. JJ could not help but look with a questioning face at the excited blonde, raising an eyebrow. "Emily couldn't wipe her grin from her face, so.."

"You used your skills to get it out of her." JJ finished her sentence for her, knowing exactly how persuasive Garcia could be when it came to private matters.

"She told me to ask you about it." Garcia explained, looking somewhat frustrated at the brush-off. "You know how our sexy brunette is on private business."

JJ chuckled. "Or she just didn't want to deny me the honor of telling you all about it." She pointed out. "Either way, I guess you want me to tell you about it?" JJ teased, not giving away anything about their date just yet. She sat down on the vacant seat next to Garcia, giving her feet some rest from lifting the extra weight she had gained over the last month due to the pregnancy.

"Is the sky blue?" Garcia asked rhetorically. "I wanna know every dirty detail." Earning another chuckle from the petit woman.

"I can tell you up front that I won't tell you about the dirty ones." JJ stated, a fairly broad smirk decorating her face, earning a pout from the other blonde. "But I'll tell you some details."

"Then tell me about the date." She settled, feigning disappointment, but sitting up straight and fixing her eyes on JJ, eager to get all the information she could get.

"It was the best night I've had in a very long time." JJ replied cryptically.

"Did she take you to that new Italian restaurant about a mile from here?" Garcia questioned, moving to the edge of her seat. "That Chinese one she always swears by?"

JJ shook her head dismissively, a smile pulling at her lips. "Pizza Hut."

Garcia's mouth fell open, confusion spreading over her face. She squinted her eyes as if trying to assess if JJ was kidding. "You're not joking?"

"No." JJ countered, smiling broadly this time. "And it was exactly what I needed." When Garcia kept quiet, JJ continued: "I don't feel sexy right now, and I don't feel in the mood to wear tight night dresses and be all too romantic. Emily makes me feel loved. Like I'm the only person in the whole room that makes her feel the things that she feels for me. She loves me, Garcia. And I love her. It took me some time to figure that out, but I know now.. what I should have known for a while. She's the one I'm supposed to be with. And it seems awfully fast, because it's just seven weeks ago that I kissed her. That I realized that what I felt for her transcended friendship, but I feel like I've felt this way about her as long as I know her. Being with her feels so right. It's so different from anything I've ever felt for anyone else."

Her voice died out as she studied Garcia's face, that had changed into a smug grin. "Who would have thought that you would fall this hard?" She teased, earning a shy smile from JJ. "Jayje, you're glowing. You don't glow. You and Emily are two of the most down-to-Earth women I know."

"I'm also pregnant, Pen." JJ snickered, her hands covering her lower abdomen. "They say that makes women glow."

"Yeah but you're.." Garcia made half-pointing gesture at JJ, as if she wanted to emphasize what it was, but could not quite put a finger on it as to what it exactly was. "Your face does a thing when you talk about Emily. I've seen you talk about Emily before, and it was always with heart eyes, but this.."

"Heart eyes, really?" JJ chuckled again. She had to admit that she was a little nervous about talking about her feelings, something she was not entirely fond of when it came to feelings that were actually real.

"I mean, I get it, Jayje," Garcia babbled on without any indication that she felt like dropping the subject. If anything, she took it up a notch. "I would look like that when I was in a relationship with a woman that hot, and looks like she walked straight out of a superhero movie. And I bet she's good with her hands and tongue.."

"Garcia!" The petite blonde exclaimed warningly, stopping Garcia's train of words effectively. But once she watched her best friend, she grinned devilishly.

"She is, isn't she?" She was sitting a little further on the edge of her seat, being extremely excited about the way she had interrogated the communications liaison, gaining the information she wanted. The way JJ had looked once she had brought up her magical hands and tongue.. She knew by one look at her face that she was right. A blush spread like a wildfire across JJ's face, confirming Garcia's theory.

As if on cue, the door opened, revealing Emily Prentiss. She stepped over the threshold with what JJ supposed to be a stack of files in one hand, and her go-bag over her shoulder. "Hello, ladies." Her eyes fell on JJ, a pleasantly surprised smile decorating her face. Her eyes scanned the room and her two colleagues quickly, and she could only jump to one conclusion. "Were you talking about me?" She asked, suspicion in her voice. Then her eyes fell on the tech analyst, and she knew what they had been talking about. "It was about sex, wasn't it?"

"Technically not. Your blonde-haired wonder isn't in a mood for sharing." Garcia replied, disappointment clearly audible. She knew the pouting and the voice were just a trick to gather intel, but Emily was not going to fall for that. She had a better plan.

"Of course she isn't." Emily walked up to Garcia's desk, dropping the stack of case files next to her computer, deliberately letting her hand stay in place on top of it, moving the tips of her fingers over the material. "If she were to tell you, she would have competition. We both know she's smarter than that, obviously." She grinned smugly at the blonde, who pushed her glasses up her nose, her mouth entirely agape by then. Emily turned around and walked into JJ's direction, kissing her on her cheek. "See you in thirty minutes, love," she said with a husky voice, before she walked out the door with a strut that contained even more swagger than usually .

When the door closed behind her, Garcia snapped out of her little trance. JJ knew that she was having mental imagines in her head right then, and decided it would be nice of her to bring the subject to safer grounds. "They're back from the case?" She questioned, even though it was quite obvious they were, since Emily had just walked in with her go-bag.

"They wrapped up their case a few hours ago." The dumbfounded blonde responded, slowly finding back her tongue. "Caught the unsub while he was trying to snatch another victim." Her eyes assessed JJ's features as she spoke, drawing the conclusion: "You miss the job, don't you?"

"I do." JJ sighed. "I just can't return yet. With everything going on, it's too much. I can't trust myself enough to get the job done. This isn't a desk job where I'm allowed to make mistakes. If I make a mistake, I could endanger people's lives. I wish I could return already, but everything between being pregnant and having to cope with everything that happened makes me a liability. What if I get a flashback during a press conference? I can't risk it." JJ explained. She knew Garcia already knew all of that, given the job, but it felt more real when she spoke about it.

"I get it, Jayje." Garcia stated, sympathy all over her face. "Just take your time. I want my friend to be well, but you can only go so fast." She added, standing up to hug her friend tightly. Something within the smaller woman twisted, making it harder to breathe. Her heart ached, and she did not exactly know why. Her eyes were stinging and the urge to cry threatened to overwhelm her in that moment. She fought them, though. Fought the tears, and the thoughts. She did not want to drift off in her sadness right then. She just wanted to be better, feel better. She did not want to feel on the edge of a nervous breakdown like this. She did not want to wear her heart on a sleeve like this, breaking out in tears wherever she went.

She felt like she was breaking, even more so than she already had. Like a vase that had fallen into dozens of pieces, but was meeting the other end of a rather violent hammer, effectively pulverizing whatever was left. She could not grasp why it was happening, because strictly seen nothing bad was happening to her in that moment. Actually, the things that were happening in her life over the course of a few weeks were good things. Great things even.

Yes, she had been through her share of bad experiences over a short time span, but she was putting back her life on the rails. She was still standing, fighting even. Then why was she feeling like the opposite was happening?

She got pulled out of her train of thoughts by Garcia, who was scrutinizing her carefully. JJ wished she would stop with that, because it was making her feel somewhat uncomfortable. She had always considered Garcia her best friend, but she did not feel like talking about everything that was wrong. If she had to point a finger to the sore spot, she would not even know where to point. And she knew Garcia would not know the answer either. The blonde had been through her fair share of bad luck, but never like the things JJ had been through, and she doubted that she would understand.

"Thanks, Pen." She finally said, trying to force a smile that did not seem too artificial. She really meant it, because for a few minutes she had felt normal. Somehow, though, there seemed to be clouds behind every silver lining, taking away the light again once she felt comfortable in her own skin, like things felt right for once. There was something immensely unfair about that. She tried to fight it, as much as she fought the injustice she saw in her everyday life; at her job.

It turned out that she needed a lot more when the battle was more personal. And the people she were fighting, were actually ghosts. Thin like mist, dissolving in the air as she tried to grab them. She was standing in the middle of a mine field, but she was blindfolded. She was scared and she felt helpless. Still, there was something within her that kept pushing her forward; kept her going.

She snapped back into reality as the uneasiness within her kept invading her body, burning through her veins, like a sickness she felt spreading through her limbs. She needed to leave and that feeling threatened to overwhelm her all of a sudden. She desperately wanted to run, but she kept her calm, even though every fiber of her being screamed at her; told her to bolt. She tried not to show Garcia how she felt in that moment, but her hands had started shaking. Her breathing was shallow and fast, and her heart was beating in her throat. She could not find a good excuse as to why she had to leave so urgently, because truth be told, she did not know why. All that she knew was that she was clearly ridden with panic, and she needed to get away as far as possible, as soon as possible..

Twenty minutes later Emily made her way back to Garcia's office, expecting to find JJ. A couple of minutes earlier, the younger woman had messaged her, asking if she could tag along with Emily after work, because she had walked up there from her psychologist's appointment. But when she opened the door of Garcia's office, she only found the technical analyst.

"Hey, Garcia, do you know where JJ is?" Emily inquired, not being able to wipe the puzzled look from her face.

"She told me she was on her way to you." Garcia replied, barely looking up from her screen as her fingers kept rattling on the keys of her keyboard. Before that could change into a concerned interrogation, Emily mumbled an excuse about JJ already being at the car and how she must have forgotten before she closed the door behind her again.

Almost as if on autopilot she found her way to JJ's office. She figured that if JJ wanted to be alone, her office would grant her that solitary more than any other place in the FBI building. When she finally reached the room, it turned out she was right. JJ was sitting on the floor against the wall behind her desk. She was hugging her legs, her face buried in her knees.

"Jayje?" Emily questioned softly, trying not to scare the woman by suddenly walking in. "You okay?" She knew she was not, but JJ's reaction to the question would confirm if she wanted Emily to be in her presence or not. She looked up from her knees, her eyes still dry, but her face betrayed that she was upset.

"I just needed some time alone." She sighed in defeat, her voice hoarse with emotion. Despite the words, Emily took it as an invite and walked down to the younger woman, sitting down next to her.

"It's too much, isn't it?" She asked rhetorically, looking at her troubled girlfriend. She was not sure if the woman wanted her to touch her, so she fought the urge to hold her hand or touch her in any other way.

"It's just.." JJ started, but her voice faltered for a moment. She seemed to be thinking about what it was exactly what she desired to say, or how to even put into words what she felt, so Emily gave her the time. "Every time I want to do something.. Other than being at home all day.. This wave of extreme panic washes over me and renders me completely incapable of doing anything other than run. Whenever I'm home alone I crave for human attention, but once I have it, like with Garcia, I feel this extreme need to leave." She closed her eyes, as if she was remembering the feeling she had just had. "It's smothering me. Keeps me from breathing. I feel so helpless." She admitted, her voice still shaky, but she finally looked up at the woman sitting next to her.

"I know." Emily sighed. "I wish I could do something for you, other than offer words or support you whenever you need me to. You're suffering from symptoms of PTSD, and one of them is anxiety. But I'm positive you already know that. That doesn't make it go away, but you know what it is, and you're seeking help. It won't happen right away, but you'll be okay, Jayje. You're a fighter, and you're strong. And I've said that so many times already, but I really believe it'll be fine. You may feel depressed and anxious now, but it'll be better."

"Then why don't I feel like I'm doing better? If anything, I'd say I was doing worse than a few weeks ago." She breathed, an undertone of frustration audible in her voice. It was subtle, but Emily caught it. "I feel like I'm ripping open old wounds, while I'm supposed to be healing my new ones."

"Sometimes our old wounds are more entangled with our new ones than you'd think at first." The profiler pointed out. It was something she had come to believe profoundly in. If anything was sure, it was that some old scars had more influence on a person than they would think initially. When the younger woman did not respond, Emily added some words about a life lesson she had learned about a long time ago. Something she had found to be true on several occasions in her life, and which she still carried around with her after all this time.

"Just because you have stepped in a nail and forgot about it, doesn't mean it's not still there. It's just gotten deeper and deeper. The wounds healed and layers of skin cover the once exposed sore spot in your foot. But that doesn't mean it's not there anymore. Just because you don't feel it when you walk, doesn't mean you don't feel it when you run. You're carrying a heavy load right now, Jayje, and it's putting pressure on that nail. It's hurting again. And the worst thing about it is that you have to scratch off all those layers of skin before you can remove the nail."

Seconds, maybe minutes passed by as they sat there in silence, JJ letting Emily's words sink in. It made sense. It was something she believed in. She had seen it on the job, and as well had she seen it in her life. She was never good at dealing with her problems. Small ones maybe, but not the big ones. The big ones that kept eating at her, and that were always there in the background. She was way better at ignoring them, and putting them away in the back of her mind. So that was what she did, and what she had always done.

"I know." JJ sighed once she had processed the words. "But.. It's one thing to know it. It's so much harder to actually deal with these things. I come across things that are so deep inside that I'd rather not think or talk about it ever again. I thought I was over them. I know now that it's not true, but.." JJ paused, not exactly knowing how to end that sentence.

"You hoped you were. But it still hurts." Emily finished it. "It still hurts when you talk about it, and that's why you know it's true."

JJ nodded slowly, closing her eyes again. She felt tears coming up again, but she fought them. "I didn't think talking about her would hurt so much. After all this time.." A sob left her mouth, before she could do something to cover it up.

Emily wrapped her arm around the distraught woman's shoulders, pulling her against her side. "You don't have to hold back your tears for me." She said softly as her thumbs stroked JJ's arm in a soothing manner. "Or for yourself."

"I'm just so tired." JJ choked, tears clinging to her eyes this time. Then she finally gave in and leaned into Emily's touch, burying her face in the older woman's shoulder. She let the tears flow, for what felt like the nth time that day. JJ was so exhausted, and she hated being this weepy, but she could not fight it any longer; not when she had to fight so much already.

"I know." Emily breathed, holding JJ close to her, caressing her girlfriend and making sure she was as comfortable as she could get. She knew words were useless in that moment; that they would never fill the void, and that they would never take away the burden JJ was carrying.

The only thing that mattered was that she was there, that she was there to support JJ.