A Star Trek Fiction
"Captain Kirk, he's as human as the rest of us, he just receives more crap and punishment then the majority of us. He's daring and defiant but his true loyalty and all of his motives lie in his ship, the USS Enterprise."
Confused
Chapter 26: 'Gravity' John Mayer
He blinks slowly, hands and feet pushing into the soft couch as he stretches his muscles. With a yawn he pulls himself upright and finds the apartment unsettling quiet. No snores, no music, no sizzling of food, not even a hum of fan is ringing out and that worries him.
Gathering to his feet hastily, the room spins as the blood rushes to his head. He leans against the couch briefly to regain his vision before searching through the apartment for Jim. But the blond is nowhere in sight. He checks the time; it's midnight. When did they get home? How long ago was the meeting? When did Jim leave and why?
Questions swirl through his mind, but they leave answerless as he shoves them away and heads for the door. Bones snatches his coat and puts on his boots before heading outside, closing the door behind himself.
With a sigh he heads down the stairs and to the first floor, welcoming the fresh air that fills his lungs. The night sky is beaming brightly with stars that glint off of the glass buildings surrounding him.
Fog billowing from his mouth, he sticks his hands in his pockets and hastens his pace, continuing his search for Jim. As time ticks, the air only seems to drop in temperature, making him shiver with blue lips.
This seems pointless. When Jim doesn't want to be found, he isn't going to be found. It's as simple as that. But the fact that Jim is out there by himself, probably freezing his ass off, scares Leonard and drives him to keep looking.
The burden of Jim always seems to weigh down on, even though he knows the blond tries not to. That's why he runs off without saying, that's why he shuts himself away, that's why he keeps things to himself. He doesn't want to be that burden. But he is and there's no changing that, it's just something Bones has learned to live with. Jim will always make his heart heavy, but he's thankful for it. Without it, how would he know that he's still alive?
"Doctor McCoy." The greeting sends him two feet too many into the air and a string of curses to unleash in fiery hell that he hopes the person will forgive him for.
"God, yes, that's me." Bones rambles slightly and finally turns towards the person only to find a certain pointy ears and sharp eyebrows. His face falls, "Damn it Spock. What the hell are you doing out here?"
"I heard about the Captain's interview and I came to acquire his status." Spock explains, hands folding behind his back in their normal position. McCoy's mouth just hangs agape, "At twelve in the morning Spock?"
"I listened to the audio of the entire interview. I needed time to…time to compose myself." Spock ends awkwardly, and for once his gaze darts away seeking some relief from his embarrassment which Leonard easily picks up on.
"Shit, was it that bad?" Leonard gasps, eyes widening in shock, "He did not inform you himself?" Spock's gaze narrows critically and watches the Doctor chew on his lower lip in a nervous habit.
"I fell asleep and he must've taken me back to the apartment. But when I woke up he wasn't there, so now I've been looking for him."
The vulcan nods rather slowly and his eyes scan across the opening that they currently stand in, taking in the surroundings. "I believe I may be of some assistance."
"Damn right. Wasn't gonna keep searching by myself after running into you."
Spock nods again.
"So, any ideas Spock?" He prompts, arms crossing over his chest and pursing his lips as he surveys the immediate area, hoping that maybe just maybe he'd catch a flicker of movement, but there's none but the gentle chilling breeze brushing through the foliage.
"I believe I may have some." Spock begins and strolls away with Leonard on his heels.
The two walk in silence together for some time, keeping watchful eyes on the passing buildings and alleyways, searching for the one person that actually holds their lives together. Without Jim, he and Spock would never have conversed words with each other. Hell most of the time they argue, but usually it's just playful banter that makes Jim's face light up with the gleaming smile and it's always worth it if he gets to see that grin. But without Jim, there's no point. That's why he's gotta find him, that's why they gotta get Jim and save the Enterprise.
All for that damn devilish smile.
Because god knows that if the Enterprise is taken away, James Tiberius Kirk will fall off the face of the earth, hell, he'll fall off of the face of the universe while he's at it.
"Spock, what happened in the meeting?" Leonard suddenly breaks the silence and he swears he almost heard Spock sigh before answering, "It appears that Jim is in trouble with the Federation. He could possibly be facing court martial, depending on what next course of action Starfleet decides on."
"Shit, how can that be?"
Spock glances at him, eyes full of knowledge beyond Leonard's comprehension, "Jim lied to Admiral Ward during the meeting. The one on the day of the Enterprise's crash."
"Moron." The Doctor mutters under his breath.
"Indeed."
Leonard sighs, running a hand through his hair, "What does that mean for Jim? For us?"
"I do not know Doctor. But according to Jim's interrogator, Officer Huss, Jim will be taken away at o'six hundred hours and must stay in his quarters until they come to retrieve him."
Leonard laughs dryly, "Damn idiot didn't follow protocol, that's for sure."
Then silence once more consumes them and Leonard's gaze falls to the floor, taking the time to be fascinated by his own shoes scuffing against the pavement. It's Spock's hopeful tone of voice that brings him out of his haze.
"Doctor." Spock states, pointing a finger off to the side where a slumped over figure lies curled up in a tight ball.
McCoy nods, his throat restricting as he draws closer to the form.
Light shines down on the person, golden hair reflecting the starlight. The man has his arms wrapped around his legs and his face is buried in his knees. He lies on top of soft grass that rustles as the wind blows through.
"Jim?" Bones calls cautiously, but the golden hair and uniform make it so obvious that there's no need to question the identity of the man.
Jim stirs slowly and his crystal blue eyes peel open to welcome the figure looming over him. Frightened he scurries away and reaches for a phaser that isn't there.
"Jim-Jim it's me-it's Bones." The Doctor reassures and crouches down beside him.
The blond stares up at him, lips blue and limbs numb from the cold. Golden strands of hair fall flatly over his gleaming eyes and his skin is rather pale considering the amount of time spent sunbathing.
"Bones." The word uttered forth is barely choked out, but yet it's all that's needed to bring a gentle smile to play nicely on Leonard's face.
"Yeah, c'mon. It's time to get you inside." Bones huffs and gathers Jim in his arms and hauls him to his shaky feet.
Bones nearly drops him, but Spock comes on the other side and snatches Jim's arm to sling it around his own shoulders.
The trek back to the apartment is a swift one full of quiet. No one dared to speak. Bones was rather surprised that Jim didn't meltdown, the blond kept it all together, not even a frown sprung to his face during the trip back. Which it doesn't entirely bother Bones, but still, the kid didn't even show one emotion. Jim seemed to outdo Spock on the whole 'I have no emotions' bravado and that's saying something.
When they reach the door, Bones leaves Jim's weight up to Spock as he unhooks Jim's arm from his shoulders and opens the door for them all. He swings it open and lets Spock drag a half sleeping Jim into the room before following behind to shut the door.
"Thanks Spock." Bones breathes once they have Jim snuggled up on the couch with plenty of blankets piled up on top of his shivering frame.
"You are welcome Doctor. Jim would have done the same for any of us if we were reversed." The vulcan points out and gazes upon their sleeping Captain with so much compassion that it makes Leonard's heart flutter.
Of course Spock cares about him too. The whole damn crew cares and here he is, selfishly keeping Jim all to himself. It isn't right and it isn't fair to Jim.
"How's the crew?" Leonard swallows, arms folding across his chest while also staring down at Jim's resting form.
"Anxious. Anxious for their Captain."
The Doctor sighs, "Do they know?"
"No, not yet. But they must soon. They can't stay in the dark."
"They need to know now. Before Jim's taken away." Leonard mutters, eyes blinking several times before offering the vulcan a glance, "I shall return and inform them."
"How far away are you guys?"
"Twelve minutes and forty-five seconds walk away." Spock informs him causally and the Doctor can't stop his eyes from rolling, "You can't ever just put it simply can you?"
"Must you always question my ways Doctor?" Spock replies with a cocked eyebrow, "Do you always have to answer a question with another question?" Leonard retorts sharply with a huff.
"Does that bother you?"
"God Spock." Leonard gives in and throws his hands up in defeat before promptly letting them fall back by his sides.
"I think it is time that I inform the crew of the situation. Hopefully we'll be able to come and visit before Jim's departure. But I must hurry, for the crew as well has been assigned to stay within their rooms until interviewed, so they must not be spotted in Jim's quarters." Spock says, bringing reality back.
He nods in understanding, mentally sighing. The crew is being questioned as well, but of course not to Jim's degree. They're being placed in interviews and counseling meetings mainly to deal with the trauma and to see whether anybody else was in league with General Toq, not just Ensign Laura.
Leonard crouches down beside Jim's head, stroking the golden hairs back to reveal the ashen face with chapped lips. Softly he places a hand on the blond's forehead, feeling the warmth soak into his own skin.
"Did the Captain catch an illness?" Spock asks, the question taking Leonard by surprise, "His forehead's a little warm, but he should be fine. Serves him damn right for being outside without a coat." He grumbles and draws his hand away from Jim's head as he stands back upright beside Spock.
"I am glad that it was not something more harmful. I must admit that I feared for the Captain's safety after hearing the interview." Spock says openly and walks to the door with McCoy at his side, "I worry for him too. But there's not much we can do. It seems that his life is out of our hands now."
Spock just nods in response before making a quiet farewell and heading out the door, leaving Bones with a sleeping Captain on the couch.
Briefly squeezing his eyes shut, he closes the door and makes a tired trip back to the couch, collapsing by Jim's head to stare into his sleeping face.
"Is Spock gone now?" Jim asks hoarsely, his voice making Bones' skin crawl, "I didn't know you were awake. And yes, he's gone."
Jim nods blearily and lets a tremor run through him, "I just heard a lil." He mumbles, his eyes barely opening to take in the image of Bones' face gazing directly into his.
"Just rest Jim. Somehow you managed to make an idiot of yourself…again." Bones murmurs, feeling his forehead again, just for reassurance, before quickly bringing the blanket up to cover Jim's shoulders.
The blond moans and coughs into the blanket before his body is wracked with more shivers. Bones seems to helplessly watch momentarily, eyes searching deep into Jim's face for the answer. Just why?
"I needed to get out. To get away." Jim mutters blindly, and Bones wonders if he had thought aloud, "And no damn it, I'm a captain, not a mind reader. I just know you that well Bones."
Bones stares into his now open eyes, seeing the love and warmth within those ocean blue irises. They are truly brighter than the stars. They hold his world together. Without them where would they be?
"Get away from what Jim?"
Jim sighs, "From myself."
"That's not possible Jim." Bones comments with a huff, his own eyes beginning to droop in the same fashion as Jim's.
But unlike the Doctor, Jim forces to keep his eyes open, blinking several times to wake himself more, "Not when I'm with the stars. When I'm with the stars I see my counterpart life. The life I should've had, the life that's supposed to be mine, the life where my father lives and I spend my childhood growing up in the steps of my father. I saw it Bones. It's there, it's just not mine." Jim speaks in a quiet whisper and Bones has to listen carefully to catch every heartbreaking word, but even though he heard everything, he's left confused.
"What do you mean you saw it Jim?" He questions, facing his back towards Jim so he can lean against the couch.
Jim's hand immediately finds its way into his hair, pulling on the dark brown strands of hair soothingly.
"During Nero, when I was stranded on Delta Vega, I ran into Mister Spock, the one from the other timeline. He shared a mind meld with me. I wasn't ready for it and I ended up seeing everything. I saw myself, I saw how I should be, how I'm supposed to be. I saw you and I saw Spock. We were so tight Bones, we were like brothers. Then…" Jim trails off, eyes becoming distant as the memories come washing back in, "Then I saw the Enterprise. She was so beautiful and well-cared for. Her crew was brilliant and she was perfect. Absolutely perfect."
Bones shifts, suddenly uncomfortable with the tension in the air, "How come you never told me about this? It could've affected your psyche."
"I'm fine Bones. Really."
The Doctor sighs, "Really' doesn't cut it kid…how long have you been thinking that way?"
"Only when I see the stars."
The brunette squeezes his eyes shut as he pinches the bridge of his nose, "Jim, you live in space, surrounded by the goddamn stars. Don't tell me you've been thinking like this the whole time."
Jim's hand pauses in his hair and the grip suddenly tightens, "No, I mean when I'm alone with the sky. It frees my mind, gives me some peace. If I can't see the stars I'd gone crazy by now." The hand now releases its tense grip and goes back to gently tossing the hair back and forth in a calming manner.
"You do realize that this is the life you're supposed to have, it's meant to be Jim, whether you believe it or not." Bones tells him, but his words fall upon deaf ears, "Sure Bones, whatever helps you sleep at night."
"Speaking of night it's past one damn it."
"I leave at six." Jim says almost sorrowfully, Bones can feel his pain through his hands; the swift shivers that make his hands shake.
"Spock said he might be able to bring the crew here."
"That'd be nice." Jim mumbles and lets his hand fall from Bones' hair as he groans and shifts tighter into a ball.
The Doctor notices, he always notices, and gets onto his knees and faces Jim. He places a hand on Jim's forehead. He's gotten hotter, he has a bad feeling it's only going to get worse. "How you feeling kid?" Bones asks rather quietly as he stands, "Cold." Jim admits and tries to disappear further into the blankets.
"You shouldn't be burning up so much…Jim have you been feeling sick all day?" He prompts and gathers up his medkit, seeing what's even left in his low stash.
"I still felt kinda sick after the klingon ale…" The blond says blandly, shivering again before coughing loudly into the blanket. Bones comes back over and with a tricorder and runs it over him quickly, taking in the readings, "Damn it Jim, your fever is almost thirty-nine degrees Celsius."
"Is that bad?"
"Of course it's bad you idiot." Bones grumbles in reply and pulls away Jim's blankets, "Hey!" He complains and begins to shake more if that's even possible. "Shut up Jim, you're way too hot for my liking."
"Do you question your sexuality because of my hotness?" Jim asks with a sly grin despite the tremors coursing through him, "I said shut up." Bones insists and digs through his hyposprays, but he only lets out a string of curses, "I don't have the right ones…"
"Yay, no hypos for me."
"No Jim-no. Not good." Bones retorts and yanks the blanket from the blond's hands as he tries to pull it back over himself, "Jim, this fever is only about to get worse. I have to get your temperature down."
"Don't." Jim suddenly orders sternly, causing Bones to freeze, "What?" He splutters, blankly staring at Jim, "Don't bring my temperature down."
"And why the hell would I do that?" Bones exclaims, hands flying into the air in rage. The blond needs to learn to appreciate his amazing doctor skills.
"Bones, at six they're taking me away. I'm going to be court martialed and that'll be the end. I'm going to prison Bones."
"Damn it Jim, no you aren't." Bones refuses and once more snatches the blanket from the blond's desperate hands before tossing it out of reach, "Bones, they found out I lied to Admiral Ward. And that's only one thing. Not to add the total death count, the destruction of the Enterprise, and don't lemme get started on the meeting I had with General Toq, because that was totally protocol." Jim heaves a sigh and glances away from Bones' probing eyes, "Plus I dunno but they might still be out to demote me. At least that's what Admiral Marcus said a couple months ago."
"Damn it Jim, it's not going to end this way. You aren't going to get demoted and you sure as hell ain't going to prison for this shit." Bones grounds out, crossing his arms and glaring down at Jim, "Now you better hurry up and explain why I shouldn't bring your temperature down or I'm gonna call you delusional and sedate your sorry ass."
Jim just rolls his eyes, but once he sees Bones bringing out a hypo he raises his hands high in surrender, "Look Bones, they're coming to get me at six correct?"
There's a pause.
"Correct?" Jim prompts again.
"Yeah, correct." Bones growls and refuses to meet Jim's pleading gaze, "But if they come and find me terribly sick, they'll call it off. They'll push it back a few days and it'll buy us some time."
"Buy us some time for what Jim? You can't stop the inevitable."
Jim grins devilishly, "I know, but you can delay it, just enough time for Spock to save my career."
"How?"
"General Toq."
"Goddamn it no Jim. Not him again. All he is, is trouble and hatred stuck into a bottle and chucked directly at your head." Bones fumes, face flushing red with anger.
The blond's smile only grows, "Exactly Bones. Remember a couple months ago when we went over the Toq Incident? And how Toq knew exactly where we were going to be?"
"But I thought that was all Ensign Laura's doing?"
Jim chuckles, "We gave her too much credit. Bones think about it. The crew didn't know about the assigned mission until a day's notice. What are the odds General Toq was a day out as well? Plus even if he was, Ensign Laura would have to sneak a subspace message out to Toq in time for him to be ready. And when we arrived, she had to cut off the power to the Warp Drive, which isn't an easy thing to do singlehandedly."
"You think that General Toq knew where we were going to be before we even did?" Bones asks, brows furrowing together in deep thought as he processes the new information.
"How else can you explain it?" Jim offers with shrug, but his shrug is barely noticed due to the constant shivering, "Well how did he know where to be?"
"Well if I'm correct it might just able to save my ass."
Bones huffs, "What is it?"
"I think one of the Admirals plotted against me." Jim states with so such certainty that Bones believes him right there on the spot, "But where's the proof?"
"That's what Spock will be doing. But that's also why you gotta let me get sick, to buy Spock some time." Jim says tiredly and curls in on himself.
"Jim, they'll still take you, they'll just admit you to a hospital and you'll be out of my care." Bones points out and sits back down beside Jim for his legs were beginning to ache from exhaustion. "Bones, I have panic attacks. Use that to your advantage."
"Jim that…actually that might work. I can say that you had a panic attack after the meeting and that led to your bad health and if they try to take you away I can say that'll only make you more unstable."
Jim nods somberly, feeling that there is more truth to the statement than Bones actually knows.
"Alright, sounds good to me. Now can I have the blanket back?" Jim declares with a childish grin and Bones is tempted to whack him over the head, "Fine, but if you're temperature gets any higher than thirty-nine degrees Celsius I'm calling it Jim."
He nods again and greedily takes the blanket from Bones' reaching hands. Hastily he drapes it back over his shivering body and curls around himself, hugging his knees close to his chest. He hears Bones sigh from above him and the Doctor's hand brushes away the matted blond hair from his glazed eyes.
Jim just hums gently and closes his eyes, feeling the hand slowly peel away and completely disappear from his touch. When it returns it places a cool towel on his forehead and loosens the blanket up to allow some of the hot air to escape. The blond just groans and shivers involuntarily.
"Try to get some rest Jim." Bones' soothing words lull him into a fitful slumber.
When he awakes again there's several voices murmuring above him, causing him to moan and stir in his half conscious state. Then a hand brushes tenderly across his cheek. The hand is far too soft to be the Doctor's. Intrigued, Jim forces his blue eyes open to meet the rich brown eyes of Uhura stooping over him, a kind smile curving on her plush lips. He smiles back stupidly and earns a cute giggle from his Communications Officer.
"Hey sleepy. How are you feeling?" Nyota questions, pulling the golden hairs back as the other voices become quiet and he suddenly feels all eyes falling upon him.
"Mmm, fine." Jim moans and struggles to sit upright, the presence of his crew motivating him to at least look a little less pathetic than he really is, "Here ya go Keptin." Chekov's voice pipes from above him and before he knows it, Uhura and Sulu are helping him sit upright while the cheeky Ensign stuffs a large pillow behind him.
"Thanks guys." Jim mutters hoarsely and let's himself sink down with a comforted sigh, "Any of you guys get interviewed yet?" He asks, but either they didn't expect him to know about the meetings or he sounded like hell because everyone seems to jump out of their skin once the question is out.
"No, not yet Captain. Mister Spock and yourself are the only ones so far, at least that's part of the Bridge crew that is." Sulu fills in, standing off to the side along with Chekov who just seems happy to see Jim awake.
Uhura sits in front of him, hands folded neatly in her lap as she stares at him with graceful eyes. Spock and Bones are on the opposite side of the room, voices whispering back and forth, obviously bickering, but keeping the volume down so no one overhears them. God only knows what they're arguing about now.
"Where's Scotty?" Jim mumbles, glancing around for the familiar Scotsman, "Right here laddie." The Engineer chirps, coming around the side of the couch with a bottle of scotch firmly secured within his grasp, Jim smiles, "Mind sharing?"
"Ah, I'm sorry wee lad, no sharing tonight, Doctor's orders. And I ain't gonna make Doctor McCoy angry, no sir-no thank ya." Scotty rants and plops down beside Uhura and offers her a swig, but the officer wrinkles her nose and pushes the bottle away, "Your loss sweetheart." Scotty replies and takes a good mouthful.
Jim smirks, he's missed them, he truly has.
"Hey, Keptin. Did Miss Uhura tell you about her date with Mister Spock?" Chekov bends down and whispers over to him, but Nyota hears Pavel nonetheless, "It was not a date!" Uhura protests sharply, rising to her feet in defense.
Sulu laughs, "Then what do you two call that dinner together? Don't tell me Mister Spock has a special name for it."
"It was a formal meeting, that's all." Uhura states, sending icy daggers at the both of them, "Then how come you guys weren't wearing your Starfleet uniforms?" Chekov prompts boldly, but shies away when the Communications Officer takes a threatening step forward, "We were technically off duty."
"Alright, alright Uhura, you win." Sulu grins sheepishly and she just rolls her eyes dramatically, "See what I have to deal with Kirk?" Uhura grumbles sarcastically, making the blond smile ever brighter, but he begins to cough which gathers everyone's attention.
"You okay Jim?" Bones calls over from where he stands secluded in the darkness with Spock by his side.
Jim just nods his head and slumps further into the couch, rubbing a hand over his exhausted face, "How about we call it night shall we? Looks like the laddie needs his rest." Scotty suggests as he stands upright
"I agree, security is coming here in less than three hours, I want him to get some rest before then." Bones agrees and comes over followed by Spock, "So now would be a good time to start saying goodbye." The Doctor adds and crosses his arms.
"Alright Captain, farewell, take good care of yourself laddie." Scotty smiles and pats him on the shoulder; Jim nods and offers a grin to the Engineer.
"Bye Kirk," Uhura whispers and plants a soft kiss on his burning forehead, "Please don't do anything stupid while we're gone, unfortunately we do care about you."
The blond chuckles, "I'll withhold himself."
Sulu then slides in after Uhura has made for the door, "Goodbye Captain, take care, we'll see ya later, maybe we can get some fencing in ya?" The pilot suggests and smiles when Jim gives him an appreciative look, "Sounds like plan to me."
Then Chekov worms himself in front and launches into a hug, nearly strangling Jim in the process, "Hold up Chekov!" Jim manages to wheeze out and the Ensign pulls away with a smirk, "Sorry Keptin," Pavel apologizes quickly with a devious expression.
"It's alright Chekov. I'll see you later okay?"
Chekov nods, "Okay Keptin."
As Chekov skips away, Spock takes his place, hands fused together behind his board straight back. "Goodbye Captain, I hope to see you soon, but whereas the approximate time, I do not know."
"Goodbye to you too." Jim says with a weary smile and the vulcan bows politely before heading out the door to follow the others.
"Hey Bones." Jim greets once the door has been locked and silence as fallen over the pair, "You look awful." Bones says as he comes closer to the blond, "Thanks, that's exactly what I was going for." He remarks sarcastically.
"Yeah, okay." Bones scoffs and pulls out his tricorder to run it over the shivering blond, "You're sitting about thirty-eight degrees Celsius right now. Not too bad."
"It's only for a little longer Bones, than you can inject me with all the good ol' hypos you want." Jim tries to cheer him up a little, but the Doctor just shakes his head and leaves to re-soak the small cloth.
When Bones comes back over, Jim is almost asleep. Leonard smiles and places the cool towel on the blond's forehead, seeing him visibly shrink away from the cold touch, but soon lets it consume him as he falls into a slumber.
With a sigh, Bones picks out his own blanket and once more plops down onto the ground beside Jim's head, letting his eyes slip shut. In two hours, he'll be explaining his ass off to security about why Jim has to stay and recover, something he certainly isn't looking forward to.
Jim waits until Bones has fallen asleep to sit up and stretch his legs, careful not to disturb the Doctor. He sighs, there's one problem with their plan. Admiralty won't give a shit if he just has a fever. Yeah, maybe Bones can say that he's having hard time dealing with his anxiety, but he's not sure if that's going to give them the edge that they need. So, Jim Kirk decides to take matters into his own hands, like he always does.
Yes, it's stupid and yes
it might work. And definitely yes, Bones will kill him for it. But it's the only way to be certain that this goddamn plan will work. If there's even the slightest chance Jim came make their odds better, he'll take it, even if that means endangering his own life. Plus, it'll give Spock more time, which is what he's aiming for right?
The blond gets to his feet and snatches up Bones' medical bag, searching for the right hypo. He's slightly disappointed when he can't find anything that he's allergic too. But then again, the good Doctor packs this thing specifically for him. Instead he finds the next best thing, a very addictive drug, one of which has been used for hundreds of years and Bones only carries it because it's one of the few things he's not allergic too. Morphine.
Overdosing isn't the safest thing, but it'll be one of the fastest. Surely Bones will be able to convince the Admiralty to give them a few days of he looks like his insides are about to boil and leak out of his ears.
Taking a daring breath, he pushes the needle into his forearm and forces the liquid into his blood stream before pulling the hypo away. Once the pain subsides, he grabs another one and injects it into the same arm. He then yanks it away with a shaky hand and nearly collapses to the ground, not from the affects of the new introduced drug, but just the fact that he did it.
But, unlike some drugs, Morphine can take some time to distribute through his system, so he needs to get his heart rate up for it to circulate faster.
Tiredly, Jim crawls onto all fours and brings himself into a pushup position. Then swiftly and soundlessly he begins to do as many as possible, to the point where his muscles scream and he can hear the blood rushing in his ears.
He pants as he lets himself lie face down on the carpeted floor, breathing in the chilling air that makes his skin crawl and tremble uncontrollably.
Jim whimpers and curls in around himself, clutching at his stomach futilely. He squeezes his blue eyes shut. But his body temperature only seems to drop further. With an agonized moan, he drags himself back onto the couch and cuddles within the warmth of his blanket and soon, unconsciousness consumes him, leaving Bones a pleasant surprise.
Bones wakes to the sound of loud knocking against the door, startling him to the living world. He blinks hazily and jumps to his feet quickly, rushing to the door. He doesn't even wipe the drool off of his face or smother down his messy hair before opening the door to welcome the security men.
"Why, hello there." Bones grumbles, crossing his arms, "Can I help you fine gentlemen today?"
Jim's interrogator, Officer Huss, steps forward with an expression of steel, "We're here for Captain James Kirk. Please Doctor, just let us take him and we'll be out of your hair."
"You didn't hear?" Leonard exclaims and Huss looks at him confused, "Hear what?"
"Jim can't go anywhere, he's terribly sick." Bones informs them, but Huss just raises an eyebrow, "Please Doctor." He insists and Leonard sighs as he shakes his head, "See for yourself then."
The Doctor then lets them step inside and leads them over to the couch where Jim's lies in a massive heap of sweat and blankets. Bones is shocked himself when he's Jim's quaking form, but covers up his expression with a scowl when Huss glances his way.
"He looks…he looks awful. What happened?" Huss asks, not daring to move closer to Jim, in fear of somehow contracting the sickness.
Bones swallows, "Due to a mix of stress and anxiety he got a fever. A pretty high one. I was hoping it would break last night, but I guess he's not out of the woods just yet."
"How long until he can be fit for interview?"
Leonard almost sighs in disgust, but stops himself, "Five days until he can be fit."
"Five?" Huss splutters in a shocked outburst, "No way, three tops."
"Look, we're not just talking physically here; he needs some time to mentally recover as well." Bones argues, not willing to budge. Huss shrugs and rubs his temples in a tired fashion, "Fine, four days and no longer, Friday at six in the morning we'll be here to pick him up. Healthy or not. The Admiralty is going to be mad no matter what."
"Alright, deal." Bones agrees and begins to usher the men out of the room, the sooner they leave, the sooner he can check on Jim. The damn idiot looks worse than hell itself.
"Friday morning, don't forget Doctor McCoy!" Huss calls out one last time before the door is shut and locked.
He then sighs and races to Jim's side, whipping out his tricorder to examine Jim, but he doesn't need it to tell him that it's bad, he just wants the specifics.
"Hey, Jim-hey, you awake kid?" Bones says while gently shaking him.
The blond whimpers and buries himself deeper into a ball, shaking so much that his muscles have begun to burn in protest.
"Oh my god." Bones gasps once the final readings have come in, "Jim, why is there an overdose of morphine running through your system? What have you done?"
"S-sorry Bones." Jim stutters under his breath, and pettily clutches at his blanket, but it brings no more warmth, "Jim, you're burning up. You're unlucky, most of the time morphine causes decrease in temperature and heart rate, looks like you're one of those few cases where it's the opposite…kid, if I don't get you cooled down, we're looking at possible brain damage." Bones is more talking to himself than Jim now, for the kid is nodding off, short gasps barely making it past his lips.
"Alright, alright hold on kid, I'm gonna hafta do this the old fashioned way." Bones informs him and stoops over to bring him upright, but Jim whimpers pathetically and shies away.
"C'mon Jim, I know it hurts but you'll feel better." The Doctor insists, but Jim isn't buying it, he squirms again, wrapping his knees close to his chest while he fights for a breath, "Jim, you're fever is terribly high, if I don't get it down it could have long lasting effects on your brain…but then again why would you care?"
Jim attempts to open his eyes and look at Bones, but they won't focus and all he receives is the blurry figure of his best friend standing over him, arms crossed.
Bones sighs, "C'mon kid, lemme take care of you. Trust me."
Jim's heart seems to beat so fast it might burst from his chest, and the sweat sticking to his white skin serves to make him shudder. His insides feel like knots, making his stomach crawl up his throat.
"I trust you." Jim says softly and so crisp that Bones hears his low voice easily and smiles upon his blond Captain, "Then let me help you."
The blond nods and shakily reaches out his arms for Bones to pull him to his feet. Bones takes the offer greedily and heaves Jim up and he would've toppled over but Bones' determined hands steady him and delicately steer him away. Jim can't even tell where they're headed until he's set down onto the cool tiled floor of the bathroom, "Bones…?"
"Yeah I know kid, hold on." The Doctor replies running the faucet to the tub, but as he glances between the cold water and his friend, he concludes that the bath will take too long. With a huff he sets it to shower mode and instantly the water starts raining down, sprinkling droplets that fall into Leonard's hair.
Bones then turns back to Jim, quickly yanking off his clothes until he's stripped down to his boxers. Once again, he has to give his best friend a shower. Damn, this is happening far too often. But now, more than ever, Bones feels like if he doesn't do this, Jim's mental and physical health could be at stake.
So, without further pause, Bones gathers his best friend up and walks him towards the shower. He steps in first, letting the icy water run down his own back, saturating his once dry clothes, reminding himself that this is for Jim. He then guides Jim into the crammed space as well, letting the blond slip his arms around his neck and bury his face into his shoulder, hiding from the chilling rinse of the showerhead.
Bones spins Jim around so the water now hits the blond's bare shoulders and runs down his back. Jim shrivels away from the cold water, but Bones keeps him in place by wrapping his arms around Jim's back. Despite the water, Bones can still feel the heat waves radiating off of Jim and he lets Jim's feverish heat keep him warm as the chill settles into his aching bones.
"Bones-I'm c-cold." Jim's teeth chatter so hard they sound like they're about to shatter, "Shh, it's alright Jim, just a couple more minutes okay? I gotta get your temperature down." He explains, and Jim just nods and slumps against him, barely holding up any of his weight anymore. Gravity is pulling them down.
The Doctor's arms shake as he tries to hold the blond upright, but eventually he gives in and sits upon the shower floor, holding the shivering blond close to his chest. Blue eyes are slipping shut and his breathing has begun to even out, giving Bones some reassurance, but he's still a quivering mess
Bones strokes the matted blond hair back, watching Jim cradle his stomach in incredulous pain. Morphine can cause horrible things on a person's intestines, poor kid. The tremors coursing through the fragile Captain is astonishing, one would think he was holding onto a large jackhammer. He glances down, despite the lethargic appearance, the bluing skin and the limp muscles; Jim manages to look up with ocean eyes that penetrate into his soul.
"Hey kid." Bones whispers and places a hand on Jim's forehead to check his temperature, which has started to drop significantly, "Seems like you're just about done." He comments and Jim nods slowly and rests his head back down with a wheezing sigh.
"How are you feeling?" He prompts, hoping to get a coherent response, but he doubts it, then again he can't be sure. Morphine does a number of things to the body when taken in an overdose. The drug firstly decreases a person's heart rate, temperature, and blood pressure, but in some cases, like Jim's, they'll have the opposite effect, it'll be increased. Also Jim will most likely experience confusion, hallucinations or delusion. He'll have pale clammy skin, headaches, nausea and possible itching, vomiting and diarrhea, which is just great. His respiratory can begin to slow and he can have trouble being alert and coherent.
So when Jim smiles and tries for a couple words, he isn't surprised that Jim slurs over his words and replies with a sentence that isn't whatsoever related to the question, or the situation in any way possible, "Tss' al'right, I andle' em'."
Bones is about to ask he is referring to, but stops himself. Right now, all Jim needs is rest, and plenty of it, so instead he turns off the running water and stands up, bringing the mumbling blond with him.
Jim protests though, flaying his arms weakly at his supposed offender, "Jim-Jim. Goddamn it Jim it's Bones." Leonard tries to convince him, but the blond continues to resist his hold, but he's so weak the Doctor easily yanks him from the tub and wraps a towel around him.
He quickly rubs Jim dry and changes him into a new pair of boxers without a second thought. Once done, he leads Jim to the bedroom, gently laying him down amongst the sheets and throwing a thin blanket over him. The blond mutters under his breath, already beginning to toss and turn. But Bones brings over his medkit and pulls out a sedative.
With a sigh he sits on the edge of the bed and tilts Jim's head to the side to expose his vulnerable neck, he then pushes the needle into Jim's skin and injects the liquid which almost instantaneously drags Jim under.
When Jim finally comes around, he's in a different place. He's home. He doesn't know how it happened but he's home and that's all he cares about. The blond sits up, using his hands to brace himself.
He looks around, taking in the familiarities before placing his bare feet firmly on the white floors of Sickbay, letting the coldness seep into his skin.
"Bones?" He calls out, surprised that his voice came in strong and sturdy, not a weak croak that he was expecting.
With silence as a response, Jim stands up and tests his legs, feeling his muscles successfully move and bend without a single hindrance. He strolls out of the confined room and opens himself up to the lively hall of the medical bay, only to find it void of life and noise.
"…Bones?" His voice is strained and he barely manages to keep the fear out.
Where is everybody?
Jim continues forward, but he can't stop the incessant questions from plaguing his mind and crushing his spirit to dust. With each step, his heart only sinks further down into the dark pits of nothingness that consume his mind.
His strides have become longer and more confident, but fear is still etched on his face. He's starting to run, heading faster and faster for the only place he think of, the Bridge. When he makes it to the turbolift, it doesn't work, not even a beep when he pushed the button, just screaming silence.
Sprinting, Jim forces himself to take the steps two at a time, making it to the top breathless and a bit queasy. He blinks away the nausea and steps forward, welcoming the empty darkness called his Bridge. Jim glances around, but finds nothing, just the black staring back at him, soulless and negated of any stars. There's only an abyss of agony awaiting him and that sends him spiraling a few steps back, only to collide and fall into his once comforting captain's chair. But he reacts fiercely as if the chair was the devil himself.
Collapsing to the floor, he sucks in greedy breaths and gazes about blankly, suddenly feeling small and worthless within the presence of the hollow Enterprise.
Then, out of the thick of obscurity, the crying of the Enterprise's alarms sound off, lighting the dreary rooms with blood red.
Jim hops to his feet anxiously and runs up to Sulu and Chekov's console, going through the ship's data reports, searching for the cause. But it doesn't take long for the answer to reveal itself, for suddenly the cavity of space peels away to expose the blue sky of earth, but the blue is flying passed quickly.
The Enterprise is falling. Gravity is pulling her down to earth, to join the graveyard of bones at the bottom.
The starship Captain stumbles and lands on his knees, watching the world go by. He squeezes his eyes shut and welcomes the impact of the Enterprise hitting the surface of the earth. All because of gravity.
As his beloved Enterprise hits the ground in an earsplitting shriek, he's whisked away, appearing before him a large farm with tall cornstalks. He blinks several times muttering, "There's no place like home," and clicking his heels together in a foolish attempt to wake himself from this nightmare. When nothing happens he rubs his eyes and walks forward, finding the immediate area quite familiar, or maybe it's just because it's a cornfield, for there were many in Iowa.
The last thing he wants is to be back in Riverside, but as he sees a nearing sign and runs up to it, his stomach falls. On the sign it reads, 'Welcome to Riverside Iowa' with the population being faded out. His stomach seems to climb up his throat and his world seems to be on fire briefly before his spluttering choking dies down and he's able to breathe once more.
He lets his hands brush gentle across the rusted sign before heading in, deeper into Riverside where his childhood looms ever closer in memory. Jim seems to only walk a few steps but he's marched miles as his old home grows to life before him, springing from the ground in all hastiness it makes him dizzy.
The blond almost collapses in quaking fear of his appalling mind.
"Jim!" The voice sends him spiraling in the depths of darkness that even he cannot regain himself from it.
He shrivels and feels the hands grabbing him harshly and tossing him forward with much gusto that sends him crashing to the rough ground, gaining new cuts and bruises along his dreadfully pale skin. "Please, Frank stop!" He wails desperately and scrambles from the crazed man's reaching grasp.
"Get inside, now Jimmy!" His step father growls and lands a cracking blow to his ribs with and steel-toed boot.
He yelps and kicks up dirt as he struggles to gather to his feet and makes to the house in a dead sprint; feeling like Frank is breathing down his neck.
His feet smack against the familiar creaks and groans of the wooden boards of the porch as he swiftly bursts through the door and slams it shut before promptly running down the hall and up the stairs to his room, the basement.
Jim's breathing is utterly out of control as the panic surges through his veins and the blackness of his childhood bedroom swallows him whole. He reaches out and grasps onto the crooked post of his ragged bed and pulls himself onto it, squeezing his eyes shut until the stale air flows freely in and out of his exasperated lungs.
"Jim, we need to talk." Frank's statement runs chills through him and instantly he dives underneath the thin sheets of his bed, hoping to hide from Frank's deathly presence. But the man easily finds him and tears the blanket from his frail clutches.
The blond bites his lip, feeling like an eight year old boy once more under the abusive power of his step father.
Frank leans over him, grabbing him by the wrists and pinning them above his head. His breath smells of alcohol as its blown straight into Jim's grimaced face. Jim flinches and whimpers, feeling absolutely exposed and vulnerable beneath Frank's threatening grasp.
"Shut up kid and don't struggle." Frank snarls and spreads Jim's legs apart.
Jim becomes squeamish and is unable to contain his sudden cries of pain that erupt from his lips.
Screams of terror fill his ears and it takes him a moment to realize it's his own as he's drawn back to the waking world, part of the living once more. He clutches the sheets underneath and thrashes wildly, trying to kick away the imaginary monster attacking him.
"Jim! Jim stop!" Bones yells and forces him down, placing one hand on the blond's chest and another on his forehead, feeling the hotness rippling off of him.
But the bucking blond doesn't respond so Bones pulls out a sedative and pushes it into his neck, letting unconsciousness claim his best friend again.
Jim finds himself once more under the influence of his morphine induced delirium, yanking his mind away from reality and letting it succumb to the next greatest power, his nightmares. His nightmares grab him and drag him under the rich soil of faint memories of joy and deeper into the crevices of his mind that are filled to the brim with anguish and despair. Next thing he knows he's being led away in chains, a collar strapped tightly around his neck, feet trudging along in the dirt, meeting his fate.
Tarsus IV.
Words can't describe the utter fear and defeat welling in the pit of his stomach, making him vomit all over himself in a feverish haze that sends him convulsing in pain.
Kodos' face appearing before him with that grim smile, teeth yellow and eyes gleaming with compassion for hate. It makes Jim's breath hitch in the back of his throat and his eyes to pool with innocent tears of his horrid childhood.
When will this nightmare end? Is all he can begin to process as he forced to run away, herding his kids to a safer place to protect them from Kodos' men that nip at their heels wherever they go. But that 'safer' place never provides food or water, and is usually barely a shelter from the harsh weathers of the planet's surface.
With his kids all safe inside the dark cave, he sits guard, taking only a few glances to look back on the sleeping faces of his many children which he now calls his own. They're all homeless, all fighting, all trying to survive.
But only so many can make it through this hell.
Then, as he feels the frightening memories begin to tug him deeper into his mind, Bones' jostling hands stir him until he's able to groan and open his tired eyes.
"Jim, hey kid." Bones' soothing tone welcomes him as he blinks his eyes drowsily, "Am I dead?" He moans, his muscles refusing to respond to his commands. Damn, he must be dead then surely.
Bones laughs dryly, "No kid, you were pretty damn delirious for awhile there."
"But the Enterprise she-and Frank-" Jim begins to protest in frantic whimpers, "It was just a dream Jim. The Enterprise is fine, nothing happened-and yes, before you ask, the crew is fine too. Just worried that's all."
Jim nods and finally forces his eyes fully open. Bones is sitting on the edge of the bed, stroking his hair back, eyes gleaming with concern, something he hates to see in Bones' eyes. He hates causing the Doctor so much pain.
"How long?" He asks, his voice scratchy as sandpaper.
Bones huffs, "Four hours, it's almost eleven now."
He nods again.
"Feeling hungry?"
The blond shakes his head, just the thought of food makes him feel nauseous.
"It's alright, just some aftereffects of the morphine being in your system. You'll feel a bit sick for today and tomorrow. You shouldn't experience any withdrawal symptoms, but nonetheless you're gonna feel like shit for awhile. Serves you right you crazy bastard. Injectin' yourself with those drugs." Bones growls and glances away briefly, showing annoyance through his body language.
"Can I have some water?"
Bones nods and disappears, and reappears shortly after with a cup full of water, "Here, drink it slowly. Your body can't handle much right now. I'm thinking about ordering an IV, depending on how well you can stomach things."
Jim doesn't reply, but simply reaches a hand out and takes the cup to drink it, with Bones' hand stabilizing his quivering arm. "Thanks Bones." He rasps out after several gulps and the good Doctor has snatched the cup from his grasp.
"Just don't do it again please." Bones says in a long sigh, shoulders slumping in exhaustion.
Jim knows Bones can't keep doing this, taking care of him and working his ass off only for it to happen all over again. The Doctor has poured his heart into him, to making him better, to heal him. But he fears that his heart is too far broken for mending.
"How bad was it?"
It takes a moment for Bones to formulate an answer, "It was really bad Jim. You…you were screamin' and cryin'. I tried to calm you but your fever had shot back up and the drugs were messing with your head pretty bad. You said things Jim, things I've never heard before. Whether it was the delirium talking or those nasty nightmares I don't know. I just don't wanna see you go through that again."
Jim lets himself slump back down and his eyes blink heavily.
"Rest Jim, I'll be right here when you-" Bones doesn't get much further as suddenly loud knocks echo through the apartment.
Bones raises an eyebrow at the blond and briefly lets his hand squeeze his shoulder before leaving to open the door. The moment the door is open Spock pushes passed Leonard and shuts the door and locks it, taking a few seconds to breathe.
"Spock, what's going on here?" Leonard demands, crossing his arms angrily.
The vulcan releases a few pants, sweat dripping off of his forehead, "We may have a slight situation here. Is the Captain able to move?"
The Doctor blinks several times in disbelief, "Spock, what the hell is going on?"
Spock doesn't answer as he comes to Jim's side along the bed and looks into his Captain's dull blue eyes, "Captain, I may have put you into further danger." He admits, making Bones grumble in the background.
"I'm already in some big shit Spock. Not much more you can do to make it worse." Jim croaks with the rolls of his eyes, but Spock's tone of voice catches him off guard, "Jim, if we do not leave here in approximately twenty-four point thirty-seven minutes, you will die."
Bones huffs, "Damn it Spock, do you always have to be so damn optimistic about everything?"
Author's Note: Yeah, I know, longest chapter in the book so far! Sorry yall for taking so long to post an update, but I hope it was worth the wait! I'd like to thank every single one of yall who have reviewed this story so far; it's very encouraging and inspires me to write the next chapter. So with that, I'll leave it for now, thanks yall and stay awesome. Live Long and Prosper.