A/N: Insanity strikes anytime. Insanity strikes anywhere. Insanity strikes anyone. Insanity is merciless. Insanity is uncontrollable.

Insanity spares NO ONE. This fresh chapter is proof.

Now this is more like it! Thought things are a little different again. The Alchemist wasn't really a villain, but he was a significant character, and I really really wanted to do this! Depending on how you look at this chapter, it's a little OOC. But it all makes sense in the end, promise.

Disclaimer: Please don't sue me, that's all I ask of you. I wish I did own SRMTHFG, but nooo...

Victim 19: The Alchemist

Cedric Angriff beamed. He had been waiting a very long time for this. "Hello folks, tonight is the night you've all been waiting for!"

"That's right Cedric!" Natalie near screamed. "We're all excited, because tonight, we welcome... Give a round of applause for our special guest, the great Alchemist!!!"

Natalie swung her arms dramatically to the curtained back wall, in which a gap appeared and the Alchemist stumbled through. He walked out, waving nervously to the screaming crowd waving huge banners. He walked awkwardly over to the centre of the stage, sitting down in an armchair that had been put there.

The Torture Chamber hosts sat opposite him. "Right, absolute pleasure to have you here tonight, Alchemist sir." Cedric gave his signature grin. "You've taken the time to build a time-machine yourself, just to come here. For that Torture Chamber is truly grateful. Of course this means that you are absent from the past, and thus having the possibility of condemning the Monkey Team to non-existence and dooming us all. So let's keep this short, alright?"

"It's really great to have you here!!!" Natalie squealed. Quite out of character for her. But then, if you were visited by a great alchemist from the past, you might say that as well.

"Uh, thanks." the Alchemist answered nerously. And they called me crazy... "Okay, short and sweet. No one needs me to explain the theory of relativity? No one wants me to teach them how to turn your little brother into a ninja cyborg? No one wants to learn sorcery? Great! I'm out of here." The Alchemist abruptly stood up. Poor guy, camera-shy. "Pleasure to be here in the future. Say hello to my monkeys, and I wish the Chosen One success. All the best for your show, too." he said, quickly shaking hands with the hosts. Natalie squeaked and grinned hugely when he took her hand.

"And now if you don't mind," the Alchemist continued. "I'm off to punch Skeleton King in the face. Good day!" He was about to leave, wanting to be out of sight of the crowd and those cameras as soon as possible. He was stopped by Cedric's hand on his elbow.

"Just before you go, we'd like to give you something special to remember us by. From the city of Shuggazoom!"

The Alchemist smiled weakly. "Thank you very much, but you know, places to be, monkeys to build. Entrusted with the fate of the universe, you know, that sort of thing."

"Very quick." Cedric assured. His eyes were shining in anticipation. Natalie could be seen with a look of horror on her face. If anyone had taped that episode, they can pinpoint the exact second Natalie copped it.

Cedric went for the pie. Natalie tried to scream 'no', but too late! Holy smokes she's going for a dive! Will she make it, who knows! The pie is curving at the same rate that she is, custard I believe it is. And why the heck is everything in slow-motion, and why is there some moron on the set narrating?! Agh, never mind. Natalie is still diving, she's reached the highest point. She's beginning to come down... Hey, we can catch a magnificent glimpse of her high heels there folks, she's a walking advertisment! Natalie Teasedale, is she really going to sacrifice this for the Alchemist?! The pie! Can you seriously believe that Cedric Angriff would risk his job, the SHOW'S RATINGS!!! You can pie someone else Cedric! Jeez... That's really slack Cedric.

Oh if you insist. Rewind! That's better. Let's concentrate on the pie this time. Cedric displays his incredible skill, the pie came from absolutely nowhere! He's drawing back his arm, brings it forward... Nice footwork there, mate. This, is the exact second that the custard pie has left Cedric's hand. It's shooting upwards, Natalie has made a move some time ago... It's pretty high, I'm not sure if Cedric planned that or not... It's taking too long!!! It's starting to come down now... Oh oh! The look on the Alchemist's face! He's standing there like a petrified rabbit! Heehee, fear the parabola! Oh, I wish I had a camera, or had taped this. Oh yeah, my wife is. Yippe yah yay! Ahem...

OH MY GOD, the pie is slo-mo moments away from coming into conact with the Alchemist's FACE! Will Nat make it, will she not?! The suspense is horrible!

At the crucial second, Natalie Teasedale was in the exact position. In front of the Alchemist. Cedric had never missed a pie target before, but is this the end of his flawless streak? And maybe his career as well? Custard. He had spent hours wondering whether to use whipped cream or custard, but now, will it really matter?!

The Alchemist gaped at Natalie's body, lying on the floor at his feet.

"Is she?"

Natalie lifted up her head weakly. "Custard. Damn you Cedric." Then she screamed, the traditional fangirl scream, dating back and surviving from the moment there was anything worth being a fangirl of. She screamed, then her head dropped again. She was out cold.

Cedric kicked himself, and exploded into a rather long burst of swearing. He had just pied the completely wrong person. He had waited so long, his whole life! To pie the Alchemist himself! And instead he had missed his chance, and pied his co-host. Great, just great. Just peachy.

"Okay... I am outta here!" And then the Alchemist was gone.

Will Cedric take revenge that he doesn't deserve? Will Cedric get sacked? How will the public react to this outrage? Will Natalie regain consiousness? And what will she do to Cedric? Will the Alchemist return to give her his autograph? I HAVE NO IDEA, BECAUSE I DIDN'T PLAN WHAT COMES NEXT!