Christina takes the tablet and wraps her arms around me, squeezing tightly. I don't stop her, because she needs me in this moment just as much as I need her. I cry into her shoulder and can feel her occasionally shake with her own grief.
"I'm so sorry," she eventually whispers, stroking my hair. The movement is comforting, but it makes me think of my mother, and I cry harder. Another ding pulls us apart.
"I can't," I whisper to Christina, and she nods her head, picking up the tablet.
"Hello! Christina! Where's Tris?" I hear Tobias' worried voice say, and I take the tablet from her.
"Four," I croak, another wave of tears unleashing.
"Tris, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he says, his voice thick with emotion. I see Will move into frame, his eyes red. He gives me a sad smile and a nod.
"Zeke too," I say, not really knowing how to express what I feel for him. Not knowing how to comfort Tobias -and everyone else- when I feel like this. My life, and everything I thought I knew about it, is forever changed.
"I know," he says quietly, closing his eyes. We're all silent. I watch Tobias through blurry eyes. When he opens them again, he takes in a deep breath, exhaling slowly.
"Things are going as planned here," he says, changing the subject. "You guys just hold tight there, and this will all be over soon enough. Tris, I love you." Those three words should fill me with all sorts of happy emotions, but I can't feel any of them. I'm numb. I just nod, and hand the tablet to Christina who says a few words to Will before hanging up.
"How did they know?" I ask.
"What?"
"They knew when we did. How?" Christina taps a few times on the tablet and nods.
"It went out to every tablet with a Dauntless address on it."
"Oh."
I'm not all that familiar with this, but I understand enough to know that more than a few people saw this warning. I sigh, wiping my tears and feeling my pain slowly morph into anger instead. My mother. Zeke. Who knows who else. Jeanine has crossed the line, and I have had it. I will never allow her to hurt anyone ever again.
"Tris," Christina says cautiously, "What are you thinking?"
"I'm thinking...that they're not going to get away with this."
"Tris, you can't do this," Christina says as I change. I take the flash drive and plug it into the tablet. Christina helps me make a copy of it, before I tuck it securely into one of my pockets.
"I don't have a choice. Erudite is obviously going to do whatever they want, and if I even have half a chance of stopping it by giving her this, then I will."
"What about Four? And Will? They seem like they're not having any issues."
"Then consider it a back-up plan. One of them is bound to work."
I look at her face, and I feel like I'm looking at a stranger. The small amount of time I've spent with Christina, she's always been so happy and carefree. She's even made me feel that way from time to time. But the girl in front of me now is no longer the same, and I understand completely. Even I'm avoiding the mirror in Four's apartment; I don't think I would recognize who is staring back at me.
I'm not who I thought I was- Abnegation, Dauntless, or otherwise. Maybe that's why they call me divergent. I'm so much more than I ever thought I could be. I am in control of my life, and that scares them more than anything else ever could.
Good.
I lean over and give Christina a hug, practically having to pry myself out of her arms to leave.
"I only told you so at least one person would know where I was."
"I know," she says quietly. "Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"
"No," I say firmly. "I don't need anyone else needlessly risking their lives for this."
"Tris," she whispers, but relents quickly when I look her in the eye. "Okay, okay. I get it. Just...please be careful."
"I will." I give her a small smile as I leave her in Four's apartment.
I navigate the Dauntless compound on my own, crossing the Pit and finding the stairs that lead up to the roof. The train horn sounds and I take off -running fast and pushing hard- catching it with ease. I smile at the rush of wind and adrenaline. A part of my wishes Tobias was here to share this moment with me, but I push it back down; I have to keep a level head right now if this is going to work.
Before I know it, I'm jumping again, this time into Erudite. I walk cautiously, not knowing if I'll be recognized as loyal or traitor. I hide when I catch my first glimpse of a traitor Dauntless, and curse- I see a blue armband; I'll definitely be found out. She seems to be alone though, and she isn't much larger than I am...
I creep closer to her, keeping my eyes and ears open for anything suspicious. I pull my knife and hold my breath as I hear her footsteps coming closer and closer. I grip the knife tightly and thrust my arm out as hard as I can, hitting her square in the nose with the handle. It must have been hard enough because she isn't moving.
I look around quickly and pull her into a nearby building, taking her jacket and locking her in a closet. Even if she escapes or they find her, she never saw me and they won't know who they're looking for. I debate taking her gun, but throw it into a different room before I leave.
I walk with more confidence -after all, I belong here- and nobody questions my presence as I waltz right through the front door. I know nothing about the layout of Erudite, but spot a handful of Dauntless waiting for an elevator, and join them.
I keep my head down, nodding along to their conversation but keeping to myself. We crowd onto the elevator, and I hold my breath now that we're in closer quarters, praying nobody recognizes me or asks me a question. The elevator dings on the fifth floor, and I file out with them, breathing a sigh of relief.
I follow as they walk towards a room that looks like it could be a makeshift dorm- I can see blankets and articles of clothing strewn everywhere. I slow my pace and fall behind, turning down a hallway that looks eerily like the one my mother was killed in.
I walk slowly, ignoring the mountain of sorrow and guilt building up inside of me, trying to figure out my next move as I look in each room. Computers. Desks. Lab equipment. Eventually the hallways I wandered lead me to a dead end, and another elevator. I double check that nobody followed me, and press the up arrow.
Nothing happens.
I press it again, only noticing the small sliver of a hole when I run my finger back over it. "A key," I whisper to myself. Of course. I stand there for a moment, trying to think about who would have a key and what could possibly be off limits wherever this leads, when I hear the elevator start up. My heart beats hard as I panic for a second, but I hold my head up high as I stand firmly in front of the doors. This has to be it. Why else would it be off limits to those without a key? When the doors open, I am startled by who is in front of me.
"Caleb?" I say, barely louder than a whisper.
"B-Beatrice? Is that you?" I nod a small, single nod. "What are you doing here? And why are you dressed like the Dauntless? And-"
"Caleb," I interrupt. "Do you even know?"
"Do I know what?"
"About mom? And dad?"
"What about them?" I look around to make sure nobody else is around again when Caleb grabs my arm and pulls me into a room.
"There are cameras everywhere Beatrice. How did you even get in here? And what about mom and dad?"
"Caleb, mom's dead," I say, barely holding back my tears.
"What? No. No, no, no. That's impossible," he says, shaking his head. "I was assured they would be fine."
"What?" I ask, my heart pounding even harder. "Caleb, did you know they were here?"
"Of course I did."
"And you didn't do anything about that?" He looks at me for a moment before pulling on his lab coat and straightening up.
"Faction before blood, Beatrice. Something you should do to remember," he says, looking me up and down. Seeing him like this, in his fancy lab coat and his Erudite blue, makes it impossible to keep my feelings to myself. This mountain is a volcano, and I don't bother trying to stop the eruption.
"You absolute bastard," I say through gritted teeth.
"Beatrice!"
"Don't Beatrice me!" I yell, shoving him. "You knew and you did nothing! Mom is dead Caleb!" I shove him again. And again, and again. He doesn't fight me back, but looks more devastated with each shove. "She's dead because of Erudite! Does that mean nothing to you?" I pull on his lab coat, pushing him back into a wall. I can't stop. The tears come now as I hurt him the way he hurt me.
How has my brother turned into everything I have come hate?
"Stop," he finally says, his voice breaking. "She promised me."
"What?"
"She promised me," he mumbles again.
"Promised? Who promised you, Caleb?"
"Jeanine. I...I told her that you would come. Here. And Candor. I told her that you would give up the information in exchange for our parents. She promised me that nothing would happen."
My head swims as what my brother said fights to make any sense. I finally let go of him with one last shove, and walk away. I place my hands on a wall, letting my head hang and breathing in and out slowly. I do my best to let the Abnegation in me handle this situation right now, because I am terrified of what would happen if I let the Dauntless in me take over. I can actually feel the knife against my thigh, calling out to me. Deep breath in, slow exhale out. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Caleb. Small, selfless Caleb, who always made me look inadequate during our childhood. When did he lose it, that innate ability to always do good? Maybe he never really had it, and was just a better liar than I ever was.
I feel sick.
His Erudite brain was able to rationalize this. He weighed the pros and cons of using our parents, and came to a conclusion without any thought other than getting to the end goal. It's the only way I could ever see him putting our parents in a situation like this, regardless of how much he cared. Or didn't. I don't know what to believe anymore.
"Where is dad?" I finally ask.
"I don't know."
"Where are the other people she took?"
"Up in her labs."
"Her labs? What is she doing?"
"She's trying to take away their...divergence."
I look up at Caleb, who at some point moved to stand right next to me. He reaches a hand out, gently touching my shoulder. I shrug him away, pacing to the other side of the room. If what he said is true, this changes things. I have what Jeanine asked for, but I have more than that, too.
"Can you take me to her?" I ask.
"Why? Beatrice, she'll arrest you and-"
"Caleb!" I yell, causing him to jump. "I don't care about any of that! Don't you care about what she's doing? What difference does it make if they're divergent? What does that even mean, Caleb?"
"Well, a divergent is someone who has more than one trait, thus they are unable-"
"Caleb. I know what divergent means. What I meant was why does it even matter?"
He is silent for a long time, and I think at one point I can actually see his thought process. They way he moves his eyes back and forth like he's reading an imaginary book. The way his fingers twitch just a little, as if he's typing on a tablet. The way his mouth slightly moves, as if he's having a conversation with nobody in particular. It would be amusing, if things were different.
"It keeps the peace," he finally says, parroting what we've always been told. "It gives the people a goal and something good to strive for."
"Does it, though?" I ask, motioning to the room around me. "Is this peaceful, Caleb? Taking people from their faction? Doing whatever it is you're doing to them against their will? War? Killing mom?" It's this last bit I think that finally makes him break down.
He drops his head and I see his shoulders shake. "Mom," he says, bringing his hands up to his face. I want to comfort him -I should comfort him- but I don't. He deserves every bit of grief and guilt he feels right now. If it wasn't for him, our mother would still be alive and I wouldn't be forced with the decision I know I have to make right now.
"Caleb," I say softly. "Where is Jeanine?"
"In her lab."
"Can you take me there?" He looks at me for a moment, and nods his head.
"Only," he adds, "If you tell me what you're planning on doing."
A quick thought tells me I'm probably going to need his help. In the very least, I need to make him understand. I sigh and take a look around the room. I don't notice any cameras, but I ask anyways.
"No, they're mostly in the hallways and the labs," Caleb answers.
"Okay," I say, "But you have to promise you'll do exactly what I say."
Caleb pulls a long flat stick out of his pocket and slides it into the button for the elevator. It lights up when he presses the button, and the doors open immediately. I take a deep breath and walk in, Caleb right behind me. He presses the button with a three on it, and the elevator takes me up to Jeanine.
When the door opens, I'm a little overwhelmed. Every square inch is stainless steel or glass. The walls, the floors, all of it. We walk together, Caleb taking my arm firmly like I instructed. I pass a few glass walls and see some Erudite in full protective gear, looking up as we walk by, chemicals and beakers and tablets in hand.
We get to the end of the hallway, and I have to stop myself from wrenching out of my brothers grasp and running into the room in front of me. There is someone strapped to a table, and Jeanine is standing over him, watching as some of her Erudite lackeys poke and prod into a part of his exposed brain. I struggle just enough to be convincing, and catch Jeanine's attention.
"Caleb," she says as she walks out of the room. "What is going on here?"
"Found her snooping around. Not too sure how she got in here," he says, tugging at the blue armband on my jacket, "But she said she has what you asked for."
"Beatrice, is this true?"
"Yes. And you can have it on one condition."
"And what is that?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.
"You let everyone else go." She looks to my brother, who simply shrugs, playing his part well.
"I fail to see the benefit of your deal," she finally says. "I get what is rightfully mine, but lose what is also mine. No. Caleb, take her to a holding cell."
"Wait!" I shout as Caleb tries to pull me down the hallway. "I have something else you want."
"What could you possibly have that I want?" she sneers.
"My divergence."