Chapter 25

Edward

We got through Charlie's funeral, though not without tears, but it was a great celebration of his life. Bella and I spoke about him as a father and grandfather, other co-workers and citizens of Forks spoke about him as a leader and protector. We watched the sea of fellow police officers that came to support us as we went through the ceremony. In a word, it was overwhelming. Bella was as happy as she could be on an occasion such as this; the outpouring of love helped her get through it.

I felt conflicted about the closeness I've had with Bella. I felt guilty and I didn't know what to do about it. The entire week I have held her, kissed her tears away, and called her 'Sunshine' like she was still mine. I supported her and loved every single second doing so. Obviously I didn't totally take away the pain or hurt that came along with this week, I couldn't take away the loss of Charlie from our lives, but I did relish the closeness I had with her this week.

We stayed at Charlie's for most of the week. Occasionally I would stop by and grab something for the kids or her from her house, but none of us stayed there. Today was the first day we were anywhere other than Charlie's. In fact, I had not been to my house at all. I stayed with Bella, wherever she was, I was. She didn't seem to mind so I just stayed.

After the funeral and the visits afterward, Mom and Dad took the kids back to their house to spend the night. I wanted time for Bella to decompress. We were all worried that she held too much inside and would fall apart later. I encouraged her to take a nap and checked in on her several times. She looked so peaceful, just like my 'Sunshine', so I let her rest.

I knew she had slept too long, but I just didn't care at that moment. She needed it and it was my job to take care of her this week. I was her husband after all, well…her ex-husband, but in my mind it was still my job.

I warmed up some of the casseroles and went up to wake her so she could eat. I sat down on the bed beside her and gently caressed her face. My hand drifted down her smooth, silky neck. Everything in my body wanted to lie down and pull her close to me. I wanted to push my way inside of her and make her forget everything that happened this week, but I couldn't. I was worried I'd scare her and then end up pushing her away. So I went slow and steady.

Bella shuffled a little and I noticed the small slip of her nipple that had fallen out of her sundress. She wore a black dress to the funeral, but she changed when we got back to the house. She wore this particular dress because it was Charlie's favorite. She said he'd complimented her every time she wore it. But the cut of the dress prevented her from wearing a bra, which wasn't a problem when she stood, but a huge problem when she lay down and her breasts spilled out of the small cups that held her.

I tried not to touch her. My hand reached out and pulled away several times. But in the end, my selfish side won and I touched it. I ran my finger around the small dark circle and watched as it tightened in reaction. I went so far as to lean over and kiss it. I allowed just a little bit of my tongue to peek out and touch it as I placed the kiss right on the peak. She moved again and I rushed from the room, I couldn't be here with her like this. I had to get some distance. I had to walk away now, before I wasn't strong enough hold back.

After a few minutes, Bella came down to eat with me. I guess I started the process of her waking up with my kiss and touches. We ate in silence and I cleaned the table up after us.

"I know I shouldn't be tired, but I am. I think I'm going to go back to bed, if that's alright." She appeared sheepish and scared. I walked over and hugged her to me for a brief second.

"Bella, if you're tired go and rest. You need it, I'll stay in Drew's room again." She appeared to want to say something, but she closed her mouth instead and walked away.

I settled down on the couch with our home movies and watched. I saw our wedding, our honeymoon and Bella in a bikini. I watched as she progressed through both pregnancies. Then I watched her as she sat in her rocking chair and breastfed Evie. I saw her full luscious breast, not really on display, but I knew what they looked like, I knew what they tasted like, and what it felt like to have them pressed against me.

I couldn't help myself, no matter how much it made me feel like a pervert, I pulled my pants open and slid them down just a little bit, enough to free my raging hard on. I slowly ran my hand up and down and watched Bella's beautiful face on the screen. I closed my eyes and listened to her as she talked to me. Well to the 'me' that was present back then. I remembered how sexy she was and how she looked when I made love to her.

And when I opened my eyes she stood on the bottom step, her eyes watched me as I stroked myself to her image.

E/N: I have sundress and because of my ample bewbies I never wear it out of the house but it sure is comfortable...so, this chapter was born after I fell asleep one afternoon in my sundress and woke up the the perv, I mean, my hubs playing with my nipple that had fallen out of the dress. Now, who can blame Edward, right? He sees her nipple, he sees her breast feeding...come on cut the guy some slack, give him a little jacking off time! Don't miss tomorrow morning's post tho...*cough...lemon...cough* enough said...Till next time...