Author's note: On 8/19/11 I got a new puppy! My new muse will be a great source of inspiration (distraction) and I hope to get more of the story told.
Translated pokespeak in italics
Thought in bold
Kevin's POV
"Shadow Clone!" I announced as a silent explosion of smoke revealed my twin.
"What gives? Tanya was in the middle of drawing a cherry blossom tree when I was forced back into your head!" Picasso growled.
"I didn't know that would happen either. Do you mind walking to town with me?"
"You make it sound like I have a choice in the matter."
"You do have a choice. Either go back into my head or, walk to town with me."
"How about I run off and do my own thing."
"That's fine. Just don't go too far away from me."
"You can keep your stupid shirt" Picasso snarled before pulling off the cloth and tossing it at me. We both stood in wonder as the shirt vanished as soon as it was no longer touching his body. "And take this collar off of me too."
"You'll be naked." I warned hoping a sense of modesty would change his mind. Since Picasso is more Pokémon than morph, mentally at least, he doesn't care if he is wearing clothes or not. The collar met the same fate as the shirt.
"Freedom!" Picasso shouted before running off in the direction I came from.
"Count your steps!" I hollered after my retreating twin.
"Bite me!" He yelled back.
As Picasso disappeared from my sight I reflected on our conversation and came to the conclusion that I should do that anyways.
I sighed as I picked up my backpack and continued toward town while counting my steps. I picked a broad leaf and touched it with my tail every twenty five strides so when I lose count I won't be off by much. I considered waiting for him to come back after he realizes that he needs my collar to get back inside the base. However, that would create more problems than I care to deal with. If I put enough distance between us, he will never make it back to Cypher.
After about eighty marks I began to hear a familiar ringing in my ears that precedes an imminent headache. Figuring that I should just get it over with, I bit down on a stick and began running until the pain went away. When it did, I knew my other half was back safely inside my mind. This time, when Picasso appeared next to me, in addition to the shirt and collar, he was also wearing a copy of my backpack which, with the unexpected added weight, promptly pulled him down.
"Huh, that's new. So how many steps did you take?" I asked.
"I didn't count." Picasso growled while getting up after removing his pack causing it to vanish.
"I told you to count. I did." I explained as I set my backpack on the ground and displayed my leaf.
"Yeah? Well, I told you to…" Picasso paused as he noticed my posture change.
"Yeeessss?" I prodded with a toothy grin.
"That, that's just a human expression," Picasso tried to reason before I tackled him and started to playfully nip his arms. "Yipe!"
After what seemed like ten minutes of roughhousing Picasso was panting and lying on his back. I was also out of breath but, I was still standing. "You know, Picasso, that was, the first time, I've ever played, like, a dog." I gasped as I pulled out my canteen.
"I had fun." Picasso panted.
"Me too." I gasped after a moment of reflection. "I might, want, to try that, again, sometime."
Once we were breathing normally I helped out my partner by pulling him up onto his feet.
"So, are we friends again?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'd just like to spend more time outside."
"Done," I stated, "and sorry about keeping you cooped up in my mind for so long."
"Don't worry about it. There's a lot of empty space up there to paint on." Picasso replied as he suddenly walked off.
"Glad to hear… Wait a minute. Get back here!" I shouted as he ran off laughing. He's lucky I was weighed down with these supplies.
After a second day of travel I could tell that we must be getting close to town. The trees were my first clue as they were dressed up in fall colors. The leaves were still green. The trunks however, were covered in graffiti.
"Why can't kids keep this shit inside the city?" I complained.
"Maybe because they ran out of room." Picasso remarked from on top of a hill.
When I joined my clone, I noticed that every structure in town had some kind of paint on it. Even the Pokémon center wasn't spared. It was like rival gangs were claiming the land.
"I don't like this." Picasso whimpered.
"Relax. It's the middle of the day. Tell you what, you can wait for me here and I'll go in by myself. Maybe you can find out what's happening from the local Pokémon." I suggested. "Oh, before I head into town, could you paint this rock for me? I want to try something."
Local Pokémon's POV
While I watched the giant Smeargle with the human things and the painted rock head off toward the human's nest, I became aware of some hushed voices somewhere behind me.
"Is that Smeargle for real? He's huge!"
"I wonder if he'll let me bear his pups." One of the voices giggled.
"Blue, Violet, what are you doing here?" I whispered to my two students. "I thought I told you two to stay on campus."
"Sorry Cyan but, I want to use Sketch on some exotic attack to impress Red." The Smeargle with the violet tail explained.
"Violet, you should know that strong attacks must come from a strong body." I lectured. "You do remember what happened to Grey, right? That dunce learned Frenzy Plant and ended up hurting himself whenever he used it."
"Was this before or after he learned Splash?" Blue asked me with a little doubt.
"Isn't Grey the one that tried to learn metronome and ended up with Explosion?" Violet Asked.
"No. I'm sure Grey is the one that chased after the legendaries and came back half dead." Blue replied.
"Sensei, was Grey even real?" Violet wanted to know.
"If he was, I doubt he was alive long enough to do half the things you claim he did. Compared to Grey, a Magikarp would be a genius." Blue said while putting me on the spot. It is important to learn from other's mistakes. Grey was made up for the purpose of teaching young Smeargle what not to do.
"Wait! Don't go!" I suddenly shouted to the large dog that was about to head off after his twin. He responded in that weird language that the humans speak. I know Magenta and a few others understand it but, we don't.
"Hi, my name is Blue. Your tail is pretty. Can I bear your pups?" The Pokémon with the deep blue tipped tail asked rapidly as soon as the tall Pokémon made eye contact with her.
"My name is Picasso. My speech is a little dry. Speak slower please." The giant said slowly in our language.
"Greetings, Picasso, my name is Cyan; I am one of this college's many teachers. Right now we are at war with a rival college and our territory battles have spilled into the place over the hill. I fear for the safety of your friend." I said.
"He'll be fine." The large Smeargle replied. "I hope."
Kevin's POV
The first house I came to had some guy on a ladder. He was scraping graffiti off of his windows with a sharp razor and muttering profanities that I couldn't quite make out.
"Smeargle?" I asked right before remembering Lisa's warning about not drawing attention to myself. The man's grip on the improvised weapon tightened as he slowly turned around.
I readied myself to use imprison in case this guy attacks me out of rage. The first thing he noticed was my island style shirt.
"So now you're stealing from trainers in broad daylight huh?" The man accused.
"Smear! Smeargle smear!" I randomly exclaimed while reaching up to my neck and jingling the dog tags on my collar. I have no clue what I'm saying.
"Oh? So where's your trainer?" He asked as his muscles visibly relaxed.
I placed my pack on the ground, dropped the now dry rock inside, and pulled out a sealed envelope that I authored. It had instructions to give it to the first person I saw. I am so proud of my forward thinking.
...
Dear sir or madam,
I have sent my Pokémon, Kevin, to your town to retrieve some things at your library. He understands English very well. Kevin is a good dog and is very intelligent. He knows what needs to be done so please help him get to his destination. Thank you for your assistance.
Sincerely,
Emery Patch
...
"Your trainer sure picked the wrong town to send you to. Tell you what, if you do me a small, teeny little favor, I'll personally walk you to the library." The person offered.
I lifted up one of my floppy ears to show him I was listening.
"Wonderful! Sit. Stay." He commanded as I obeyed with many questions I really couldn't ask. The man ran into his house and returned with an empty spray bottle. "Fill it up." He ordered as he tossed the bottle to me without the sprayer.
'Do I look like I work for some paint depot?' I thought to myself as I brought my tail to the opening to try and put some paint in it for the guy.
"No, no, no! Use your other end." The guy critiqued.
'I don't see how this is going to help' I thought as I flipped the bottle upside down and tried putting the paint in the shallow recessed dish on the bottom.
"No!" He cried, puzzling me even more. "I want you to pee in that bottle. Fill it with urine."
Ohhh, MY other end, not the bottle's. I thought as I looked at this guy like he was sick in the head. "Okay. I know I promised my master I wouldn't talk but, I have to know; why do you want 'that' of all things."
"Holy shit! It's a talking dog!" He shouted as he pointed at me.
"Yes, and I'd like it if you could keep this quiet." I requested while looking around to see if anyone else was watching.
"Wow. Can you tell me what my Poochyena thinks about me?"
"I don't do that anymore. I was attacked by a human child when she learned that her 'precious little Pichu' wanted nothing to do with her." I remarked before skillfully changing the subject. "Anyways, why do you want my urine?"
"It's a natural paint solvent. It dissolves dry paint instantly and it is the only thing that can remove wet paint. It's useless on synthetic paints though."
"I did not know that."
"How could you not know that? Isn't it instinct?"
"Instinct knows not to get the tail dirty in the first place. Cleaning the tail is something that must be learned." I was about to ask about removing the odor after cleaning but, the sooner I fill this container and end the conversation, the sooner I get to the library to help Digit. As an added bonus, I'll be able to read up all about my feral counterpart and perhaps a few other select Pokémon.
"So is there a bathroom or outhouse I can use?" I inquired as I searched for a suitable spot to go.
"Just fill the bottle."
"I was raised by humans so I feel like I should at least try to obey the decency laws." I honestly replied.
"You're an animal. The whole world is your toilet." The human laughed.
"Really? So then you wouldn't mind if I left a doggy land mine somewhere in your yard, right?"
"Now that you mention it, the library has public restrooms. You can fill that bottle up when we get there. Do you have a leash?" He asked as he was quick to realize that 'the whole world' included his own property.
"I thought you'd never ask." I remarked as I pulled out a short lead.
The walk to the library was, thankfully, uneventful. I was the recipient of many evil eyes and hateful glares as I was guided toward my destination. Fortunately, my human escort kept potential attackers away. I just crossed the threshold of the door of the building when we were stopped by the librarian.
"You can't bring a Pokémon inside here," She stated as my path to enlightenment was blocked, "especially THAT Pokémon." Luckily I was prepared for this event and had a letter, in my hand, ready for her to read.
...
To Whom It May Concern:
My Pokémon, Kevin, has been sent by me to gather information about a computer problem that is preventing me from allowing operations to run unattended. Kevin is a certified therapy mon and has league permission to enter public facilities. Please allow him to gather the knowledge needed to fix my issues here. I have taught my Smeargle to read and type so you can let him do the research on his own.
Sincerely,
Emery Patch
...
"Interesting story but, I don't buy it. Get lost." She spat.
"I don't know what is on that letter but, I'll vouch for him. He was able to convince me, a complete stranger, to escort him to a place, in the center of a town, which is currently hostile to his species." My temporary keeper explained.
"I don't care if he has a G E D. I'm not letting a messy Pokémon like that inside my library."
"What if he put his tail in a plastic bag? He wouldn't be messy anymore would he?"
"Eargle." I said as I pointed at a small trash bin that appeared to be empty.
"See? He doesn't want to make a mess either."
"Fine but, you're accepting responsibility for him and paying for any damage he causes."
"Can I trust you to behave, Kevin?" He asked and I nodded my head.
"I'll be watching you, and don't you dare let him off of his leash." She warned as I tied the empty bag over my tail.
"It appears I'm going to be stuck here until you're done." The man grumbled as I led him to one of the computers. "I better get a full bottle after all of this."
While the man was reading a few books that were within reach, I began my research. The first thing I did was to plug the USB drive into the computer in case I find something I need, or want, to keep. An auto-play program began running and a new window appeared for my browser before immediately minimizing itself. Clicking on the bar had no effect. Normally I would be concerned but, I still had full use of the computer. I started off my session by searching for the company that manufactured the chip currently inside Digit. I discovered that they only supply one key with each chip. Also, the schematics are proprietary and are not available to anyone outside of the corporation and only a select few within the plant.
So much for that plan, now what do I do? I thought. Since I didn't want to come away empty handed I decided to check my E-mail, download some updates for my Pokédex, and learn more about Smeargle.
"Can we get going now? I really want you to fill this bottle so I can start cleaning my house today."
"Not yet, my dad just came online!" I ecstatically replied.
"Your dad can use a computer too? Do you have any brothers or sisters that are for sale?" He asked as I paused to remind myself that he thinks I'm just a smarter than average Smeargle.
"He's my adopted, human, father." I lied. He's actually my real dad.
...
Kevin37: Dad! It's me, Kevin! I'm sorry I haven't been able to get to a computer.
JKnight: Kevin? It's so nice to hear from you again.
Kevin37: What's been happening since I've been gone? How's mom?
JKnight: Your mother misses you and wants you back home and so do I. Your mom bought a Vulpix for a house pet because it reminded her of you.
JKnight: Kevin?
JKnight: Are you there, Kevin?
Kevin37: That's so sweet of her. So dad, WHEN DID YOU REALIZE THAT VULPIX WAS NOT A FIRE HAZARD? WHAT ABOUT MOM'S ALLERGIES? I THOUGHT FUR BEARING POKEMON GAVE MOM FITS! I'VE ASKED FOR A VULPIX AT EVERY HOLIDAY AND NOW YOU FINALLY GET ONE BECAUSE I DISAPPEAR DUE TO SOME CRIMINAL ORGANIZATION POSING AS A NICE PLACE TO WORK! IF I KNEW GETTING KIDNAPPED IS WHAT IT TOOK TO GET A VULPIX, I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN A JOB YEARS AGO!
JKnight: Holy Mew! It really is you!
Kevin37: WHO ELSE WOULD I BE?
JKnight: We almost sent money to somebody pretending to be you. That person didn't react like you just did.
Kevin37: Oh. So, what about the Vulpix? You did get one, right?
JKnight: No, we didn't get one. I was just making sure you were who you said you were.
Kevin37: I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD BE TICKED THAT YOU GOT MY HOPES UP LIKE THAT, OR TICKED THAT YOU LIED ABOUT GETTING A VULPIX! YOU KNOW THAT'S A SORE SUBJECT WITH ME!
JKnight: You made your point. I'm sorry. You can turn off your caps lock now.
Kevin37: I don't think I did make my point AND YOU'RE NOT SORRY because you STILL don't have a Vulpix!
JKnight: You've been gone almost two years now. I'd like to talk about you and not some Pokémon.
Kevin37: Vulpix isn't just "some Pokémon"!
Kevin37: And don't roll your eyes!
JKnight: You're my son all right. So what happened to you? What kept you from contacting us?
Kevin37: SIGH…That is a long story that involves imprisonment, a mad scientist, and an injured friend. It's too long for telling from a computer I really shouldn't be using. I wish I could tell you in person but, I have no idea where I am or how to get home. I'll send you a message somehow. I need to sign off before I am discovered. Goodbye. I'll see you soon, I hope.
JKnight: Stay safe.
Kevin37: Thanks Dad; I'll try.
...
I was going to look up information on Smeargle but, I'm not sure how the library rules would apply to that. If I was still a human they would consider me a trainer and there would be no issue. Now that I look like a Pokémon; would they throw me out for looking at 'explicit images'? I'll just disable the photos. Once I learned all I could about Smeargle, I attempted to download an upgrade for my Pokédex. However, a message appeared that the flash drive was too full. All 16GB were used and the drive protected itself so I can't even look at the contents.
"What is going on here?" I asked myself while clicking on the minimized window again. This time it opened and I was greeted with a wall of ones and zeros. A translation program I found online turned the computer vomit into legible English.
...
Kevin:
Possible fix found for master. Take flash drive home.
Delete – subroutine #137.5-0-0-1b
...
"Hey mister." I whispered to the man holding my leash after I safely ejected the drive and placed it in a watertight plastic bag.
"You finally ready to go now?" He asked as he held out the empty container.
I just nodded my head as I took the bottle from his hand and he escorted me to the bathroom. Once the bottle was filled up we headed back to my temporary handler's home. If this natural solvent works as well as I read that it does, then it explains why Smeargle have such long tails, why they paint as high as they can, and why it is near impossible to find any territorial marks below waist level.
"Hey Mister, what's your name? You know mine and I never got yours."
"Sorry about that. I never thought about telling my name to an animal. My name's Edward."
"Elric?" I asked just for the sake of asking.
"Who?"
"Never mind. It's just a name from a TV show."
"Oh? Do you follow the show?" The human asked with interest.
"Yeah, it's a favorite of mine."
"Are you really a Pokémon?"
"Say what? If I slap you with my green, paint factory of a tail, would it help you figure it out?" I threatened.
"Not really. You talk like a human, you're too tall for a Smeargle, you watch TV and follow it, you are ignorant about things that a Pokémon should know, you can read, use a computer, and you know how to operate a toilet AND a plunger." Edward listed.
"I wasn't the one that clogged it up." I cringed.
"I'm not saying you did. I'm saying you knew what it was and how to fix a sudden problem. Also, you didn't treat it like a fancy water bowl, like many Pokémon are known to do."
"I wasn't thirsty at the time and, can humans do this?" I asked as I made a circle in the sky to summon a sunny day. "Impressive, how long does it last?" Edward asked as he shielded his eyes.
"I don't know. I can attack three to five times before it fades."
"I meant how long in hours?" Edward persisted.
"I'm not sure how long an hour really is." I asked.
"Do you know when your TV show comes on?"
"Yeah, it comes on right when my master comes home from work; unless he is complaining about a long day. When that happens it doesn't come on at all. What does that have to do with anything?" I responded.
"So you have no concept of time?"
"I wouldn't say that. I just live for the moment." I honestly replied.
"I know somebody that would be really interested in meeting you." Edward suggested.
"I'd rather not."
"Are you sure? It would really help her research."
Her research? I don't like where this conversation is going.
"Her name is Nurse Joy." He announced.
"Well THAT sure narrows it down. Does she have anything that would make her stand out?" I asked as I fumbled with the catch of my leash. I need to ditch this guy, and fast. Then again, I know quite a few individuals that would give almost anything to know where she's hiding. I should see what he has to say.
"Well now that you mention it, she dyes her hair black and she constantly has a Mightyena with her. She wasn't always like that though."
"What do you know about her research?" I asked.
"She was working on a way to increase a Pokémon's intelligence. After her Eevee disappeared she shifted her research toward making them stronger. She even got a grant from some company that was interested in her work. I believe the place was called Cyan Pharmaceuticals and ER Supplies."
"That's the place I went to work for!" I exclaimed before realizing that I probably shouldn't have mentioned that.
"Do they pay you in kibble?" Edward joked as we stepped off the road to allow a white truck to pass us. I noticed that there was a happy looking Smeargle in the front seat. "Seriously though, why would they hire a Pokémon? Wouldn't it be cheaper to just buy one?"
"Well, they actually just hired my master. Sometimes he would bring me to work with him. Since I already work with the sick and the elderly it was only natural that my master took me with him." I explained while congratulating myself on my quick thinking. I had to be careful though. This story I am creating on the fly could fall apart like a house of cards. I need to be the one asking questions. "So where does this nurse you want me to meet live?"
"I'm not sure anymore. That husk of a building over there is where she used to reside. I've heard a rumor that some hybrid Pokémon started the fire. It's been said that the creature had the horns of a Houndoom with the body, tail and the coloration of a Mightyena. The thing was huge, walked on two legs, and it was wearing a pair of torn up shorts. Keep in mind that the only one to see this monster was the resident drunk, so the townsfolk are skeptical that this beast even existed. In addition, he claims that the animal used a key to get in and it started the fire from within the home." Edward recalled. "Can you believe that crap? I'd say he was hallucinating but, delusions don't start fires. What's your take on this?"
"Smeargle." I said while pointing at a figure in the distance that was approaching us.
"I understand." Edward replied as we fell silent for the rest of the trip to his paint covered home.
Vulpix is the 37th Pokémon in the dex. That's how Kevin came up with his screen name.
Please review.