A/N: And hello again, dearests! It's been quite a while, huh? *sweatdrops* I'm sorry, I just got distracted with RL and so on and so on – the usual, you all know how that happens -_-; But I'm truly sorry I haven't updated for so long! To think that both Christmas and New Year have passed… Oh, belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, by the way! *hugs everyone* I actually wanted to finish and post this chapter on one of those holidays as some kind of a small present, but couldn't since it got hectic and I could barely muster enough time and energy to sit and write anything whatsoever. So here we are.
But anyway! The new chapter is finally done. And I also have a big part of the next one written down, which is certainly a good thing, but it still can't guarantee anything since it's me, so no promises, as always *laughs sheepishly while scratching the back of her head awkwardly*
Thank you all for your favs, alerts and especially for your amazing reviews! They really do help since they never fail to inspire me and make my day or night or morning or evening or whatever so much better! :D So, again, thank you *bows*
As usual, disclaimer stands, warnings and everything else remain the same. All mistakes are mine and mine alone.
So now...Truly hope that you will enjoy reading! :D
Chapter 26: Crumbling Walls
It was at times like this that Kaname truly realized – that he was forced to realize – just how frighteningly fragile humans were in comparison to his kind. So easy to hurt, so easy to break, so easy to damage and kill and so susceptible to all external forces that could so easily cause their untimely demise. Even such a thing as a simple cold could irrevocably damage and even kill them – something that could never happen to someone of Kaname's practically invincible, immortal kind.
Such fragility, while somewhat precious in its own way, was frightening to Kaname. It never failed to bring him back to cruel reality of his own exasperatingly stubborn foolishness. It never failed to give that same cruel reality the opportunity to mock him in the most vicious of ways, to remind him of what would inevitably come, of how stupid and futile and doomed his feelings were, of how doomed he was, of how doomed he let himself become due to those same feelings he had no control over.
Kaname had always believed that Zero's being a hunter made him stronger, made him much less…breakable…than an average human. Which it did, at least for the most part. But it still wasn't enough. He still wasn't strong enough, he still wasn't unbreakable or immortal and he still was too fragile for Kaname's liking, and that fact did nothing to help him get his fears and uncertainties to go away.
He always remembered that the inevitable would come. The fact that all too soon time and death would deprive him of the one he loved with all his heart was always somewhere at the back of his mind, crawling there disgustingly and scratching with mocking, darkly playful viciousness at the walls of his consciousness every now and then. It whispered prophecies of what he very well knew would come true one day in the future too near for his liking. It filled his mind with devastating images he never wanted to see materialize before his eyes, it provided him with possibilities too close to turning into bitter reality of his life, and it always brought with it the thoughts of methods to prevent the inevitable from happening.
As soon as he realized the presence of those dangerously tempting yet forbidden thoughts, however, he forced them away. Not completely, as they refused to leave him alone for good. They just retreated for a bit, becoming less present and persistent, but still staying there with him.
Those thoughts would come and go. Sometimes Kaname would turn them down right away, sometimes he would play with them and entertain all the possibilities, unable to help himself, unable to hold back. But then he would still chase them away, ashamed of himself and his uncharacteristic lack of self-control.
He should have given up by now. He really should have. But he hadn't, and probably never would, in spite of all the common sense in the world that told him what was the right and safer and easier – at least in some ways it certainly seemed so – route to take. He wouldn't give up because he didn't truly want to do so – the fact that he was well aware of by now. But he wouldn't make a move either, unable to do so due to his cowardice born of uncertainty.
He was all but frozen in time and space that way, suspended somewhere at the crossroad, unconsciously waiting – hoping even – for that small push that would help him finally take action. And it seemed like the moment for that to happen was getting closer, as the first contact had certainly been made and now there were cracks in his protective shell that was slowly starting to crumble.
-o-
"I want to see him," Kaname said evenly in a tone more appropriate for a demand rather than a request that his words were supposed to be. "I want to see Zero-kun."
Cross breathed a heavy, exhausted sigh. "You know it's impossible. No vampire is allowed in there, least of all a pureblood one."
"You know I am not a threat. Surely you can convince them to make an exception."
"Kaname-kun-"
"You can, can't you?"
Cross let out another long sigh as he took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose, his brows furrowed in tired concentration. "I can," he replied after a short while. Then he looked up and added, "But I won't."
Unconsciously, Kaname curled his fingers into tight fists before asking through gritted teeth, "Why on earth not?"
"You do realize what you are asking of me, right?" Cross replied with a question of his own, tilting his head slightly to the side, his frown deepening. "You know how such an exception would look, how it would be perceived not only by the Hunter Association but by the Vampire Council as well. And considering our current situation with Ichiru-kun…" The man trailed off with a small sigh. Then his eyes softened and he continued imploringly, "You can understand why I refuse to fulfill your request…can't you…?"
Kaname pursed his lips and tightened his fists, his nails biting into the skin of his palms. He didn't say anything in response and only lowered his gaze, knowing all too well where the hunter was coming from and what he was talking about.
"I'm sorry, Kaname-kun," Cross spoke again after a few long moments of heavy silence. He approached the pureblood and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I really am," he finished, giving Kaname's shoulder a gentle squeeze before walking past the brunet and leaving altogether.
So Kaname was alone again, surrounded by nothing but the suffocating silence of the room.
Not for the first time, he could do nothing but wait – frustratingly, impossibly annoyingly so. He hated it, always had, but now more than ever. The same way he hated every bit of his pureblood – and vampire in general – nature right at these very moments. He hated the way it gave him immense power yet prevented him from doing what he truly wanted, cruelly rendering him completely useless at the most important and the least appropriate times.
He wanted to see Zero. He wanted to hear the gentle yet strong hum of his heartbeat that he had always secretly enjoyed listening to. He wanted to feel the teen's warmth that he could never properly restrain himself from seeking, just as secretly basking even in the tiniest, faintest bit of it that he could get. He wanted to inhale Zero's sweet scent that he had always savored as inconspicuously as he only could. He wanted…
He wanted to touch Zero…to feel his skin, to feel its warmth and the life pulsing beneath it…
He wanted to confirm for himself that Zero was alive and breathing. He needed it. So he would do it.
Or he would try to do so, at the very least. And not just once or twice. However, every attempt would end in failure due to his pureblood vampire nature, and he wouldn't be able to do anything about it. So all there would be left for him to do would be…wait. Uselessly, frustratingly, endlessly, desperately…
And so Kaname would wait…
And wait…
And wait some more, unable to do anything, like so many, many, frustratingly many times before…
Honestly, he should have gotten used to that by now. Nothing ever quite went his way when it came to Zero or to the Kiryuu twins in general. Their very existence was a force beyond controlling. They had entered his life and changed it without his knowledge or consent without even trying or really doing anything. And Kaname hadn't noticed anything until it had gotten too late. Not that his awareness would have changed anything anyway.
So he had to surrender and leave everything in the hands of fate. Again.
He had to restrain every urge and emotion he was experiencing and just…
God, he hated the very word.
…just wait.
And it would be that way for a few impossibly, unbearably long weeks…
-o-
It came in phases, whatever was happening to him. Not very long but nonetheless unbearable phases.
He would suddenly feel sick and start to suffocate, his chest would constrict painfully, his throat would go dry and as though close up, his limbs would weaken and start trembling, unable to support him any longer. His blood would boil – very much literally boil, for Ichiru could swear that was exactly the sensation he had felt under his freezing yet burning skin at those times.
And then there would be hunger. Not just thirst, but real hunger. It wouldn't be just blood Ichiru would crave but also actual flesh – fresh, bleeding, trembling in fear and desperation and agonizing helplessness, warm flesh.
He would always feel disgusted during those moments, to his greatest relief, for that allowed him to assume he was still sane, still himself with at least some normal – or so they were viewed and accepted as by society, at the very least – human emotions in him left. But the hunger wouldn't cease still. On the contrary, it would only intensify from his overly active and vivid imagination that was generous enough to provide him with a disturbingly remarkable variety of suggestions.
That scared Ichiru for real each time. Never in his life had he felt more frightened and disgusted with himself than during those dark moments of all-consuming madness. But as disturbed as the more rational side of his being would feel, the more carnal and beastly one would be just as excited, just as exhilarated, if not even more so. It would relish those delirious, seemingly impossibly long minutes, it would thrive on them and fully embrace them, quietly beckoning him to do the same, to let himself drown in that compelling darkness and just let go of everything else.
He had managed to resist each time – barely, but he had. But every time it would get more difficult, every time it would seem less and less achievable, and every time he would feel even less desire to actually fight the temptation, completely forgetting why he even resisted it in the first place, why he was so wary of it.
Honestly, though, why…?
He didn't know what was ahead of that steadily approaching darkness. He had no way of even predicting it. So what exactly was it that made him regard it so cautiously…?
Maybe it wasn't so bad. Maybe it wasn't dangerous at all… On the contrary, maybe it was for the best, maybe it was just what he craved and needed, maybe it was actually right to just…give in to it…
Such thoughts of his gained all the more plausibility and seemed all the more rational and right with every passing day. So much so that they made all the unnecessary – or so those seemed to Ichiru by now – doubts, boundaries and inhibitions slowly fade away. They made his wariness of the changes occurring within his body and mind weaken, retreat, dissipate…
And then, at some point, it stopped. And everything froze. Everything around and within him. And all ceased to exist. Just like that. Altogether.
That was the beginning of another phase.
And so the pain, darkness and madness were gone and forgotten, and Ichiru felt so light and renewed and…everything around him seemed so clear and simple it was almost scary. He could see everything, hear everything, feel everything, understand everything so much better now. It was as though he was completely in harmony with his surroundings, and never in his life had he felt more calm and at peace.
Slowly, as though coming out of a long, long and deep slumber, Ichiru opened his eyes.
And all of a sudden, everything was clear, his mind was focused and undisturbed by doubts, fears, annoying noises and lurking shadows. He was free at last…
Ichiru straightened up and sat in a more upright manner.
It felt like he was invincible at those moments. The shackles restraining him didn't matter. They suddenly seemed so light and fragile that they might as well not be there at all, as though his slightest movement could break the chains and turn the irons around his wrists into dust. And the hunter spells…
They didn't matter as well.
They were there, he could feel them, but that was it. They didn't hurt him, didn't restrain him, didn't affect him – at least not as strongly as they had mere seconds before. They just weren't powerful enough anymore.
It felt like nothing could affect him at these moments, as though he had turned into some kind of an ultimate, invincible version of himself, as though he could just get up, get rid of all the shackles and spells binding him to this prison cell without even making an actual effort and leave – simply walk out, eliminating everything and everyone in his way, leaving nothing but ruins of the grand Hunter Association headquarters behind.
Oh, what a marvelous feeling that would have given him…
Before he could come out of his daze of stunning awareness and actually do something, however, it ended just as suddenly as it had started.
And he was struggling with whatever was crawling within him and close to being completely powerless all over again.
"Dammit…!" Ichiru whispered with a groan as he leaned forward and curled into himself for the nth time. His shoulders must have hurt from how much his arms were strained, pulled back by the chains binding him to the wall, but he didn't feel the pain – he couldn't, for it was overshadowed by all the other sensations assaulting his system.
Among all that, however, there was also something Ichiru's mind had managed to grasp…
Those assaults of absolute clarity seemed to last a little longer each time. That and…
Whenever he came out of that weird state, everything seemed to be…not quite as it had been before. As though he hadn't completely returned, as though he hadn't fully recovered from that…condition…as though…
As though he had taken a tiny part of that more powerful and perfect version of himself and brought it back with him...and now it actually made whatever was happening to him just a little bit easier to bear.
Slowly, Ichiru let out a shuddering breath as his chest constricted painfully, his body resonating with a strong impulse.
It wasn't as excruciating as before, he realized. He could actually breathe – not freely, but could, at the very least – and his conscious mind was still there with him, so he was somewhat aware of his surroundings, even if only vaguely.
Just a bit longer…
In order to either get used to it or for it – whatever the hell it was – to calm down, he needed to endure it for a bit longer.
Not that there was any other option anyway.
-o-
It was dark and cold…
And empty…
Mostly cold, though… Unusually, frighteningly, devastatingly so…
And lonely…
He felt as though something was missing. Something important. Something that had always been there with him and for him. Something he never wanted to lose, something he wasn't ready to let go. Something…
Something that was a part of him.
Precious…
Irreplaceable…
Essential…
Something that was too great a presence within him for him to be able to simply leave its sudden loss and go on just like that.
Unable to see anything in this pitch-black place he was imprisoned in and feeling nothing but lonely coldness, he tried to reach out with his senses and find that familiar quiet, tender warmth. However…
It wasn't there.
The realization came as a shock, chilling Zero to the core. The cold darkness clinging to him became suffocating all of a sudden.
For once, it was completely gone and there was not a single trace of it left.
A wave of uneasiness swallowed him.
Why…?
Where had it gone?
Why had it disappeared in the first place?
Where was it now…?
He still struggled to name the source of that comforting warmth. It was there in his head, he knew it well, but it felt as though it was shrouded in a thick blanket of some kind of fog that just-
'Ah…'
It suddenly cleared up.
'Ichiru…' That name he had been searching for flashed through Zero's mind, and he remembered.
His twin, his other half. It was him, the one who was the source of that warmth he so missed.
How could he have forgotten…? But more importantly…
Why wasn't Ichiru with him…?
Another wave of uneasiness, this one bigger, strengthened by sudden fear.
Ichiru was always there. Even when they weren't in close proximity to each other, Zero could still sense his twin's presence somewhere at the edge of his consciousness. Now, however…
There was nothing. Not a single trace or even sign of Ichiru's existence within him. It was just…gone…all of a sudden.
Something was wrong.
'Ichiru…'
It had to be. He wouldn't have left him all alone otherwise.
'Where are you…?'
-o-
"Is Kaname-sama staying in again?" Aidou asked Ichijou as he spotted the older blond descending the stairs. They were all ready to go to school now, and judging by the fact that Ichijou was alone, their leader wouldn't be joining them this night as well. It had actually been that way for a while now.
Ichijou gave the group of vampires a weak smile. "Yes, I'm sorry to say that he is." Aidou could tell that the other was exhausted – they all could tell, and they all felt the same way, too. It was the pressure of being in this place, the nervous tension caused by the necessity to constantly be on full alert, to be as careful as they only could not to do anything that might upset their beloved prince. It felt like they were living on a massive landmine that was ready to explode at any moment. One wrong step, move or action on their part – and they were all done for.
It was suffocating.
"Shall we go?" Ichijou suggested then, already making his way to the door.
"What's the point? It's not like we actually need to take those classes…" Aidou half-mumbled as he lowered his gaze. In spite of his words, however, he did move forward and towards the door with the rest of their group.
"We have to maintain the appearance of normalcy, Aidou-kun. And besides…" Ichijou turned to look at him over his shoulder with that same weak smile still on his face. Only this time there were obvious hints of exhaustion and uneasiness there as well. "Would you rather stay here?"
That question didn't require an answer, for the choice couldn't be easier to make. And it was one they all agreed on.
Ichijou opened the door and the group of vampires slowly filed out of the dormitory building. It was quiet – remarkably so, especially considering the levels of noise they had had to endure on a daily basis ever since they had started attending the academy. But it had been this way for some while now, and the Night Class students thought they were actually slowly getting used to this deafening quietness brought on by the absence of their fangirls.
And the only reason for that, too, was their leader.
Kaname's dark mood and suffocating aura didn't affect just them. It had a strong influence on the Day Class students as well. Their survival instincts told them not to get close, not to disturb the strongest and most dangerous creature in the vicinity, and they couldn't help but obey. It was mostly the same for vampires, too. The only difference was that humans had no idea what it was that frightened them so much that they had to stay away, whereas vampires knew the reason all too well, which was probably why they could stay in relatively close proximity to the source of danger.
"Is there any news?" Aidou spoke again after some while, unable to take the tense silence any longer.
"On what exactly?" Ichijou replied without averting his gaze from the path straight ahead of them.
"…The Kiryuus…"
There was a sigh, Ichijou's shoulders slumped a bit. "No, nothing new." And he couldn't decide whether that was actually a bad thing or not. Sure enough, they wanted and needed some news, but only if it was positive. Any other kind would only make things worse – much, much worse. And then they would have to seriously fear for their lives.
"…Is there…anything we can do to help?" Aidou asked another question.
Ichijou smiled sadly as he cast the other a brief knowing glance before answering, "I'm afraid at this stage we can do nothing but wait."
Well, Aidou had guessed as much. "I see…" he replied, his gaze lowered, turquoise eyes clouded slightly in thought.
The rest of their short trip was spent in silence.
-o-
"Your being here won't help speed up his recovery." Yagari said as he entered the Hunter Association hospital room that Zero was held in. "Go home and rest, Cross."
"I'm not tired," Cross replied without taking his eyes off his older adopted son. "But thank you for your concern, Touga-kun."
Yagari breathed a heavy sigh. He automatically reached for his pack of cigarettes and almost pulled one out when he remembered where he was. Scowling, the raven-haired hunter cursed softly under his breath and put the smokes away. Everything just kept getting on his nerves.
"How's the kid?" Yagari asked then, stepping closer to the only bed in the room and looking over Zero's unconscious form.
"Still no changes. But he is stable, which is good, considering…"Cross had to pause to swallow back the lump in his throat. Unconsciously giving Zero's hand a gentle squeeze, he finished, "Considering the alternative."
There was another deep sigh before Yagari's voice sounded again. "I see…"
The two lapsed into deep silence. It lasted for some while until Cross found the strength to break it with a question of his own.
"…How is Ichiru-kun?" That was what he had wanted to ask since the very beginning but was too afraid to do so, afraid of the answer he would hear. And Yagari's next words only proved that he had been right.
"Not good." There was an unbearably long moment of heavy silence before the raven-haired hunter continued grimly. "There's no way to say for sure, but… It does look like he's starting to lose it."
Cross's fingers automatically tightened around Zero's hand, his already stiff form tensed further. Discreetly, he drew in a shuddering breath.
"You know what will happen next, if his condition doesn't improve." Yagari lowered his voice to a near whisper when he continued next. "And if it does come to that, then we'll have to act, and fast."
"…Then we will."
-o-
It had stopped.
Ichiru had no idea how and why, but for whatever reason, it had finally stopped. All of it.
The pain had faded away.
The shadows had retreated.
The voices had died down.
The darkness had dissolved.
The suffocating coldness, the scorching heat, the unbearable hunger…all had vanished.
It was so…quiet and peaceful all of a sudden…
Ichiru opened his eyes, blinking a few times to clear his vision. As expected, he was still in his cell and still restrained, but the hunter handcuffs didn't seem to have their previous effect on him – same as the spells the room was branded with. Somehow they felt so much weaker now…to the point of being non-existent.
Ichiru wondered about the change briefly, but the thought was soon forgotten in favor of another realization that started sinking in.
Slowly, he looked up, every muscle in his body growing tense, lilac eyes flashing bright red as they focused on something beyond the walls of the prison cell.
A long minute of complete stillness passed.
Ichiru's fingers twitched.
A few moments later tension seeped out of the teen's form, his chest slowly fell as he finally let himself resume breathing.
Now he wondered how he hadn't noticed this before.
Hunters, dozens of them – their presences, to be exact. Now, that wasn't the least bit surprising, considering where he was. But he hadn't sensed any of that before – hunter charms had been muting even the few presences in closest proximity almost completely, and his previous state hadn't been of any help either. Although Ichiru was more than certain that even in those conditions nothing could have prevented him from sensing this. It all was just too…intense and unsettling…to miss.
Every cell in his body was reacting, making warning bells in his mind go off like crazy and his skin crawl disgustingly.
He could feel them all – each and every one of them – on a whole new level, and their presences were now affecting him in a completely different way. But it wasn't just that, no. For some reason, his other senses also seemed to have gone into some kind of overload, as they had by now started showing their disturbingly heightened level as well.
Ichiru could swear he could actually…hear them, smell them, even…see them to an extent – a very limited one, but still…
He could feel it all.
And he knew very well that it was not normal for him to be able to perceive that much on that kind of level. Something had happened – something was still happening to make him this way, and he had no idea what exactly. But he needed to know. Because convenient as all these sudden changes may seem and actually be, to say that they left him disturbed would be one hell of an understatement.
He didn't feel like himself anymore. Everything seemed foreign to him, even his own body and mind.
Ichiru closed his eyes and lowered his head slowly with a long sigh, tired and drowsy all of a sudden. His body went lax of its own accord, his eyelids got so heavy he barely managed to get them to open anew.
Again, another change from one extreme to another. He was seriously getting sick of it all by now.
Slowly, Ichiru's head lowered further, his eyelids started to droop. He was falling asleep again, and he didn't want that. For some reason, it just felt like he wouldn't be able to return from wherever unconsciousness was going to take him. He was afraid he would be out for too long – or worse, wouldn't wake up at all. And in his case, either was probable and neither could be allowed to come true.
Unfortunately for him, however, he had no say in the matter, as once again, he wasn't strong enough to fight.
There was a shuddering sigh. Ichiru's breathing slowed down, his muscles completely relaxed and his eyes fluttered shut.
So he had no choice but to succumb to darkness once more.
-o-
"For someone who claims to hate every vampire without an exception you seem awfully concerned about this one," said one of the hunters guarding the entrance to the basement floor where prison cells were located as Kaito approached. "What's the matter, Takamiya? Guilty conscience?" There was unmistakable mockery in those words, but Kaito chose to ignore it and not respond to the provocation, at least not visibly. Like hell he would give the bastard the satisfaction.
"That's none of your damn business. Just step aside and let me through." He replied calmly in his usual manner without looking at either of the two guards.
"Come now, don't insult the guy. Surely he just likes seeing that Kiryuu brat suffer is all." The second hunter gave his own version with a shrug in the same derisive manner as his partner, all the while blatantly ignoring Kaito's words.
Letting out a long sigh, Kaito closed his eyes and massaged the bridge of his nose tiredly. He was exhausted and his head hurt, and these idiots were making it all worse by grating on his nerves with their stupid remarks. He really had neither time nor energy for this.
"Like I said, it's none of your or anyone's concern why the hell I check on him. It's not a crime."
"It's not." One of the guards agreed. "But such frequent visits do draw certain suspicions that won't do you any good, Takamiya."
Kaito's eyes narrowed as he regarded the man. "And what are those suspicions?"
It was the second guard that answered the question, all traces of amusement and mockery gone from his tone. "The ones that could make others start questioning your loyalty."
"And start suspecting you of possible treason." Added the second one.
'Loyalty? Treason?' Kaito let out a loud snort of derision. 'Really now…?'
"That's ridiculous." He voiced his opinion.
"No, such reaction is only natural." The first guard countered. "You would've understood it had you not let yourself get so deeply involved with that group of vampire lovers."
Okay, that was it.
Fed up with all the crap and not willing to wait and be polite any longer, Kaito pushed past the two hunters and went his way with his final response, "Just mind your own business and stay the hell out of mine."
"Don't say we didn't warn you!" The more talkative guard threw at Kaito's retreating back while his partner just grumbled something unintelligible.
Kaito promptly ignored them both as he continued on his way to Ichiru's cell – a route that had, admittedly, become awfully familiar to him by now.
His brow twitching in irritation, the hunter cursed softly under his breath as the guards' words invaded his mind anew. But he quickly pushed them aside and concentrated on the matter at hand.
Taking one last turn, Kaito walked another few meters before stopping at his destination. For some while, he stayed where he was, not moving, only gazing at the door in front of him thoughtfully, almost unblinkingly. Then life returned into his body and he took a deep breath before slowly letting it out. His hand reached out and opened the door to the prison cell Ichiru was in, finding the said teen exactly where he had been the last time Kaito had visited him. And as far as he could tell in the darkness, in the exact same state.
He was asleep – whether it was 'still' or 'again' Kaito had no idea, but he certainly hoped it was a good sign. Anything was better than having Ichiru on the rampage, right...?
But the thought wasn't very comforting, and it failed miserably at easing Kaito's reluctant worry for the younger Kiryuu twin. His state was...disturbingin its instability, to say the least. Granted, it didn't look like Ichiru was getting worse anymore, but it didn't look – or feel – like he was getting better either. Which wasn't thatbad, considering other possibilities, but still...
Kaito let out a sigh. It was only then that he moved away from the door after a few minutes of observation from a distance. Coming to a halt a few steps away from Ichiru, he squatted to take a better look at the silver-haired teen. For another while, he continued his careful observation.
His worry grew – reluctant as he was to admit that the sentiment even had been there in the first place. But that was the only possible and rational reaction to Ichiru's current state.
The teen was still. Completely still. Alarmingly so. Kaito had to wonder whether he was even breathing, which was another cause for concern.
"…Ichiru," Kaito called quietly but got no response, as expected.
Cautiously, he extended his hand and felt Ichiru's neck for a pulse. A few long seconds later, the hunter let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
It was there, the soft beat of Ichiru's heart – unusually slow and somewhat muffled, but still there. Sure enough, that hardly put Kaito's mind completely at ease, but the fact that Ichiru was actually alive and breathing despite looking like a corpse was good enough to alleviate some of his worries at least for now.
Kaito heaved a deep sigh of weary resignation.
Why on earth was he here? Again…? Why did he keep coming? Over and over and over again…? It wouldn't change anything. His presence wouldn't help in any way, he knew that. Just like he knew that he was simply wasting his time on these fruitless visits.
Yet he couldn't stop. But not because he felt guilty or regretted the choice he had made by telling the truth about what had really happened to Zero, no. He knew that had been the right thing to do, and an inevitable one at that. It would have happened eventually anyway. It should have, it had been bound to since the beginning. They all knew it, had known it all along, and the fact that everyone else had been stubbornly ignoring the reality and pretending like everything would be fine didn't change that harsh truth.
Kaito, however, had never allowed himself to ignore and forget. On the contrary, he had made it a point to remind himself whenever he got dangerously close to forgetting. It had been the wise thing to do and the only way to make it somewhat easier when the time came. He had always believed it and he had always thought that he had been rather successful in following that same belief of his, however...
Looking at things now, when that dreaded time had actually come, he couldn't help thinking that maybe his confidence had been nothing but a simple denial of the disappointing truth that he had failed miserably in what was probably an attempt to protect himself from another bitter loss.
Because he didn't think it was easier – it didn't feel that way at all. And the fact that everything that was currently happening was inevitable hardly helped, contrary to Kaito's wishes and expectations.
There was another sigh.
These stupid brothers would ruin them all.
-o-
Meanwhile in another place not so far away, a pair of lavender eyes slowly fluttered open.