here's the next one :)
thank you of the week goes to:
LuPeters (you may have to wait for some chapters...:/
erverything that keeps you reading :p)
beverlie4055 (thank you very much :))
unnz4 (one can't believe how nice Chris can be from time to time right :p)
Maravillosa Eres Tu (where does that name come from...
i checked it four times before i was sure i spelled it right)
Zoey the shadowkissed Emo wolf (missed your reviews :))
~chapter 25~
RPOV
Breakfast. A relaxing and pretty much happy get together of people who love each other for the most important meal of the day. That was how Chris and I usually defined breakfast at Belikov's. Not today. Today the definition would be: Breakfast. A tense and unfortunate get together of people who are broken because of losing a loved one for an all in all completely unimportant meal. And every single one of them would agree on that. There was no laughing. No stupid jokes. No bickering between sisters and their brother. No arguments about the plans of the day. And most of all no talking or any sound at all. We all just sat there, staring into thin air. Not looking at each other, everybody consumed by their own sadness, grief and probably some terrible thoughts. I know that I had told Chris that I would be strong for them, but I really didn't know where to start. From time to time I looked up to see tear stained faces, red swollen eyes and hunched shoulders. None of them looked like they were in the right state to do anything about what had happened. Olena started started cleaning the table, distracting herself by her usual work in the house whereas everybody else just sat there, only Chris was looking up at me, a trace of uncertainty in his eyes.
»Go to her« he said in his head. »She wants to talk about what is going to happen now. Everyone of them does. They just don't want to say it loud. They fear the truth but know that they have to do it.«
Not knowing what he really was hinting at I took some still clean plates and knifes and went after Olena. I nearly retreated from the kitchen again when I saw Olena's frame leaning over the counter, tightly gripping the edges and her knuckles turning white. And she was sobbing silently, only her shaking shoulders giving away her feelings. I thought a moment longer before walking over to her in a few steps and pulling her into my arms, hating myself for being the one who had seen Dimitri right before he was taken, 'the last person who had seen him alive' suddenly got a whole new meaning.
We stood there for a little while before I looked around for a possibility to sit down. Since there was none I lightly pushed Olena down to the floor and sat next to her while she kept crying. I let her lean her head onto my shoulder and clutch my hand tightly in both her hands. She dug her nails into the flesh of my hand but I didn't show any sign of pain. I could feel my shirt getting wet from the salty tears, which still rolled over her cheeks. From time to time Chris would tell me how much time had gone by, but I still would only sit there and let Olena cry over her lost son.
A bit over an hour had just gone by when she lifted her head and sighed heavily.
"My baby-boy is really gone isn't he?" But she wasn't really waiting for an answer so I let her take her time and patiently waited for her to go on. "He was only twenty-four. I always knew he wouldn't stay here, he wasn't raised like that. I knew he would love his job as a Guardian and knew he would risk his life for someone else. I always feared the day when someone would tell me that he was gone but now here it is. My little boy is gone, dead. I have to plan my sons funeral. No mother should have to do that. No mother is supposed to bury her child." Suddenly she seemed to realize who she was talking to since she turned her head and stared at me wide-eyed. "I'm sorry Roza, you shouldn't have to listen to me ramble on about that. Last night I heard what Christian told you. That Dimitri was the closest thing you had to a family. And for me you are a part of this family since you first took a step into my house- You lost your brother last night, you need to mourn over your loss just like everyone else in this house does. You are not supposed to be the adult in this kind of situation you know."
"I promised him to free him from whatever they do to him." I suddenly blurted out. "He was an awesome fighter, we all know that. I know you don't want to hear about that, especially not right now, but they probably turned him into one of them. You say I am not supposed to be the adult in this situation but I actually have to be. Whatever happened to Dimitri, your Dimka, I am going to find him and I will free him. I promise. And if this will cost my life, I will do this til the day I die. I will do everything to keep my promise."
She was crying again, more terrible and heart-wrenching than before.
"I probably shouldn't say that Roza, but if you would really do that... You have no idea what that would mean to me." She shook herself a bit after that, got up and when she pulled me up she spoke in a slightly stronger voice.
"I know it's hard but we have to plan Dimitri's funeral. We will invite his friends and friends of the family, we will do a bonfire in memory of him. You can tell us a bit about his life in America, so can Tasha. It may sound cruel but we need to let go and accept that Dimitri is gone." I stared at her, mouth a bit open from shock when she looked at me again. "I know you feel just as bad as we do, probably even more because of the promise you gave him, but would you help me organizing the funeral? My girls would probably break down even more if I would ask them. You are strong, I am sure of that. I need someone as strong as you are helping me." Without really knowing what I was doing I nodded, and I didn't even have the slightest clue what I should help with exactly. None, or pretty much next to no one, would understand me if I would invite them to his funeral, so I couldn't make the calls. I wasn't that good with cooking, so I couldn't help Olena in the kitchen. Seeing the misery evidently on my face she put on a fake smile and patted my shoulder. "Don't look like that. I can give you the numbers of those who speak English, so you can invite those. And you could maybe make a slide-show from Dimka for the bonfire. Then we can look at some pictures of him, all together. I will do the kitchen stuff and anything else. Just take care of some of the invites and the slide-show alright dear?" I nodded again, already having a few ideas for the slide-show.
"Alright then. Go and search for some nice pictures. I will go look for the numbers. Don't tell the others where you are going, just take Chris and go. He can help you with the pictures."
We both went out of the kitchen to see that everyone, except for Chris, had disappeared. He got up from where he sat and came over to us.
"Can we do something for you Olena?" She nodded lightly and once more put a hand on my shoulder before she answered.
"Like I just told Roza, you two can go and look for some pictures of Dimka for a slide-show, afterward I will give you some numbers of our English-speaking friends whom you can call and invite for the funeral." Chris' eyes took on some more sympathy.
"You can give us all of the numbers Olena. I speak Russian, at least I understand enough to read it and pronounce it right. Just write down what I am supposed to tell them and I will call them."
"That would be very nice of you Christian. I will make a list of numbers, just come to me when you have the pictures. I will be in the kitchen and take care of the meals for tomorrow." At that I turned to her.
"Tomorrow? But isn't that to much at short notice?" She shook her head sadly, making me regret what I had said.
"That may be true, but over here we have a funeral for those who we lost at the shortest notice possible. It may be horrible but this is how we get to closure. We lose someone and 'bury' them within the first week. It's how it works here."
"I am sorry Olena. I shouldn't have asked. We will just go home and look for the pictures."
We didn't wait for her answer or some sort of goodbye, we just went out the door and back to our home. We didn't talk, I knew Chris wanted to say something but he didn't want to push me. All I got from the bond was that it was about the last two hours. He probably wanted to know what Olena and I had talked about. But now looking at me he knew it.
When we entered our house I went upstairs into our bedroom and sat down next to our bed. Several minutes went by before I even felt able to pull out the shoebox with all of my photos. Another several minutes later I actually leaned down and pulled the box out. It went like this without me thinking about how dead-beat I must have looked or how hard this actually was going to be for me. When I opened the lid of the box I saw a picture of Dimitri and I during an exercise lesson. It looked like I was about to do one of those ultra-cool roundhouse kicks when he was dropping down to swipe away my feet. I remembered that training. We were laughing most of the time that day, mostly because it was the first time Chris had trained with us but also because it was one of the very few times when we just had fun.
Picture after picture made me cry more. Photographs from Dimitri ordering me around, making me work our with everything he could find in the gym or him and I talking on the plane when we went to the Royal Court a few months ago. Many pictures later I found one of us where we were dancing at my prom, smiling at each other. Only seconds after that picture had been taken we broke apart cause he suddenly needed to talk to Alberta. Or so he said. Yesterday he told me that he had gone outside to call Tasha and accept her offer. Eyes puffy and vision blurry from tears I leaned back against the bed's frame and looking at nothing. For the hundredth time that day I asked myself how it was possible that Dimitri was really gone and I was the one still there. His fighting skills were so much better than mine, his reflexes made him the perfect Guardian he was. Wiping my tears away – probably for the millionth time – I pulled the box closer and looked at it.
Under some pictures a folded paper's edge made me curious about it's content. Looking inside there was a DVD labeled 'Our Graduation!'. Chris must have put it there, I had never seen it before. Him and Eddie hadn't even shown it to me when they had edited this thing, so I got m y purple shiny new notebook from the desk and started it to take a look at the video. Only that I had forgotten my desktop's background – the last picture we had made back in America. Eddie and Mia, Lissa and Aaron, Chris and I. And Dimitri's huge frame next to us. Full smile on his lips that even reached his eyes. One of those rare smiles he had always saved for special occasions. I swallowed heavily (being fully aware of the lump that had formed in my throat when I had seen the picture) and clicked on the movie player's icon. I wasn't really concentrating on Kirova's speech or the Moroi's ceremony. I clicked the fast forward button and waited for the ceremony of the Dhampirs – and wished I hadn't when the first thing that caught my eye was Dimitri's face, stoic as always. I stopped the recording and looked at it, choking a bit when new tears rolled down my cheeks. At which point did I became a person who cries all day? I started the video again and fought more tears when the recording got to the point when Dimitri gave me my engraved stake, the special mentor-student-thing for graduation, and whispered something into my ear while hugging me.
"When I first met you, I wouldn't even have dreamed of that moment. I mean, we yes. Here yes. But you being the best student of the year? Never would have bet on it. But I'm proud of you Roza. You deserve it. I watched you while you got to where you are now. I saw the untrained Rosemarie with no respect for authorities become the trained Rosemarie with not very much respect for authorities. See? There's actually a reason to be proud of you. You now can act like you know what respect for authorities means." Given, it has been a pretty long hug but no one even cleaned their throat at it. We had chuckled a bit at his little speech before he let me go and brought some space between the two of us.
CPOV
I stood in front of our bedroom door for a pretty long time. I had come up here right after Rose had. I had seen the door closing behind her, but hadn't followed her into the room – obviously. I just didn't know what to do, cause my Rose wasn't the one for crying all the time. But this wasn't realy my Rose right now. She cried all the time, except maybe for the time when we had visited the Belikov's for breakfast. She had been so very strong back there but now she had to look at pictures from Dimitri. I knew she really wanted to do that, I just was not sure if she should do this alone. So I was standing outside this door and patiently listened to the sounds behind the door. There had been some shuffling, much sobbing and sighing, the sound of her notebook when she had started it. A little silence had followed and I thought she must have seen the picture of all her friends, including Dimitri, which she used as her background. Some minutes went by until there was some clicking and voices followed. It was the video footage of our graduation, which I had edited together with Eddie. The voices died down again with a single click and when they started again it was the part of the Dhampir's ceremony. Some minutes later, filled with heart-wrenching sobs from my love, the sounds stopped again and Rose started crying. Once more she started the footage. Besides her sobbing Rose didn't make any sound until she quietly said something to the air surrounding her.
"I will find you Comrade. No matter how long it will take. No matter how far I have to go for it. No matter if I die trying to free you. I promise I will save you from this state. No one will stop me and get me to ever stop looking for you. I'm so sorry Comrade. I miss you so much, but I will be strong for the others, they need someone strong and I can be that someone. You can count on me."
When I heard her breaking down – fists colliding with the floor – I opened the door, strode over to her and swept her up in my arms. If she wanted to be the strong and tough one for everyone else, than I could at least be strong for her.
sorry for that one very long paragraph in RPOV... hope you liked it at least a bit...
let me know in a review if you would be so kind :):)
disclaimer... you know what has to be written at that point...