I went out into the living room, Cougar and Sam were just finishing up their food and I didn't see Roy. "Let's move this party back to the hotel. She's okay to move and we're all beat. Where's Roy?"

"Outside talking to Thea," Sam answered. "You driving or?"

I shot a quick look at Cougar, I didn't really want to step on his toes and he had to still be pretty concerned about her.

"I'll take Sam and Roy back," he said, "She has the keys to her room."

"Sounds good. Thanks."

We cleaned up, wiped the place down for prints and Roy walked back inside. "We moving?"

"Yeah, hotel. You're riding with Cougar and Sam, I'll take Coyote."

"All right."

I snagged the bottle of whiskey and they took the rest of the alcohol and trash and left. I went back into the bedroom, "You ready to go?"

She nodded and slowly stood up. I got my arm around her waist and she leaned pretty hard into me. "Still not feeling too hot huh?"

"Headache, weak, kind of dizzy but I'll live. The food helped. Thanks for making the trip."

"Sure thing." We worked our way to Baby, I got her into the passenger seat and we headed back. The spot right in front of her room was open so I pulled in and helped her get to the door. Once the door was open I picked her up and set her on the bed. "Need anything?"

"No."

"Good," I settled in right next to her and she curled up, put her hand on my chest and sighed.

"Missed this."

"Me too." We didn't say much at first, we both needed to readjust to being around each other, especially after what I'd said. It felt good to feel her next to me, hear her breathing but there was a feeling about it that hadn't been there before. In the past, I'd always seen the times I spent with her as a break from my real life. I wouldn't let myself get too comfortable with it, she hadn't either. Once we'd hit the third or at the most fourth day of being around each other walls started going back up. Sometimes hers had first, sometimes mine, but there was so much baggage that I carried from being a hunter that I made sure to split before I could get used to being around her. I'd tell myself it was the best for everyone, blah, blah but there were times it hurt like hell and I'd had to force myself to leave. Now, with what her guide had shown me I could look at that baggage in a totally different way. Who did I have to live for now? That guilt had always pushed me, without it, or with at least knowing where it stemmed from I had to figure out what was actually important to me. What I wanted.

"So, I had an interesting conversation with your guide. It said you asked it to talk some sense into me."

I couldn't see her face but I felt her lips shift into a smile, "Maybe."

"Uh huh. Bold choice there, thinking a furry spirit would get through to me."

She tensed up a bit, "After seeing your Warrior Spirit, I thought you'd be willing to listen. I know that had to have gotten to you, seeing yourself like that."

"Yeah, it did. Your guide showed me something that I'd buried a long time ago and something that was blocked from me."

"Want to tell me?" She said as she sat up.

"In a minute. First, thank you for doing what you did with the pouch, giving me something to hold on to. There were way too many nights where that was the only thing keeping me sane, giving me the strength to hold on against the Mark." I lightly kissed her forehead and pulled back, "Sam did everything he could but the Mark started to turn me against him, it was part of it. I had to push him away so really all I had was you. I was too busy fighting to realize that what I felt from the pouch, from you, was getting stronger. If I had I would have gotten a hold of you sooner." She opened her mouth to tell me it wouldn't have changed things, I put my finger over her lips and she waited. "Let me finish. I know what you would have said, but it's been gone over a month now and the only reason I called you was this job. That's wrong and nothing you say is going to change my mind. If nothing else I should have at least said thank you."

She nodded, "Okay."

"Second, after Rising Dove died I should have stayed longer. I know you called me out about us, you had a right to but I could have handled that better, offered to stay as a friend and helped you, not a lover. I took it as all or nothing and left. It didn't have to be, you were mourning someone, hurting and although you were right about me using you as a port in the storm and I should have proved you wrong. I wanted to, I just didn't really know how. Which is stupid, as many people as I've lost you'd think I'd know how to deal with it."

"You've always dealt with it by getting back on the road."

That hurt, truth usually does. "I'm tired of the road Coyote."

I'm pretty sure that was the last thing she ever expected to hear and it was the last thing I ever expected to say. I was as shocked as she was when it came out of my mouth and it takes a lot to shock people like us.

"At some point you can tell me what you saw over the last year if you want but I'll tell you what I saw. Death, a lot of death, caused by me, caused by things I never forgave people for and wouldn't let go of. When Sam and I got rid of that damn thing I saw pretty far into my own brain, so did Sam. We've spent the last month at friend's house just talking, fishing of all things and being brothers. No weapons in the house, no news, no hunts, nothing, just talking everything out. We had a lot of ground to cover. I started getting restless, I think I had to prove to myself that the Mark was really gone so wanted to hunt one more time. Thing was, when we got into Baby I really didn't want to turn the key. I wanted to stay right there. While you were on the way here Sam and I got into it a bit because my head wasn't in the game, neither was my heart. We'd agreed to try to do things different, which is one reason we brought Roy. Sam knew once we hit the road we'd fall back into the old patterns, the patterns that led to the Mark and he was right. I felt it before we were even halfway here. I started to close up again, go darker. Sam told me either find a reason to fight or stop because if I wasn't fighting to save people there was no point. I found a reason, but it wasn't my reason, it was that I felt I owed people, the people who'd died. That type of thinking is what got me into the whole mess with the Mark to begin with, along with a lot of other shit."

As I'd been talking her walls started dropping. The last time I'd been this open with her was the night of the vision. Not that we hadn't talked about crap in our lives before but it was usually surface stuff, at least for me. Most of the time when we were together thinking about our lives wasn't all that high on the list of things to do.

"You want to stop hunting?"

"I don't know for sure, but what I do know is that for the foreseeable future I want to avoid any and all end of the world fights and not spend hours on the road hunting another monster. I've got nothing left to do it with. You saw that."

She leaned away from me and even though her walls were mostly down, the corners of her eyes narrowed. Sure she cared for me but she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to open herself again just for me to leave in a few days.

I had to tell her, "You know how you said that I always felt I had to punish myself?"

"Yes."

"Your guide showed me why. That yellow eyed demon that got to Sam, got to me too, same night just in a different way. He gave me that guilt, embedded it into my mind, he was trying to screw with Michael but he couldn't physically harm me or else the angels would show up. I was four Coyote, he made me believe everything was my fault, that my Mom died because of me, that anything that would ever happen was because I fucked up. Everything I've been and done has been based on that. I never really knew why I was like this, but now I do and I really don't want to be like this anymore. I want to make different choices."

Coyote's not really the type to throw her arms around you and break down when she hears things like that. She's the type to try to find ways to help you through it right then and there, try to find some way to solve the problem or work through it, attack things head on. "You're sure you killed that bastard?"

It was pretty clear that if I said no she'd start trying to find a way to kill him herself, which is kind of one reason I love her, "Oh yeah."

"Good." She ran her hand down my cheek, "I'm glad that Sister Coyote helped you. She is a trickster spirit so you never know what you'll get from her."

"Well, she's not the first trickster I've come across, that one tried to teach hard lessons too. Sam and I just didn't listen, as usual."

"So, saying you loved me?"

"Trying to do things differently." I took her hand in mine, "Funny story, I got nervous waiting for you to get here, that never happened before. Excited, hell yeah, nervous. Not so much. I didn't want to find out you'd found someone else even though I felt you should have. When you walked right past me and hugged Sam, it hurt like hell. I get why you did it, it's okay. We've kept each other at arm's length for years. This may crash and burn but I know where my usual choices lead. This isn't a port in a storm thing Coyote, it really isn't. It's up to you of course but if you want to give it a shot, so do I."

"I've got a funny story too," she said as she got closer to me, "The things I saw and felt from that pouch weren't just nightmares. Cougar couldn't understand why I never moved on after you left since in his mind you'd bailed on me, but I knew better and if you think about it you do too. You say you didn't help me when I needed you the most, but you're wrong. All those time you held that pouch and though about me me, about us, you weren't the only one you pulled strength from that. I did too. I didn't need to move on because to me, you'd never really left. You just weren't ready to physically be where you really wanted to be. Neither was I, being Shaman scared me. I thought I would have to turn into someone else to do it because I would have so many more responsibilities, but it really didn't, not deep down. I've changed Dean, so have you but this never has."

When she kissed me the last two years disappeared. She was right, nothing had changed because it felt just as good as it had the last time. In some ways even better because there was nothing left unsaid anymore. Well almost nothing. She pulled back just enough so she could talk, "Love you too."