a/n: Rose and the Doctor assisted Jake with a Torchwood mission in the sewers successfully helping capture the saber-toothed rats. Unfortunately, some TW agents weren't happy with their idea to try and preserve the rats and acted aggressively toward Rose. Welll, you know the Doctor, no one acts that way toward his Rose and he accidentally disclosed that rose sorta might be his wife now. Oops. Jackie found out, of course, and well, here we are. The character of Fraunk is based on the character of the same name who was the outrageous wedding coordinator from the 1991 movie Father of the Bride.
This chapter is dedicated to A Who Down in Whoville who most brilliantly suggested Fraunk. Thanks Who!
Disclaimer: I do not own or profit from Doctor Who or Father of the Bride or any of their wonderful characters
Fraunk Will Make It All Fabolous
Rose and the Doctor sat side by side on the couch in the formal living room at the Tyler mansion. Jackie and Pete sat opposite them with a bottle of Carmenere and several glasses of wine on the table between them. Rose leaned over and picked up her glass and took a long sip. Pete swirled the wine in his glass in front of him. Jackie sat stiffly staring at the Doctor. The Doctor was fidgeting and looking anywhere except at Jackie. He moved to rest his trainer clad foot on the table and Jackie narrowed her eyes. He very quickly removed said foot and picked up his own glass of wine.
Finally, the uncomfortable silence was broken.
"So, which one of you is going to tell me about why I should hear from Mary at Torchwood that my daughter ran off and married her alien nutter boyfriend in India in some weird ceremony," Jackie asked, staring daggers at both of them.
"Well Mum, it's not exactly like you heard," Rose tried to explain, playing with the rim of her wineglass.
"Really, cause they way I heard it, himself told off some git for slapping his wife on the arse," she said, increasing the glaring at both of them.
Rose winced. "Yeah, well you see when we were in India, we met these villagers who sort took a liking to us. They were havin' this festival to celebrate this holy pig and one thing sort of led to another and there was this ceremony and well…." Rose sort of trailed off.
"Let me get this straight. You go off to India and go trompin' about through the jungle and just happen across a village where they're celebratin' some holy pig and you accidentally got married by the pig! Do you really expect me to believe that?" Jackie asked, and set her wine glass down noisily on the table.
Pete took a sip of his wine to try to stop from laughing. Jackie turned and glared at him.
"It's not funny Pete!"
"Mum, it wasn't exactly like that. It was a really lovely ceremony. They gave us these traditional Indian clothes to wear and there was dancing and everything. They were real nice to us. We didn't plan on a marriage ceremony. I mean, when we knew what it was, we couldn't exactly stop it. It would have been rude," Rose tried to explain.
Jackie turned to the Doctor. "Somehow, I know this is all his fault isn't it. My daughter will not be married by a pig. You are going to do this proper like. You can settle down long enough to take vows and at least pretend like you're normal," Jackie lectured.
"Like Rose said, it wasn't exactly planned. Besides, it's not like it's the first time we accidentally got married," the Doctor explained, without realizing how much trouble he was about to be in.
"What!" Jackie yelled.
"Doctor!" Rose exclaimed. "When exactly did we get married?"
"Oh you know, on Ickythorp. You remember the planet with the taffy carnival. We shared the oobiberry taffy and got it all wrapped around us and had to eat our way out. They sort of considered us married after that," he said, nervously examining his tie.
"Seriously?" Rose asked.
"Yep! That's why everyone kept throwing those colorful ribbons at us."
"Oh, I thought they were just bein' friendly. You never said anything."
"Wellll, you know how I was back then. Besides, we got a little side tracked with the whole zzzantz invasion."
"Oh yeah. They wanted to turn your leather coat into candy," Rose commented, smiling and bumped her shoulder with his. He grinned with glee in return.
"You two are loony you are. I always knew you two wouldn't do anything normal but this… Well, enough is enough. I told you that Pete and I wanted to do this wedding for you and now that's what's gonna happen. No more alien weird stuff." Jackie reached down and pulled a notebook out of the couch cushions and opened it up.
"Lucky for you that I'm prepared. This is your wedding planner book and I've already hired the wedding coordinator. It wasn't easy but I convinced him to fit us in. Now then, we're not leavin' this room until a date is picked."
"Oh, do we have to," the Doctor whined.
"Yes, now stop your whinging. Now, do you want a winter or spring wedding?"
At this point, Rose knew she needed to get some control. "February," Rose told her.
"Oh Rose, a valentines day wedding is so kitschy!"
"I wasn't thinkin' about valentine's day. Rose reached over and took the wedding planner book and opened up the calendar to February. She closed her eyes and pointed to a day. There, we'll do it on this day." Rose handed the book and calendar back to Jackie.
"You're just going to pick some random day?" Jackie asked, in dismay.
"Yep!" Rose answered her, smiling. She turned to the Doctor. "Random's always been good for us. Right, Doctor?"
"Love Random!" he responded grinning.
Jackie sighed. "Fine. I'll call Fraunk and have him meet us tomorrow morning."
"Fraunk?" the Doctor asked her, making a face.
"The wedding coordinator. The best in London. He does all the society weddings."
"Oh Mum, no! We don't want some social event. We just want a simple weddin' Promise me you won't turn this into some big tadoo," Rose pleaded.
"Says the girl who got married by a pig!" Jackie shook her head. "You're gonna have a proper weddin'"
"Just promise us you won't invite a bunch of people we don't know, okay?"
Finally, Pete spoke up. "All right you two, this is your wedding and of course you get a say. What Jackie means is that we want it to somewhat fit into human standards. We've all watched the two of you struggle and come together. We just want to celebrate all of us becoming a family."
Rose looked at Pete, tears in her eyes. "Thank you , Pete," she whispered with emotion. As the Doctor and Rose went up to their room for the night, he continued to mutter about Jackie's wedding planning.
"What kind of wedding planner has a name like Fraunk," the Doctor mocked.
"Zip it Mr. 'get your hand off my wife's arse'. This is your fault so just deal with it," Rose told him.
"We could run away," he said, hopefully.
"Right, and who knows what she would do. You want to risk that?"
He winced. "Uh, No."
The next morning, Fraunk flounced into the Tyler mansion in a tailored, modern navy suit, a thin designer tie and scented with the latest designer cologne followed by an equally posh assistant. Fraunk was a lean, fashion forward man with short, dark, black slicked back hair about the Doctor's height with a peculiar accent.
"Mrs. Tyler, oh and here's the bride! A plessure to mot you. Oh, the grome is here toe, fabolous! Now, let's toke about our big doy.
The Doctor turned and looked at Rose. "You are kidding me. There is no way he's not an alien. I speak over five billion languages and even I can barely understand what he's trying to say," he whispered to Rose. Rose shushed him.
"So toke to Fraunk, whot does the bride thank about a dayette."
"A dayette?" asked the Doctor, cocking his head to one side.
"9th of February to be held here at the mansion. Do you think you can arrange it by then?" Jackie asked him, ignoring the Doctor.
He pulled out his iphone. "Wont to have it at yore home on 9 Febory. Oh I love the waddings at homes! They are just so pursonable. Well, it's a little bit tight but it will be spectacolar!
"Let's talk all about our big doy. I like to start with the cack."
"Sorry, the cack?" the Doctor said, looking at Fraunk like he was speaking a foreign language.
Jackie rolled her eyes. "Cake Doctor, he wants to talk about the cake. Blimey, thought you'd be happy bout that," Jackie told him.
"Oh, yes well that is one of the rules,." the Doctor told them, crossing his arms and trying to look stern.
"So sorry, explan the grome's rools to Fraunk."
"Well Fraunk, it must be banana cake with edible ball bearings."
"Banonna. Well, I tink we can doe that. Anything else," Fraunk asked, smiling as his assistant took notes.
"Yes, no pears and I mean none. Not even a little. Oh, and I want a chocolate fountain," the Doctor told him, nodding his head to affirm this edict.
Fraunk's eyes widened a bit but he recovered quickly. "Ah see and whot doss the Bride thank?"
"Fine by me," Rose said cheerily. Jackie rolled her eyes.
"Fairy well. I will orange a cack tasting for tomorrow. Yo can finalize flavers then. Now, on toe dacore." Frank's assistant handed him a large book. "Thank yo dear assistant. The Cack daccore often determine whot kind of wadding you are having. Now, this one right here, is a very popular cack with fasionable waddings. Whot doss the Bride thank?"
"Oh, well I don't know. Doctor what do you think?", Rose asked looking at the Doctor who was peering intently at the pictures in the book.
"These are all so…floral," the Doctor said, with distaste.
"Wall yass. Most waddings do trodotionally have the floral dacore. We con of course doe whotevah the bride wants," Fraunk told her, flourishing his hands about as he spoke. "Porhops the bride wants something a bit more modarn?"
"Yes, that's it. Good man Fraunk! Now your getting it!" the Doctor told him slapping him on the shoulder. Fraunk nearly fell off the chair at the Doctor's enthusiastic slap of the shoulder but seemed to bear it with good humor.
"Yas, wall, perhaps the bride and grome could give Fraunk an ezample or pitcher toe daytermin a tame?"
The Doctor stared at him a moment before he could decipher what Fraunk was talking about. Finally Rose leaned over and whispered in his ear. "Oh, brilliant idea Fraunk. Hand me some paper will you?" Fraunk handed the Doctor some paper and a pen and with a few swift strokes the Doctor provided him with a design.
"Ah see. The grome is quite the arteest. Fairy good. I woll send to the cack dosigner so he woll have something for you to see tomorrow. Now, how about the collars?"
"I think lavender would be lovely," Jackie told Fraunk, her eyes lit up.
"Lavender! No, no, no. It's so pastel," the Doctor complained making a face as if he had tasted something disgusting. "Why not blue? Tardis blue right, Rose?" the Doctor asked her, with puppy dog eyes.
"So, the grome has more rools. No pastels and no florals and he wonts blau." Fraunk reached over and grasped one of Rose's hands and looked at her with almost a pleading look. "So mah dear bride, whot are you thanking."
Before Rose could speak, Jackie jumped up. "That's it! Doctor, take a walk. Rose and I will finish this up. I'm not going to sit her and listen to you whine about everything. Enough is enough. If Rose wants flowers and pastels, that's what she's getting," Jackie told him, firmly drawing the battle lines.
The Doctor turned to Rose. "What's wrong with blue? I didn't say no flowers just not so florally. Rose understands don't you?" the Doctor said, looking at Rose pleadingly.
Rose started to say something when Fraunk's loyal assistant, Howard, spoke up. "Mrs. Tyler, Doctor, why don't we walk around the grounds while Fraunk and Ms. Tyler chat about the details."
Jackie turned her aggravation toward Howard. "But I'm her mother and I'm here to help," Jackie said firmly.
"Howard's right, Jackie. Let's leave Rose to it, shall we?" the Doctor said, and nodded at Rose. Rose smiled and nodded back.
"Mum, I really appreciate all of this. You've done so much work. There's simply tons that still has to be done. Why don't I handle the rest of this stuff with Fraunk so you can work with Howard to plan where everything will go? The Doctor doesn't need to do that. I'm sure he has other things to do. Don't you, Doctor?"
"Yes, Yes I do. So I will just be off, doing other things, important things, things that must be done." He nodded gratefully at Rose and quickly escaped.
"If you're sure, sweetheart. I just want to help," Jackie told her, a bit emotionally.
"Oh Mum, I know and I'm so grateful. Thanks for taking care of this. It means so much to both the Doctor and I," she told her, softly and with feeling.
After they were alone, Fraunk smiled and patted her on the hand. "The bride always knows bast." Fraunk and Rose finished working out the wedding details by the time Jackie and Howard returned.
The next morning Rose and the Doctor met Fraunk at Orgasme de Bouche for the cake tasting. The Doctor couldn't help but smile at the name of the cake shop and whispered the translation into Rose's ear making her blush and giggle. Fraunk was his typical flouncy self this time dressed more casually in a light blue dress shirt, slacks and a scarf wrapped around his neck.
"Doctor don't," Rose warned. under her breath.
"Don't what? Don't make an observation that he could learn from my fashion sense," he told her sniffing and preening. Rose rolled her eyes.
"Here they are the bride and grome!" Fraunk said clapping his hands. "Ms. Tyler, Grome, may I present to yo, Francois, the patisserie designer. Francois bowed. Before they could continue with the tasting, Jackie walked in.
"Mrs. Tyler! Oh, I was not espocting yo. Pless have a sot." Fraunk told her, maintaining his composure despite the surprise.
"Mum, I didn't know you were comin'?" The Doctor raised an eyebrow and leaned away from Jackie.
"Like I'm gonna miss my only daughter's cake tasting. Besides, you needed back up in case himself here misbehaves," Jackie told her settling down. "So, what are we tasting today?"
"Wall, Francois thought he would began with the dosign randerings."
Francois showed them several water colored renderings showing a five tiered eclectic, modern cake in white, silver with Tardis blue scroll work and quite clearly marked with edible ball bearings.
"I love it!" Rose exclaimed practically bouncing up and down in her seat. She looked over at the Doctor with an infectious grin and he was smiling too.
"Beautiful," he whispered, looking at her affectionately.
"Fabolous!" Fraunk exclaimed. "Francois is a janyus." Francois bowed slightly and clapped his hands for two of his assistants to bring out several plates with cake samples.
"Francois has prepared many samples so you can chose any other flavors you wont in addition to bonanna," Fraunk told them. This is the point at which Rose should have known things would become difficult.
First was vanilla cake with raspberry and lemon filling. Jackie adored it. The Doctor made a face and stuck his tongue out to wipe it off with a napkin. Jackie muttered "disgusting alien" under her breath while Rose put her hand over her eyes. Next was chocolate cake with strawberries and chocolate ganache. Rose closed her eyes in ecstasy.
"Oh that's heavenly!" she told Fraunk.
The Doctor loved it so much he tried to knick some of Rose's and she had to slap his hands. The next flavor was the banana cake with cream cheese and a crunchy cinnamon filling. The Doctor closed his eyes, took a deep breath and practically shouted "Molto Bene!" He turned to Rose. "Maybe I should finish off yours because I think maybe I need to try some more to be sure," the Doctor told her licking his lips staring lovingly at her piece of cake.
"Oh just give it to him so he'll shut his gob." Jackie told Rose, shaking her head.
There were several more tastings some of which the Doctor liked and other's he hated and one that exclaimed "That's disgusting!" Rose tried to placate Francois by explaining the Doctor's sensitive taste buds. Francois nodded but stared disdainfully at the Doctor. When it was all said and done, they had chosen the banana, the chocolate and a white cake with coconut and white chocolate filling. They bid goodbye to Fraunk who assured them that everything would be fabolous and he promised to email Rose updates as things progressed and with anything else she needed to decide. Jackie was put in charge of preparing the house for the wedding and reception. Rose promised to return to London later so she, Jackie and Fraunk could dress shop.
On the drive home, the Doctor and Rose discussed the next Eternal task.
"So what's it this time? Hikin' up a volcano and doin' a tap dance?" Rose teased.
The Doctor smiled. "Nope! It's the Eternal's version of cleaning the Augean Stables."
Rose wrinkled her nose. "And I thought the sewers were bad."
"So, Eurystheus was ticked because good old Herc was so successful with all his other tasks, so he gave Herc an assignment to humiliate him. He was to clean the Augean Stables which housed immortal livestock which produced an enormous quantity dung. Now, these stables had not been cleaned in over thirty years and with over a thousand cattle, well you can imagine the mess. The real kicker was he had to do it in a day."
"What'd he do?" Rose asked.
"Clever Herc rerouted the rivers Alpheus and Peneus to wash out the filth. Voila, clean stables. Course, he was accused of cheatin' but I think they were just sore cause he used his brain to solve the problem."
"Doctor, tell me were not shovelin…."
"What! No, not quite. It's bit more…advanced."
"Advanced how?"
"Well, you see there's this frigate floating around the T'okel system that has been there for well probably a century or more and it's sort of filled with refuse."
"Refuse? Exactly how much refuse are we talkin' about?"
"Considering that people have been using it for a dumping ground for a century, um, lots."
"And we have to clean it?" Rose asked, becoming more and more horrified.
"Yup! But, the good news is we have more than a day. We have what would work out to be about one Earth week from today to do it. See, plenty of time."
Rose turned and looked at him. "A week for us to find transport to the garbage scow and clean it all neat and tidy?"
"Piece of cake!" the Doctor told her grinning.
"How we gonna clean it? I mean, can we just open an airlock?"
"What, and pollute the space around it? No, we can't do that. The task prohibits us from transferring the trash into orbit instead of on the ship." the Doctor explained. "Don't worry, it's near a quark star. I'm thinking we might be dumping the waste so it's burned up by the star, put the ship in a nice safe orbit and be home in time for tea."
"That's about the time everything goes pear shaped," Rose reminded him.
"Nah. Trust me. It'll be fine."
"You never did say how're we gonna get there. You got another friend to give us a lift?"
"Oh, you are gonna love this! Torchwood had a vortex manipulator in storage. They just tossed it aside like it was nothing," he told her grinning.
"You nicked it from Torchwood!"
"Well, they were just going to toss in it the bin. It's not like they'll miss it and besides it was broken until I got a hold of it," the Doctor told her, looking a bit pleased with himself.
"You cannot tell Pete or anyone else you took something like that."
"Rose, relax. It'll be fine. Torchwood shouldn't have it anyway. Besides, we shouldn't need it much at the rate the coral is growing. I'm thinking we'll have a working Tardis in a couple of months."
"Really!" Rose asked, excited at the thought of a working Tardis.
"Course, it'll just be space for now. It'll take some fine tuning before she's ready for time travel and we may need to make some runs for parts."
"This is so much faster than we thought. What made the difference?"
The Doctor grinned hugely at her.
"What?" she asked.
"Us. We made the difference. After I reviewed the readings for the past month, I was able to pin down a spike and it happened right after we um visited the nursery."
"What do you mean? Did we do something?"
"Oh yesss! We certainly did. Several times actually. I might have been a bit fantastic. Course, you were brilliant too," he told her cockily, and smiling even more if that was possible.
"Doctor, what are you sayin'?"
"You remember our little picnic in the nursery after our trip to Crescere?"
"Oh yes. Oh. Oh that picnic. The picnic where dessert was a bit, well us?"
"Yep!"
"Are you sayin' us? That we did it while we were um shagging?"
"Oh yesss! Quit Write too!" The Doctor waggled his eyebrows at her.
"But how does shaggin' help a Tardis grow? I mean it's a bit disturbin'. I don't get it?"
"Oh, well you see, you and I we've got artron energy in us and some traces of huon radiation and when we shag, we sort of tune into each other and focus it in a powerful burst. Basically wham, bam, Doctor/Rose explosion of passion and supercharged artron energy. Ha! Oh we are good!"
Rose looked at him. "And you don't think that's a bit weird?"
"What! No, of course not! Oh Rose, I told you, it's not like they knew what we were doing and even if they did, they wouldn't quite understand. They're a silicate temporal life form that has no reference to how non silicate life forms reproduce. I mean really, if they were to notice exactly what we were doing at the time, it would be more of a scientific observation."
"And that makes is soooo much better." Rose told him.
"Maybe we should focus on the fact that soon we'll have our own transport again? We still do have several tasks to complete," the Doctor told her, trying to distract her from her concerns.
Rose nodded. "Right, so we're leavin' in the morning then?"
"That's the spirit! Yep, we'll get ready tonight and leave bright and early in the morning."
Rose sighed. "Guess I better think of something to tell Mum in case we get stuck on some floatin' trash ship."