A/N Here we are, the aftermath.
Daryl doesn't hesitate for a second, he puts his arms around Beth and holds onto her. They have an audience, the people at the outdoor tables have been watching since the whole ordeal started and a few even made their way outside when the Sheriff showed up.
And Merle, Carol, and the kids are here with them too.
He's not thinking about his comfort right now, only hers. Because he saw her falling apart and it's his job to catch her and hold her together. It's his job to protect her.
"Show's over folks.. go on an eat yer lunch," Merle grumbles to the looky-loos closest to them. "I say it's high time we split. All these eyeballs are making my skin itch something fierce!" Daryl completely agrees with Merle. He's wanted to leave since the minute they got here.
"Hey, Beth?" She looks up at him and even though she's upset, there's something in her eyes. Something that tells Daryl she's got this. It hurts like hell, but his girl is tough and she's got this.
"I'm okay, I'm good Daryl. Let's just go." She even tries smiling. Tries because it isn't really much of a smile and it's probably mainly for show anyway. He's gonna get her out of here where she doesn't have to pretend and if she wants to cry she can cry.
"Shoulda kicked his ass uncle Daryl!"
"Beau Dixon!" Carol admonishes and Daryl looks down at his nephew all of four feet tall with a missing front tooth and can't say he doesn't agree. But problems aren't easily solved with fists and if anything Daryl wants his nephews to know that.
"Can't beat people up jus' cause ya don' like what they're doing." Not real bad anyway is what he's thinking. Cause he did manage to get in it a couple hits.
"But what if he hurt her bad?" Beau is serious about this so Daryl is honest.
"I wouldn' a let 'em. I'da stopped him." But how far would he have gone? How much would be too much? Daryl saw the bruise on her back the first time and they never talked about it and now this. "I'da done whatever I had ta do." It's true. He would have and he still will. He and Beth have a few things they need to talk about. This time he won't just let it go.
He feels Beth brush up against him as she kneels down in front of Beau. DJ's quick to join his brother. His face pinched with worry that mirrors his brother's anger. Daryl sees what she's doing, smiling at them, easing their fears, making everything okay for them. It's what she does.
"I'm okay Beau, your uncle did the right thing, and Sheriff Grimes handled the rest." Both boys are hugging her and Sophia is there too, resting a hand on Beth's shoulder and smiling down at her friend. That's what they've been, her friends. When she needed them most.
"Alright, alright, les' head home," Merle says ruffling Beau's hair.
"And have a little chat about your mouth mister,' Carol says firmly.
"Awe! But I was mad mama!"
"Y'all comin' fer fireworks ain't ya?" Merle asks. Beth's gonna have to call this one. It's up to her. He will do whatever she wants.
"We got sparklers, Beth! We can write our names in the sky like last year!" Sophia smiles and the boys are smiling and maybe that's what decides it, at least for Beth. Daryl realizes that she's been a part of his family even when he was gone. She was there with them, eating dinners, playing games, lighting sparklers on the fourth of July. She's been there all along and he was always gonna come back, he knows that now. They were always gonna meet. No matter what.
"I wanna do that too!" Beau hollers. So, of course, that's what they're doing.
After waving them off Daryl takes Beth's hand and leads her away from Main Street and all the people and down a side street. It's a detour so she doesn't have to paste a fake smile across her face and act like nothing bothers her.
She seems to realize what he's doing and she gives his hand a little squeeze and lets their arms swing between them as they walk. Neither of them says anything. They don't have too, at least not yet.
There are laughter and the smell of food but it's muted by the buildings and the distance between them and the carnival. Leaving it all behind hasn't really made Daryl feel any better. Because they aren't actually leaving it all behind. He isn't even sure they've left anything. Which is why he's going to say what he needs to say before he gets on the bike. He's gonna say it and she can do what she wants with it although he hopes, and hope is a very basic word for how Daryl feels and what he wants Beth to do, but he does hope that she'll do what he's gonna ask.
The detour looped around and brought them back up closer to Main Street, but with everything going on there's still no one else on the side road where the bike is parked. He's reaching for her helmet when she reaches for him, winds her arms around his middle and lays her head on his chest.
"Thank you for being there for me Daryl." It's hot and humid and it smells like cotton candy and charred meat and he knows that what he's going to say next might have her thinking twice about thanking him.
"I don't want ya going back to the farm." Maybe he's overstepping his boundaries and has no business telling her what to do. But he has to let her know what he's feeling because he can't just keep it all bottled up inside.
"Daryl I-"
"Ya don't have ta stay at my place, I mean ya can but there's the spare room at the house an maybe ya look into that loft if that's something ya want… I jus', I can't think 'bout him coming there and…" He isn't sure what to do with his hands because she's backed away from him and he was holding her but now he's not.
"Maybe he won't.. maybe... I can't just runaway Daryl. I can't let him make me afraid to be in my own house." The conviction isn't there though.
"But ya are."
"I would never have believed I'd be afraid of my brother, that he'd hurt me," she whispers. He wants to reach for her, pull her back, wrap her up, make it all go away. Watching the person he loves most in the world hurt like she's hurting is worse than his own pain.
"Ain't yer brother, 's the alcohol." And the anger and the loss of control and the loneliness of being left, it's a lot of things and Daryl can even relate to it. But he'd die before he ever hurt the ones he loves intentionally.
And DJ, you didn't hurt him, wasn't yer fault. A little voice, it might be his own. But it feels more like her.
Everything is all twisted up inside of him and if she'd just let him do this one thing, just this for now.
"Daryl, I won't go back. Not yet. But I have to figure it out, with my daddy and Amy and… I'm scared, you're right and I don't want to be. But I am and you're the only place that I feel safe."
He should be feeling elated right now because this is a start. She said she's not going back yet and maybe yet will turn into not at all. But he's having a hard time keeping his anger in check. Having Beth close to him is the only thing that's keeping him sane. What he said to Beau, about not beating people up, he meant it. For Beau.
But him. He wants to hurt them all, every single person who ever hurt her, whoever had her second-guessing herself or crying herself to sleep or hiding out in a barn. Anyone who laid a hand on her with the intention to overpower her or break her or hold her back. It's rolling around in his gut like a sickness and the only way to get rid of it is it to give it to someone else. WIth his fists.
That would be bad, it would be horrible and it might ruin everything he has right here in his arms. She came back and he can feel it, she's holding on tighter and this ties up everything inside of him in knots. She's in his heart, living there and he can't lose this, can't lose her.
TIme. He'll give it time.
xxxxXxxxx
She held onto him the entire ride home, even though the humidity and his leather vest and just the fact that he is like a furnace, giving off heat like he's got a fire burning inside of him turned her pale purple shirt into a sweaty mess. She held on tight because it could slip away, all of it. Him and her and the life that she's slowly taking control of. She remembers how she used to tell herself not to get to close to the Dixon's, even though they gave her so much just by being her friends, that it could change and they weren't hers to love. Not really, not completely. She couldn't replace her family with them.
But here she is all these years later and the Dixon's have become like family to her. Somewhere along the way she forgot about her resolve not to let them get too close and it just happened. And it didn't fall apart and they didn't leave.
She's being ridiculous thinking like this, about this right now when her brother is probably sitting in the drunk tank at the Sheriff's Department. There are so many conflicting emotions that she doesn't even know how to feel or what to think about this. So she won't.
She'll think about Daryl and how despite all the hurt her heart is holding he still takes up the most space in it and the thought of going back to the farm feels too much like leaving.
Stay. That's the word on repeat in her head. Stay.
Please don't ever leave.
Once they're back she avoids climbing the stairs to his apartment. If she goes up there she might not come back down. And for now, she's good. She can do this. Eat veggies and dip, chips and sugar cookies decorated with sprinkle stars. Hold Daryl's hand as they walk out to the pond with blankets to sit on and bottles of cold water to drink. DJ and Beau are carrying 5-gallon buckets, 'Gotta bring 'em, just in case.' Merle had said and the expression on Daryl's face as he listened to his brother gave her a glimpse into a window looking back on the past, she can imagine a younger Daryl looking at his big brother just like that. It's disbelief and awe and it probably didn't happen often, but now, the Dixon brothers are both different men. They'll light fireworks and sparklers and for a little while, it will be like everything is right with the world.
And it is. For a little while. Her phone vibrates in her pocket and when she pulls it out it's Maggie's name on the screen. She's been waiting to hear something from someone, assumed it would be Maggie. But is it wrong that a small part of her hoped her daddy would call? That he'd want to check on her, that he'd be so angry at Shawn? Glancing over at Daryl she holds the phone so he can see who's calling and then she gets up, walks a little ways away from everyone, back into the trees.
"Maggie?"
"Oh my god Beth! I've been trying to call! I was worried, Shawn called and, what the hell happened? Did he hurt you? Are you okay? Where are you?" It's like a hug from her big sister coming right through the speaker of her phone. Maggie's concern may have been there all along and Beth just chose not to see it, either way, it feels so good now, when she needs it the most.
She lets Maggie know she's okay, that she's with Daryl and then she tells her what happened at Best Burger and in the retelling, it just doesn't seem so horrible. It was, is, but it only takes her a handful of seconds to give it all to Maggie and when it was actually happening it felt like hours.
"He needs help Beth and we can't give it to him, we can't live like this either. Stay with Daryl okay? Just for now." So even Maggie is afraid. Beth feels a lump in her throat and she nods against the phone.
"Is, is Amy upset that he got taken in?" She feels Daryl come up behind her. Feels because she didn't hear him. The air stirs around when he does that, catches her off guard, but she never hears him.
Maggie assures her that Amy is not mad at her. She also lets her know that her daddy is upset and the first thing he asked was, 'is Daryl with her?'. Maggie had spoken to Rick and he told her that Beth was with Daryl.
"He seemed to feel better once he knew that Beth." Somehow that means very little to her right now. She finds out that Maggie and Glenn took Hershel into town to see fireworks with Amy and the girls so there's no one at the farm. She ends the call and turns to face Daryl who is standing behind her.
"Everythin' okay?" he asks.
"I don't know, I guess. Maggie's in town with my daddy. They're watching fireworks with Amy and the girls."
"They hear about Shawn?" Daryl asks.
"Yeah, Rick called Maggie. He's been a family friend for years. He knows, well he knows everything." Beth laughs softly. Rick knows the Greene family history. His own daddy was Sheriff when he was growing up and Hershel was friends with him.
"Yeah, knows a lot about my family too. Went to school with him. He also took Merle in a time or two back in the day. Guys like us are supposed ta hate cops, thing is I always respected him. Wasn' a dick like some of 'em can be."
"Guys like you? Your circumstances don't make you a horrible person Daryl. Your choices do and aren't we all guilty of making bad choices on occasion?" It hurts her when he's down on himself or makes light of his past in a way that's deeming. You don't get to decide what you're born into. "You're a good man Daryl." She sees the change on his face when she says it like there's a little bit of physical pain involved in hearing it. She won't stop though, won't even go easy. Because he is a good man. The very best as far as she's concerned.
"Do you think we could go to the farm? I need to get a few things." Going now while her daddy and Maggie are gone will be easiest. Because honestly she's tired of the talks and working through things and even though she knows they need to do it, tonight she's done. Her daddy didn't even ask to talk to her, to hear her voice, to make sure...
She could be done forever if she wanted. She could do that. But she won't give up on them.
"Yeah, we can do that." His face softens and it seems like he wants to say more but he doesn't. What he does do is reach for her and pull her close and kiss the crown of her head before walking back to the pond.
xxxxXxxxx
They take the bike and he's glad they did because it seems to make her happy and she does what she did earlier, she lets go of him, spreads her arms out wide like she's flying. He wraps one hand around her thigh and lets her be. Watching her in the rearview mirror he wishes she could take off the helmet and let her hair fly. He imagines it would beautiful.
The big house is dark, Beth said her dad was in town with Maggie and he figures this is why she wanted to come over here when she did. He understands that. He just hopes none of what she's feeling is guilt. Parking right up by the front steps he lets Beth climb off first and takes her helmet.
"I'll drive my car back, that way I don't have to bother you for rides." She heads up the steps and he follows not feeling a bit bad for letting his eyes admire her tight cut offs, cause she's his. And she can bring her car although he'd drive her anywhere she needs to be. He'd rearrange his schedule if he has too. She knows that so he lets the comment lie.
The door is unlocked and that's not surprising. But it's just another thing that makes him uneasy. Not that locked doors are gonna keep Shawn out, he probably has a key. And this is his fucking house, his family.
She switches on the porch light and her boots make a hollow sound that echoes through the empty house as she climbs the stairs. He follows and realizes he's never been up here. Actually, he's only seen the hallway and the kitchen. And it's weird because this is her world, a huge part of it anyway.
She's rummaging around in her closet when he walks in. So he takes a minute to look around. The room is ageless. Maybe it kind of looks like a teenage girl's bedroom. He wouldn't know because he hasn't been in any young girls bedrooms except Sophia and they're nothing alike. But it looks like Beth too, the soft pillows piled up on her bed, pictures of her family, her horse, and books. She loves books, he knows that. There's a guitar in the corner and he wonders if she plays and how well and if she's ever gonna play for him.
Dumping an armful of clothes on her bed she looks at him.
"It's kinda- I don't know childish, I guess. I just never wanted to change it. I felt safe here once."
"Ain't nothing wrong with it, 's you," he says. He doesn't miss her comment about feeling safe. Once. But not anymore.
"I did get rid of the mermaid bedding," she laughs but it sounds kind of bitter like there's more attached to that memory than she's sharing.
"Don't gotta change nothin' if ya don' wanna Beth." She's found a duffle bag and is sorting through the things on her bed, stuffing some in the bag and tossing the others back in the closet. He takes a closer look at the pictures taped to her mirror. Her and Maggie when they're little. She's a tiny blonde thing all curls and big blue eyes. Another of her mama and her. Daryl sees the resemblance, he also sees the love. They've got their arms around one another and both of them are wearing big smiles but Beth isn't looking at the camera. She's looking over at her mama.
His early memories are vague or maybe it's just hard to remember the good when there was so little of it. What he remembers about his mama is that she was gentle and kind and when she wasn't drinking to numb the pain that made up her life, she did love Daryl.
Not enough though. Cause she left and he was alone.
"Do you remember your mama Daryl?" She snuck up on him. Reaching out she takes the picture from the mirror and looks at it.
"Some, not a lot." If there are pictures of her he's never seen them. When she died it was like she never existed unless his daddy was cursing her, blaming her for what a piece of shit Daryl was.
"It feels like I've forgotten so much. Right after she died I used to make myself remember certain things every day, just little things, like how her favorite perfume smelled and the songs she hummed and she was always happy and smiling. I can't see it anymore, her smile. 'Cept in pictures."
He doesn't have any idea what to say. He knows what she means. Kind of. But it wasn't like with her. She had a mama, a happy family, a beautiful life. All he had was ugliness. The weight of her loss seems so much more significant.
"Ya look an awful lot like her. Seems like ya take after her in a lotta ways too. I mean from what ya told me..." He puts an arm around her. He can do that. He can show her with his actions the things he has a hard time saying.
"Yeah, maybe…" Pulling away he watches her stuff the photo into the bag with her clothes. She has a box on the floor next to her with some books and other things and when he looks down at it then back up at her she's blushing.
"Got it all?"
"Yeah, I uh, it's just a few things. I'm not trying to move in or-" Looking down at her feet she takes a deep breath.
"Stop, bring whatever ya want Beth." He leans down and reaches for the box while she zips up the bag. Before they leave he looks back at the guitar. "Ya play that?"
Oh.. yeah I do. It's been awhile, but-" She looks embarrassed but there's a longing in her eyes as she looks over at the guitar.
"Bring it. Maybe ya might wanna pick it up again." He leaves the room, waits for her by the front door so she can decide if that's what she wants to do. And he's pleased as he watches her come down the stairs with the guitar in her hand.
Her car's parked by the barn and he follows her over to it. Sunset has left the sky streaked with color. The boom and thud of an occasional firework are all around them. In fact, Merle's probably still down by the pond lighting his off. He hears a faint whiny and wonders if fireworks spook horses.
"I'm gonna check on Nellie, she doesn't like fireworks." There's his answer.
She's hanging a bucket on a hook inside the stall where the horse is nosing at some hay. A little trough attached to the wall is full of water. She smiles at Daryl as she reaches out and rubs her hand along the horse's neck. He's content to stay on the outside and watch her. She knows that, remembers his reaction when she rode up to the house on Nellie the first time.
She latches the stall behind her and when she looks at him he points to the ladder, the loft.
"That where ya went when ya needed ta get away?" He can't see much, just the ladder and the straw hanging over the edge.
"That's where I hid, yeah. Come on."
They climb up into the loft and without knowing what to expect because he's never been in the loft of a barn before, he likes it. She's lit a lantern and it's sitting on a wooden box in a corner. The soft light flickers gently and it smells like hay and horses and dust. Through a small open door, he can see the sky and he thinks maybe being here and looking at the sunset he's seeing now made her feel things she couldn't down there with her family. Maybe things she needed to feel.
She sinks down onto a bale of hay by the door and he watches her looking out over the farm.
"I like it up here," he says softly. Because he does. The smile she gives him makes it impossible not to go to her and settle in the hay beside her and tug on her hand until she's giggling and falling into his lap. Nuzzling her hair, he presses a kiss to her cheek.
"I like you up here, never brought a guy up here before." She's being coy, teasing him. Intending to one-up her, he pulls her hair away from her neck a lets his lips tease right back.
"No?" he breathes against her neck and she shivers in his lap.
"This place means something to me," she's breathless and he's the reason and he likes that. A lot. "Never wanted to share it with anyone, until you… god, Daryl, that feels too good…" He's working his lips and teeth over a taut tendon and she's squirming to get closer. All the squirming she's doing is making him hard and it's gonna make leaving here even harder.
"Maybe we better get outta here, while we can," he says huskily. She's found his earlobe with her soft lips and she whispers against it.
"What if we don't have to. At least not yet." The tactile sensation is overpowering his ability to hear what she said. Or at the very least comprehend it.
"Hmmm…" he mumbles sliding his hands up underneath that pale purple blouse she has on.
"Daryl, did you hear me?" Giggling she untangles herself from his arms and pushes away from him leaving him confused.
"Beth whada ya…" She's pulling her shirt over her head and the light from the lantern behind her outlines her body in a soft glow. Her nipples are hard, he sees that when she turns just a little and the light flickers over her skin. Her hand's on the button of her shorts when he comes to his senses scrambles to his feet.
"I got a text, earlier. They're not, no one's coming back tonight."
" 'S jus' you an me?" She's nodding. He gets up slowly hoping she stays right where she is so he can do what he wants to. Taking a step towards her he reaches up and works the hair band out of her braid. With one finger he unweaves it letting it fall over her shoulder.
"I've never made love in a loft…" she whispers. Made love. He's never done that. Until her.
Turning his face into her palm he kisses it and with his eyes locked on hers he tugs his shirt over his head and spreads it out on the straw. A place for her to lay. Unlacing his boots he kicks those off too and stands again in front of her. She slips out of her boots and her hand is on her shorts again. But he shakes his head and hooks a finger through her belt loop, pulls her close and unbuttons her shorts. She's quick to reach over and do the same with his jeans.
She's there waiting when he finally gets his feet untangled from his jeans. Sliding her arms around his neck and pressing her body flush with his, the only thing between them is his cock and it's so hard it hurts a little as she moves against him.
"Daryl…" Running his thumbs along the line of her collarbone he raises his eyes to hers. "I love you so much." Oh how easily she can break him with her words. He leads her to his shirt. Laying back on it she watches and waits. His jeans and his leather wallet, he finds it. Rips the package open and moves to kneel between her legs. The blue in her eyes is almost swallowed in black and her watching makes him harder, his cock jerks in his hand at his touch and her gaze.
He doesn't want to wait, doesn't think does either. Foreplay isn't really necessary because it's been there all along, just under the surface in the looks and the words and that invisible current that runs between them and through them whenever they're in close proximity to one another.
But just to be sure.
Easing her legs apart he lowers himself down between them, runs his hand over her hip and inner thigh before cupping her and squeezing gently making her moan. He slides a finger between her pussy lips and she's wet as wet as if he's already had a hand there or his mouth. She's wet and hot and he wants to be buried there, inside of her. Raising his fingers glistening with her slick to his lips he licks them. She reaches for him, fingertips barely brushing his cock.
"Daryl, please... just.." she's whimpering. It's beautiful how much she wants him, how she doesn't hold back.
"Please what?" He can draw it out a little longer. The before…
"I need you in me, I want you to fuck me." There it is. That thing he was hoping she'd say. Dirty words from the mouth of a pretty girl, his girl, telling him what she wants him to do to her.
"Yeah?" Getting ahold of his cock he nudges the head just inside, rubs it up and down her slit. "I wanna fuck you," he growls and she arches her back to meet him as he sinks inside of her, a shiver races up his spine as he almost pulls out of her. But not quite. He snaps his hip, thrusts back into her and she exhales his name. Does she know what that does to him?
Finding a rhythm, her legs wrapped around him he looks down at her. Outside the sky's lit up by fireworks, soft purples, and reds that flash on the walls of the loft and across their bodies, bathing her in a different kind of light. Making her look ethereal. Leaning down he circles a nipple with his tongue, sucks it into his mouth greedily and bites down gently and is rewarded with gasp. Smiling against her breast he moves to her face, little kisses at the corners of her mouth, on her chin, her nose. She's got her fingers in his hair tugging him closer, bringing his mouth to hers she kisses him hard, take his breath away.
"Beth…" Circling his hips he feels it when her hand slides between them and down. She's getting close, gonna help herself over the edge. He wants to watch. Pushing himself up enough to see between their bodies he groans as she passes up her clit and wraps her hand around the base of his cock. With a small flex of her wrist, she pumps him there, small movements that draw his balls tight to his body. It feels amazing and he doesn't want it to stop but he's too close now to turn back. She must have seen the look on his face.
"You first Daryl… watching you, it's gonna…" Shuddering she squeezes just right and he's gone, bucking against her. But before the tremors of his climax settle he moves down her body and lets his mouth finish her. Her thighs clamped to his head, her hand fisted in his hair as is tongue dances over her swollen clit until she can't stand it anymore and she pushes his head away as she comes apart beneath him.
He's quick to move back up beside her, pull her into his arms and hold her as she rides the waves of what he did to her, her chest heaving. His body feels soft wrapped around hers, soft enough for her to curl up against him and fit perfectly- a puzzle.
"I never thought I could ever love somebody so much… again," she murmurs against his neck where she's tucked her face. Chuckling he runs a finger down her spine, making her shiver.
"Don' know why exactly…" he breathes draping a leg over hers, wrapping her up in all of him.
"Stop…" Her finger brushes his lips. He sucks it into his mouth and feels the response in his cock.
"Deserve everything girl…"
"I have it. Right here. The sun and the moon…" Her mama gave her this gift, this promise and if he can make good on it he damn well will. But in his heart she's always gonna be his sun, shining a light on him that makes everything else pale in comparison.
"Alright... I'll be whatever ya want me to." Anything. For her.
It's dark now and the fireworks are fewer and further between. The kerosene in the lantern is burning low. They should probably really go this time. Straw is poking him, sticking to his sweaty body and it's itchy and all he can think about is a shower, with her. Shifting a little so he can look down at her her face looks contemplative.
"Ya okay?" She nods, smiling and stretches in his arms like a cat after a nap. Rolling away from him she kneels in the straw and that look that he can't decipher is still there. "Beth?"
"I don't, I was just thinking… my daddy- he was with Maggie and he didn't even ask to talk to me, to make sure, it's stupid I know-" It's not stupid. Not at all and it hurts his heart.
" 'S not. He shoulda." He wants to hold her but he gives her a minute because she isn't done working through it. That he's sure of.
"Wanna go home? This straw is itching like crazy!" Whether or not she's changing the subject matters very little to him. As long as she's okay and she knows he's here for whatever she needs that's all that matters to him.
And she called his place home. Isn't the first time, but it is the first time he realizes he's never heard her call the farm that.
Home.
It's also the first time he realizes that he feels like he's home.
A/N Sex in barn loft without a blanket! I suppose when the mood strikes you just go with it! Thank you for reading… I hope you enjoyed!