Chapter Twenty Six

Fiddling with her phone in her hands, Jane sat on her couch staring at the card on the coffee table before her. Lieutenant Cavanaugh had once again told her she needed a psych evaluation before she could be cleared to work (despite the fact that she'd be desk bound for over a month due to her leg and arm). She'd therefore visited the station's psychologist, who wasn't convinced that Jane was yet fit for service and referred her on to see a psychiatrist of her choosing. The detective was frozen with fear - afraid that she'd never get her job back if a doctor found out about everything that was running through her head. Perhaps it was a risk she had to take if she ever wanted to see the inside of the station again. Jane gulped before dialling the number of the doctor she'd been seen to in the hospital just a week earlier.

xxx

"It's good to see you again, Detective." Doctor Hartnett said in greeting, holding the door to her office open. Jane just nodded and sat in the seat the doctor motioned for her to take. Sitting down across from the detective, the doctor opened a clean file and then looked up at Jane. Jane fiddled with a loose thread on her pants, her stomach doing backflips at the thought of actually talking.

"So how about I start?" The doctor began, attempting to ease Jane in to things. "Normally, I don't do referrals from outside of the hospital but I could see from that day on the ward that you don't talk much about how you're feeling. Would I be right in saying that?"

Jane briefly looked up at the doctor and nodded.

"And I think you said more to me that day than you have to any doctor, which is why I left you my card. I want to help you, Jane."

"You're wrong." Jane blurted without thinking.

"Wrong about what?" Hartnett questioned curiously.

"Maura's a doctor. I talk…talked to her." Jane said.

"I meant psych. But I get the impression she's one of the few people you let in."

"I…I guess."

"And how is the doctor?"

"Awake apparently." Jane sighed, reverting her attention back to the thread.

"You haven't been back to see her?" The doctor asked gently, knowing it was a touchy subject.

"I don't know if I can."

"Because of her mother?"

"That. And because of how I feel."

"And how is that?"

"In lo…It's not important." Jane clenched her fists and dug her nails in to her palms, stopping herself from admitting the truth. The doctor scribbled something quickly on her notepad before turning her attention back to the detective.

"She's not the reason why you're here though. Is she?"

"No. Of course not. I mean, it's not helping but it's not why all of this is happening."

"What do you mean by all of this?"

"Well…the nightmares and flashbacks. The anger and everything. I don't know."

"That's the first time you've admitted that to anyone though isn't it?"

"Other than to Maura, yes."

xxx

Maura lay dozing in her hospital bed, before jerking awake to the sound of the door to her room closing. Her heart remained in her throat until she realised it was just her mother and not a certain detective.

"Hi sweetheart. How are you feeling this morning?" Constance asked, placing a bunch of flowers on her already gift cluttered dresser.

"Okay. Are those from work?" Maura asked her mother about the flowers.

"Yes." Constance replied shortly. Maura lay back on her pillows, breathing as deeply as she could without feeling a pull on her stitches. "What time is your physical therapy?" Constance asked her daughter, breaking the silence.

"Three." Maura replied. Things with her mother were more tense than usual as Constance would barely leave her side, and when she did it was for only brief periods at a time. Maura felt like she was under surveillance and she didn't know why.

xxx

"Did you see her?" Jane asked her brother as he entered his sister's apartment carrying an armload of groceries. Franky plonked the shopping down on the bench before sighing and turning to face her sister.

"No. She's still there. Jesus, that women's like a bloody guard dog."

"For fucks sake." Jane swore as she lowered herself onto the couch ungracefully.

"Sorry Janey. Next time yeah?"

"Yeah." Jane said blankly. "Thanks for the shopping…and for everything really." Franky joined his sister on the couch and placed a hand on her good knee.

"I'm proud of you, Jane." Franky said.

"For what?"

"For finally talking about it. All of it. I could never be as strong as you." He spoke frankly.

"Yeah, righto." Jane replied, fobbing it off. She didn't want what was said in a deep and meaningful with her brother getting back to their mother.

"Where are we on the investigation?"

"Jane, you know I can't really say much until you're cleared and back on the case." Jane huffed at her brother and turned on the TV.

"Hurry up and get back though yeah? We really need you on this one." Franky said over the hockey commentary of the television. Jane put her broken leg up on the coffee table, the cast she was wearing made a substantial thunking noise against the wood. "How's the leg?" Franky asked.

"Itchy." Jane replied moodily, attempting to put a finger between the cast and her itchy skin underneath it. She was truly struggling with the idea of not being able to go to work as the spare time allowed her mind to wander on to everything she'd been attempting to block out. She'd barely slept once again the night before, however this time her dreams were plagued with thoughts of a particular doctor. Maura's absence had certainly made Jane's heart grow fonder.